The birds were singing.

That was what had woken me up.

I sighed, annoyed, and started to roll over when I suddenly remembered last night. My eyes widened. I touched the light silk nightclothes I still wore. Had it been true? Had it been real? Or had everything just been a story that my mind had created to block out what had actually happened?

I sat up slowly, my hair drifting into my face. I reached up a hand and pushed it back. Was it possible? It hadn't been a dream?

I stood, wandering over to my mirror, gazing at my face. Hotohori-sama loved the person behind that face. Me. She had kissed those lips. She had touched those shoulders. I smiled at myself blissfully. She had called me beautiful.

I love you too...

It had to be true!

I reached out and grabbed my comb and started to brush my hair. It was a dream, but it was a true dream. I quickly pulled it back into my typical braid and tossed it over my shoulder. I pulled a pink nightgown out of my closet, slipped out of the light blue nightclothes, and pulled the nightgown on. I slid on a robe and tied it around me. It wouldn't do for the emperor's... I stopped. What was I? Not exactly her wife... but that's what everyone thought. I stifled a laugh. Everything was so wonderful! She loved me!

I flung open the door to my room, not bothering to shut it. The sun gleamed in the wonderfully blue sky, the scattered clouds gathering traces of white out of the solid azure. I hoped she would be up by now. She would be in the throne room if she were. I didn't dance to the room, but I did run, my bare feet making soft thudding noises as I went.

I pushed open the door quietly, sticking my head in. Disappointment blazed behind my eyes when I saw she was not there. Yet Akito, the man she trusted most in the world, was sitting as usual behind his desk.

I could feel the sleepy smile on my face. He would know all about her childhood, all her secret dreams and fears. I'd talk to him. Then maybe... maybe I could wake her if she wasn't already awake... or... maybe... I could kiss her again... I wondered vaguely if I looked as giddy as I felt.

He gave me a questioning, curious look as I entered, saying nothing yet. I could not help the slow, shy smile that came onto my lips. I wandered over to him, my feet padding softly on the cool wooden floor. "Ohayo..."

He was smirking slightly at me. "Ohayo, Nuriko-sama..." Out of the generosity of his heart, he then gave me an evil look. "You look a bit dazed... I trust you... enjoyed yourself... last night?"

I blinked, several things registering at once. Nuriko-sama? And... enjoyed myself?? What was he getting at? At first, I was unsure, but when I finally connected his expression to his words, I understood suddenly and blushed. "No! I... we didn't!!"

He sighed and shook his head, looking very disappointed. "I know."

I blinked again, my blush fading from my cheeks. "You know...?" I had been hoping the pillow had gotten rid of him.

He nodded, looking at me. "It would have been difficult for you two to have done anything, seeing as you spent the night in separate rooms." He set his brush down, laying it aside of the paper he had been writing and just looked at me, almost as if he were summing me up, appraising me.

I wrapped my arms around myself, feeling self-conscious, tightening my robe around me unknowingly. "What?" It felt awful, the way he was looking at me, as if he had no qualms about selling me on the slave market if I didn't measure up to expectations. I was supposed to deal with this man now on a regular basis?

His typical smirk returned. Did he delight in seeing me so uncomfortable? "Iie... nothing." I watched him silently. I felt somehow that I had done something to offend him and was unsure what or how to fix it. Did he really dislike me so much? But then his voice dropped its icy tone and his smirk faded slightly. "You'll excuse my manners." He stood and dropped me a bow. "I should have greeted you more politely. After all, you are the empress now." He let another smirk slip out.

Didn't he realize that every jibe like that at me was a slash to Hotohori-sama as well? But I was surprised at the sudden gentility. "No, no! It's all right, honestly! You don't have to do that!" I wasn't sure I wanted him to. I felt in no way superior to him. I felt a bit upset and thought it must have showed. "Please. After all, it's thanks to you..." I stopped my words and raised my eyes to him, my voice low and serious.

He shook his head, for once looking serious as well. "Iie, Nuriko-sama." He then actually smiled at me. "I did nothing that deserves any thanks."

I met his eyes finally, my voice firm and serious. "Yes, you did. So thank you." I turned my eyes up to the small dais where two thrones now rested. "And I'm not the empress yet... if she even wants me to be." I flashed him a quick smile. Even if she loved me, it didn't necessarily mean that I would be empress. After all, I needed to know how much she loved me. What if I were just a fleeting fancy? I couldn't bear that. She was the emperor. Most emperors had far more than one lover. My face fell slightly as I gazed at the throne. My heart wouldn't change, I knew. Not ever.

Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw him smile. When he spoke, his tone was gentle and quiet, the kindest he had ever spoken to me before. "I'm sure she will."

I gave him another small smile, a little shyly. "It's up to her..." My eyes strayed to the throne again. I had never desired this. In fact, I would rather have not had to deal with this aspect. But she was worth it. She was worth anything I ever had to suffer. "What would my duties be?"

He shrugged. "Whatever heika-sama delegates as your duty... but as a base, giving counsel when needed, greeting foreign ambassadors with her..." The look he gave me was more meaningful than his words could be. "Providing an heir... or at least helping..."

I paled suddenly, lowering my eyes, my voice very quiet. "Of course." He would expect that soon. I knew I wasn't ready. I knew I couldn't touch her like that yet and still have respect for myself.

He laughed. "You're quite a pair, you know that? You and Sai-chan... I mean heika-sama."

I raised my eyes to him slowly, a small smile lighting on my face. "Really?" I coughed suddenly. I was acting childish. "I mean, um, thank you." No, that wasn't right either. I gave up making sense or acting mature and changed the topic to her. "You call her Sai-chan?"

He nodded, a little smirk once again on his face. "She hates it... or at least pretends to." His voice turned reminiscent. "But I've called her that since before she was old enough to protest... so it's ingrained."

I smiled slowly and shyly. I was so happy. She loved me. "Sai-chan," I repeated to myself, a whisper. I shut my eyes a moment, suddenly overwhelmed by all of this and so happy. She loved me. She loved me. I wanted to hold her more than anything at that moment, but was too shy to ask him if I could go wake her. I simply opened my eyes and gave him a pleading look.

He seemed to understand. He gave me a little smile, but carried a sadness in his eyes deeper than most that I had ever seen. He stood. "I'll go get her then, Nuriko-sama."

I gave him a grateful smile, but was suddenly a bit anxious. How would she react to me after last night? I tugged my braid around in front of me and watched him leave for her room. "Sai-chan," I whispered again. Sai-chan...
 
 

"Sai-chan..."

I awoke to a voice hissing in my ear, startled out of a peaceful dream. Sitting up bolt upright, I clutched the blankets in front of me, unconsciously holding them over my chest. The figure standing beside my bed laughed. "Good morning, Sai-chan. Did you sleep well?" He paused for a moment and his laughter stopped abruptly. "Alone."

I smiled at him, still in far too good a mood to notice his biting comments. Last night kept playing through my mind. He loved me. "I slept very well, thank you."

Akito glanced around at the state of the room, feathers still laying everywhere and scattered about the floor like snow. Stray pillows were bunched up in the corners where they had been thrown the night before. "Now... I'm not going to ask how this happened, because I don't want to know. I know it didn't happen while you were doing that because Nuriko-san spent the night in his own room and certain things typically require two people." He stopped, catching his breath and shaking his head.

I could not help laughing. He sighed, but the stern look on his face faded into a smile. "It's nice to see you happy. I was worried about you, Sai-chan... you looked so sad. It's good to hear you laugh again."

"He loves me, Akito. He really loves me." I had to say it aloud, but it came out as almost a whisper. It was still so amazing, almost difficult to believe.

He nodded, still smiling at me. I slipped my legs over the side of the bed and stood up, the floor cold against my bare feet. The long white nightgown was still more or less unwrinkled despite the night of sleep. Glancing at Akito, I raised an eyebrow at the look on his face. He was staring at me, his eyes slightly clouded and distant.

"Akito...?"

He shook his head, regaining himself quickly. "Gomen, Sai-chan... you... the way you were standing, your expression... you looked so much like your mother." He laughed and began towards the door, but before he reached it, he turned around. "You might want to consider getting dressed and coming to the throne room. Your husband is waiting there, most likely smiling and staring into space like an idiot." He smiled devilishly. "Goodness... what did you do to him last night?" My eyes widened and I opened my mouth to tell him nothing, but he was already half-way out the room. "I'll meet you in the throne room, heika-sama." He bowed his head and shut the door behind him.

Walking to the closet, I removed the silk nightgown, hanging it carefully inside, running my fingers once over the soft silk. Still smiling, I pulled out a more or less casual robe, less elaborate than the formal clothes of an emperor; they were the clothes I wore when traveling or practicing my swordsmanship. The pants were a dark red color and the robe a dusty red with a white shirt beneath it. I pulled the robe around me, fastening a sash-like belt a bit below my waste. My hair was still wild; I ran a brush through it quickly, just a cursory detanglement. Nuriko was waiting for me. I smiled again. It had not been a dream- he was there.

Stepping into a pair of comfortable shoes, I walked outside, my feet quickly covering the distance to the throne room where the man I loved waited. The sun was shining brightly and the songs of birds had replaced the chorus of crickets that had sung so sweetly the night before. I stopped before the door to the throne room, pulling it open carefully, soundlessly, and stepped into the room silently, that quiet happiness still firmly gripping my heart.
 
 

I love you too... My mind kept drifting back to those words. I was gazing down at the ground kind of spacily, my mind dancing over everything, feeling the most blissful I had since my sister had died. Apparently I was also rather oblivious, because I did not notice that Akito had returned to the room.

He cleared his throat. "She's on her way," broke his voice through my musings.

I blinked and looked up on him, bestowing a sudden sunny smile upon him. I said nothing, content to be silent, happy in my thoughts.

He gave me a genuine smile back. "Ne, arigatou, Nuriko-sama."

That, needless to say, caught me completely off-guard, both the use of "sama" after my name again and the sincere thanks. "Akito-san...?"

He was still smiling. "I haven't seen Sai-chan so happy since her mother was alive... It's nice to see her like that... thank you." He looked as if he had caught himself being congenial, so brusquely sat down at his desk, glancing at the papers that rested there waiting for him.

I let a slow smile slip onto my lips and walked quietly over to his desk, watching him. My voice was quiet. "She... really loves me?" I did not wait for him to answer, letting my smile increase slightly. "She's a dream... a perfect dream... and I have to thank you, not the other way around." He had raised her, taught her, loved her, shown her the way to be herself. I owed him everything.

He glanced up at me, answering my first question. "Hai... she truly loves you..." He smiled again despite himself. "And if you somehow think I played some role in this, then I'm very happy to have helped."

Played some role? No. He had been the director. I slowly lowered myself to the floor beside the desk, letting the pink of the cloth settle around me. I looked up at him, feeling as I had when my father had told me stories late at night, young, innocent. "Ne... tell me about her? Like when she was small?"

He laughed. "She was a lot like she is now... only shorter. Saihitei was always the little child up a tree or splashing in puddles despite her mother's and my best efforts... but even then when she'd be being scolded she'd straighten herself up, give you this look, and make you feel as though you were the one in the wrong. But she was always somewhat of a loner..." He chuckled again. "Ne, listen to me. I'm getting reminiscent... gomen."

I felt my smile grow wistful. How wonderful she must have been. "I wish I could have known her then..." Maybe we could have played together. Kourin would have loved to drag her into the fields to pick flowers. And I... maybe I could have told her my feelings myself.

He smirked. "You two would have been far too much trouble for anyone to control; you're both self-willed... it would have been quite cute."

I blinked again, a little surprised. "Self-willed? What do you mean?" I had been trained as a court princess. Of course, the docility and gentleness I had learned were rarely put to use, but still...

He shook his head, laughing to himself. "Never mind."

I was curious as to what he had meant, but at that moment, my eyes caught sight of a long shadow. I turned my face up to her, my eyes widening slightly. She was real. Real. I glowed a smile at her, wondering how anything so perfect could exist. I remained silent, content to just look at her.

She smiled back at me, just watching me a moment. "Ohayo, Nuriko."

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Akito smirking at us. I suppose we did look rather silly, but I didn't care at all. She loved me and I loved her. That was all that mattered.

"Ohayo, Hotohori-sama," I replied blissfully. It was the first time I was able to show my love for her openly. I would not waste what time I had by staying with propriety.

She stepped over to where I was sitting on the floor and offered me a hand to help me up. "Did I interrupt your conversation?"

I allowed myself a moment more to glow at her before giving her my hand, shaking my head slightly. My eyes did not leave her once.

She took my hand and pulled me gently to my feet. Akito was shaking his head in amusement at us.

I gazes at her a second more and then lifted the hand I still held in my own to my lips, kissing it lightly. "Did you sleep well then, Hotohori-sama?"

She nodded at me, hers eyes not leaving mine, managing to turn her hand slightly so that it brushed my cheek briefly, lightly, like a summer breeze. "Hai... did you?"

"I've been meaning to talk to the two of you about that..." Akito tried to interrupt, but it didn't quite work.

"Perfectly..." I replied, tightening my hand around hers slightly. She was my center of attention, the one who had captured my heart.

Akito did not seem to appreciate being ignored, even if I did not mean to do so. "May I ask the two of you a question?"

I glanced down at him, startled out of my reverie. He was still sitting at the desk, looking slightly annoyed.

She seemed to know something more than I did, perhaps from his tone, but she nodded to him, her eyes moving away from me.

"Now... this is of course a vague question, but..." He gave us both a dark look. "How many married couples do you know that spend their wedding night in separate rooms?"

I felt my eyes widen slightly and lowered them, going silent. I knew I paled. I couldn't do that to her yet!

Beside me, she sighed. "There's a first time for everything, Akito. How many married couples do you know that only find out they love each other after they're married?"

He smirked, but he gave her a little wink. "Hmph."

At her words I looked up to her, the small smile creeping back onto my face. Last night, everything I had ever dreamed for had come true. "Hotohori-sama..."

She smiled back at me, lowering her eyes to me, completely ignoring Akito again.

"You see what I mean now by strong-willed..." he muttered, but I could see he was trying hide a smile.

I suddenly hugged her tightly, silent, needing to reassure myself that she was real. And she must have been, for she hugged me back, arms wrapped around me tightly. And then she spoke again the three most longed-for words that I had ever wanted from her. "I love you." Was she reassuring herself as much as I was?

Akito shook his head, smiling, and stood, heading for the door, leaving us alone for the moment.

I pulled away, glancing at his retreating figure, then up to her helplessly. I was not willing to call him back, but I felt guilty that he had seen the need to leave.

She shook her head, a little smile playing at the corner of her mouth. "He'll be back. He always is... whether you want him to or not."

"I heard that!" shouted Akito from outside the door.

I stifled a laugh and smiled up at her, completely confident, happy, peaceful. My voice was quiet. "I love you too... but are you real?"

She laughed, nodding. "Of course I'm real." She paused a moment, and when she spoke next, her voice was soft. "Are you?"

I reached my left hand up to her, touching her cheek gently, seeing if she would allow me to do so, testing her reactions. "I think so... I'm not sure after last night..."

She laughed again and just smiled at me. Her eyes were so peaceful, so gentle, kind, sweet. But then a thought hit me.

I think my face must have looked a bit troubled, because she looked concerned. "Ne..."

Her voice was questioning, curious. "What?"

I still had my hand on her cheek, my thumb lightly tracing her jawline. "We'll know, won't we?"

Her voice was quiet. "Know what?"

I lowered my hand and my eyes. "When... I mean..." I paused, taking a deep breath. How should I say this? "Well... you know..." I started again lamely. "I don't want to hurt you... and I won't say I'm not nervous..."

She smiled and reached down to tilt my chin up so that I looked at her. "We'll know," she reassured me, and then she leaned down and kissed me gently. I was surprised, but not complaining. "I won't say I'm not nervous either." She gave me a slight smile.

I looked up at her, still a little happily stunned by the kiss, my smile back on my face. "Hotohori-sama..."

She smiled again, but tilted her head to the side, looking at me for a moment. "Ne... we are married now... you should probably drop the 'sama.'"

I blinked, shocked at the idea. For some reason, it had never occurred to me. "But... you're the emperor..."

"Hai," she said quietly, "and you're my... empress... ne?"

I stared at her. "I..." I couldn't think of a logical argument at that point. All I could do was look at her, stunned. The emperor? Calling her by just her first name?

She just watched me, waiting for me to say something.

I looked down. "I'm just the son of a tailor, Hotohori-sama." I didn't know why she loved me. I wasn't rich, wasn't extraordinarily smart, wasn't nearly as beautiful as she was. What did she see in me?

"You're a Suzaku shichiseishi, you're married to the emperor, and you're the most beautiful, amazing, wonderful person I have ever known. You are not 'just' anything," she said firmly. Her lips curved ever so slightly as she added, "Nuriko-sama."

I looked up, my eyes wide, gazing at her, then suddenly away. "Hotohori-sama, I..."

"What?" she asked quietly.

I stopped, quite unable to put my feelings into words, and looked up at her helplessly.

Her voice was still quiet. "I'm sorry."

I blinked, again surprised. "Sorry...? What? Why?"

"For making you uncomfortable... I did not want to do that..." She was not meeting my eyes.

I shook my head quickly. "Iie, I'm fine." I gave her a little smile. "Because I love you..." My expression changed into a somewhat wicked smirk. "And I saw you in a nightgown last night."

She gave me a startled look. "H-hai."

I suddenly went serious. "I wanted so much to tell you how beautiful you looked... I've never seen anyone that... that..." I shook my head slightly, searching for the word. "That perfect."

A very feminine blush suddenly graced her cheeks. "A-arigatou... I... I'm not used to actually looking... like a woman..." She smiled a bit sheepishly as her coloring returned to the familiar shade.

For some reason, this struck me as amazingly funny. I started to laugh.

She raised an eyebrow in silent question, looking slightly puzzled.

After a moment, I managed to kill my laughter. "Just... both of us... it's so ironic..." I gave her a shy smile. "But you certainly are the most beautiful man or woman that I've ever seen..." I turned my voice gentle. "And the only one I've ever loved..." I reached up and touched her cheek again, my voice shy. "Sai'ai..."

She smiled at the irony as well, gazing at me happily. Her voice was quiet, almost awed. "Sai'ai... most beloved..."

A few days passed much like this. I was crowned that morning officially by Akito as empress. I felt a little odd at this. We did not see much of the other seishi, but the reactions that they gave me were what I expected. Most of them were horrified that the emperor had married a man. They still did not know her secret. Miaka was so happy for us though. For that I was glad.

I was in my room a few nights later. We were preparing to leave for Hokkan as soon as all of the festivities for the wedding were complete. I was brushing my long hair at the mirror, studying myself silently. I was wearing soft green sleeping clothes, two separate pieces, much more masculine than I was used to wearing.

"Anou, Nuriko-sama..." Akito was standing at my door.

I glanced over. "Akito-san?"

"May I come in?" he asked me.

I nodded, a little surprised. "Of course!"

He opened the door and stepped in, smiling. "Konban wa. Sorry to disturb you, but heika-sama wishes to see you..."

I smiled back, delighted. "That's not a disturbance at all. Where is she?"

"In her chamber at the moment..." he replied. "I'll take you there..." His smile was odd, very unlike either his usual smirk or the fatherly smile he had given me the day after our wedding.

I tilted my head slightly, watching him, but I set my brush down on the dresser, leaving my hair loose. "All right."

He stepped and turned back, waiting for me. I followed, not bothering to take a robe. She wouldn't keep me long. It was getting late.

He stopped just outside of Hotohori-sama's door. "Here we are... after you, Nuriko-sama."

That still threw me off, but I gave him a little grin. "Arigatou, Akito-san." I stepped in, smiling as my eyes caught sight of her. She looked a little surprised to see me. "Konban wa, Hotohori-sama!" I stopped. "Iie... Hotohori." I still felt so shy saying that.

She smiled a bit at me, still looking puzzled. I wondered why, but then suddenly heard a door slam shut behind me. A lock clicked none-too-quietly into place.

"There," came Akito's muffled voice from the other side of the door.

I turned suddenly, pushing on it. I couldn't open the door without damaging anything. I turned back around, looking at her with shock in my eyes. This scene felt slightly familiar.

She looked rather surprised as well. She rose and walked over to me. "What's going on?"

I understood all at once and looked up at her. "I think Akito-san has decided for us that we are ready..."

She glanced down at me and then back to the door. "Akito?"

His voice was muffled by the closed door. "I've given you your adjustment period... whatever you do or don't do tonight is up to you, but you're spending the night in the same room for once."

I looked up at her again, more than slightly worried, wondering what her reaction to this would be.

I found her looking back at me, doing her best not to look nervous as well. "Ne... sorry about this..." She gave me a weak smile.

I smiled faintly back, forcing my voice to be steady. "You're sorry that I have to spend a night in the same room as the most beautiful girl in the world?" I kept my voice gentle, and I spoke truly, honestly. "I'm not."

She gave me a quick, uneasy smile, looking unsure what to do or say, and went to sit on the bed.

I stayed warily by the door. "Well..." I stopped, finding nothing to say, a little more than slightly uncomfortable.

"Well..." she repeated. Her gaze drifted to a pillow and then back to me. She laughed softly, suddenly.

I gave her a slow smile and walked over to her, sitting beside her on the bed. I slipped an arm gently around her waist. I didn't fear touching her now. She was real; she was not a phantom dream. "That was an odd day, wasn't it?"

She nodded, laughter still on her lips. "Hai... odd to say the least."

I grinned. "Not that I'm complaining..." After a moment, I sighed. "I can't believe he locked us in here."

"Oh... I can believe it," she said, sighing as well. "But... it's not a big deal, right?"

I tightened my arm slightly around her, not answering that question. "Maybe he's right..."

She glanced over at me questioningly. "Hmm?"

I felt completely ashamed of myself. "Well... that was the reason in the first place, wasn't it?" I looked up at her, slightly anxious. "I mean... well, you know what I mean." I lowered my eyes. I felt awful. "The reason we got married..."

Her voice was quiet and she was not looking at me. "Hai... it was..."

I suddenly blushed and pulled my arm away from her, putting my hands in my lap and watched them, not allowing my gaze to waver. "I don't love you for that, you know."

She smiled slightly. "Hai, I know... it is not my reason for loving you either..."

"I know," I said quietly, raising my eyes to her. "But I love you. I'll try my best to make you happy. I'll do anything for that. But... I belong to the country as much as you do now..." I looked away, leaving it unfinished. It was our job to provide an heir to carry on the welfare of the country.

Her smile flickered, but it remained. "Hai..." She was still watching me. "I love you... and I want to know what it's like to love you like that too..." Her voice was still quiet. "But not before you're ready."

She... wanted me? Like that? It took a minute for me to understand. I watched her a moment, my eyes seeking, serious. My voice was soft. "Kiss me."

She leaned over and kissed me gently, closing her eyes. I kissed back gently as well, but a bit more needingly. I pulled away after a minute, my eyes still serious. I was worried about her. "I'm ready." I think I always had been. She was the woman I would spend my life with, my wife, and she deserved anything I could give her- if she wanted it. "Are you?"

She nodded and slowly opened her eyes, looking at me, a slight smile touching the edges of her mouth. She was nervous. "Yes."

I could see it. She was worried. I reached out a hand and cupped her cheek gently. "If you don't want to..."

She shook her head, interrupting me. "I do."

I smiled slowly, shyly, and leaned up and kissed her again, a bit more seekingly. I murmured her name softly, Saihitei, gently, lovingly. She was kissing me back, very nervous at first, but after a moment she relaxed visibly, her fear replaced by other emotions.

"I love you... I love you..." I whispered softly, feathering kisses down her jaw. My hands strayed to her waist, holding her, feeling the gentleness of her curves.

Slowly, almost cautiously, she trailed her hands lightly over my shoulders and neck and tangled them in my loose hair.

I pulled her tightly to me, feeling the gentle sensation of her fingers. I needed reassurance. Despite my bravado, I was still nervous. I had no doubts about giving myself to her. Of that I was completely certain. What I doubted was my own ability in this area. What if I did something wrong? My voice was soft, a whisper. "My wife."

Her voice was a whisper like mine. "I love you..."

I laughed quietly, pulling away only slightly so I could see her face. I took her chin gently in my hand. "I know... otherwise you wouldn't put up with me." Before she could say anything, I kissed her again, deeply.

She didn't respond for a moment, surprised, but then kissed me back just as deeply, letting me know everything she felt, all of her nervousness gone.

I shut my eyes, slowly lowering her back onto the bed, making sure to be as gentle as I could with her, trying not to end the kiss. She rested back onto the pillows, gently breaking away a bit breathlessly, reaching her head up to shyly touch her lips to my neck.

I kept my eyes shut, moving slightly so that she could do so with more ease, no longer worried myself. I would just enjoy everything about her, making her feel good, making her happy, giving her everything I could. I reached down a hand and touched her bare leg gently, then looked up at her, not wanting her to stop, but I had to make sure I wasn't pushing her too far. "Is this all right?" I asked quietly.

She nodded, opening her dark eyes to look at me. "Hai..."

I then suddenly sat up, pulling away from her, a little smirk on my face. I slid my nightshirt over my head, leaving the bottom half on me. I grinned at her triumphantly. If she had ever doubted that I was a man, that would be dispelled tonight. Starting with this. "Proof."

She looked up at me from her reclined position, laughing quietly. "Hai..."

I set myself beside her, leaning on one elbow, then took her hand in mine. I gazed at her, a naughty idea popping into my mind. "Hmm..."

She was still smiling, albeit curiously. "Hmm?"

My grin was evil. "Well... it's only fair... I took off my shirt..." I left it hanging, waiting for her to accept or refuse my dare.

She laughed and leaned over, kissing me quickly. "Only fair, hmm?" Her slender hand slipped out and tentatively touched the flat plane of my chest. She was so gentle and her hand was cool. My own hand was busy playing with a long strand of her hair on the pillow, yet I gazed only at her. Would she take my challenge?

Moving a bit so that I was more comfortable, I grinned darkly. "Aa."

"Oh, but it isn't... this is all I'm wearing... now where's the fun in that...?" She was laughing. I was so glad. A week ago I would have never thought I could laugh with her about things like this.

I inched over closer to her, moving my face right beside her, the little grin still on it. "I'm sure we'll manage to... enjoy ourselves..."

She smiled back. "Hai... perhaps..."

I moved my head slightly, kissing her gently, teasingly. "Perhaps?"

"All right," she acquiesced. "Definitely." She readjusted her position so she could kiss me deeply, fully.

She pulled away after a moment, a little smirk on her beautiful lips. "I suppose it is only fair then, ne?" she asked me sweetly.

I blinked, a bit shocked. "Hotohori-sama?" I was too used to calling her that. I often slipped back into it, though she preferred Hotohori or even Saihitei.

She gave me a slight smile and began unfastening her nightgown from the top down. There wasn't much else that I could do but stare. She had called my bluff. Was this really going to happen? And I was silent, shocked.

Still smiling at me, she stopped. "Nuriko?" she asked questioningly.

"H-hai?" I said and winced. I sounded breathless.

Her smile grew deeper. "Are you all right...? You've gone pale..." I could tell that it was Akito who had raised her. With the smirk still on her lips, she continued unfastening the nightgown. In one fluid motion, she slid out of the nightgown and looked up at me.

This was the first time I had ever seen my wife naked, and I was stunned. Goddesses should not dwell on earth. I moved closer to her, resting a hand lightly on her bare waist, moving my body against hers, kissing her, touching her, loving her, murmuring her name into her lips.

That night was too short.
 
 

The moon was past its highest point, but it still cast its eerie ethereal light into the room, making the shadows dance in strange mystical patterns across the walls. Nuriko lay close beside me and I could feel him against me, warm, reassuring. His chest rose and fell softly as he breathed; I could almost hear his heart beating. It was late and I had lain awake for a while, unwilling to move from where I was: next to him, lying so close to him, safe.

I had never thought anyone would touch me like that; I had already reconciled myself to the fact that love of that sort was not for me. And then Nuriko... and last night. His eyes were shut and a small smile graced his features. Reaching a hand up carefully, gently, so as not to wake him from his slumber, I brushed back a piece of his hair from his peaceful, beautiful face and smiled despite myself. It had been frightening, knowing what we were going to do, but not knowing what it would be like. I had been scared, but the fear did not last- it could not have. I loved him too much, and the way he had touched me, so soft, gentle... Shivering slightly, perhaps from a chill in the night air or perhaps something else, I inched closer to him, seeking warmth.

Tracing my hand absently across his still-bare chest I sighed softly, happily. It was all so confusing, everything at once, but I would not change anything about it. My nightshirt lay in a small heap on the floor where it had been discarded and forgotten.

Akito. I did not even want to hear what he would say about all this. Still looking at Nuriko, a small thought of worry crossed my mind, wondering what the morning would bring when it opened his eyes. I loved him so much... I hoped he would not think it a mistake. I don't know what I would do if he did...

Shutting my eyes tightly, I pushed those thoughts away from my mind and just listened to him breathe, to the faint sound of his heartbeat, and to the soft sounds of the first birds of morning and fell asleep.
 
 

I woke to the sound of her breathing softly in my ear.

My hands were tangled in her long dark hair, her mouth close to my ear, her arm across my chest. She was warm against my body, sound asleep. Slowly, I pulled myself away from her. The morning light was trying to shine through the closed windows. I stifled a smile as I wondered if I had worn her out last night.

Standing naked on the cool floor, I knelt beside the bed, gazing at her. Beautiful. So beautiful. I tugged the covers over her, hiding the traces of her femininity. It would not do to have someone walk in on her like that.

I stood again and moved to her closet, selecting a robe from it and slipping it on. It was, of course, too large. She was taller than me. But it would do.

I turned back to her, making sure the blankets would not fall off her, brushing a hair from her face gently. I leaned down and lightly kissed her forehead. Careful where I was stepping amidst the abandoned clothing, I moved silently over to the door, now unlocked, surprisingly, and exited, closing it tightly behind me.

My arms were wrapped around myself, holding the robe tightly to me. My hair lay in scattered waves around my shoulders. I was almost to my room when I saw him.

I slowed and walked up to him, giving him a shy smile. Would he be able to tell that something was different? "Ohayo, Akito-san."

He was smirking as usual. "Ohayo, Nuriko-sama."

"Give me the key," I said firmly.

He simply blinked. "Key, Nuriko-sama?"

I held out my hand to him expectantly, silent.

He laughed and dropped it into my hand. "As though I could not have the locks changed..."

I gave him a sweet smile. "I'm the empress now." I could order anyone to not follow his commands and he knew it. Not that I ever would, but it might prove to be a useful bargaining chip.

He nodded, unable to refute that. "So you are."

I stuck the key in the pocket of the robe, noting then that I had dragged the bottom of it along the floor all the way here. I suddenly looked up at Akito, biting my lip, slightly worried. I stayed silent.

He was perceptive. "Is something wrong, Nuriko-sama?"

Could I ask him? No choice but to try. My voice was quiet, anxious. "What do you think of me?"

"Think of you, Nuriko-sama? Think of you in what way?" It seemed I had caught him a bit off-guard. That was a first.

I sighed quietly. "She's your daughter in all but blood... which makes you, in a way, my father-in-law..." I lowered my eyes. "I just want to know what you think of me."

He actually gave me a real smile, genuine and gentle. "Oftentimes, I don't know what to think of you... you're very strong-willed, stubborn at times; I've seen it. But she loves you so much... and I think I can see why. You're caring, gentle to her. You're also a very intelligent person- I can tell by talking to you." Were those compliments? They seemed to be. But was it only because she loved me? Was he telling me the truth?

I didn't smile back, not yet, my eyes still reflecting my worry. "But... you don't think anything of the fact..." I dropped my voice to just above a whisper, a hand tugging at the robe I wore uncomfortably. "Well, that I cross-dress?" I looked away. "I just never know what you think of me. But she loves you so much and I want you to like me." I raised my eyes to him finally, anxiously.

He paused a moment. "As strange as it sounds... that thought never entered my mind... that is, since I first found out. I don't judge you for that, though. You've given me enough reasons to take you for more than you may appear." He sighed quietly. "Don't ever repeat this- I do have a reputation to keep up- but I do like you. You have a mind of your own... and besides, despite how well you two match, I would not have even suggested you as a spouse if I hadn't seen that... or if I hadn't seen the love the two of you were hiding from each other."

A slow smile suddenly broke across my face, my voice soft, a whisper. "Hontou ni, Akito-san...?" That meant so much to me, more than he would ever realize. I then stopped. Something had just clicked. "Wait... you knew??"

He nodded in answer to both questions. "Yes."

I gave him a dark glare. "You knew??"

He took a step back. "H-hai..."

I crossed both my arms over my chest. If they were there, I couldn't kill him. "Why didn't you say anything?? Didn't you know how upset we both were??"

"Yes... I did. I knew exactly how upset you were. Now let me ask you this... would you have believed me if I told you, 'oh, by the way, the emperor really loves you; she's just too afraid to tell you'?" His tone was forceful, but not harsh.

I flinched anyway, looking away, silent.

"I am sorry that you had to go through that," he said quietly, "but I truly believed you would be better off if I did not tell you. Gomen."

I shook my head slowly, looking back up at him. "No... you were right." I gave him a slight smile, weak, wondering if all that time I had suffered had been for good or not. How long had she loved me? How long had we both cried ourselves to sleep at night for the other, not knowing how to dry the other's tears?

"Still, I am sorry." He looked back at me a moment, appraisingly again, but in a different way this time.

I blinked. "You're doing it again..."

"Doing what again, Nuriko-sama?" he asked innocently.

"Looking at me like that..." I could hear the suspicion in my own voice. "I'm not sure whether you're trying to decide how much I would go for in the slave market or whether you're debating if I should wear this color or not." I shifted my weight slightly, uncomfortably.

He laughed. "Well, if I were going to sell you it would not be in that color..." He went serious suddenly. "Iie... just... I want to understand you. You confuse me, and I don't like being confused... at all." He looked annoyed for a moment, but then seemed to change his mind, shrugged, and smiled at me again.

I gave him a little smile. "These are her clothes anyway..." I stopped, realizing something. "Ne... if you go to wake her up... be careful." I allowed a mirroring smirk to slip onto my lips.

He raised an eyebrow. "Why careful?"

I grinned at him and pushed past him into my room. "I'm not completely useless, you know!" Laughing to myself, I shut the door to my room, memories of her drifting into my mind. Feeling as beautiful as she had said I was, I tossed off the robe, pulled on my best dress, tied up my hair in the most elaborate way I could manage, and stepped out of the room joyfully.
 
 

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