I watched the door click shut behind Nuriko and glanced over to my chief advisor. "'Heika-sama is liberal about such things'?" I raised an eyebrow. "Whatever possessed you to say that?"

My advisor smirked back at me, his familiar face doing its best to look apologetic and hide a devilish grin that threatened to overtake it. "My humblest apologies, heika-sama."

Glancing at him, I smiled. "Humblest apologies?"

"I thought it was a nice touch," he said, smiling back at me. He knew I wasn't truly upset with him. Having watched me grow up, he knew exactly what he could and couldn't get away with. He had guided me through some of the rougher times in my life, after both my parents were gone. And like it or not, I needed his advice on many matters. I was stuck with him.

"You seem to be in better spirits, heika-sama." He looked at me, as though studying my features for signs of subterfuge. "Is that possible?"

I nodded. "It is, and I am." I glanced at the small flower that was in my lap. From the maid, Nuriko had said. I laid it aside on the table gently.

"Well, heika-sama... what will you do now? It appears you have a few moments to yourself..."

Leaning back in my throne, I shut my eyes. "I think I'll just enjoy the silence." I paused. "Or better yet, I'll go for a walk in the garden... if you'll excuse me." I stood. My advisor bowed his head as I walked towards the door.

Outside, the sun was still shining, although it had slid lower into the sky. A soft breeze was blowing through the many trees that lined the path on which I was walking. The leaves whispered among themselves, spreading secrets, rumors that would never reach human ears. I wondered of what they spoke. I laughed at myself silently. Thinking such thoughts. If I were to ever say such things out loud... Well, it was best that I kept my mind's wandering to myself.

I stopped beneath a large tree that sent its branches out creating a shady canopy. I looked up, watching numerous pairs of black pearl eyes peek out at me as the tree's inhabitants checked out the newest invader to their home. Leaning back against the trunk of the tree I sighed slightly and shut my eyes. Sometimes it was nice to just rest.

I stayed there a while, just thinking, enjoying the relative silence. But soon, I knew I had to return. They would be looking for me. And it would be easier if I went to them. I walked back to the throne room and stepped inside. My chief advisor was still there, sitting at a desk, writing something that must have been important, judging by the slow definite way in which he applied the brush strokes. He glanced over at me as I entered, rising and bowing. "Heika-sama."

I nodded towards him, seated myself in the uncomfortable throne, and glanced around.

My advisor walked over to me, stopping just in front of the throne. "Surprisingly enough there is nothing that needs your attention at this moment." He glanced out the window at the sky. "It's nearing dinner time... will you be taking that girl's advice and remaining in this evening?"

I paused for a moment, thinking of what Nuriko had said. I assumed he had been kidding about that part, but I had no desire to go out. "Hai... I think I will..."

Nodding, my advisor turned back to his desk, picking up a bundle of papers. "Perhaps heika-sama should invite someone to dinner so you can have some sort of company. It wouldn't hurt. The pretty child who was in here earlier would come, I'm sure."

I laughed. "You're talking about Nuriko? We're the same age. Nuriko isn't a child."

He smiled and nodded. "True..." He trailed off, but I saw the remainder of his words in his eyes. He still thought of me as a child as well in some ways. Perhaps, in some ways, he was right.

"Hai... I think I'll do that." I called out, raising my voice a bit so it would be heard. A short heavy-set servant bustled quickly into the room, bowing.

"Heika-sama?" he spoke, awaiting my directions.

"I'd like you to deliver an invitation to one of the court princesses to join me for dinner. The one who was here earlier, Nuriko."

"Hai. Right away, heika-sama," he said, bowing again, looking happy to be useful.

I raised my hand, dismissing him and he hurried from the room. I stood slowly, trying to stretch without looking like I was stretching. "I shall be in the dining room then, reading," I explained to my advisor who was already buried in his papers. I think he heard me. It looked like he nodded. Not really thinking about it, I left the room, walking towards the dining room.
 
 

I did not skip down the hallway. I did not start singing joyfully at the top of my lungs. I did not smile maniacally at everyone who passed. I merely bowed my head modestly and walked to my room, looking for all the world like a quiet, shy maiden; inside, my heart was soaring.

Advisor! Now I had to see him on a regular basis until he dismissed me! I tried to stifle it, but a little smile escaped to my lips. He had said he valued my counsel! I would do what he requested of me very faithfully, as best as I possibly could. I stopped in front of my room, leaning against the wall, just smiling to myself, quiet in my thrill.

A maid came out of my room, holding some clothes in her arms, presumable to take them to wash. I opened my eyes and glanced at her, still smiling. It was not Yumi, but it was a cleaning maid. I did not recognize her, so she was probably new. She disappeared down the hall and I slipped into my room, closing the door behind me.

I glanced around at my room and began to tidy it myself, disappearing outside for a moment to gather a few flowers. I placed them in a vase on a shelf and smiled. It was too wonderful to be true.

I turned my eyes to the window, gazing out dreamily. The sun was starting to fade behind the trees. I felt a bit hungry as I had not eaten since breakfast. Not wanting to ruin my mood, I remained where I was, leaning my elbows against the window frame, looking out at the darkening red- and violet-streaked sky. A light breeze danced past me, ruffling my hair and stirring my dress. It smelled of roses and water with a hint of supper in it.

There was a knock on my door. Startled from my dazed state, I turned to it and opened it. A man, shorter than me, but certainly not slighter, stood there, his ruddy face beaming cheerfully up at me.

A little unsure, I smiled back at him warily. "Can I help you?"

He beamed at me a moment more, then nodded his head, as if approving me. "You are Nuriko-san?"

I nodded back, a bit cautious.

He gave me another glowing smile. "The emperor requests your presence in his chambers for dinner. Will you follow me please?"

I blinked down at him. "Hotohori-sama wants me to eat dinner with him?"

He grinned and nodded.

I gave him a quick, bewildered smile. "Will you give me a minute then?"

He laughed, a low dry chuckle. "Of course."

Quickly nodding, I shut the door. I flew to my closet, digging through to find my best dress. Dinner! I yanked off the dress I had been wearing and gently slid on the other. It was a little loose. Apparently I had lost weight while running all over the countryside with Miaka. I hurried to the mirror, pinching my cheeks to get some color into them and grabbed my makeup. I lightly coated my lips, darkening them, and lined my eyes to make them look larger, just as they had taught me at court. I brushed my hair through and tied up part of it in a tight bun. I then reached over to the vase and pulled a flower out of it. I stuck it behind my ear, brushing a few strands of my hair out of my face. I studied myself in the mirror silently a moment. It wasn't perfect, but it would have to do. The emperor was waiting.

I reopened the door, tightening the sash around my waist a bit more, and he smiled at me again. For some reason, this man was delighted to have come and seen me. I wanted to find out why. "Nuriko-san, you look lovely," he said happily.

I smiled at him, wondering if I were blushing. "Thank you," I replied, trying to keep my voice low and maidenly. I quickly leaned over the railing as Yumi had, plucking a different flower from another tree. It was dark pink as opposed to the red-violet that Yumi had chosen, the same red-violet that I wore in my hair. He started walking and I followed the customary step-and-a-half behind that a woman must walk behind a man. I studied the flower as we made our way along the corridor and was surprised to note that it was a little rose.

He glanced back at me, smiling. "I'm glad the emperor has chosen such a pretty young lady after so long."

Now I'm sure I blushed. "It's not like that," I protested quickly. "I'm just an advisor to Hotohori-sama."

He laughed merrily. "Don't be so sure. He must think highly of you if he made you an advisor."

I kept my eyes down. "I'm just a seishi, like he is. He has to keep me nearby."

He laughed again, winking at me as he slowed down. "May I come to your wedding?"

I flushed brightly. I could feel my cheeks burning, but I'm not sure with what they were burning. Pride? Hope? Shame? Self-hatred? "No, sir, you don't understand-"

"Here we are!" he announced cheerily.

Flustered and with no other choice, I entered shyly where he indicated, the little rose clutched tightly in my hand.
 
 

I had been standing, leafing through a book by the window, trying to catch the dying light so I could read the words on the page. A noise at the door dragged me out of the story. I glanced up. "Konban wa, Nuriko," I said. He looked a bit unsure, or perhaps confused.

He stepped forward, his eyes lowered to the ground in what I had become accustomed to as a sign of respect. "Konban wa, heika-sama."

"I'm glad you could come... I hope I didn't pull you from doing anything...?" I certainly hoped I hadn't imposed on him. He looked different; a different dress and his hair was done up in quite a pretty way so that it fell about his face. Some people just had fashion sense I guessed.

He laughed and shook his head. "From listening to court gossip at best. No, I'm delighted to be here."

I smiled and gestured towards a seat at the table, sitting down myself. "I took your advise about laying low... it seems the more I show my face the more people come up with issues that I need to deal with."

Nuriko stepped forward. Smoothing his skirt under him, his delicate hands brushing across the fabric, he seated himself on one of the chairs. "It must be hard... dealing with so many people all the time. Don't you ever get tired of it?"

I paused for a moment but then nodded.  "Yes, but it has to get done. And truthfully in normal circumstances it isn't that bad."

Nuriko raised an eyebrow in curiosity. "Normal...?"

"The palace is in a minor uproar with the disappearance of the miko." I looked down and I don't doubt my eyes darkened slightly. I was still so worried about her.  "What with the rumors of Kutou having found their own Miko... everyone is uneasy," I finished explaining, my voice growing a bit quieter.

Nuriko bit his lip and nodded slowly, in something akin to comprehension. "And they all look to you for guidance..."

I nodded again, still feeling a bit subdued.  "Granted I'm not even half the age of the majority of them..." I shrugged slightly.  "I just wish I could reassure them a bit more... but I'm not quite so reassured myself." I forced a slight smile.

"About Miaka still?" His voice was surprisingly gentle as he asked the question.

Nodding in affirmation, I glanced at him briefly. "Yes, for the most part."

He looked at me, his eyes worried. "Hotohori-sama, I know she'll be fine. Don't you think we would know if she were not? Wouldn't we be able to sense it?"

I smiled at him as he stated aloud the silent thoughts and hopes I had been fostering. "Those were my exact thoughts actually..."

He flashed a smile at me. "Then it's settled. Unless we both know it, then she is fine, ne?" Still such reassurance.

I was somewhere in the process of agreeing with him when I noticed the flower he was holding out.  I reached out to take the tiny rose, a bit surprised.

"To cheer you up," he stated cheerfully, smiling at me again and adding, "That one is from me."

Smiling back, I glanced from the flower in my hand to Nuriko. "Arigatou..." I laughed lowly, a strange thought crossing my mind. "This would be the first time I've received flowers from a man," I said as I gently twirled the stem in between my fingers.

Nuriko looked down, going quickly silent. A slight blush had crept into his face.

Glancing at him, I wondered if I had said something wrong. It seems I almost always managed to say something stupid like that. Devoid of other alternatives, I decided to change the subject. "They should be bringing dinner soon, I'd imagine," I ventured, quite lamely.

"Hai." He spoke the word in a quiet voice and without looking up at me, continued. "I'm sorry... it just feels so strange to... be here. And have someone know." I watched him for a moment, wondering...

I smiled at him apologetically. "Gomen." Nuriko must have thought I was a complete idiot. I kept saying the most ridiculous things.

He looked up, his face surprised. "No, no! It's all right. Actually... it's nice in a way. I don't have to pretend."

I nodded in understanding, a smile that I'm sure was a bit wistful, despite my best efforts otherwise. "Hai." I could feel his eyes on me, studying me. I glanced at him hesitantly, shaking my head to clear it as I met his violet eyes. "I really am glad you could come though... You wouldn't believe how refreshing it is to spend time with someone who isn't old stale and musty."

He nodded, still watching me, his eyes not leaving me. Although I didn't show it, I began feeling a bit uncomfortable under that perceptive gaze, as though I thought he might see through all the illusions I had built protectively around myself. But instead, he spoke again, his voice still quiet. "Do you ever get lonely? I'm sure most people are somewhat afraid to approach you." He looked away from me, dropping his eyes. "I know I usually am."

The question surprised me and I found myself gazing at him for a moment, all words lost to me. "Hai... people are afraid, I suppose."

Turning his eyes back up to me, he just looked at me, silent, watching. "But you aren't frightening... you're so kind to everyone.

I tilted my head to the side, a habit I've become accustomed to doing when musing over something. "Maybe that's why they're afraid... I don't think they know what to expect of me. I-" My words were interrupted by the opening of the door. A handful of servants bearing trays poured into the room, quickly setting the food on the table. Nuriko kept his eyes on the table, looking neither at me nor the servants, for the moment, being the demure maiden they thought he was.

I kept silent as well, watching as things were laid out. In only a moment's time, the servants exited the room, shutting the door softly behind them.

Nuriko looked back up at me, his face strangely guarded. "Isn't there anyone that you can talk to then?" he asked, slipping straight back into the conversation.

I paused for a moment, thinking. "My chief advisor... he listens..." I smiled.  "But you may have noticed he's a slightly sarcastic, caustic man. Indispensable of course, but sarcastic."

He laughed quietly and then tilted his head to the side, slightly, once more studying me with those unnervingly bright, wide eyes. "What was that he said about you not visiting the harem? When he said he had something stuck in his throat?"

I nearly choked, but managed to cover it fairly well; at least, I thought so. "He has it in his head that I'm the only emperor who has ever or will ever be that doesn't visit his harem. I think he finds it amusing."

Nuriko smiled slightly and looked down yet again. "I don't mean to intrude... but perhaps you should. Not for... well, that... but we're all-" He paused, taking a deep breath before continuing. "They're all there for you. And some of them are lonely too." His eyes remained focused on his steaming food.

I watched him for a moment, thinking over his words. "Hai... perhaps you're right..."

Smiling slightly, he glanced up. "They'll be delighted to see you if you do."

For the first time I took notice of the food in front of me. Picking up my chopsticks,  I tentatively took a bite of the hot food set before me.

Nuriko lifted his chopsticks, tasting the food as well. His eyes widened in surprise. "This is good!"

I nodded, pleased he liked it. I swallowed what was in my mouth and was able to answer. "Hai... the cooks have outdone themselves tonight," I said, impressed with the food myself.

He smiled up at me, his face looking pleased. "It's truly excellent... will you send them my compliments?"

I nodded. "Hai... I will."

"Thank you." He paused for a moment and then spoke up again, his musical voice questioning. "Ne, out of curiosity..."

I glanced at him questioningly. "Hmm?"

"Is that what you do all day? Listen to them like that? What do you do for fun?" Those were not questions I had been expecting. They threw me off a bit. Partially because I couldn't think up an answer right away, and partially because I'd never expected anyone to care enough to ask me that.

So I blinked. "Fun? I practice my swordsmanship... I read..." I smiled briefly. "And when I can escape I just walk outside... especially on days like today..." My smile grew as I thought back on the sunshine and the breeze that the day had brought.

Nuriko smiled back, turning his gaze towards the open window. "It was lovely... but..." He stopped.

I looked at him waiting for him to finish his thought. "But...?"

He glanced up to me. "This would be the kind of day you would want to spend with Miaka, isn't it?" It wasn't a question. I could tell by his tone. It was a simple statement.

I just looked at him for a moment, unsure of how to answer. "Hai... demo..." Sadness struck hard at that moment,  I tried to cover it with a quick smile, but I'm not sure I quite managed. "I doubt she'd want to spend it with me. She has other... interests... and truthfully, I don't blame her."

He frowned at me slightly. "Hotohori-sama... you shouldn't think like that."

"Like what?"

He looked at me, worry in his clear eyes. "I'm sorry. I spoke out of place."

I shook my head. "Iie... daijoubu. You were speaking honestly. Honesty is never out of place." And truthfully, I did appreciate his honesty. I had to deal with half-truths and sugared reality from so many people.

He frowned again, this time not looking at me. "Don't be discouraged, please..."

I sipped at my drink, letting the cool liquid pass over my lips and down my throat. "Discouraged?"

"About Miaka." He still wasn't looking up and his voice was quiet.

I smiled slightly at this, albeit a bit sadly. I gazed into my glass, looking at my reflection in the clear liquid. My dark brown eyes looked a bit distant even to me. "I'm not..."

"I... I thought you loved her... I don't understand..." He looked at me, his eyes clearly confused.

"I do love her.... and she doesn't love me." I smiled slightly, still looking into my glass, pausing slightly for a moment before continuing. "But she has found love in someone else... and I think she's happy. How can I be discouraged when she's happy?"

There was moment of silence. Nuriko lowered his soft violet eyes, looking a bit unsure, maybe even a bit stunned. He spoke, his soft voice hesitant. "Are you happy then?"

My eyes finally looked up at him, away from my drink. "Why wouldn't I be happy?"

Still eating, he shook his head slightly, a confused gesture perhaps. "I... I don't know."

"Hmm... neither do I." I flashed a quick half-smile at him.

Frowning slightly at me, he turned his eyes back up to me. Even when I looked away I could feel him watching me. I glanced over at him, curiosity covering my face. I raised an eyebrow slightly in question. He smiled at me again. That smile. Confusing, mysterious as always. "You're a very complicated person, Hotohori-sama."

I blinked in surprise. "Am I?"

His smile grew into a true smile. "Very." He laid down his chopsticks, his dinner finished. "But I'm glad. No one wants to see you sad."

I smiled slightly at this but didn't say anything back.

He stood slowly, his long skirts swirling about him. He looked away from me and towards the door. "I should go... you don't need me wasting your time with my prattling. Thank you very much for the delightful dinner."

I smiled at him slightly again, a bit disappointed to see him going. "And thank you for the company. I appreciate it very much," I said truthfully.

He inclined his head slightly towards me and smiled a shy smile. "It's there any time you want it."

At this, I smiled fully. "Arigatou." I stood as well, picking up the delicate flower I had been given as I did so. "I trust I'll hear from you again soon, then?"

His face worked itself into a mischievous look. "Of course... I'm your palace spy now."

I raised an eyebrow and laughed. "Was that the official title we decided on?" Shaking my head slightly and sending my hair falling forward over my shoulders, I smiled. "Oyasumi, Nuriko."

His grin grew at the comment. "Ii yume, heika-sama," he replied, stepping towards the door. He disappeared out the door into the slowly darkening evening. He called out behind him though, loud enough for me to hear. "Don't let your flower die!"

I laughed slightly again and glanced at the flower in my hand, turning it over gently in my hand, thinking. I stood there for a long moment, letting my thoughts sort out in the silence.
 
 
 

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