2. She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.

3. She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.

4. She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.

5. She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.

6. She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.

7. She does not GET YOU EXCITED -She causes TEMPORARY BLOOD DISPLACEMENT.

8. She is not KINKY - She is a CREATIVE CARETAKER.

9. She does not have a KILLER BODY - She is TERMINALLY ATTRACTIVE.

10. She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.

11. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.

12. She is not horny - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.

13. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.

14. She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE

15. She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.

16. She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.

17. She is not a TWO BIT WHORE - She is a LOW COST PROVIDER.


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HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT

1. He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY

2. He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN

3. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS

4. He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION

5. He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS

6. He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK -He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL

7. He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION

8. He is not a SEX MACHINE - He is ROMANTICALLY AUTOMATED

9. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY

10. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED