Shades of Greens

JOKES

SHADES OF GREENS

husband with hangover: what happened?
wife: you made an ass of yourself in front of your boss. husband: oh, piss on him! wife: you did and he fired you. husband: oh, fuck him! wife: i did and you go back to work tomorrow.

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reporter: mr. president, how many women do you believe must a man marry?
erap: 16
reporter: why?
erap: because the priest says 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better and 4 worse.

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kapag K ng K, lalaki yung T. hindi na kakasya sa P. dapat mag-J ka na lang...
legend:
*K -- kain
*T -- tiyan
*P -- pants
*J -- jogging
(kala mo bastos, `no?)

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bading (bakla) sa meatshop: pagbilhan nga ng 1 german sausage.
tindera: cho-chopin ko na po, sir?
bading: gaga! anong palagay mo sa pwet ko? alkansya?!

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tarzan swings
tarzan falls
jane saves him
by grabbing tarzan's balls
..now you know why tarzan goes
aaaaaaahhhhhhhhaahhaahhaahh!

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sa isang inuman...
boy 1: pare, ilang babae na ang nagalaw mo?
boy 2: ako 35.
boy 1: wala ka! ako 50. ikaw? (turning to boy 3)
boy 3: dalawa lang.
boy 1 & 2 nagtawanan...
boy 3: yung asawa ninyong dalawa!

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interviewer: mr. president, what are the pollutants in the phils.?
erap: there are so many pollutants. they include bopis, sisig and liempo.

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erap: i have brain cancer! yehey!
ramos: how come you are still happy?
erap: now i know i have a brain.

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what is the scientific name of SPERM?
*proteincious delicious
*amoysis cloroxis
*baklatis paboritus
*delikadus buntisus

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tawag sa iba't ibang klase ng SUSO:
susan -- susong hanggang tiyan
suzette -- susong maliit
suzuki -- susong malaki
suke -- susong peke

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teacher: why did you bring your sister's cat here in school?
little alvin: naaawa ako, ma'am e
teacher: why?
little alvin: coz i heard my sister's boyfriend say that he'll eat my sister's pussy when he comes back.

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a gang decided to rob a bank. they opened every vault and found no money but cups of pudding they ate all the pudding. next day the headline news read: biggest sperm bank robbed!

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there were 3 roosters. one was normal, one retarded and one gay.
normal: cock-a-doodle-do!
retarded: doodle-cock-a-do!
gay: any-cock-will-do!

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a couple having sex...
husband: hon, ang kinis mo!
wife: alaga sa lotion.
husband: ang sexy mo!
wife: alaga sa aerobics.
husband: bilog na bilog ang suso mo!
wife: alaga ng pare mo.

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ano ang scientific name ng virgin?
* pag sinibaksis dumudugosis
* masikipsis ipasokis
* kailangan padulasis
* jackpotis si lalakis

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pedro: ma'am, si dan naniniko!
teacher: dan, hindi mo ba alam na masakit ang maniko?
dan: yehey! wala nang klase! masakit daw ang mani ni ma'am!

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attention: starting today, erap jokes will be considered a crime.
however, live performances will be available everyday in malacanang.

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Lasalista: talagang magaling ang mga lasalista. matinik! meron congressman, mayor, gobernador at senador!
Atenista: a, wala lahat yan! kami, may presidente! pinakabobo pa namin yan,a!

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use indefinitely in a sentence: when your balls are slapping up her ass, you are IN, DEFINITELY!

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q: what is the strongest muscle?
a: the tongue.
why? coz it can lift the woman's hips with just one lick!

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ramos: how's your y2k conversion going on?
erap: it's crazy! i can't imagine going to work from mondak to fridak and spend saturdak and sundak with the kids. why do they have to convert y to k, anyway?

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penis complaint: whenever i get big, fat and juicy, they put a plastic over my head, stick me in a dark smelly place and make me do push ups until I throw up! ang lupit!

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q: how much adrenalin is released by a woman during seduction?
a: enough to transform tweety bird to big bird!

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spell orgasm:
ooh...arrh...ghee...aahh...esss...emmmh...

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anak: dad, may sakit ba si mommy? kasi po umuungol po sya kagabi.
dad: hindi, anak. maligaya lang si mommy mo kagabi.
anak: e, di maligaya pala si mommy gabi-gabi noong nasa saudi kayo.

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qualities ng magaling mag blowjob:
*pandak -- para tamang-tama ang height
*bungal -- para hindi masakit
*malaking tenga -- para may hawakan
*pango -- para sagad sa dulo
*flat head -- para may patungan ng beer

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intelligence is like underwear. you should always have it but you need not show it off. you should only take it off when necessary. and if you don't have it, it shows.

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