aahhh - napasukan
eehhh - naliitan
iihhh - nalakihan
oohhh - nasarapan
uuhhh - nilabasan


VIRGIN AGAIN

Woman: Thanks, Doc for making me a virgin again for my wedding night. It was perfect! The blood, the pain, and it only cost me P50. How did you do it?

Doc: I just tied your pubic hair together.


FRENCH LESSONS

Ano sa French ang flower? le fleur
ilong? le nos
back? le kod
dumi sa katawan? le bag
mahilig sa sex? le bog!


MEANING OF ROSES TO WOMEN

A rose with a long stem means he likes you.
A rose with thorns means he wants you.
A rose with a stem and thorns but without a flower means he wants your flower!


MS. UNIVERSE PAGEANT

Emcee: What is for you the essence of a woman?
Ms. Venezuela: Por que me regla con todo pacasta mala importante birhen ca pa.
Ms. Puerto Rico: Perfecta figura mala importante malaque poque.


ON BEING OPEN

Only the open heart receives love.
Only the open mind receives wisdom.
Only the open arms receive gifts.
Only the open legs receive eggs!


TECHNOLOGICAL BREAKTHROUGH

"Mas bago! A new napkin especially made to satisfy women.... Introducing... new Whisper with Tongue! Keeps you wet all the time!"


T.I.I.S.

At 21, women proudly say "I'm part of T.G.I.S."
- Thank God I'm Single!

At 31, women strongly say "I'm part of T.I.I.S."
- 'Tang-Ina I'm Single!


TWINS TALKING INSIDE THE WOMB

1: Ano gusto mo paglaki?
2: Doctor. Eh ikaw?
1: Pulis, para huli ko kalbo na may balbas, labas pasok dito, dura pa.


LATEST VERSION OF NURSERY RHYME

Jack and Jill went up the hill to have some private moment.
Jack laid down and Jill sat down.
And they just pumped each other.
Tra la la ...


AT A MOVIE HOUSE

Girl: Honey, the man beside me is masturbating.
BF: Just ignore him, dear.
Girl: I can't. He's using my hand!


HUBAD NA

Girl: Hubad mo na bra ko.
Boy: Iyan hubad na.
Girl: Hubad mo na rin panty ko.
Boy: 'Yan hubad na rin.
Girl: Sa susunod huwag na huwag mong gagamitin ang mga gamit ko, walanghiya!


HONEYMOON

Mikee Cojuanco: Honey, i-shoot mong mabuti ha!
Dudut Jaworski: Oo ba, basta galingan mong mangabayo!


NO SIGNAL

A policeman saw a man on the top floor of a building.
Police: 'Wag kang tatalon! Marami pang nagmamahal sa 'yo!
Man: Tumahimik ka! 'Wag mo kong pakialaman! 'Di ako maka-send!


MEN'S TOP 8 LIES