032001 i found dirk gently's holistic detective agency, no thanks to any of you. i also found other things. i found what people really think of me, how they consider me. i found that a best friend of many years can suddenly start completely ignoring me over (i am assuming that i know why he is doing this, i dont know why though) one fight in the friendship. i found ... *sigh* alot.

i got fired from my job. my own fault. im stupid. nothing more nothing less. sure, i may be smart, but when it comes down to it im just stupid. i almost flunked out of high school. i understood everything being taught me. i knew how to write essays. i can use a calculator. yet i had to take summer school after my class graduated so that i could graduate the same year as them. my mom was devastated. why do i tell you this? i hope you might care. not that i almost dint graduate with my class, but that you may notice that there are people out there who shouldnt be ignored all the time. im not talking to anyone specific, nor am i saying this to get 'popular.' just consider others. always.

i have yet to tell my mother i got fired. i got fired on friday the 10th i believe. she left for a cruise on the 11th. i dint want to tell her before she left because it would have ruined her trip. i think i am going to go to her office today and tell her. pray for my soul. sole.

females. im still looking for one. waiting to hear from one in particular, but looking for anyone in general. if your the one that ive been looking for, step forward and let me claim you. im a nice guy. at least i think i am. what do i know though, i never went out with myself. some people dont like me. not sure why. what can i say to them, not much. nothing much indeed. a true title.

tedious. doing this for you guys. i am actually doing it for myself and you guys are just reaping the crops but its easier to do if i pretend im doing it for you. you. who are you? my measly site has gotten more hits in less time than a local gaming company. i know maybe ten of the visitors. who are you. where do you come from. many of you come from angelfires journal listing, a few of you come from hackinthebox.org, and occasionally ill get some people from google. im not sure where the rest of you come from and ive only had a few people post on the forum or email me telling me such. just curious. and why do you keep coming back? in hopes of another elusive update? nosy? you care? your bored? im not attacking any of you that do visit on a regular basis, just trying to find out who you are. wow.

and from this place forward i bring ... dust. dust and the smell that has found a home in my clothing. i wander around lost. lost but knowing exactly where im at. a piece of fiction i intended to write here. and i thought it had a good beginning. but my writing ... dint want to cooperate. i dont like writing about myself. but thats what im trying to make myself do. i cant find my special spiked bracelet. i had it yesterday. im sad.

so im thinking of doing something. alone if necessary, but a companion would be preferable. im thinking of leaving. just getting up, withdrawing my life savings (im not really a saver, so thats like a thousand dollars.) and getting in my car and driving till i reach somewhere. live like that for awhile. get the occasional odd job to put gas in my car. and ... just going. i think it would be coo. you know, i cant even say what i feel on here. people that i would mention read this. i would mention them because they are all i do in this town. even though i constantly feel it, it would change everything if i were to say it out loud. there is a rooster outside. roostering. this is the middle of the city. there should be no roosters next door, or even a block down. none. is it easy to snap a roosters neck? i ask merely for information.

some one to show they care. someone to put me first. someone to treat me like i would want to treat them. like i would strive to treat them. teresa was not that someone. teresa is and will always be a very special someone. but not that someone. then why do i tell myself that i would have her back if i could. because i havent found anyone since she did.. whatever it was that she did to me? i dont know. would i really have her back? i dont know. prolly, but i wouldnt want to. but im weak like that. attack. bring it back. attack. i am told that im too good for her anyway. is it not the other way around? why do i say these things on here? she has assured me that she wont read anything i put on here. so i can say anything i want about her. i dont even have a picture of her. *sigh* a new topic is necessary.

i am running out of thins to say. im always running out of things to say yet somehow i find a way to say more. its because we have too many words in our language. i made an unreal tournament level. i enjoy it. its here called jump1.zip i suggest you not dl it if you dont have unrealtournament as it will just be a waste of your time. so krystle and i took over one hundred pictures the other day. i go to look at some of them on my computer and the hard drive has crashed and eaten all but seven of them. seven which will not open. that sucks. im sad again. and this ends another broadcasting day. s'out.