people that know me may would prolly say i dont care. they would be right. there is one thing i dont care about in life. thats myself. now dont ask me why because i seriously dont know. its my life, youd think id care enough to live it as i please. i dont even do that. i had a very emotional day at teresas yesterday. oh yeah, teresa is my friend again. i dont think alicia is anymore though. life is falling apart. nah, its prolly not that bad but it sure feels like it. girls aint working, jobs aint finding and parents aint liking. i just broke down and cried at teresas house last night. havent cried in years. just like weeping. thinking about the air force. parents are ready to kick me out. for one simple reason. i cant find a fucking job. everything i do i disappoint my mother in. i just cant handle it.

caleb is still on the eternal girl hunt. as soon as i get her number ill call vanessa and find out about her. i met her by busting in the girls bathroom with a video camera. not the best way to meet girls, but she dint seem to get very angry. hell, she gave me her phone number, she couldnt have been angry at all. maybe ill even spend some of the money im fast running out of and go to a movie.

would all of you please do me a favor? please. for my own personal happiness and because you care, would you (the person reading this right this very instant) please just send me an email saying hi and that you read/read my page. and if you want you could even tell me if your a regular (by regular i mean have read all the updates i have ever done) or if you just stumbled on it. thats all you have to say. nothing fancy. i would enjoy that. immensely.

if i ever commit suicide i will do it from a bell tower with a sniper rifle. i will die ruining as many lives as i possibly can. cats, dogs, lilac bushes. hell, maybe an innocent bystander or two as well. seriously, its something i think about all the time. suicide is the stupidest thing a person could do and i dont think i ever will, but its always on my mind. i see no future for myself. the only goal i ever had in life is not possible to obtain. i have no ambition. and i oft censor myself on here.

im going to be a slut. the explanation i give myself is quite simple. and ill tell you. it goes like this. relationships dont work out. lets just fuck. but i dont want to be a slut with other sluts. if that makes sense. then i realize the absurdity of it all. if i cant get a girl that will get in a relationship with me how will i get a girl to help me in my goal of obtaining sluthood, especially if im not seeking female sluts? life is a bunch of lies, then you dies. that was gay. im out.