9:07 PM 11/19/2002 i think that, probable, the best part about cutting myself, or picking a scab is that i can suck the blood afterwards.

why is it so hard for me to talk to him? i need to, i even came close one time. but every time i get ready to something happens inside me, and then i dont.

is it so wrong to consider traditional male-female roles in a relationship to be 'okay'? now... im not talking about a dominant male and submissive female thing, what i mostly mean is the male the be the major bread winner and the female to be the major home maker. but not necessarily exclusive. always allowing room for compromise. why must i be made to feel bad buying a meal or even opening a fucking door?

i think its for the best, my choice. i cant possible expect to be able to think clearly whgen making a choice that would affect more than just myself when i cant even think for myself right now.

i have this thing with touching. it makes me jump. i try to explain this to people and ask them to not be offended if i seem to be avoiding their touch. i am especially sickened by licks. lick me your liable to lose a tongue. of course there are exceptions. they (the exceptions) tend to be female. im often asked how i ever expect to get and keep a girlfriend if i wont let her touch me. i was asked that today. i said, "i dont know, ask samantha." the reply was "i dont want to ask her, shes an adulteress." i explained that i was gulity of the same crime and therefore should be judged accordingly.

i know it, and even though my recent and not so recent actions may have helped confirm it, ive never needed confirmation. ive always known that im an asshole. sorry mrs. c.

itll suck for your wife and kids when your dead. not really, ive no kids and girls tend to find me too offensive to stick around for any length of time.

dont show your ugly face around here anymore. yeah, i get that alot.

i work at papa johns now. delivery. what a respectable job. im really beginning to hate my life. ive a few regrets, but i wont go into details, id hate to bore you.