12:02 PM 12/14/02 i found a caffeine free orange pop. fanta, or some such like that. it aint no sunkist, but it aint too bad.

why must everyone always hate on me?

food, ive discovered, is much harder to give up than caffeine. and to think that i struggle with caffeine.

i bought another coo sweater. i think that its even more girl-getterish than the other one.

i just pulled a hair off my arm. it was black. you think itll grow back even stronger than before?

edith is encouraging, yet at the same time... offensive? i dont think thats the feeling i get. really not offensive at all. maybe im just not used to people being blunt to me, just the opposite. i know she meant well with it. i do understand that.

the desire to be cryptic. its there, i wont deny it. thats not who i am though. i was what i am willing to say, half the time not nearly everything i mean to say. but never more. my mind moves so much faster than my pen, its a shame really. thank you for listening, im off to bed. the day after friday the 13th 3:40 am. addendum. i think that i just colored the inside of my nose with my pen. not too far inside, mind you. prolly just the inside part that can be seen when looking at someone. i just heard a train whistle, which is odd. i dint think there were any train tracks close by here. i havent heard one since i moved out of my mothers house. 3:43

im not an outdoors type. never have been really. but i would go out of doors for you. im not a banana person. never have been really. but i would eat one for you. im not very good at this, am i? perhaps if i had someone to practice on.

arlington road. thats a good movie. i should watch it again. normally im not a big fan of watching movies more than once, unless a good amount of time has passed. im full of contradictions. sorry to all that affects.

im not a philosopher. i dont think that anything i write falls under the searching-for-truth-and-exploring-the-greater-meaning-of-all does it?

a christmas present for her. of that there is no question. but what is the least offensive sort of gift to give to someones wife? least offensive to him. although i am worried of offending her, i dont think that a christmas present will do that. yet, the truth remains that i dont know how or what she thinks of me. so confusing, life is.

a male form of pms

when i was younger, maybe middle school age, i was a little trouble maker. my father would keep coming up with different ways to punish me. one way that i especially hated, and he knew it, was to make me write. ironic, considering ive got at least four notebooks and various papers on my floor. all filled with some sort of writing. this notebook that i am currently writing in is nearly half full. 42 of 100 pages. sleep time. 2:22 12-15-2