I'm Still Here
I do not own any of the characters from The Road to El Dorado. If I did, I was would be happy, but no. The song is from the Treasure Planet soundtrack. I don’t own that either.
I am a question to the world
Not an answer to be heard
For a moment, that’s held in your arms
And what do you think you’d ever say
I won’t listen anyway
You don’t know me
And I’ll never be what you want me to be…
It had started out innocently enough. A little jab there, a small insult there. And then it rolled into something bigger, something deeper. They were fighting, really, really fighting…
“Miguel, I think I know what I’m talking about.” Tulio sighed in annoyance at his partner. Miguel glared back at him.
“Oh and I don’t?” he quipped.
“Well, if you remember, I was the only one of us to actually attend school.” Tulio said, smiling in superiority.
“Oh like that makes you special! While you were up there studying your books, I was out on the streets doing hard labor to feed my family. Street smarts, Tulio, that’s something you’ll never learn in those books of yours.” Miguel said, equally smug.
“Ha! Like working in the fields all day is a challenge. Any idiot can do it.” Tulio scoffed.
“Are you calling me an idiot?” Miguel hissed.
“Well if the shoe fits…” Tulio began.
Miguel poked him sharply in the ribs. “You listen here, little rich boy, just because your daddy provided you with every little thing doesn’t make you better than me!” he cried.
Tulio’s face turned red. “Hey, my father didn’t give me every little thing! I had to work for it!” he cried indignantly.
“Oh yes, I suppose you whined and cried and pouted until he bought you whatever you wanted.” Miguel teased.
“You’re just jealous! You’re jealous of my family!” Tulio shouted at him.
“That’s not true!” Miguel cried back.
“Oh yeah! You’re jealous because my father actually CARED about me, unlike your parents, who ran off an abandoned you because they didn’t WANT you!!”
Miguel’s face turned pale for a moment, and then he grabbed the other man roughly. “You take that back!” he demanded.
“No!” Tulio cried.
“TAKE IT BACK, LITTLE RICH BOY!” Miguel screamed, slugging him hard.
“DON’T YOU CALL ME THAT!” Tulio yelled in return, punching him in the stomach. The two staggered back from each other, huffing and puffing, anger filling them.
“Get out!” Tulio cried, throwing open the door of their small apartment.
“Gladly!” Miguel snarled, marching through the door. “AND I HOPE I NEVER SEE YOUR SNOTTY FACE AGAIN!”
“FINE WITH ME, PAL!” Tulio screamed, slamming the door in his face. He stormed over to his bed, grabbed his pillow and preceded to scream into it.
***
Miguel marched angrily down the dark streets of Madrid, feeling furious and more insulted and hurt than he ever had in his whole life. But his anger was slowly replaced by sadness and hurt. He turned, looking back into the distance at the small light coming from he and Tulio’s apartment. He just didn’t understand…
He sighed quietly and continued on his way down the road, heading for the docks, where he could go to think, alone.
And what do you think you’d understand
I’m a boy, no I’m a man
You can’t take me
And throw me away
And how can you learn what’s never shown
Yeah, you stand there on your own
They don’t know me
Cause I’m not here…
Meanwhile Tulio stood in their apartment, feeling much the same way Miguel was. It had hurt him immensely that Miguel could call him a “little rich boy.” So what if his family had had money? What did that matter? He wasn’t a spoiled little child like his friend said he was…no, not by a long shot.
Tulio remembered being a young man, under his father’s shadow. His father did love him, he supposed, but he was a hard man, a strict man, who had always thought Tulio too weak to be worth anything. He never realized that all Tulio wanted was a kind word from him, a little praise, a little affection instead of harsh criticism. He had run away from home so many times, hating his father so desperately. It was on one of those midnight flights that he had met him…
Miguel hadn’t thought he was weak or worthless. He thought he was brilliant, and he admired him, hanging on his every word…
Tulio rubbed the back of his neck, turning wistfully towards the doorway. It was getting late, and the city was a dangerous place at night…
And I want a moment to be real
Want to touch things I don’t feel
Want to hold on
And feel I belong
And how can the world want me to change
They’re the ones that stay the same
They don’t know me
Cause I’m not here…
Miguel sat down by the docks, throwing rocks angrily into the water and watching them splash. How could Tulio say such a thing about his family? He knew that his mother and father had loved him…but…they simply couldn’t take care of him. They thought that maybe if they gave him up, he’d have better chance at life. Their intentions were pure…even if the result was not such.
Miguel shuddered at the memories of his childhood and being a teenager, the days he spent laboring endlessly in blistering heat with no food or rest, and the torments he suffered all because he was poor and different…
But Tulio hadn’t seen him that way. Tulio took him under his wing, he looked out for him, he comforted him, and most of all, he stayed with him…
And you see the things they never see
All you wanted I could be
Now you know me
And I’m not afraid
And I want to tell you who I am
Can you help me be a man
They can’t break me
As long as I know who I am
Tulio was running down the street before he knew what was happening. He had to find him, he had to apologize, beg his forgiveness. How could he have been so cruel, so thoughtless, so…so…snobby. Tears formed in the black-haired man’s eyes as he ran.
Miguel had been so good to him over the years they’d been together. He cared about him, he encouraged him, hell he LISTENED to him. He never made fun of the fact he was so thin, or the fact that he had lead a sheltered life, and that he had known NOTHING about taking care of himself on the streets. Miguel had simply smiled and showed him the ropes, always in awe of his capabilities.
And I want a moment to be real
Want to touch things I don’t feel
Wanna hold on
And feel I belong
And how can you say I never change?
Their the ones who stay the same
They can’t see me
But I’m still here
Miguel buried his face against his arms as he drew his knees up to his chest. He remembered waking up in the middle of the night to hear his parents leaving for the very last time. He had run after them, begging them not to leave him alone, but they hadn’t even looked back at him.
He had been left alone, utterly abandoned…
And then he thought of Tulio. He had found him, cleaned him up, staid with him and cared for him. He never laughed at how little Miguel knew when it reading or math or anything like that. He had always been impressed by his optimism, and his agility and strength. It didn’t matter to Tulio if he had blonde-hair, or a British accent, all that mattered was that he was Miguel, and he was his friend.
They can’t tell me who to be
Cause I’m not what they see
Yeah the world is still sleeping
While I keep on dreaming for me
And their words are just whispers and lies
That I’ll never believe!
Tulio came to an abrupt stop at the docks, seeing the hunched over figure sitting on a pier, looking lonely and miserable. He smiled, glad he was alright. But then nervousness swept over him. Was he still angry? He had every right to be. Could he forgive him? He moved closer to him, clearing his throat to let the other man know he was there.
Miguel’s head snapped up and he turned around abruptly. For a moment they stared at each other, slowly realizing that their were tears on the other one’s cheeks.
“Miguel--”
“Tulio--”
They both began at the same time, then laughed lightly, stepping forward, standing face to face with each other. Tulio tried to wipe away his remaining tears, not wanting Miguel to see. Miguel simply smiled at him.
“I’m sorry.” he said at last. “I take it back. I shouldn’t have said those things about your parents…”
Miguel smiled tearfully. “And I shouldn’t have said that about you…you know…being a rich kid. I know you aren’t like that.” he replied.
Tulio held out his hand. “Partner?”
Miguel grinned, but instead of shaking hands, he threw his arms around the taller man in a tight hug. “Partner.” he said.
They went home that night together, just as they had always done. And as they laid in their cots across from one another in the darkness of their small room, Miguel felt Tulio reach out to him and grab his hand.
“Miguel…?” he whispered.
“Yes?” Miguel asked back into the darkness.
“I’m still here.” Tulio said softly. Miguel squeezed his hand hard.
“I know.”
And I want a moment to be real
Want to touch things I don’t feel
Wanna hold on
And feel I belong
And how can the world want me to change?
Their the ones that stay the same
I’m the one now
Cause I’m still here
I’m still here
I’m still here
I’m still here…
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