String players' motto: "It's better to be sharp than out of tune."
Q: Why do violinists put a cloth between their chin and their instrument?
A: Violins don't have spit valves.
Q: How do you get a 'cellist to play fortissimo?
A: Write "pp, espressivo"
A dictionary for your use:
•half step: the pace used by a cellist when carrying their instrument.
•bar line: a gathering of people, usually among which may be found a musician or two.
•beat: what music students do to each
other with their instruments. The down beat is performed on top of the head, while the up beat is struck under the chin.
•music: a complex organizations of sounds that is set down by the composer, incorrectly
interpreted by the conductor, who is ignored by the musicians, the result of which is ignored by the audience.
•bass clef: where you wind up if you do fall off.
•cello: the proper way to answer the phone
•audition: the act of putting oneself under extreme duress to satisfy the sadistic
intentions of someone who has already made up his mind.
•metronome: a city-dwelling dwarf.
Q: What would a musician do if he won a million dollars?
A: Continue to play gigs until the money ran out.
