“Well well well,” Katelin heard the sneering voice behind her. She put her magazine down and turned around, seeing Beth standing behind her. “Look what we have here.”

“What do you want?” Katelin asked, stopping short of rolling her eyes. She was having a nice relaxing afternoon, sitting at the outdoor café reading. No children. No school. No nothing.

“I hope you’re happy.” Beth glared at her. “I mean, we were in love. We were on our way to a perfect life. And then, of course, you had to come in and fuck it up.”

“I’m his wife, Beth!” Kate exclaimed, causing people to turn around and look at them. “That’s not something that’s very easy to change. I’ve been with him since I was twenty years old. I gave him three children. That’s nothing you could even imagine having with him.”

“Keep your voice down, Kate,” she sneered. “People will start talking. You don’t want them to know your loving husband was having an affair, do you?”

Katelin just glared at her, wanting nothing more than to wring her neck at the moment. This woman defined the word bitch. “Would you want everyone to know how you almost ruined a family? We were happy, Beth. Whatever problems we had would’ve been worked out had it not been for you.”

“Keep telling yourself that, Kate,” Beth smirked. “The fact is, Nick came to me because he wasn’t satisfied. You couldn’t keep your own husband happy, Kate. How does that make you feel? He was fed up with you. All you did was pick fights with him. Argue with him over every little thing. No wonder he came to me. I barely had to do anything and he just wanted me. Not you.”

“Who’s he with now?” Kate asked, her hands balled into fists. “Face it, Beth. You got kicked to the curb as soon as I showed any interest that I wanted him back.”

“Oh yeah?” Beth was down but not out. “And I wonder why he came back to you, Kate. Because he wants you for you? Or because he found out that you’re having another one of his children and he’s doing the stand-up thing? I mean, are you sure that didn’t cross your mind when you slept with him? Just get knocked up and he’ll come crawling back.”

“Get the fuck away from me, Beth,” Katelin hissed.

“Hurts hearing the truth, doesn’t it?” Beth retorted. “He wanted me, Kate. I’m young and fun. That’s all Nick wanted. Someone to party with. Someone who wasn’t so god damn serious all the time. Someone who hadn’t had three kids. He was tired of you. He even told me that. Tired of being a family man. Tired of everything.”

Katelin refused to let the things that Beth was saying to affect her. She wanted so badly just to reach out and hit her. But before she could react at all, Beth spun around on her heel and left, leaving Kate standing there seething. She could feel the tears stinging her eyes and collapsed in the chair, one hand over her stomach, the other trying to desperately hold back the scream that was rising in her throat.

***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****

Nick looked up as he heard footsteps approaching the couch he was curled up on. He saw his best friend slowly making his way over to him as he sat up on the couch. Brian gave him a sympathetic smile and sat down next to him. “You talk to her yet today?”

Nick nodded, dragging his hand over his face. “She doesn’t really want to see me. Or anyone for that matter. I told her that the kids wanted to know when they could come and see her and all she did was burst into tears and tell me to leave.”

“When do you think they’ll release her?” Brian questioned.

Nick shrugged. “They said some time this afternoon.” They were silent for a minute, both contemplating what to say next. “What do I do, Brian?” Nick whispered. “I don’t know how to deal with something like this.”

“I can’t tell you what to do, Nick,” Brian replied, sympathetically. “Just be there for her. That’s all I can tell you. And if you have to cry, then cry.”

“Why can’t anything ever go right for us?” Nick turned to look at him, his eyes bright. “I mean, what did we do to deserve this?”

Brian pulled him into a hug. “I don’t know, Nicky. I wish I had the answers for you but I just don’t know.”

***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****

“Mom?” BJ called, walking into the house. “You here?”

“Hey,” Jane came walking out of the kitchen, Kayleigh hot on her heels. “What are you doing here?”

“Wanted to come and see my niece and nephews.” BJ smiled down at Kayleigh. “Hey there, Kayleigh-baby.”

“Hi Aunt BJ,” Kayleigh greeted, cheerfully, reaching her arms up. BJ leaned down and picked her up. “When’s my mom and dad going to be home?” Kayleigh asked. BJ looked at Jane quickly for help.

“I think later today, honey,” Jane said, leading the two of them into the kitchen. “Remember I told you that mommy was sick?”

“Yeah,” Kayleigh answered, as BJ set her back down on her feet.

“Why don’t you go outside, honey,” BJ suggested. “Go play with your brothers and we’ll call you when they get home.” Kayleigh yelled ‘okay’ and high-tailed it out to the backyard to catch up with her brothers.

“You talk to Nick recently?” BJ asked, sitting down at the kitchen table.

“Not since earlier,” Jane replied. “Brian did call me a little while ago, though, to tell me that they were releasing her around four. So they should be back any minute.”

“I can’t believe this,” BJ said, quietly. “I mean, everything was finally back on track.”

“I know, honey.” Jane agreed. “It’s really not fair.”

They were interrupted by the sound of the front door opening. Both of them stood up and walked into the foyer, seeing Nick and Katelin both basically stumble through the front door.

“Hey,” BJ greeted, quietly. “You okay, Kate?”

Katelin didn’t answer. Her blue eyes just stared blankly ahead of her. Finally, she turned around and whispered something into Nick’s ear. “Okay, honey,” he replied, taking her arm and leading her upstairs. When they got there he helped her get settled into the bed. Nick sat down on the side and reached his hand out, carefully brushing her hair out of her face. “I love you, baby.”

Katelin’s blank stare finally turned towards him and her blue eyes locked with his. She so desperately wanted to say it back to him. But she couldn’t. The words wouldn’t form in her mouth. She rolled over and closed her eyes, feeling the tears slide down her cheeks. She could hear Nick start to cry but she couldn’t do anything. She wanted to reach out to him but her arms wouldn’t move. Instead, she just cried harder, burying her face into the pillow.

Nick stumbled down the stairs and into the kitchen. BJ and Jane quickly ended whatever conversation they were having when he walked into the room and stared at him. “Come here, honey,” Jane reached out to him. He sat down in the chair next to her and began to cry. “Just let it out, Nicky.”

“It’s not fair, mom,” Nick cried. “Why would God do something like that? Why would he take our baby?”

“I don’t know honey,” Jane answered. “I wish I had all the answers for you. I really do. But no one knows why these things happen.”

“I don’t know how to help her,” Nick admitted. “She won’t let me in. She’ll barely let me touch her and she won’t even talk to me.”

“It’ll get better, Nicky,” Jane assured her son. “I swear to you it will get better. Just be there for her, okay? That’s all you can really do.”

***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****

One Month Later

“Hey,” AJ greeted, walking into the conference room. “Am I the last one? Sorry.”

Kevin shook his head. “Nope. Still waiting on Nicky.”

“I just talked to him,” Brian stated, walking back into the room. “He’s on his way. He had to take Aaron to school.”

“I thought Kate normally took him,” AJ commented.

Brian sighed. “Apparently Kate hasn’t felt like doing much of anything lately. Ever since the baby…I mean, I know Nicky’s about to pull his hair out. He doesn’t know what to do for her anymore and she won’t let him in.”

“Isn’t she seeing a therapist?” Kevin questioned. Brian nodded. “How’s that going?”

Brian shrugged. “I have no idea. Nick doesn’t talk about it much. But, just from the looks of things, and from what Leigh’s told me, there hasn’t been much improvement.”

“You know what?” AJ asked, causing the other three guys to turn towards him. “As horrible as this may sound, don’t you wonder if maybe it would be better if they weren’t together? I mean, they’ve had so many problems. More than I’ve ever known anyone to have."

“You all done?” An angry voice came from the doorway.

All four heads whipped around to see Nick glaring at them. “Done analyzing my life? How about I just leave her? You think maybe things will be better then? Huh AJ?”

“Nick…I…” AJ was at a loss for words. Those were things that he never meant for Nick to hear. “I was just saying…”

“Save it,” Nick hissed. “I came here to work. Not have a therapy session. So can we please get this done? I need to pick up Kayleigh and Brian from my parents.” He stalked into the room, not catching the look of worry that crossed his brothers’ faces.

Katelin stared at herself in the mirror, not believing what she saw in the reflection. Was that really her? She thought things were bad when Nick had left her but this was ten times worse. She didn’t even recognize herself anymore. The red eyes, the sallow skin, the frail body. What had happened?

Hearing the doorbell ring, she sighed, not wanting to deal with anyone right now. She just really hoped it wasn’t Jane or, even worse, her own mother. During one of the many arguments that she and Nick had gotten into, Nick had threatened to call her mother, saying that he couldn’t deal with her anymore. What had her life come to when her own husband said that he couldn’t’ deal with her?

She reached the bottom of the stairs and pulled the door open, not even caring what she looked like. She felt even worse when she saw the perfectly dressed and put-together Leighanne on the other side. “Hey,” Leigh greeted. “Can I come in?”

“Yeah,” Katelin answered, moving out of the way so she could come in.

“So,” Leighanne looked around, trying to think of something to say. It was so strange to have to search for words when trying to have a conversation with one of your best friends. Someone who you could, under normal circumstances, talk for hours with. “What are you doing today?”

Katelin shrugged. “I don’t know. Aaron won’t be home for a few hours.”

“Where are the twins?” Leigh asked.

“At the Carter’s,” Katelin replied with no emotion in her voice. She felt so small next to Leighanne. That’s the way she felt around all of the Backstreet wives, lately. Kristin, Claudia, Amanda, and Leigh. They were all beautiful. Always looking perfect. And then there was Katelin, a shell of her formal self.

“Good.” Leighanne grinned, grabbing Katelin’s hand.

Katelin looked at Leighanne like she had grown another head. “What are you doing?”

Leighanne dragged her up the stairs. “You’re getting in the shower and getting dressed and then we’re going out.”

“Leigh…” Katelin whined. “I really don’t…”

“Stop it,” Leighanne interrupted, sternly. “No more of this. You’re coming with me.”

“Kate!” Nick called, entering the house with Brian and Kayleigh. “We’re home!”

“Daddy!” Aaron called, running into the foyer.

“Hey little man,” Nick greeted, picking his son up. “Where’s your mom?”

“In the kitchen,” Aaron answered, as Nick carried him into the kitchen. He stopped in the doorway in stunned silence. “What are you doing?”

Katelin looked up and forced a smile. “Cooking dinner,” she answered, simply. “Why do you look so surprised?”

“I don’t know,” Nick answered, honestly. “It’s just that I haven’t seen you like this in a while. What happened while I was gone?”

“Nothing really.” Katelin shrugged. “Leigh dragged me out of the house and we went shopping. Got our nails and hair done. I guess I needed something like that.”

Nick set Aaron down and turned to his children. “Why don’t you guys go wash up for dinner? We’ll call you when it’s ready.” After they left the room, he walked over and grabbed his wife in his arms, tears pricking his eyes.

“What’s wrong?” Katelin asked when she pulled back. She wiped a tear off his cheek. “Why are you crying?”

“Because I missed you,” Nick replied, leaning forward and kissing her, softly. “I didn’t really know what to do anymore, Kate. You were really starting to scare me.”

“I’ll try not to scare you anymore, Nicky,” Katelin whispered, tearfully. She let him pull her back into a hug. Trying to stop the tears from sliding down her cheeks. If this is what she had to do, then she would do it. Pretend that everything was fine. Pretend that she wasn’t dying inside. She would deal with this all by herself from now on. Not dragging Nick and the kids down with her. She had put them through enough already and she never wanted to have to do that again.

<< >>