Brian walked back into the waiting room with a sullen look on his face. He lifted his head and saw Leighanne, Krystal, Howie, AJ, Amanda, Kevin, and the Carter family all sitting there. Jane rushed over to him:
“How is she? How’s the baby?” Brian shook his head and sank into a chair next to Leighanne:
“They won’t tell me. They made me leave the room. The baby wasn’t breathing…Katie…poor Katie…they wouldn’t even let her see her it…they didn’t even tell her if it was a boy or a girl.” Tears fell down his cheeks as the group just sat there silently. A few minutes later, the doctor came out and walked over to Brian:
“Mr. Littrell?” The entire group stood up and Brian walked forward, with Jane and Leighanne at his sides. The doctor tried to smile but the look on his face was solemn. Jane started sniffling:
“Oh god. Please tell me that my grandchild is okay.” The doctor cleared his throat:
“Your grandson is okay. For now, at least. I’m sorry but I don’t think that he has much time. His lung capacity is way below what it should be. I’m afraid Katelin was under too much stress during her pregnancy and it affected the baby and we think that’s what sent her into premature labor.” Brian sank into his chair:
“Nick…the news report…that’s what did it.” AJ looked at him puzzled:
“What news report?” Brian told them the story of what they had seen on the news about Nick earlier. Everyone was stunned. No one knew what to say.
***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
I woke up early the next morning and saw Brian sitting next to me. He smiled faintly at me:
“Hi Katie.” My smile quickly faded:
“What’s wrong?” Brian grabbed my hand:
“You have a baby boy.” Tears filled my eyes:
“Is he okay? Where is he? Can I see him?” Brian’s eyes got misty:
“Yes, you can. But first, Katie, there’s something I need to tell you.”
“What is it?” He bit his lip:
“Honey, they don’t think that he’s going to make it. I’m so sorry, honey. His lungs aren’t very strong.” I started sobbing uncontrollably:
“It’s not fair, Brian. Where the hell is he? Why isn’t he here with me? Why isn’t Nick suffering through this with me? My, OUR, son is dying and he’s not here. It’s not fair!” I buried my face in his chest and kept crying as Jane walked into the room. She looked at Brian and Brian shrugged. I looked up and wiped my eyes:
“It’s all my fault. I should have told him. If only I had told him, maybe he would’ve cleaned up his act and been here with me. None of this would be happening if I wasn’t so god damn stubborn.” Jane smoothed my hair down:
“It’s not your fault, honey. None of this is your fault.” Brian walked out of the room and ran into AJ in the hallway:
“What did you find out?” AJ sighed:
“He checked himself out of the hospital around midnight. He’s no where to be found.” Brian shook his head:
“He should be here, AJ. She shouldn’t be doing this alone. She’s in there, blaming herself for all of this.” AJ sighed:
“What about the baby? Has there been any change?” Brian shrugged:
“I haven’t heard anything. Kate wants to go see him.” AJ put an arm around him and led him back into the room.
I glanced up when AJ and Brian walked in:
“I want to see my son.” AJ nodded and went to find a wheelchair. Brian sat down in the chair next to my bed:
“Have you thought of a name?” I nodded:
“Aaron Michael Carter.” He looked surprised:
“You’re giving him Nick’s last name?” I sighed:
“He’s the only thing I have left of Nick, Brian. I want him to be a Carter. I won’t deny him of that.” Jane walked over and hugged me:
“Thank you. Aaron would be so proud.” I smiled, faintly, at her:
“I couldn’t think of a more fitting name for him.”
“We’re always here for you, Kate.”
AJ walked in with the wheelchair and they helped me in it and then we were on our way to the Neo-Natal Intensive Care Unit where Aaron was.
Tears filled my eyes as I saw my son, in an incubator, with tubes breathing for him. He was so tiny. I put a hand over my mouth to stifle a sob that threatened to escape my lips. I looked up at Brian who was also trying not to cry:
“Brian?” I whispered. He put a hand on my shoulder:
“Shh…Katie. He’s a Carter, a fighter. He’ll be okay.”
“I hope so. I don’t know what I’ll do if he’s not.” I sat there and stared at Aaron while Brian went to find the doctor. I spoke quietly to him:
“Hi Aaron. I need you to fight for me, okay? Can you do that? I hope so. You’re all I have.” I paused and got a good look at him. I could see a few blond strands that littered the top of his head, and, even though he was so tiny, he definitely had Nick’s round face:
“You know? Even now, I can see your daddy in you. I wish he was here, Aaron. It’s my own fault that he’s not. Can you ever forgive me for that?”