May 2003
Nick jumped out of his car and slowly made his way up the hill. He stopped when he spotted the familiar name written in stone: Aaron Charles Carter. He knelt down and traced the writing with his index finger:
"Hey little bro…I'm sorry that it's taken so long for me to come." He took a deep breath as tears welled up in his eyes:
"I fucked up big time, Aaron. I don't think anyone is going to forgive me. I lost everything after you died. I didn't know how to deal with it and I pushed everyone away. I haven't talked to Mom and Dad or the girls in a year now. I haven't talked to my best friend since the band broke up and Katelin…I lost her for good when I let her walk out of my life." The tears were freely falling down his cheeks:
"I'm so sorry Aaron. I'm so sorry. I let everyone down. Mom and Dad, BJ, Angel, and Les, Brian and the rest of the guys, Katelin….I'm so sorry because most of all, I let you down. I know you're disappointed in me, Aaron. I'm disappointed in me. I wish I could take it all back. All of the horrible things that I said and the horrible things that I did…..I'm sorry Aaron. I hope that one day you can forgive me." Nick was oblivious to the fact that Brian, who came here once a week, had walked up behind him:
"I'm sure that he does, Nick." Nick jumped at the sound of his best friend's voice. He turned around and saw tears in Brian's eyes:
"Brian…" He trailed off. Brian just stood there, shocked to see his best friend's face again when he thought that he never would. He swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat:
"Uh…when did you get back?"
"Last night…I wanted to come and see Aaron before I saw anyone else." He paused, trying to find the right words to say:
"I'm sorry, Brian. About everything. I know that I fucked up. I lost my family and my friends and I ruined the best thing that has ever happened to me. I don't know what else to say Brian, except that I'm sorry for everything." Brian looked away for a second before pulling Nick into a hug:
"I forgive you, Frack. Just promise me that you're sober now." Nick looked at the ground:
"I've been sober for six months now. I didn't want to come back into everyone's lives until I knew that I could stay that way."
"What made you stop?" Nick sighed:
"The night I saw my whole life flash before my eyes. The night I was stupid enough to put myself in the same position that killed my brother. I was drunk and got in the car with someone who was just as bombed as me and she lost control of the car…She was killed instantly, Bri. And she killed the driver of the other car. I was messed up pretty bad. I left the hospital the next night and checked myself in to rehab under an anonymous name. I didn't want anyone to find out that I was there." Brian looked at his friend:
"We heard about the accident Nick. We saw it on the news the night after it happened." Nick looked surprised:
"You did? Who's we?"
"Me, Leighanne…Katie." Nick closed his eyes and blinked back the tears that were threatening to fall:
"She saw it? Oh god…Is she still down here? Is she okay?" Brian nodded, unsure of whether to tell Nick about the baby:
"Yeah. She moved in with Krystal last summer after…after Leigh and I got engaged."
"You're engaged, man?" Brian smiled and held up his right hand:
"Actually, we got married on Valentines Day." Nick looked back down at the ground:
"And I missed it." Brian sighed:
"I know man. I wish you would've been there, standing next to me. But I didn't know how to find you. No one knew where you were." Nick smiled:
"I understand. I wish I could've been there. But I'm happy for you. Tell me all about it." They both sat down and Brian told him all about his wedding:
"It was on Valentines Day, like I said. Harold was my best man and Katie was Leigh's maid of honor." He paused and looked at Nick's reaction before continuing:
"All of the guys were in it. All of their families were there. Your family was also there. It was great. The day couldn't have been any better." Nick smiled:
"I'm happy for you, man." He sighed:
"I have to go see my family. But I'm just so nervous about their reaction." Brian put a comforting hand on his shoulder:
"Nick, I know they were upset about you leaving. I'm not going to deny that. But Nick, they want nothing more to know that you're okay. They just want their son, and their brother, back in their lives." Nick nodded and stood up:
"Well, I guess I have to go then. I just need to work up the guts to go and do it." Brian also stood up:
"Do it now, Nick. No time like the present." Nick smiled and hugged his best friend again:
"Thank you, Brian. I missed you man." Brian smiled:
"Me too. Me too." They walked back to their cars in silence before going their separate ways. Brian, home to his wife and Nick, to his parents house.