One week later:
I woke up in the morning to an unusually quiet house. I yawned and glanced over at Aaron’s crib. My eyes widened when I saw that it was empty. I glanced at my watch 10:34am. I hadn’t slept this late in a long time. Getting up, I put on my robe and went downstairs to find my son. He was no where in the house. Neither was anyone else for that matter. Picking up the phone, I dialed Jane’s cell phone. She answered on the second ring:
“Hello?”
“Jane? It’s Katelin!”
“Hi honey! How are you?”
“Fine. I didn't know you were taking Aaron with you today?”
“I didn't. I’m taking the girls to Ponte Vedre for the day. Remember? I left over two hours ago.”
“Where the hell is he? I just woke up and he’s not in his crib.”
“I don’t know, honey! He was there when we left. Bri probably has him or Nick.”
“Alright.”
“Call us as soon as you here anything.”
“I will. Bye!” I hung up the phone and frantically dialed Bri’s cell phone. No answer.
“Ugh!” I reluctantly dialed Nick’s. I was just about to hang up when he answered:
“Carter.” I heard Aaron crying in the background:
“WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?”
“Whoa, Kate! What’s your problem?”
“You can’t just take him without telling me! I’ve been freaking out over here! Are you insane?!”
“I wanted to take him off your hands for the day.”
“I’m perfectly capable of handling him by myself, Nick. I’ve been doing it for six months now.” Nick groaned:
“I know, Kate. Believe me, I know. I also wanted to spend some time with him and get to know him, since you’re so reluctant about letting me do that.” I heard the front door open and saw Brian walk in. I went back to Nick:
“I understand that, Nick. But you can’t just take him without telling me. Do you understand that? God, how could you be so stupid?”
“I’m not going to sit here and argue with you, Kate. I’m sorry I scared you. I won’t do it again and I’ll have him home by 5:30. “ He hung up before I got a chance to respond. I slammed the phone down in frustration. Brian looked up:
“What’s going on?” I slumped down into a chair at the kitchen table:
“I can’t believe he would be so stupid.” He gave me a questioning look:
“What’d he do?” I shook my head:
“He just took him. Didn’t wake me up. Didn’t leave me a note. Anything.”
“Katie, you didn’t have to yell at him like you did. He’s just trying to know his son.” I glared at Brian:
“I don’t understand why everyone is taking his side? I mean, I know he was your best friend and all but he left you too, Bri. No explanation, nothing. And you all are welcoming him home with open arms like nothing happened.” Brian stood up angrily:
“Katelin,” I cringed. Brian never calls me Katelin:
“I know you’re angry with him. You have every right to be. But don’t you dare make me or anyone else, for that matter, pick between you and him. I can’t and I won’t do that. Nick is my best friend. You’re another one of my best friends and the mother of my godson. I’m not choosing between the two of you. You’re just going to have to learn how to forgive.” With that said, he stormed out of the house and slammed the door.
I buried my head in my hands and cried. Why did Nick have to come back? My life was back on track. I wish I could just go back to the way things were before. When Nick wasn’t in my life. Everything was so simple back then. I wasn’t going to let him back in. I was too scared. I knew deep down that I wasn’t mad at him. It was fear that was making me act the way that I was. I was too afraid I’d lose him again.
***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
At five thirty on the dot, Nick came in with Aaron. I was laying on the couch watching tv when he walked in the living room carrying our son:
“Hey.” I glanced up at him:
“Hi.” He carefully sat down on the couch next to me. I scooted away and he shook his head:
“I’m not going to bite, you know.” I rolled my eyes and grabbed Aaron:
“How was he?” He shrugged:
“Fine. He took a nap and I just fed him.” He paused and then looked at me:
“How are you? I hope you were able to relax today.” I ignored his question:
“What time did he wake up?”
“Around 4. What’d you do all day?” I stood up and put Aaron in his playpen:
“Where’s his diaper bag? I want to give him his pacifier.” Nick came up and put his hands on my shoulders, turning me around:
“Don’t do this, Kate.” I looked away from his penetrating blue stare:
“Do what?” He sighed:
“Ignore me. Change the subject. Pretend like you don’t care when I know you really do. Would you like me to keep going? I’m trying to talk to you like a normal human being and you’re shutting me out.” I glared at him:
“Sucks, doesn’t it? When you love someone so much and they shut you out. Push you away. Don’t let you help them. Would you like ME to keep going? I could definitely think of a few more. Hmm..let’s see. When they start drinking constantly, even though deep down, they know it’s not helping any. Not coming home at night when they know that you, the one that loves them more than anything in the world, unconditionally, are at home worried sick out of your mind because you have no idea where they are. When they accuse you of fooling around with their best friend, when they know that neither one of you would never EVER do that. Walking out of everyone’s lives one day with no explanation. No phone call, letter, anything just to let everyone know that they’re okay? Doesn’t that suck? Huh, Nick? What would that make you feel like? How would you act if, all of the sudden, one day, they just show up again and act like everything’s the same?” I was nearly hysterical and Nick knew it. He sat there quietly and looked at the rug like it was the most interesting thing in the world. I kept yelling as the tears poured from my eyes:
“What would it make you feel like, Nick? Because everything is NOT the same. Don’t you get that at all?” He shook his head and spoke quietly:
“I’m sorry. I had no idea…” Tears were streaming down my face:
“That’s right. You had no idea. Because you never took the time to find out. Did you ever think about your family? How much they needed you? Did you ever once think about me? Think about how I was doing without you? God Nick, I put off my life and came down here with you. I did that because I loved you and I wanted to be close to you. But less than a year later, you skipped town and never once looked back. Did you think that I wouldn’t care? Did you think that that wouldn’t hurt me?” He looked over at Aaron with tears in his eyes:
“Please, Kate. Stop…” I sank down into a chair:
“Hurts hearing the truth, doesn’t it?” Nick remained quiet. He just sat there and cried while I did the same. Finally, I stood up and started to walk out of the room:
“Everything’s not the same, Nick. The faster you learn to accept that, the faster we can all get on with our lives.”
I sat down at the kitchen table and stared at my hands. A few minutes later, I heard Nick walk out the front door. I walked back in the living room and picked Aaron up out of his playpen:
“Oh god, Aaron. What have I done?”