The next few days all went by in a blur. The rest of the guys all came up to Tampa and Nick’s family flew in from all over the place. I stood by Nick’s side the whole time. It was hard for me but I couldn’t even imagine what he was feeling. He was in a daze the whole time. The guys were great. They let me break down in front of them when Nick wasn’t around because I was trying to be so strong for him.
Two days later, we all gathered at the church for Aaron’s funeral. I sat in the front pew with Nick and his family during the service. The girls all got up to say a few words about Aaron and then it was Nick’s turn. He stood up and walked up to the podium. Speaking very quietly, he began to talk about his little brother:
“Aaron always used to say that he looked up to me. That he wanted to be just like me. But in only 15 years, Aaron was so much more than I ever was…” As he went on, the quiet crying of the crowd progressed to full out sobs. At the end of his speech, Nick broke down, sobbing hysterically. I watched as the rest of the Boys went up and half-led, half-carried him back to his seat. They brought him back to me and I put my arms around him, hugging him tightly:
“Shh…baby…Aaron needs you to be strong for you sisters, okay?” Nick nodded as he tried to control his crying.
***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
Later that night, after the service, the burial, and the small reception at the Carter’s, Nick and I were back at his house. Brian, Leighanne, and the rest of the guys all went back to Orlando. I went upstairs to change and when I came back down, I saw Nick sitting at the kitchen table, with a bottle of Captain Morgans. It was already half gone. I sighed as I walked into the room:
“Nick…” He silenced me with his hand:
“You want me to deal with it. This is how I’m dealing.” I put my hand over his as he reached for the bottle:
“Nick, do you really think that this is going to help any?” He pushed my hand away and grabbed the bottle:
“Kate, my little brother is fucking dead and I feel like getting drunk. This helps me okay. It numbs the pain. This is the only thing that is going to help right now. Nothing, or no one, else can.” He looked straight into my eyes:
“I’m sorry. But I need to be alone right now.” I watched silently as he took the bottle and went out on the deck. I sighed and went up to bed.
***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
I woke up around 3:30 in the morning and noticed that Nick was not in bed with me. I got up and walked downstairs. Walking into the living room, I saw Nick passed out on the couch with empty bottles all around him. I covered him up with a blanket and walked back upstairs.