I thought that with time, Nick would slowly get better. Boy, was I wrong. He was drinking heavily and nothing I said or did helped. He became extremely irritable. I didn’t want to push him, because I didn’t want him to become more upset. He barely spoke to me anymore and we rarely even slept in the same bed. I usually slept in my room, which had only been used as my office before the accident.
I woke up early in the morning of February 14th. Valentines Day. As I opened my eyes, they fell on Nick, standing in the doorway to my room holding a dozen red roses. I smiled as he approached my bed. He handed me the roses and kissed me softly on the lips:
“Happy Valentines Day, sweetie.” I wrapped my arms around his neck:
“I love you.” He laid down next to me and wrapped his arms around me:
“I love you, too. I know that I haven’t been the most pleasant person this last month or so, but I promise you, that is going to change. You’ve been nothing but good to me and I have been awful in return. I know you’re just trying to help and I appreciate that so much.” I leaned up and kissed him. He moved his lips to my ear:
“Make love to me, Kate.”
***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
Well, Valentines Day bliss didn’t last for too long. Nick’s behavior didn’t get better. It got ten times worse. He was always drinking. He sometimes didn’t come home at night. I have no idea where he was or what he was doing and if I asked him, he snapped at me and usually told me to leave him the hell alone and that it was his life. The only time he was remotely nice to me is when he wanted to sleep with me. Being as stupid as I was, I usually went along with it because I thought that somehow he would realize what he was doing. But the closeness never really outlasted the sex.
One day in early May, Nick had missed a BSB meeting and Brian came over to see if he was here. I was in the kitchen cleaning up when I heard a knock at the door. I opened it up and saw Brian standing there:
“Hey Bri? What’s up? Don’t you guys have a meeting?” He walked inside:
“That’s what I thought. But, apparently, Nick didn’t feel that way cause he never showed up. I was wondering if he was here.” I closed the door and followed him into the living room:
“No. He left earlier. Mumbled something about your meeting and walked out the door.” Brian collapsed on the couch:
“Oh. Probably out drinking again.” I sighed and sat down next to him:
“Oh god, Brian. What the hell do I do? I can’t take this much longer. I’m seriously going to snap. I’ve done nothing but try and help him ever since Aaron died and I don’t know what else to do. All he does is push me further and further away. I can’t do it anymore.” Brian reached out and pulled me into a hug as I cried. The sound of a very pissed off voice came from the doorway and I jumped:
“What the hell is going on here?” I pulled away from Brian and saw Nick standing in the doorway with an extremely angry look on his face:
“Nick, nothing’s going on. Brian just came to look for you.” Nick walked further into the room and I could smell the alcohol on him. He yanked me away from Brian:
“That’s not what this looks like to me.” Brian stood up:
“Nick, I wasn’t doing anything. I just came over to see if you were here and Katie was upset. It was just a friendly hug. Nothing else.” Nick glared at him:
“Friendly hug my ass. You came over and saw that I wasn’t here and decided ‘hey, well here’s my chance’, huh?” I stood in front of Nick and looked him straight in the eye:
“Nick, do you honestly believe the shit that’s coming out of your mouth? You know that’s not what’s going on here. Listen to me, you’re drunk.” He shoved me out of the way and I fell into the coffee table:
“Shut the fuck up, Kate! You’re as bad as he is.” Brian helped me up as I started crying:
“Nick, calm down, okay? Katie loves you and would never do anything like that to you.” Nick looked at me but spoke to Brian:
“Yeah right she loves me. If she loved me she would understand that this is how I deal with my problems.” I stared back at him:
“Nick, I’ve known you for three years and you have never dealt with anything like this. I’ve tried to help you for five months now and you’ve done nothing but shove me out of the way. I love you but I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep cleaning up after you and making excuses for you.” By this time I was sobbing uncontrollably and Brian held me in his arms. Nick just glared at the two of us:
“Fuck you both. I don’t even want to look at you guys right now.” He turned on his heel and stormed out of his house. I got up and ran after him:
“Nick! Please Nick!” Nick ignored me and jumped in his car, peeling wheels out of the driveway. I turned around and looked at Brian:
“Brian?” He pulled me into a hug as I sobbed:
“Shh..Katie. It’ll be okay.” I wiped my tears and pulled away from Brian:
“It’s been five months, Brian. In five months it’s only gotten worse. It’s not going to get any better and I can’t do it anymore. I can’t stay here anymore and watch him throw his life away. I’m leaving.” I walked up the stairs and started to pack my stuff up. By evening, I was done and we had moved it all over to Brian’s. Before I left, I walked over and picked up the picture of us from the 4th of July last year. The one that Jane had given me for Christmas. Tears fell steadily down my cheeks as I stared at the picture of us. We were so happy and we had the rest of our lives ahead of us. All of that was gone now. Brian’s voice coming from the doorway took me out of my trance:
“Katie, are you ready?” I put the picture back on the table:
“Yeah, I’m coming.” I walked over to Brian and started to follow him out of the house. I took one last glance inside and whispered:
“Bye Nicky.”