*Friday, February 11, 2000*
Brooke walked into our apartment and saw Ashley and Drew cuddled up together on the couch, watching television. She collapsed on the other one:
“Where’s Kate?” Ashley looked up:
“Sleeping.” Brooke glanced at her watch. 4:45:
"What time are we leaving?”
“An hour, I guess. It’ll take an hour and a half, at most, to get there.” Drew shook his head, smiling:
“She’s gonna kill you. You know that, right?” Ashley grinned:
“That’s why we’re not telling her.” Brooke stood up and walked towards my room:
“I’ll wake her up so she has enough time to get ready.”
I faintly heard the sound of my door opening:
“Kate? You awake?” I groaned and pulled the covers over my head:
“Go away, Brooke.” She pulled the covers back down:
“Time to get up.”
“Come on. It’s Friday afternoon. This is prime sleeping time.”
“Not today, lazy girl. Now get up.”
“Where are we going, anyway? I’m not moving until you tell me.” She smiled:
“I’m not telling. Now move your lazy ass.” I stuck my tongue out at her and started to get out of bed:
“Well at least tell me what I should wear.”
“Nothing dressy.” She walked over to my closet and pulled a pair of black pants and a violet, ¾ length, v-neck shirt:
“Wear this.” I grabbed it from her and went to take a shower.
An hour later, I was all ready to go and I waited, impatiently, for my roommates. Finally, they were ready. Ashley grabbed the keys to her Pathfinder:
“Let’s go!” I reluctantly followed them out the door:
“Now will you tell me?” Brooke and Ash glanced at each other:
“Nope!” I pouted and shoved Brooke out of the way:
“Well, I at least get shot-gun since I don’t know where we’re going.” She reluctantly got into the back seat and slammed the door.
An hour or so later, we pulled off the exit. I was busy changing CD’s so I missed what the sign said:
“Where are we?” Ashley answered in a sing-song voice:
“Not tell-ing!”
“Ugh! You guys are so frustrating!” A couple of minutes later, I saw a sign for the Bryce Jordan Center:
“What are we doing at Penn State?” Ashley and Brooke glanced at each other:
“You’ll see...” I sighed and stared out the window. Ashley turned into the entrance of the arena. My eyes widened as we saw the sign:
“TONIGHT! BRYCE JORDAN CENTER PRESENTS THE BACKSTREET BOYS! ‘INTO THE MILLENNIUM’ TOUR! SOLD OUT!”
“Uh-uh! No way! Sorry. Not gonna happen!” Brooke threw the tickets in my lap:
“Oh yes it is. You’re gonna go to concert and you’re gonna like it.” I stared at the tickets. Front row, center. There’s no way in hell he wouldn’t see me. Tears sprung to my eyes:
“Why are you guys doing this to me? I was just starting to get over him.” The tears spilled down my cheeks. Ashley reached over and squeezed my hand:
“I’m sorry, Kate. I didn’t realize how hard this would be for you. I guess we can just go home.” I wiped my tears away:
“No. You guys went through all of this trouble. I’ll just suck it up.” Brooke cheered:
“Yeah! That’s the spirit, Kate!” I sighed. This was going to be a long night.
After fighting our way through the crowd of screaming girls, we found our seats. There were only a few minutes until show time and, soon enough, the opening act came on. Before I knew it, the lights dimmed and the ‘Star Wars’ theme began playing. I began to get really nervous. My hands starting shaking as I realized that I would be seeing Nick again for the first time since I walked out of his house two months ago.
I saw them rising off of the ground and my hands started shaking. I squeezed my eyes shut and took a deep breath, afraid to see Nick again. Brooke leaned over and whispered in Ashley’s ear:
“Too bad she doesn’t know what’s in store for after the show.” Ashley chuckled:
“She’d be outta here in five seconds, flat.” Soon enough, the Boys were floating over our heads and landing on the stage. Just my luck, Nick was right in front of me. I studied him carefully. He had cut his hair really short. Oh god, he looked so good.
*Nick’s P.O.V*
It felt so good to be back on the stage again. We had been off for two months and I was starting to get antsy. I relished in the sounds of the screaming fans. It was enough to get my adrenaline pumping. I scanned the faces in the crowd. I was pleasantly surprised to see that there was a good mix of people there. Not just the normal twelve and thirteen year olds. I guess since we were playing at a college campus, there were a lot of college-aged kids there. I looked down right in front of me. The girl down there looked remarkably like Katelin’s friend, Ashley. I looked at the two girls to her left and my eyes widened. There she was. Staring straight back at me.
*My P.O.V.*
All of the sudden, Nick and I locked eyes. I didn’t know what else to do so I just kept staring. All of the sudden, Brooke nudged me. I turned to her with tears in my eyes:
“I don’t know if I can do this, Brooke.” She smiled, sympathetically:
“The hardest part is over, Kate.” Little did I know, the hardest part was going to be after the show was over.
Before I knew it, AJ was singing the final line to “I Want It That Way.” He looked down at me and winked. I giggled a little bit. I missed these guys. Everyone started clearing out of the arena. I turned to leave but Brooke grabbed my arm:
“Wait a minute, Kate.” I looked at her questioningly and sat back down in my seat. The arena was pretty much cleared out. A few minutes later, a woman walked over to us. I recognized her in no time:
“DENISE!!” She smiled and pulled me into a hug:
“Hey Kate. How have you been?” I shrugged:
“Okay, I guess.” She frowned:
“Don’t lie to me, Kate. I can see it in your eyes. You miss him.” I looked down at my shoes:
“Yeah, I do. Especially after seeing him tonight.” She hugged me:
“He hasn’t been the same since you left, Kate.” Tears ran down my face:
“It was so hard, Denise. I didn’t want it to end. He’s the one that ended it. That was the only thing that I could do.” She grabbed my hand and motioned for the other girls to follow:
“Well come on. They all can’t wait to see you.” I looked at her, confused:
“How did they know I’d be here?” She pointed to Brooke and Ashley:
“These girls have been planning this for a while now. All the guys, except Nick, of course, were in on it.” I smiled at my friends:
“Thanks guys.” We reached the backstage area and Denise led us into the green room. Brian, AJ, Howie, and Kev were already in there with Leighanne and Amanda. AJ ran over and picked me up:
“Kate, girl, I missed you.” I grinned:
“Hi guys!” I introduced Brooke and Ash to everyone before Leighanne pulled me to the side:
“So, seriously, how are you?” I shrugged:
“Really nervous. I don’t know how he’s going to react to me being here. Have you seen him yet?” Leigh faintly smiled:
“Yeah. He really didn’t say much. But, Kate, I know that he misses you. He hasn’t been himself. Always quiet, you know?” I nodded as I heard the door open. I watched from the corner as he walked in the room. He didn’t notice I was in there yet. He walked over to Ashley and Brooke and gave them each a hug. After scanning the room, his eyes landed on me. He just stood there for a second and I stared back. I flashed him a weak smile and he started to walk towards me. Leighanne squeezed my hand and then walked away. Nick was getting closer and I dropped my eyes to the ground. He stopped about a foot away from me:
“Hi.” I looked up into his eyes. They looked so sad:
“Hey.” We both just stood there for a second before I spoke up:
“Good show tonight.”
“Thanks.”
“So…how’ve you been?”
“Okay, I guess.” There was a brief silence as we both scanned the room. Everyone else was listening intently to some story that AJ was telling. Nick looked back at me:
“Do you wanna go somewhere and talk?” I nodded:
“Sure.” I followed him out of the room and into his dressing room. I sat down on the couch and he sat down in a chair a few feet away. We were both silent for a minute before Nick started talking:
“So…what made you decide to come?” I snickered:
“Well, I didn’t really have a choice in the matter. They kidnapped me.”
“Oh. Sorry your night was ruined.” I looked up at him, sharply:
“That’s not what I meant and you know it. What the hell is your problem?”
“MY problem?! You left, Kate. Plain and simple.”
“What fucking choice did I have? You gave me an ultimatum, Nick. Either you or school. You know very well that I couldn’t go on tour but you did it anyway. So don’t blame all this shit on me. God, why am I even doing this right now?"
“But you didn’t have to just up and leave. You’re the one that walked out on us. Not me.”
“What’d you want me to do, Nick? Sit around and be miserable for the rest of the time, knowing that when I left, that was it? Why would you want either of us to be subjected to that?”
“I just thought-“
“You thought what, Nick? That somehow, I’d change my mind? Well think again, buddy, cause that was never going to happen. I wasn’t trying to say that this was more important than you. But it is important. There’s no way I could’ve given that up. That’s my fucking future. You have yours all planned out for you. I don’t. I have to work for it.”
“What I don’t work hard for what I do?”
“You know that’s not what I meant. Don't put words in my mouth. That’s totally off the subject. The fact is, you threw this away. I didn’t.” We were both silent for a few minutes. I looked at anything but Nick and he looked at anything but me. Finally, still not looking at me, he whispered. So quiet, that I barely heard him:
“I didn’t want this to end, Kate.” I squeezed my eyes shut to keep the tears from overflowing:
“Me neither. I’m sorry I left like that. But I didn’t see any other way.”
“If it’s any consolation, I…” He paused for a second before taking a deep breath:
“I still love you. I never stopped.” That was it. They spilled down my cheeks:
“Neither did I…I miss you so much, Nick. This has been the worst couple of months. Can we ever go back to the way we were?” I didn’t know how he was going to respond to that. He didn’t say anything for a few minutes. I felt my heart clenching tighter and tighter with each passing second. Then, he spoke quietly:
“I don’t know if we can ever go back to that, Kate..”
“Oh…”
“But I’m not saying that I’m not willing to give it a shot. If we can make this work, I don’t want to walk away knowing that I didn’t try.” I glanced at him with a hopeful look on my face:
“What are you saying?” He came over and sat next to me, pulling me into his arms:
“I’m saying that I love you and I’m willing to give us a second chance.” He wiped my tears away with his thumb before placing his lips on mine. I got lost in the kiss. He slipped his tongue in my mouth and laid me down on the couch. Before anything got any further, he pulled away breathless:
“The others are probably wondering why we’re taking so long.” I reluctantly sat up:
“Yeah, I guess we should go back.” We walked back into the green room, hand-in-hand. Brian looked up at us as we walked in the room:
“Aw. Look, the lovebirds are back.” We both smiled. Nick sat down and pulled me onto his lap:
“Shut up, Bri. You can never keep your hands off your own girlfriend.” I looked up at my friends a mouthed a quick ‘thank you’ to them. They both smiled at me. AJ stood up:
“So guys, what do you say we go party Penn State style.” Ashley laughed:
“Sounds like a plan to me. We don’t have to be back any time soon.” Nick leaned in and whispered in my ear:
“Will you stay here tonight? We can get you back to school tomorrow.” I looked into his eyes that were pleading with me to stay:
“Of course, I will.” He grinned:
“Good. I want to hold you in my arms all night.”
“I love you.”
“I love you more.”