Part 23
"Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Daniel squealed in joy as he leapt out of the water and landed in a huge splash. "This is jolly fun!" Back to silverchair stuff
Ada called to him "Come on, Daniel, we gotta go find Steve's pil- er, Mark!"
Soon the group was swimming along until they came to the location where Mark would have sunk to. But instead, they found a note placed under a shiny smooth rock.
"Say, that looks like Bob..." Robin started. KelNino ignored him as she read the note aloud.
"Bathroom Pioneers...
You've entered the realm of Aqua (you know, that stupid Barbie doll song? Yeah, that really annoying one "I'm a Barbie girl...in a Barbie world...). If you want Mark back, you'll have to sacrifice that sexy, pale guy you call Robin at the Barbie doll palace in one hour, thirteen mintues and twenty-seven point three seconds.
See you soon,
Aqua"
"Dear God! One hour, thirteen minutes and twenty-seven point three seconds!" Robin repeated. "Do you think that's enough time to have a good wank?"
"I'm sure it is, Robin, but let's get to the Barbie palace," KelNino said sternly.
"Do you plan to 'sacrifice' me to these Aqua fellows, KelNino?"
"Of course not, silly!" KelNino said. "To get Mark back we're going to fake them out, grab Mark, and run - er, swim for it!"
"But how are we going to do that?" asked Junta.
"Er, well, we'll think of something when we get there!"
The bathroom pioneers decided they could deal with that. And so they traveled. Across the wood.
Over the hill. Through the gas station and past the liquor store (much to Ben's dismay). Over the karumkoorums (whatever they are, KelNino) and over the great highway known as Interstate 285. Running through Spaghetti Junction, narrowly missing some redneck in a fancy truck pulling a horse trailer.
They traveled until they came to the doors of the Barbie Palace, home of Aqua.
"Jolly good job, KelNino," Robin muttered. "Now we have to listen to that god-forsaken Aqua music..."
Sure enough, 'Barbie Girl' was blaring from within the castle walls. Daniel could not help but bop to the pop music. "I'm a Barbie girl..." he sang. "In a Barbie world...Life in plastic, it's fantastic. You can brush my hair, undress me anywhheeerrree. Imagination, my life is your creation-"
"Daniel! Please, that's enough already!" Ada interrupted him.
"Hey..." started KelNino. "It could be worse, it could be - "
"Hawaiian day?" interrupted Melinda.
"Well, um..." stuttered KelNino, surprised to see the mysterious girl who wanders around the Anthemboard.
"Well, uh, I was gonna say seventies and eighties day, but Hawaiian day is just as bad...Say, Ada, got your saliva glands on hand?"
Ada chuckled at the inside joke.
Meanwhile, Ben was trying to prove his manliness by running and slamming into the huge, wooden doors.
After several attempts, he said, "Bloody hell! They must be locked!"
"Well, duuuuh!" Shayla said sarcastically. She turned around and stepped onto the welcome mat, which laughed evilly and said 'Happy Halloween!' "Whoa!" she said ecstatically. "That is so cool!"
Soon, all the pioneers were jumping up and down on the Halloween welcome mat.
"Hey! Me First!" KelNino shoved Daniel out of the way. He returned the shove. Shayla slapped Ada (who was very hurt) and she squealed. Steve and Dirk were arguing again. Soon Robin and KelNino were in a fight over whether they were called 'Frosties' or 'Frosted Flakes.' Daniel punched Ben, Ben kicked Chris, Chris ran to a corner and cried, Junta shouted something about Catholics over the crowd and fireangel proclaimed herself an orthodox Jew. Before long, the bathroom pioneers were in an all-out brawl over the stupid welcome mat (as well as Frosted Flakes).
By fighting and creating upheaval in the forces of good, the bathroom pioneers had unintentionally done exactly what Aqua had wanted them to do! All that was left was to fill their socks with cherry jam and French fries.
But, the fight was interrupted by an evil laugh from a figure in the window above them. It was Christina Aguilera in a white trench coat!
"That's not Christina Aguilera!" KelNino said. "That's Daniel!"
"Um, KelNino. Daniel's standing right next to you," Junta said. Sure enough, Daniel was standing next to the blonde with a stupefied look on his face.
"But...that dude...he *looks* like Daniel..." stuttered KelNino.
The evil figure spoke. "That's because I'm that little freak's evil twin brother! Bwahahhaha!" Daniel's evil twin laughed, well, pretty evilly.
"Oh God, not that dendro..." muttered Heath. "Daniel, I thought you said you got rid of him!"
Daniel blushed. "I-I couldn't bear to kill him...so I-I just took him to the humane society."
"You did *what*?!" Heath cried in shock.
"I wanted to get him a nice home! That's all!" Daniel was on the verge of tears. "I couldn't be cruel! Deep inside he has a good heart! He really does!"
"Um, excuse me," Ash interrupted. "But if he's your evil twin, wouldn't that make him have a cold, mean spirit? I don't think an evil twin can have a 'good heart,' Daniel."
"You should have put him out of his misery when you could-" snapped Heath.
"That's enough!" shouted Daniel's twin.
"You don't expect us to talk, do you?" asked KelNino.
"No!" Daniel's twin answered. "I intend for you to die! Bwahahahaha." The bathroom pioneers then started to chuck rocks and mud at Daniel's evil twin in the window. KelNino picked up a big rock and threw it at him. Down he tumbled from the 5 story building.
"Daniel, exactly what kind of humane center did you put him in? Did you check the background of all the employees? He's a pop-loving dork now. We may have to kill him," said Ada.
"But isn't there something else we could do? To cure him? We've done it before," said a dismayed Daniel.
"Well, we could try filling his socks with cherry jam," rockstar suggested.
So the pioneers grabbed the unconscious Daniel look-alike and took his socks off. Shayla grabbed a big jar of cherry jam and started to fill his socks up. Once they were done they realized that nothing was happening. The pioneers knew that desperate times call for desperate measures. They started to run in a circle around Daniel's twin and do an ancient rain dance that they figured would work for depopping him (new word, heh-heh).
"Wait a second!" dreamer said. "We forgot the French fries! Daniel, do you - "
"Yup," he interrupted as he pulled some petrified old fries (chips, he called them) from his immense backpack).
KelNino stuffed them into Daniel's evil twin's socks, but nothing happened. "What do we do now?"
"I have an idea!" With that, dreamer clicked the heels on her magic purple platforms and began chanting the words to "Come As You Are." Daniel, Ben, and Chris whined in protest, but junta shut them up. Everyone joined in the chanting. Within a few minutes, Daniel's evil twin began to shake violently.
"It's working!" Ben hissed.
Daniel nervously took a deep breath...right before his evil twin self-destructed in a mushroom cloud of smoke. Ben patted Daniel's shoulder. "Some things run too deep within a person to be cured, mate."
After Daniel had calmed down, rockstar said, "Now where were we?"
"Hmmm, who knows anymore," Ada mused, "But I think we should leave my aunty's house, though." The pioneers realized they were still there!
"Wow, I guess that special banana-and-ketchup soup with the pot in it really did something!" cried Junta.
"Okay, now where do we go?" said Ash as she looked around.
"Are we done fighting the evils of pop?" dreamer asked sadly.
"We'll never be finished fighting the evils of pop! More and more are born each day. There is no possible way we could ever stop them all," said Ada.
"But then why do we bother? If they'll never all die...why do we even continue doing this?" cried Robin.
Shayla interrupted him. "Remember Saurus and Queen Bianca? You want our world, with the few true rockers, turned into a world controlled by bubble-headed pop stars? This is why we continue to fight."
"Here, Here!" said John. And with new enthusiasm, the Bathroom Pioneers continued their quest. "Who should be next?"