Part 25
"Hey, Billy, why are you guys so stupid?" asked Ash. Back to silverchair stuff
"Don't insult him!" cried Ada.
"Don't get me wrong, I like your music, it's just that I don't get why you broke up!" said Ash.
Well, that pissed Billy off even more. He then violently smacked his guitar at Ash, but missed her by a mile.
"Oh, hell!" said KelNino, grabbing her ray gun and promptly blowing him to pieces.
"Oh my God! You killed Billy! You bastard!" screamed Robin. But no one cared that much. Time was running out. Timmy would need to fill them in. The Pioneers were becoming restless, they needed another pop star to take care of. Suddenly, Timmy sent them a sign. It was a specter of a short brunette in a tight black leather outfit!
Daniel covered his eyes and whimpered.
"Make it stop...make it stop!" screamed rockstar.
"Okay, Timmy, we're on our way!" dreamer yelled as loudly as she could. The specter vanished.
Ben patted Daniel on the shoulder. "Come on, buddy, let's go."
And so they ran. They ran over the great orange bridge and through the great city. They swam across the ocean and dug through they center of the Earth. They crawled, stumbled, and continued over the continents until they came to the great barren tundra of the Yukon. And they still ran, farther and farther and farhter. Eventually the group dropped in exaustion when they hit the American-Mexican border.
"Bloody wanking hell!" shouted Robin. "That molten lava in the Earth's mantle burnt the edges of my..."
"Never mind that now, Robin!" dreamer interrupted. "We've got to get to England, remember? We already cooled off at my house two hours ago! Now we have to keep going!"
"Yes, so we can kill the skank!" said Ada. "In her non-hippo form!" she continued. "But how are we going to get there?"
"But my hat, it got burnt!" Robin whined.
"Not now, Robin!" snapped Shayla.
"Wait a second, what hat is that, Robin?" KelNino asked with a worried look upon her face.
Robin was about to cry as he held up the burnt gray Chosen Rejects hat. "Why, it's THE hat, KelNino," he sniffled.
"Oh no! What are we gonna do?" KelNino panicked as Robin held the damaged rejects mascot tenderly in his arms.
"So what's the big deal?" Steve pouted. "None of you cared when Mark was...k-killed by that wretched dog!"
"She's not wretched, you suck-dissing wanker!" Daniel screamed. He leapt upon Steve, prepared to kick some arse, but was promptly pulled off by junta and Ben.
"You little wanker, we don't have time for fighting now!" Ben reminded his mate.
"And besides, Daniel, Sweep's watching your every move. Do you really want to set a bad example for your precious little girl?" junta added.
Steve made a face at Daniel, who took a deep breath, muttered some barely audible curse words, and sat back down, turning several shades of red.
"What about the hat?!" Robin wailed.
"Chill, dude," dreamer said. "I can fix the hat."
While she was doing just that, rockstar said, "Hey, you guys, I am bored!"
"Let's have a basketball game!" cried Robin in delight. The pioneers looked at one another and then burst out into laughter.
"I think it would be fun," said fireangel. The pioneers found a ball lying around on a court and began to pick teams. However, KelNino kept picking all the tall, pale, skinny, unathletic guys and her team lost terribly.
"Hey!" said Daniel. "I'm not THAT skinny anymore! And look, more hair!"
"Not for long...bwahahaha!" Suddenly, Daniel's evil twin burst from behind a fake yumba bush and shaved a good patch of Daniel's hair off. In complete shock, Daniel decided to just shave it all off, dye it pink, and sell the rest of it on ebay.
"Daniel, you can't be serious, mate!" Ben protested. "You won't look as sexay without your hair and then we won't have all those hot babes hanging around before and after gigs!"
"It doesn't matter, since you're gay, Ben," said fireangel.
"No I'm not!" Ben said, turning bright red and looking around.
"Anyways," said dreamer, "What *are* we going to do about that evil twin?"
But by then, the evil twin was already halfway up the road.
"Hey, wait! Where's Ash?!" cried Ada.
"Daniel's evil twin must have taken her!" Robin cried. "Bloody shame, I kind of liked the girl..." he added nonchalantly. "Oh well, let us move on. Pop stars to stop, rock stars to hail - "
"Robin! We can't let his evil twin just take Ash!" Junta gasped.
"Oh, poor Ash. Nathaniel has probably already made a meal of her..." mourned Daniel.
"Nathaniel? What kind of a stupid name is that - " Shayla snapped.
Daniel shrugged and replied, "It was Mum's idea, I suppose. Nathaniel Pope Johns..."
"With a name like that, no wonder he's so evil!" Shayla remarked.
"Yo! Are you dissin' the Pope?!" snapped the angry lunch lady. Surprised by the sudden appearance of the lunch counter complete with the nasty lunch lady, the bathroom pioneers rushed up the road to find Ash (even though the girl tends to be a bitch she really is a useful part of the pioneers).
"Aaaaash! Oh, Aaaaaash!"
"Help! Help!" came the reply from a nearby bush. But the cries weren't coming from Ash. It was Nathaniel! Ash must have beaten him up! The pioneers went through the bushes and there was Nathaniel, pinned to the ground by Ash.
"So what do we do now?" she asked.
"Well, you *could* get rid of the dendro once and for all, like Heath said earlier," Black Ballroom said sensibly.
Daniel broke out in a cold sweat. "But can't we just...like, fix him?"
"Like your dog?" Robin giggled.
"No! I mean fix his head!"
"Didn't we try that already?" rockstar asked.
"Um, yeah, but it didn't work," fireangel replied.
dreamer grinned wickedly. "I have a better idea! Let's force Susie upon him!"
Robin gasped and pressed his hand over his mouth. His eyes grew wide in fear. He stiffly pulled away the trembling hand and said "Yes...yes, S-S-Susie. I do believe that could bloody well do it. Wanking cruel though, d-don't you think?"
The group nodded, but assented to dreamer's plan anyway. Robin brought the jagged rock known as Susie out of his pants and handed it to Ash. Shaking with horror, Nathaniel stared at the rock.
"I'm sorry, little guy, but it's for your own good..." Ash pushed Susie closer.
"Nooo! Noooo! Please, no!" Nathaniel screamed. The group held him down as Ash edged Susie closer, closer, closer...
Suddenly, a great ray of sunlight burst from the clouds above and shone upon Nathaniel. He immediately lay still as he stared into the sky...
As quickly as the moment arrived, it had passed.
Nathaniel blinked, once, twice, three times, still facing the overcast sky. Slowly, his head turned and the pioneers saw that his evil, pop-loving nature was forever gone. KelNino helped him up as he struggled for words. The bathroom pioneers edged closer to hear him. Quietly and sincerely he whispered "Thank you..." before passing out in exhaustion.
The bathroom pioneers were silent until Daniel interrupted the sacred moment by loudly stating, "Can I get a Hallelujah!" Robin started laughing like a psychopath gone even worse. This was definitely not good. The Bathroom Pioneers were all beginning to go insane. They needed something to bring them back to normal. Something like getting drunk and singing songs around a campfire!
As the pioneers roasted hot dogs over a fire the three newly reunited Johns brothers sang "God Save the Queers," written earlier that day by Daniel.
When it got dark they heard a noise in a bush. It was Natalie! She had become a dendrophiliac since nobody loved her. Watching this display caused all the Pioneers to vomit their veggie dogs. But that's not all! Robin was so disgruntled by the obscenity that he was casting spells that made Natalie barf up gallons of stomach acid and cherry pits.
"Jolly good show!" Daniel laughed. "How many cherries did that gal eat?!"
"Excuse me, very sorry and all, but have you not seen 'The Witches of Eastwick?'" Nathaniel stated calmly.
Daniel gave him a funny look and said "Bloody hell, man! You talk like a square!"
Nathaniel blushed excessively. "Oh, very sorry," he muttered. The bathroom pioneers were staring at him in amazement, but KelNino edged closer and attempted to defend the once-evil twin.
"Oh, no! It's beautiful! Don't be ashamed of it!" She said. "It's a relief to hear eloquent speech...after all that we've been through."
"Yes, absolutely!" dreamer stepped in.
"Do you think so?" Nathaniel said hopefully.
"Of course!" dreamer replied. She turned to KelNino. "He reminds me of Saurus and Redwing, don't you think, teehee." She bit her lip and blushed a little as well.