Part 31
"Funny, I thought everybody knew," said dreamer. Back to silverchair stuff
"Well, I didn't."
"Oh, well, I am."
"No, when did you become a princess? I'm serious." Saurus was looking worried.
"Why does it matter, is there some curse for kissing a princess in the future?" she teased.
"As a matter of fact..." Before Saurus could finish his sentence, he began to slowly disappear.
"What - what's happening?" cried dreamer. "Redwing - what is going on?"
Redwing began to explain. "In the future, the only "Royal" figure was Queen Britney. Princesses didn't exist, so since princesses didn't exist, nobody could be in love with one. Queen Britney made it so that if by some chance we may come across a princess with the power to overpower her, she would make it known to her by having one of us drawn to that person. When they kissed the princess, they would suddenly disappear and be sent back to Queen Britney to report on this "Princess."
"So...what you're telling me is that it was Queen Britney's curse that was drawing Saurus to me?"
"Basically, yeah. But that's not important right now. We need to save him before Queen Britney learns of our plans," said Redwing.
"And how are we going to do that?" asked Ada.
"We have to kill Junta and Daniel," KelNino mumbled.
"What?!"
"You see, Junta was supportive of buying the bottle of liquid and he, as in Daniel, supported you with this object, dreamer. Therefore, if they don't die, the world of music will fade to non-existence," fireangel explained softly.
Junta silently tip-toed towards the door, but was suddenly grabbed by Daniel. "How dare you leave me to die for nothing?" Daniel yelled. "But, but, but- you deserve to die! I'm too young to leave this evil, cruel world!" Junta sobbed, reaching for a tissue from KelNino.
"Wait! Isn't fading the population of music to no existence a good deed?" Ash questioned.
"Wait a minute!" dreamer interrupted. "Daniel and Junta don't have to die. All we have to do is track Britney down. Then I have to kill her."
"You?" Ben asked in astonishment.
"Yes, me. I'm the only one who can finish her off for good. I'm a princess, remember? And I can do it alone. I have powers."
"Thank #@$%!" Daniel replied.
"Well, what are we waiting for?" asked Ash. "Let's go!" away they went. Across the solar system in search of Britney...
"Say! Isn't that large mass over there Uranus?" Robin pointed out the window of their starship.
"Why you litte!" KelNino slapped Robin. He reacted by sobbing, lifting Daniel's compact mirror, and looking through KelNino's eyes with pain of his imperfection. "Why did you do this to me, KelNino?", Robin cried, painting his face up with foundation.
Daniel watched their argument continue for an hour and suddenly lost control. "I told you men were sensitive, beautiful creatures worth your time, Robin. I even told you I loved you dearly, but you insisted to love KelNino and Nikki much more. Now, you pay by a bitch slapping you across your kind, perfect face- leaving a mark too gross for me to handle," Daniel screamed.
"Settle down, settle down. I'm sure Robin has no affections towards your feelings so why even bother with him, Daniel? He doesn't even feel comforted by your presence..." Scars continued, but was interrupted.
"How dare you put such nonsense towards my comments? I believe one day, my future husband (Robin) and I will marry in a nice, Catholic church just a street away from my house!" Daniel said.
"Oh, are gay marriages legal in Australia?" Junta asked with glee.
"I'm not gay. Why would you think that?" Daniel questioned.
dreamer looked at Daniel suspiciously and noticed that the Australian singer had no accent. She walked towards Daniel and looked directly into his eyes- to find out he was actually Taylor Hanson.
"Where the &*@# is Daniel?!" screamed the The Bathroom Pioneers.
Junta suddenly heard strange noises in the ship's closet and curiously opened the door to find Daniel tied, his mouth taped shut. "Mmmmmahhhhnnnhel..." Daniel muttered out, reaching for Junta's shoulder. Shayla pushed Junta out of the way, looked at Daniel, and fainted beyound the group.
"Oh, that's my other boyfriend, Robin." Taylor laughed.
You lie!" KelNino leapt upon Taylor and began stamping "Baby on Board" across his forehead.
"Why the gosh-darn are you doing that?" Taylor said, crossing his eyes upward at the printing.
Kelnino laughed. "Now everyone will know that you are a compulsive, obsessive liar. You can't trick The Never Ending Story's readers into believing that Robin loves you- you're just a young, thieving, pathetic child who mourns towards boys for comfort of your imperfections. You're a &*@%#^! whore."
As Junta was untying Daniel, Taylor slapped her in the face. "Your sister is evil!" screamed Taylor.
"You're going to pay for posing as me, insulting the Feo sisters, and making poor Shayla faint upon us," Daniel replied, taking the ropes off his leg. He began to walk closer to Taylor, cringing his hands around the rope, and smiling.
"What are you going to do, Daniel?" whined Taylor.
With no reply, Daniel began to take off his jacket, exposing his "Superman" shirt. Taylor smiled awkwardly and screamed, "You want to have sex with me?!"
"Ummm, no. But, I'll tell you this. It involves wrestling, rope, and a chair in the closet," snarled Daniel.
"Sounds like scoring to me," Ben said.
"Ben, shut up. I have something even more queer than that planned. T'will be a jolly good time!" Daniel wrapped the rope around Taylor's waist as KelNino held down the little wanker. He strapped the pop star to the roof of dreamer's mom's minivan and drove around town. The Bathroom Pioneers rolled around until they came to the most sacred of slacker hang-outs...Burger King!
"I refuse to go in there," Robin bluntly announced.
"But Robin, my boy, if we don't get rid of this Taylor fellow, he's going to put a stain on dreamer's roofrack! It must be done."
"Hey! It's not my car! It's Mom's! Like I would drive a minivan..." dreamer pouted.
"Which would certainly make the stain all the more terrible!" Daniel tried to convince Robin. "Don't you remember the last time her mom got all hot and bothered?"
"Yes...that was not very pleasant, was it?" comtemplated Robin. "Well, if it's jolly alright with you, Daniel, I suppose I could bear the evil animal-wankers at Burger King. But why do we have to go to the queer place anyway?"
"The evil closet from heaven, of course!" Daniel flipped his hair, leaving Robin thoroughly confused. "Come now, help me unstrap this fellow from this vehicle!" The group did so and had no trouble, for Taylor had passed out on the way there. The splattered bugs on his face and wind-whipped hair did not compliment him at all. They dragged his body into Burger King and stood before a wooden door in the bathroom hallway.
"Now what, Daniel?" Junta snorted.
"Be careful, open the door, and quickly put the boy on the chair. Please hurry though, it would be terrible if one of those closet queers got me."
Junta opened the door to reveal a plain wooden chair and some cleaning supplies. "Um, Daniel? It's just a closet-"
"Hurry, woman!" Daniel grabbed Taylor and began tying him to the chair.
"Why? Doesn't seem to be anything special about the closet if you ask me-" Junta was about to continue when they heard a deep roaring come from the depths of the Burger King closet. Daniel's eyes widened as he finished off his knot.
"Close the door!" he ordered. Junta, now halfway believing him, slammed it shut.
"Holy wanking Chimney Sweep Boy!" Robin exclaimed. "What the bloody hell was that?!"
Daniel hugged Sweep to calm himself and replied, "That was the god of the Evil Closet From Heaven. If she gets hold of you, she'll cure you."
"Why is that such a bad thing?" KelNino queried.
Daniel sneered, "You wanker, you wouldn't want me to be made straight or anything, would you?"
"Well..." KelNino trailed off. Suddenly, a huge growl echoed from behind the door. "What does she want now?"
Daniel thought for a moment. "I think she wants to know what to do to the boy. I guess I have to recite a prayer of some sort..."
"Well then get on with it, wanker!" Robin snapped.
"Alright, duurrr....Here Goes. 'Oh heavenly god of the evil closet, we came to you requesting that you cure the Taylor fellow of his poppish tendencies. He has a good soul, he's just a queer. And, uh, we don't like pop queers, and uh. We all think you're really jolly great, evil closet goddess...uh...and, uh-"
A long, deep belch from the closet goddess interrupted Daniel. "Oh, okay. Never mind then."
"What happened?" KelNino asked.
"Oh, she ate the fellow. So, what next?" Daniel replied.
"I know!" Robin announced. "Why don't we have a nudey swim at the beach?!"
"A nudey swim at the beach? I don't know. We're likely to find a lot of nude people there!" screeched Ada.
"That's the general idea, good chap!" said Robin.
"Yeah, let's go, mate. I can't wait to get a good look at..." Daniel started.
"Okay, you guys, we'll go. First we have to find my bro, Sky. He disappeared after the closet thing," KelNino said boldly.
"Yeah! Sky was my only brother! He whacked me on the ass like no one had ever before!" Junta cried.
The bathroom pioneers continued on when Ada started to shake. "Help me! I see Sky. He's entering the closet, oh no, the wanker! He thought it was a janitor's closet! He got nostalgic! We have to save him!"
The bathroom pioneers hurried back to Burger King when suddenly Sky appeared. "Junta, I'm alive," he said casually as he walked up to her.
"Sky! I though you were gone forever, I thought I lost you!" Junta said as she thrust her arms around Sky.
"Alright, that's jolly good and all, but can we keep going to try and kill Brittany, again? I'm getting bloody sick of this," Robin stated slowly.
"Hey, look, guys! There's a bird in that bush looking at us strangely! Maybe it wants to tell us something!" said Kear Bear in a strangely nerdy tone.
"Bloody hell, who wants to take to a bird?" asked Robin.
"Ay mates, why don't we poke it?" suggested Ben and Daniel.
"Okay, let's do that!" KelNino led the group to get some fries from Burger King, and then started to poke at the bird until it started to poop a lot.
"Good lord! That is a lot of freaking bird s**t!" yelled Sky.
Then all of the sudden, the bush lit on fire and the bird turned into a giant monkey. Daniel, avoiding the fire, attempted to climb on the monkey and spank it. Just then, the monkey pulled out a bucket of water and doused the flames. "Very sorry y'all," it said in a Southern drawl.