Part 34
KelNino started laughing out loud as soon as the voice finished. She went and touched everybody and they woke up. "You aren't an evil voice at all. You're the Karate Kid. Why are you using the intercom? Don't you have to go to prom, or go up against some stupid useless opponent or something?" KelNino said. Back to silverchair stuff
"Hey, who are you to say I'm not evil? Besides, I'm working on a new movie. Karate Kid in Titanic II, Gilligan's Revenge," he answered in a self conscious tone.
The bathroom pioneers just shrugged it off and left the house. KearBear's rabid panda was really getting on their nerves anyway. Soon they were all headed to the junkyard.
"Why do we have to go to the junkyard, anyway?" whined Shayde (Shayla). "Can't we go over to Rob's house or something?"
"Come on, Shayde! We have to find a new set of wheels for the bathroom pioneers. We can't just walk everywhere, you know," Scars explained.
"Yeah, I agree. I don't think it would be healthy if Daniel burned anymore calories, he really needs them," laughed KelNino.
"Shut up! I am just built very delicately!" Daniel cried.
"Face it, Daniel. You're just a pale, skinny guy...stop making excuses already," KelNino teased.
Kearbear chuckled. "What, KelNino? You don't like that?"
"Of course I do! Cheesus! Skinny is sexy!" The group laughed at KelNino's antics as they strolled past abandoned vehicles and appliances. Robin ran ahead in glee, Daniel following close behind. They disappeared around a pile of tires when everyone heard Robin call out.
"Hey, wankers!" he called. "I think I found the exact bloody car we need! Gadzooks, what a beauty!"
The bathroom pioneers ran to see the car that Robin had chosen. The stared at it in awe. It was a 1967 model, blue and black striped (with 'Shagmobile' written in white on the side), and next to it was a white pony with rainbow-colored hair! "She's perfect!" cried Robin.
"Yes, yes, she really is!" agreed Ada. "I finally get my pony!"
"What do you mean YOUR pony...I saw her FIRST!" said Robin.
"No, you wanker, she's MY pony..."
"Whoah, whoah. Guys, we don't need a pony. We need something with wheels, and something that can hold all of us. Something like...THAT!" said Ash, pointing to a huge monster truck, with silver spiked wheels. The exterior was a bit scratched, but with a bit of paint, the crew could customize it to fit their own unique style.
"Yes, yes, that is a bloody good looking ride!" said Ben. "It's a shame though..."
"What's a shame?" asked Chris.
"She was a beautiful pony..."
"Ben! You're not helping matters!" said KelNino.
As the Bathroom Pioneers argued over their new form of transportation, Ada had sneaked back around to the pony. Quietly, she mounted the beautiful creature.
"Hey guys, look! I'm KelNino! Look at my pretty pony!"
And then she disappeared. With the pony.
"Uh-oh, guys...we have ANOTHER problem!" said Shayla.
"Now where did she go!" said Robin. "We could have avoided this if I got the pony - "
"Robin, child, SHUT UP! We have to find Ada!"
"Why the bloody hell do we have to do that?" Robin whined. "She was the one who just had to ride that wanking pony!"
"Robin! We have to find Ada, you dimwit!" Shayde was very angry at the thought of abandoning Ada.
"Well, I don't want to!" Robin crossed his arms and snorted. The group forced him into submission by dragging him by the ankles while he screamed and swung his arms like a 3 year old that was being told to go to bed.
"Robin, we are finding Ada," said Junta as the pioneers shoved Robin in a little doggie carrier.
"That's amazing that he can fit in there," Daniel remarked, giving Robin a wink.
" ADA!!!" screamed the pioneers as they looked for her and the pony. They walked around an old car and in horror they saw the sickest thing possible.
"I'm going to throw up!" cried Ash as she turned her head from the sight. KelNino's horse, Hero, and Kearbear's pony, Teddy, were having mad equine sex!
"Ohmygosh!" KelNino screamed. "Hero, Teddy is bi! How could you!" Hero glanced up at his mom in confusion. "Yessir! Teddy goes both ways! I thought you were strictly gay, only gay, and could only be gay! Gay 24/7! Now what is the insurance company gunna say, eh? Bet you didn't use your peanut brain on that one, didja?" Hero pulled away from Teddy and sulked. Meanwhile, the bathroom pioneers were trying to stifle their puking.
"Uh, KelNino..." Kearbear tapped her shoulder. "I don't hink anybody else understand our, uh, homosexual horses like we do. Maybe we should go someplace else..."
"Yeah, you're right," Kelnino said, shooting a cold glance at her huge horse. "Don't think you won't hear about this tommorrow, kiddo!" She pointed a finger at him before shooing the bathroom pioneers off the scene to the nearest public restroom. "Wait here while we take care of those horses," she instructed.
While the others were waiting for KelNino and Kearbear to return, they heard a guitar solo and turned around to see Jimmy Page walking up to them. He smiled at the group and said, "Where's Timmy?"
"Huh?" Robin gasped.
"I said, where's Timmy?" Jimmy Page repeated.
"Timmy?" KelNino raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah, Timmy."
"Come again?" Daniel was staring at Mr. Page's guitar.
"I'm looking for Timmy. Where's Timmy?" Jimmy Page repeated, again.
"You mean, the Timmy, as in the god of rock? THAT Timmy?" KelNino asked.
"Yeah, sure, you know where he is?" Jimmy Page sucked on his lip in boredom.
"Uh...well, you could start with the vast expanses of the netherworld, I suppose, Mr. Page."
"Yeah? Where's that?" he bit off a hangnail and yawned.
"Uh..." KelNino struggled for an answer. "Well, uh, I've never really been there...well, except for that one time when I was sent to hell for feeding a seagull Alka Seltzer, but I couldn't find my way back there again. And I wouldn't really want to either, to tell you the truth."
"Yeah?" Jimmy twisted a strand of hair around his finger.
"Uh, yeah." Kelnino scratched her head.
The bathroom pioneers looked to each other in confusion.
Daniel, always the precocious one, spoke. "Hey, are you planning on keeping that lovely guitar? It would make a jolly good addition to my collection you know...I've got 20 or so."
Jimmy Page looked to his guitar. "Yeah, sure." He handed it over to Daniel. Daniel looked puzzled.
"Just like that, good fellow?" he asked.
"Hm?" Mr. Page scratched his neck.
"Good fellow, you're just going to hand over your guitar?"
"Yeah, sure. So where's Timmy?"
"Up your arse..." Robin mumbled.
Jimmy apparently didn't hear him. "Yeah, fine. See you all later." He swaggered off through the group and walked out of sight.
"Well, that was bloody, wanking weird." Robin stated. "What would Jimmy Page be doing looking for Timmy?"
"You know..." Scars started. "I bet he was looking for Timmy so he could...well, who cares why he wanted Timmy?"
"I care!" screamed Kelnino.
"Um, yeah, Kelnino does. Hey, look!" KearBear gasped, "There's a dead mole-like-thing over there in front of that house!"
The bathroom pioneers walked over by the house to find a dead "mole-like-thing" dead in front of a house. They all gathered in a circle waiting for the thing to move when Robin shouted out something odd.
"Well this is bloody boring. Why don't we get jolly well out of here. Besides, that thing smells like s**t. I mean for gosh sakes. Let's just leave the bloody thing be."
"Oh my!" Kelnino screamed (again), "it's moving! Or, something's coming out of it!"
The pioneers watched in horror as a white ghost thing rose over the dead body. They all backed away as it spoke in the most annoying voice possible, "Hi! I'm dead now, but I'm sure there are thousands of bugs crawling over me and eating my remains. Anyways..here is your task!"
"Hey!" Kelnino interrupted." I know who YOU are, Mr. mole-like-thing!" The mole looked at her queerly.
KelNino continued. "You're bottles! From Banjo-tooie!"
"Well, no. You must be thinking of some other mol-" the mole tried to speak.
"Ohmygosh! That evil witch killed you and burned down your cute little hut! Oh - how awful! Do you want us to go find the witch and process her into Alpo?"
The mole ghost blinked in confusion. "Well, no. What witch? I'm afraid I don't know what you're-"
"Okay! Let's go then! Look! Over there - " KelNino pointed to a large house. "There's the evil one's castle! Go west, pioneers!" She marched off towards the 'west'.
"Um, KelNino - " Robin called, pointing the other direction. "Bloody west is that way. Gadzooks, your wanking American schools should teach you - "
"But the castle is that way! So, go to the castle, pioneers!" KelNino cheered. The bathroom pioneers picked up on her enthusiasm and closely followed her in the direction of the huge home (which really wasn't a castle).
The mole ghost was left behind.
He sniffled and tried to call after them "Golly, kids! I just wanted you to find my killer! Please..." But his voice faded away as the pioneers marched on. However, Robin and KearBear stayed behind to hear what the mole had to say. KearBear (genuinly interested) listened intensly, while Robin (too dumb to follow the others) sat down and sniffed the air.
"Is that a banana I smell?" he asked.