Part 42
"What about KelNino?" Sky said as he looked down at Kelnino, who was laying on her back with her mouth hanging open and staring into the clouds. Back to silverchair stuff
Ben replied, "Why don't we just drag her with us? I mean, that zesty spice will wake her up, right? Plus those annoying people who are on those commercials, eh?"
"Uh huh..." KearBear started, then began to whine. "I want POWERS! Why can't I have powers?"
"Because nobody likes you, Kearbear Dufflay!" Junta said.
"It's not Dufflay!" Kearbear defended herself.
"Whatever." dreamer rolled her eyes. "You're kinda just the annoying little sister that we have to drag around everywhere. No powers for you. You can't even drive yet!"
"But neither can KelNino!"
"Well, she's the reincarnated soul of Kurt Cobain, and he can drive."
"How the hell can a dead man drive!?" Kearbear was on the verge of tears.
"Kurt Cobain never died!" Robin exclaimed. "I'm sure of it!"
"Um, Robin. Yes, he did - oh never mind. Anyway, Kearbear, he could when he was alive," dreamer pointed out.
"Well, Ada can't drive! And she has powers!" Kearbear shrieked.
"Well, she's the Chosen One, she could probably drive if she really wanted to..." dreamer thought.
"Well I could too if I really wanted to!"
"You couldn't see over the steering wheel - "
"Yargh!" Kearbear screamed. She picked up a rock ad threw it at dreamer, who grunted on impact and fell to the ground beside Kelnino.
"Well, lookie there!" Robin cheered. "Kearbear does have a power! She can throw rocks bloody wanking hard!"
"Is that a power?" Kearbear said with hope.
"Well, it is now!" Junta said out of her own fear of being hit with a rock.
"Golly gee whillikers! I have a power!" Kearbear laughed, grabbed Robin, and did a do-si-do.
Robin reacted by screaming frantically, "Stop! Oh, stop! I have sand in my panties! Ouch!" Kearbear let go of him and he ran around scratching his ass.
"How'd you get sand in your shorts?" Kearbear raised an eyebrow.
"Well, I was at the beach with Daniel and - "
"Shut up, Robin! Don't you jolly well remember we weren't going to tell anybody about that?!" Daniel whispered harshly, slapping a hand over Robin's mouth. Robin muttered a reply and nodded his head.
"Well then..." Kearbear said uncomfortably. "Now what?"
"More like where are we?" Scars said to Kear Bear while looking at Junta who shrugged. "Where are we?" Scars asked.
"I dunno, say, what are we going to bloody do about dreamer and KelNino?" asked Robin, still with his hand down his pants.
"Well, we've got to do something about them...hey, Ada, you've got powers. Let's see what you can do about our friends here who are - uh - unconscious. Huh? Huh? Whatcha gonna do now?" KearBear asked.
Ada just shrugged and concentrated herself onto dreamer first. All of the sudden, this blinding light came from the sky and dreamer was lifted to her feet. Then, she opened her eyes and was back to normal. KearBear started to pout.
"Hey, I may not be able to do that, but I can throw rocks at KelNino!"
"Shut up KearBear..."
"Yeah Kearbear, shut up already, you wanker!" Robin exclaimed haughtily.
"You shut up!" Kearbear snapped.
"No! You shut up!"
"You first!"
"Now way, you bloody twat! You shut up!" Soon, Kearbear and Robin were in each other's faces.
"Come on, kiddos. Break it up." dreamer rolled her eyes.
"He started it!" Kearbear whined, pointing at Robin.
"Did not!" he argued.
"Did too!"
"Did not!"
"Did too!"
"Nu-huh!"
"Yeah - huh!"
"BOTH YOU YOU!!!!!" Junta growled. "Shove it!"
"Shove it where..." Daniel pondered.
"Shut up, Daniel," Robin muttered.
"Why don't you shut up, you wanking Brit!" Daniel snapped.
"Do you have something against Britain, wanker?!" Robin huffed.
"No, just heaps of rubbish like you!" Daniel replied with equal huffiness.
"Oh yeah?" Robin challenged.
"Yeah!"
"Oh yeah?" Robin repeated.
"I said yeah, #%@$&*^!" Daniel confirmed.
"Oh yes, you did, didn't you...drat." Robin snorted.
"Come on, boys!" Ada pleaded. "Can't we all just get along?!" Robin and Daniel turned to Ada in unison, then back to each other.
"Yeah, you daff prick!" Robin teased Daniel. "Can't you get along with anybody?"
"Shut up!" Daniel replied.
"You shut up!"
"No, you shut up!"
"You first! Shut uh-"
"SSSSHHHHHUUUUUTTTT UUUUUPPPPPP!" KelNino was sitting up, suporting herself with her arm, screaming at the top of her lungs at Daniel and Robin.
Robin turned to Kelnino and snapped "You shut up, you wank-" But before he could finish, Kelnino had summoned a lightning bolt to strike him down. There was a great crack and flash of light. When the dust cleared, Daniel held Robin in his arms as Robin twitched violently. Kelnino continued casually. "Sorry I spazzed out there. Forgot to take my medication this morning..." She pulled a bottle of a prescription out of her pocket and downed the whole bottle. "So now what? Hey...what happened to dreamer?" kelnino looked down at dreamer, who was unconscious at her feet with a large purple spot on her forehead.
"Eh..." Kearbear tried to explain. "I kind of hit her with a rock..."
"What'd you do that for!" Kelnino exclaimed.
"I didn't mean to-"
"She's a w-wanker, th-that's w-why.." Robin muttered through his twitching.
"I'm not a wanker!" Kearbear picked up another rock and chucked it at Robin. It hit him smack between the eyes and he fell back into Daniel's arms. Daniel, afraid for his love, began to cry and scream. Kearbear grinned and walked further away from the pioneers.
"Now, they will never ignore me again. I will one day rule the word and..." But just before she could finish her thought, something exploded.
"What the hell was that?" wailed Robin, pushing Daniel aside. "The explosion was created by a evil force from one of the pioneers..." informed Daniel.
"But *who* would create such a thought to cause this?" pondered dreamer.
Suddenly, the ground began to destruct, growling under its surface, and a huge box of McDonald's french fries rose out of the earth!
"Dear god..." Robin said in awe as he stared up at the gigantic potato treats. "If I didn't have this nasty and painful rash in my crotch, I'd run for my bloody life..."
"Whoa...too much information there..." Kearbear cringed. Suddenly, a huge fry toppled out of the box and fell upon Kearbear. She screamed as the weight of the french fry crushed her. In an attempt to help Kearbear, Daniel tried to humo the fry, then, realizing it was doing no good, gathered the other pioneers to help lift the soggy, greasy, salty, gross fry off KearBear. Flash gladly helped, and as soon as they lifted the - oddly - heavy fry, he immediately pulled her out to try to save her.
"Okay, she was doing some weird psychotic thing there," KelNino said casually.
"Yeah! What do we bloody do though? And who caused the explosion?" Robin asked.
"Well, first, let's bring her back, okay?" Flash pleaded.
The other pioneers shrugged and figured that they could probably use her (incredibly lame) power of throwing rocks *really hard*. Ada, KelNino, Junta, and all the other powerful people gathered back into their little circle and sung some weird chant-like thing...resulting in a giant Big Mac falling from the sky and slamming into the asphalt near Daniel.
"AAAHHH! Meat!" he screamed. He ran behind Robin and began to twitch violently, reaching towards his "Animal Liberation" book and flipped through the pages. "Ah ha, there it is!" he screeched, moving his fingers across the words. §cars and Junta snuck behind him to find the words, "How to defeat a large McDonalds burger that fell from the sky" in the listings. Junta cracked a laugh and shoved the meat into her mouth in vehement hunger. All of a sudden, blood juice began escaping through her mouth, causing her to induce vomiting.
"How to defeat a large McDonalds burger that fell from the sky:
Although many humans desire the taste of deceased flesh, it is important to realize eating McDonalds can cause serious heart conditions. If you know anyone who has consumed this sort of material, it would be best to offer some Soy Milk and Tofu this instant! It is considerate and vegan of you to force your beliefs to those who kill animals."
Daniel threw his hands into his book-bag, exposing the foods listed in the book. "Junta, it's time for a change. A change that will change your life for the better..." Daniel began, walking closer.
Junta eyes widened in shock, lifting a can of First Aid spray and aiming toward Daniel. Kelnino and Kearbear gasped in unison.
"First Aid Spray! Who would have guessed it!?" Kelnino said in amazement.
"Shocking!" Kearbear echoed. Junta raised the can of First Aid spray and began threatening Daniel with it.
"Get back!" She inched it closer to Daniel as he looked incredulously at her.
"First Aid spray?" he asked. "What are you jolly well going to do with that? Heal my wounds to death?" Without warning, Junta sprayed the can directly in Daniel's eyes, at which he screamed "Ouch! OOOUCH! It stings! Oowwweeees!" He began running around in circles, scratching at his eyes.
"So there!" Junta spat on the ground as the pioneers watched Daniel run around aimlessly.
"Say..." KelNino began. "Have any of you figured out what color Daniel's eyes are? I've seen them green, gray, and blue in ten dozen different pictures. I just can't come to a conclusion..."
"Yeah! What color are his cute little eyeballs!?" Ada added.
"Well..." dreamer the expert began in a rather know-it-all manner. "It's a well known fact that his eyes are capable of changing color - not unlike my own."
"How do you bloody do that?" Robin wondered.
"Simple. Sometimes it happens on its own, sometimes you can make it happen with your mind."...capable of changing color - not unlike my own."
"Like in The Craft?" KearBear piped up.
"That's one way to do it, yes."
"dreamer, if your eyes change color, how come no one noticed it before?" Kelnino asked.
dreamer shut her eyes. "Okay everyone, what color are my eyes?"
The pioneers all seemed to have a different opinion on the matter. "Blue!" "Green!" "Bluish green!" "Greenish blue!" "Gray!" and so on.
"You're all right - and all wrong," she said, opening her eyes, which - this time - were a color too dark to be easily determined. "I was born with bluish gray eyes, but I know how to change them now."