Part 55
"Let's get out of here!" dreamer hissed. Back to silverchair stuff
"But we're not done beating the crap out of Enrique!" Robin complained.
"So we'll let Ricky's rent-a-cop handle him. We've got Sweep, which is why we came back anyway. Let's go!"
And so they took off, with the sounds of Enrique being interrogated by the guard fading away into the night. It was about 9 pm when the pioneers came to a small motel with the vacancy sign lit.
"I've got an idea - let's check in," said Junta. "No offense, Jill, but I don't really want to camp out in your car again tonight."
"None taken," Jill said.
Ten minutes later, the pioneers were getting settled into the room when Ada got a hankering for Raisinettes. Spotting a mini fridge, she went to obtain the chocolate delicacies. But once she opened the door, she didn't find candies. She found fireangel's lost friend rockstar!
"Thanks...that wasn't too comfortable," rockstar said as she fell out onto a bag of raisinettes. KelNino grabbed the raisinettes and started passing them around. "Who are we going to kill next?" she queried.
Junta said, "We are going to have to kill the ladies of Moulin Rouge!"
"But I thought we already killed Christina?" said Shayde.
"Yeah...but there are still THREE of them left."
"But Pink is cool!" objected Robin.
"Then there are still TWO...and besides, Robin, your thought doesn't matter much anyway!"
"We are going to kill...Everyone! bwahahaha ha ha ha bwahahaha!" Junta suddenly laughed evilly, her eyes glowing red with fire. The pioneers looked at her nervously as they abandoned the tasty raisinettes in order to move to safety. KelNino and Fireangel, who had been sitting next to Junta, slid away from her and closer to the door, which they unlocked just in case they had to excape quickly. Meanwhile, Junta had reached into Daniel's backpack and had pulled out the jar containing a heart (don't ask where *that* came from!) Despite the horrific stench, Junta reached into the jar, pulled out the heart, and raised it above her head screaming "I am Juntaaaaah! Feel my wrath, for I am none other than God! And you shall cower before me or I shall strike you down with all the power of my plastic spork(pulling an individually wrapped spork out of Dan's backpack)! Bwahahaha! And if you resist the awsome might of my fork-spoon hybrid, than I shall blind and maim you with the evil whiteness of my unrecycled napkin! And if you still refuse to submit, then I will ravage your puny minds with my infinite supply of Broadway showtune trivia!"
"No! Not Broadway!" Daniel fell to his knees and pressed his forehead to the industrial-grade motel carpet.
"Yes! Broadway! Yes, feeble human, bow before me and witness my power!" Junta lowered her hand, which held the squishy heart, and in one swift motion, she threw it into the TV screen. The TV blew apart, emitting sparks in all directions.
"Hey!" Ben jumped up from the bed and ran to the TV. "I was watching that, mate! It was just at the good part!"
"Ben, you were watching Baywatch..." dreamer grimaced.
"Yeah! And it was just at the good part!" Ben retorted as dreamer rolled her eyes.
"Silence!" Junta bellowed. "Or I will kill Daniel!" she said, grabbing Daniel and holding him at sporkpoint.
"See if I care." Heath waved his hand in the air nonchalantly and proceeded to rummage through the small motel fridge. "Hey! Complimentary Cheez Whiz!"
"Cheez whiz? Where?!" Junta dropped the knife and ran over to the fridge, where KelNino tackled the crazed girl. The pioneers tied her up with fishing line from Dan's backpack. "You all will pay! Feel the power of my spork! You cannot escape! Aaaahhhh-" Junta screamed and she struggled against the durable wire until Robin stuffed a wad of cotton stuffing (also from Dan's backpack) in her mouth.
Sky turned to Heath. "Heath, that was a good idea to outwit her with that Cheez Whiz. No one can resist cheese in a can. Good thinking!"
"Yeah, Heath my good brother, you saved my life! Maybe you're not such a useless, lazy wanker after all," Daniel chimed in.
"I wasn't trying to save anybody, you #%@$wits. There really was Cheez Whiz in here." Heath held up a bottle of the delicious stuff in a bottle that tasted something like cheese. "And look, it's bacon cheddar flavor-" he held the bottle up to his mouth and squirted a stream of yellow goo onto his tongue.
"No, Daniel," Jill put a hand on Daniel's shoulder. "You were right before. Heath really is a useless, lazy wanker."
"Yeah, and you an ugly boy, Heath!" Kearbear added. "U-G-L-Y, you aint got to alibi, you ug-"
"Shut up!" Heath chucked the bottle of Cheez Whiz and hit kearbear smack between the eyes. She fell into Sky's arms.
"You bastard!" Daniel screamed girlishly.
"Whatcha gonna do, huh Daniel?" Heath taunted.
"I'm gonna break your arm!"
"Then I'l break your leg!" Heath snapped back.
"Then I'll break both your arms!" Daniel roared. He got right up in Heath's face.
"I'll break your fingers and your arms and your legs!"
"I'll break your toes, fingers, arms, legs, and pelvis!"
"I'll break your back!" Heath snapped.
"I'll smash your head on a rock-"
"Okay, boys," dreamer interrupted. "On to bigger and better things. We pioneers have to determine why a vegan like Daniel had fishing wire in his backpack anyway."
Everyone turned to Daniel, who was biting his perfectly manicured nails. "Okay, I have a confession to make, you guys," he whined. "It's not really fishing wire. It's butt floss! Are you happy now, guys?!"
Eventually, Junta managed to get the cotton out of her mouth. "You mean, you guys tied me with something that was wrapped around Daniel's ass?!" she screamed.
"Ah, shut up, Junta. It was the only thing that would stop you from...um, punishing us with that recycled napkin and spork," KelNino said.
"Hey, Junta, you should feel privileged," Daniel giggled.
"Why?"
"Because it's the only ass you had in weeks. Get it?"
"Not his stupid, sarcastic jokes AGAIN!"
"What are ypu talking about?" asked fireangel. "Daniel doesn't HAVE an ass!"
Suddenly the motel door flew open. "MY MOM'S A TOASTED CHICKEN!" yelled Melinda (who was in the story early on but she kind of wandered off) as she walked through the door.
"But I don't like chicken," said Daniel in a little girly voice. "I'm a vegan!"
"Huh?" said Melinda looking confused. "Oh! Never mind, I'm a vegetarian. It's all good."
"Me too," dreamer added.
"What are you doing here?" Junta asked in her "Satanic" voice (which was hard for her because she's really God).
"Well, I've brought you this magical tomato to help you with your journey. Have I ever told you the story of my love for tomatoes?" Melinda asked as the pioneers signed, not wanted to here one of her long, pointless stories. "Shut up or I'll tell you a thousand others!" she yelled back. "Well, when I was just a young tot, of about 3 or 4, I stumbled apon a small, red, round object. Surely this must be magical, I thought to myself. For I have never seen such an object in the short time I have spent on this planet. I picked up the object and quiet to my surprise, the object fit perfectly into the palm of my hand. Even more proof that it must be magical. I took the ojbect back to the mother ship to ask what it might be. On my way though, I tripped over one of those things you call a rock. It all happened in slow motion...I tripped, fell on my face, and the tomato landed on my head. The "blood" as I thought it was, got all over my clothes and hair. I ran as fast as I could to the mothership hoping to save this poor creature. The others laughed at me and told me it was an item for consumption. and that my friends, is when I learned of the wonderful flavor of tomatoes."
"Wow! You're from another planet? Cool!" exclaimed fireangel.
"Oh, don't listen to her," advised Ada. "She's just crazy!"
"I am not crazy!" Melinda screamed in a fit of rage. "I'm the bloody Pope!"
"Now what the hell are you doing?" asked Robin. "You can't say bloody if you're not from bloody England. And you're not the bloody Pope!"
"Am too!" argued Melinda.
"Are not!"
"Am too!"
"Are not!"
Melinda and Robin sat there arguing like annoying little children and soon were at the point of name calling.
"Spooty head!"
"Poop face!"
"Banana freak!"
"Toilet breath!"
"Monkey butt..."
"Okay, let's leave these children alone and get back to business," suggested KelNino. "Now, where were we...?"
"YOU WERE GOING TO GET ME OUT OF THIS BUTT WIRE?!" screamed Junta.
"Oh, yeah."
"You mean you don't like the butt floss?" Daniel whimpered.
"No no no no! I hate your @$#%ing butt wire! GOD-damnit!" Junta screamed.
"Junta, you shouldn't use your own name in vain," Ada scolded Junta. Junta grumbled something under her breath as Flash approached her with his nifty futuristic Swiss Army knife (he *is* from the future, after all). While Flash began to snap around the wire, dreamer heard a soft voice humming. She turned around to see KelNino swaying back and forth, singing a tune softly.
"My cup runneth over, like blood from a stone..." KelNino crooned.
"KelNino? You okay?" dreamer shoved her gently.
Ben looked at the singing KelNino. "Oh no, not again-"