Part 9
Right then, a match struck from behind her, and the one that had lit it was none other than Ada, who was a serious pyro. She took the match, watching the fire in the air. All of a sudden, KelNino screamed, "Yaaaay! Fire!" She stripped down to her leopard-print undies and began dancing around the little flame chanting some mysterious chant. Eddie (aka furry-with-wings) fell into line with her and spat out a backround beat. Back to silverchair stuff
"Unga bunga! Mmbop blows! Unga bunga bunga bunga!" she shrieked. Robin raised an eyebrow inquisitively while the rest of the group tried to tackle the crazed KelNino. KelNino was irritated. "Hey, hey! Just having a little fun! Chill out! Look, I'm bald and wearing Abercrombie clothes, my life couldn't be worse. And you're telling me that I can't dance around a fire?!"
Junta elbowed KelNino sharply.
"Umm, hey sis," she whispered, "Remember we were gonna keep that secret? Remember what they did to that slutty little Rita when they found out she was a witch?" KelNino immediately stopped dancing (poor Eddie was very disappointed) and unwillingly put the Abercrombie uniform back on.
Ada shrieked "Robin! Get that banana out of your crotch! Damn! That is disgusting!"
Robin hunched over, ashamed. "That's not a banana...." he stated quietly.
"Oh...sorry," Ada replied. James picked up the gel blob laying on the ground.
"Hey, what's this?" he questioned. Ada took it from him quickly, lit it on fire and stuffed the flaming fake boob into Britney's chest cavity. The group screamed with glee as the pop idol's remaining boob burst from the heat of the burning one and her hair extensions melted upon her face. After the last of the evil queen was smeared across the floor like chalk in big great letters exclaming "Peace, Love, silverchair," the bathroom pioneers made their way towards the warehouse doors. They stepped outside and looked around them. (gasp) They were in a Gap outlet!
"Oh s**t!" proclaimed Ada as they all stood in horror.
They ran at top speed to the doors. As they each passed through the doors their hair miraculously grew back (except for dreamer's - it was so thick it never *did* fall out) and through the doors was a city. They were in the city of...Seattle!
"Home!" KelNino shouted in glee. She dropped to her knees and began kissing the cobblestone pavement of Pioneer Square. "Ohmygod...I've missed this place so much!" She lay down on her back and watched the overcast sky roll overhead.
"Whoa, the birthplace of modern rock..." Robin whispered in awe. Everyone turned around to see Daniel giggling and pointing at something.
"Hey, look over there..." Daniel smirked, "Those guys are totally making out...hahahahaha..." The Chosen and Unchosen turned to see two pale, skinny men groping each other on the street corner.
"Oh yeah, heh heh," KelNino explained, "This town has got a big gay community, as big as Frisco Bay's for sure." The group nodded as Daniel continued to stare at the sexual display.
"Stop it Daniel!" Junta nudged Daniel.
"Oh, yeah, sorry. It's just that they're really turning me on..."
"Oh, so that's not a banana in your pants then?" Junta queried. The group chuckled behind her.
"Dude!" KelNino piped up, "Do you guys want to go down to that big FAO toy store a couple blocks down?"
"Yay! Toys!" fireangel jumped with joy. KelNino led the group down 4th street until they came to the corner where FAO was located.
"Hey, this is weird. I know the toy store was right here..." They looked up the huge building, it was just another office building. KelNino peered down the street through the skyscrapers. "That's not possible. The Kingdome is still there, but they blew that up a year ago...and look, the big REI store isn't there either! This can't be possible..."
Daniel picked up a piece of paper that flew by and read it, then quickly handed it to KelNino, who read it aloud:
ANNOUNCEMENT
The Bash will be hosting a rock rave Friday, March 19 at 10:30. The up-and-coming local band, Alice in Chains, wil be playing. So come drink some Coors and support the new alternative!
The group stood in shock.
"Uuuhhhhh...b..but...how?" Robin stuttered.
"I don't know...but that would explain why FAO isn't here, and the REI store. The Kingdome too." She looked at the top of the paper. In tiny print it read:
March 10, 1993.
"Holy s**t!" she exclaimed, "I'm supposed to be eight years old!" The rain began to pour heavily, so the group huddled in some homeless guy's cardboard box. He lay on the ground holding something in his arms fast asleep. Robin stared closer, the guy was holding a guitar. He looked vaguely familiar, but he couldn't seem to draw a name...
KelNino spoke in a low voice. "So why are we here? I mean, we're seven years back in the past..."
fireangel spoke first. "Maybe we're supposed to do something...you know, like that TV show, you know, Quantum Leap or Sliders or something..."
"Yeah, maybe so..." KelNino replied.
Meanwhile, Junta was in deep thought. They were in a different time...a different place. How could they get home? Who sent them there?
What the bathroom pioneers didn't know was that the gods of rock (Timmy and the Lords of the Underworld) had chosen them to travel through dimensions and time to prevent all the tragedies that have occurred throughout the history of rock. Their first mission was to stop the death of Kurt Cobain. The only problem was that if Kurt Cobain didn't die, then KelNino would never become the reincarnated soul of Kurt Cobain. This troubled her, but she finally reasoned that no one would continue to appreciate Kurt for much longer if he stayed alive, given the fickle nature of the majority of music fans. After all, death *had* made Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, *and* Janis Joplin immortal. It still bothered her, but there was another thing to deal with first...
"Oh, man, if I don't get out of this stupid Abercrombie outfit soon, I'm gonna crack," whined Robin.
"Come on, I know where we can get some ripped jeans and Kill Rock Stars t-shirts," dreamer announced.
"Cool!" the Johns brothers chorused.
"Thank God!" Ada, Junta, and fireangel added.
"And hey, I think Bikini Kill and L7 are playing somewhere tonight, if anyone else wants to drive down to Olympia..." she continued.
"Really?" drooled Ben.
"Really. But moshers have to stay off to the sides, and if Kathleen sees you drooling at her, she might throw you out."
"Yeah, Ben," Daniel snickered. "You'll have to behave yourself tonight!" Ben began cursing under his breath.
That night, the bathroom pioneers found themselves in front at the show. The concert kicked ass. And then it hit Junta. The reason they were in 1993...why they were there...it was not to prevent the death of Kurt Cobain...he wouldn't die until 1994. There must be another reason...what happened in 1993? Hmmmmm...
Then it hit her! "Boyz II Men!" she shouted. The group turned around and looked at her strangely.
"*What?*" Robin queried.
"Boyz II Men!" Junta repeated, "They came around in 1993! We have to destroy them!" The Bathroom Pioneers sighed, realizing they had to leave the awesome concert before L7 could finish. However, they had to stick around another hour because Robin had charged such a huge alcohol bill, none of them could pay for it. So they helped the bartender clean up and wash dishes. By the time it was done, the sky was dark and the group exausted. KelNino had to find a place for her followers to sleep. She remembered an old broken-down Pizza Hut somewhere in the middle of town. That would be a good enough place to crash for the night. So the group of Chosen and Unchosen followed KelNino to their spot of resting for the night. Before you could say "banana," Robin had already found a tub of pineapples in the back of the joint.
"Hmm...I wonder if these are still edible. Only one way to find out!" Robin began happily eating the green and moldy chunks of pineapple. Ada climbed up onto the table Ben was lying. She lay down and put her head on his stomach. She needed some kind of pillow, and Ben would just have to do. Besides, Ben would make a better pillow then Daniel would. Robin curled up with his pineapples in the corner, and Daniel went to join him. Everyone was settling down, when Shayla heard a noise from the back room. "What..what is that?" KelNino went to go look. Before her stood...oh my gosh!!! It was the devil!!!!! He was bright red and had horns!
"AHHHHH!" everyone screamed, panicking and running in a circle.
"Wait! Stop it!" cried Ash above the noise. "He's trying to talk."
They stopped and looked over at the devil in silence.
It wasn't really the devil. It was Courtney Love!
"You wretched fools, Boyz II Men is my brainchild, well, children, and I will not let you destroy them. I am smarter than I smell, I mean look. I know your little scheme, so in order to rid the world of them, you'll have to kill me first, and it's not easy." And she disappeared into a cloud of orange smoke, not unlike the Wizard of Oz. So the group sat down and began to think.
"Wait a minute. That couldn't have been Courtney Love!" Daniel exclaimed.