song interpretations in their own words:
DAY ONE:
SLIDE:

Bret: Thought we'd do like a mini-"Storytellers" because lots of times, people call and ask about lyrics, but they also want to know what the song's about, and I don't. They ask about "Slide" a lot. Who the hell is May?
John: May is uh...y'know like when you watch "Dragnet"? The names have been changed to protect the innocent? That's that. Y'know, it's pretty much a story about growing up Catholic, and doing a lot of things that Catholic teenagers aren't supposed to do with each other, and getting busted, and having the reality of your situation. These two kids are kind of confused. What do you do? Do you get married? Do you talk to the priest? What goes on, y'know. And it's sort of like...kind of a...I don't know, kind of a tragic coming-of-age kind of thing. But these two kids love each other, so...that's all that matters.
Bret: What happened to the other kid?
John: I kicked his ass. He knocked my sister up! No, I'm just kidding!
Bret: You had me, I was like "Awww!"
John: I'm just kidding, it was just...no. It's just something I observed in the neighborhood I grew up in. It wasn't my situation.
BROADWAY:

Bret: We decided today for the "Play of the Day" to let them pick it, which will actually be the next single off the new (**not quite**) album. It's called "Broadway," isn't it?
John: Uh, that song is about the neighborhood that I grew up in, and it was like a real working-class, blue-collar...like a factory neighborhood. And everybody went to high school, and then you went to work in the factory, or something like that. There was a certain mentality, y'know, because it was a really poor neighborhood and there was a lot of narrow-minded people that lived there. There were a lot of great people that lived in that neighborhood too, and I'm not disrespecting them at all, but y'know, there was an attitude amoung certain people in that neighborhood that was...kind of offensive to me. And as soon as I was able to get out of there, I did. And I moved out of there when I was fifteen. And uh...well, y'know, it's been a few years so I got enough space between me and that place, I don't think any of those mooks are gonna come and kick my ass. So that's pretty much what this song is about. But all that stuff is gone now, and all those people are gone now.
Bret: So it's kinda like your version of "Allentown" (Billy Joel, btw)
John: Yeah! I guess so, yeah. I guess it kinda is, y'know. That's a good comparison.
DAY TWO:
BLACK BALLOON:

Bret: How about a few lines on "Black Balloon."
John: It's just really about somebody losing their way and getting into a lot of trouble in their own lives, in their own life, and affecting the lives of the people around them that love that person and um...y'know, ultimately trying to make peace with that.
Bret: Is that you, or is that someone that you know?
John: No, it's not me.
Robby: We'd tell you, but we'd have to kill you.
DIZZY:

Bret: We'll let Johnny and Robby pick the "Play of the Day." Actually, I'm gonna pick it and tell you, and you can agree. I would like to do "Dizzy," since we don't get a chance to play that that often, and uh...tell me a little about it, Bob.
John: Oh, okay. Well...actually, the original title was "Bullet With Butterfly Wings," but that was taken by someone else, so y'know...title track more or less.
Bret: Great hook. And you can dance to it.
John: I think so.
DAY THREE:
mystery song, read on to find out =)
Bret: Like an hour and a half from now, it'll be Grammy time. In fact, they're already coming down the red carpet now.
John: Big fucking deal.
Bret: Johnny's impressed by everybody. Especially since Cher stiffed him.
John: I can't believe she stiffed me! SHE asked ME to do it, and they stiffed me. I wanted a brush with greatness.
Bret: You'll have your brush. It doesn't have to be with her. Who's the most famous person you've met, that you've been impressed by?
John: Garth Brooks.
Bret: Really? Hat or no hat?
John: Hat. Definitely. Big hat.
Robby: I'll tell you, we met Janet Reno and that was really weird. There was like a power in the room that was like really bizarre. I'm serious, there were like Secret Service everywhere and it was pretty intense, y'know.
John: Really, she's an amazing person, a really, really smart woman.
Bret: And she wears a cup. What is our "Play of the Day"? It's from the Janet Reno album, isn't it?
John: It's from her solo album...y'know, she's Mike Reno's mother, from Loverboy, Mike Reno?
Bret: That's right! So does that mean we're doing working for the weekend?
John: Yeah, well see, you didn't know that, but when she was working with the CIA, she had his ass deported to Canada because he wore that headband all the time. But uh, we're gonna pick a song here. Okay, this is off "Superstar CarWash." This is called "On The Lie," a song that never saw the light of day. Until today, on Y100! And that's amazing, because it's a huge radio station. And we've had a really good time. And, uh, I'm gonna stop kissing your ass now, okay?
compiled from the last 2 days...things that the guys will very probably regret having said if they ever read a transcript, lol
John: Robby got to meet Pam Anderson, and I thought he was gonna crap his pants.
Robby: She doesn't look real.
Bret: The Brett Michaels phase or the Tommy Lee phase?
John: Oh no no, she was there with Tommy Lee.
Robby: This was WELL into the surgery, my friend.
Bret: Do you find yourself standing next to Tommy Lee and just going, "Oh man, I'm just..." You know what I'm thinking.
John (innocent): Well, no I don't. You know what it is, it's like I think what people are mostly interested in what he's doing is cause, he's uh...
Robby: Got a huge dick. (and yes, the censors pretty much missed this, lol)
John: Yes.
Bret: I think they got that reference earlier.
John: He's just got a massive crank and he bangs Pam Anderson. It's like, nobody cares about his band. Let me ask you something, when in the last six months have you said, "This is Methods of Mayhem coming up next on Y100" ?
Bret: Not only did I not say that, but I wasn't even sure what the name of the band was until just now.
Robby: Now how many times have you inadvertently caught Tommy Lee's crank on TV, on cable? Like, many more times than you have played Methods of Mayhem, correct?
Bret: Or Motley Crue for that matter.
John: Or Motley Crue, here let me have this...Okay, this is theater of the mind, people. This is what it sounds like when Tommy Lee rolls over in bed. *THUD* Okay, that's enough.
Bret: You guys are gonna get me arrested!
***practicing their speech, just in case***
Bret: And the winner, for best rock performance by a duo or group...oh my god, "Black Balloon" by the Goo Goo Dolls!
Robby and John: Oh! Oh my god! Holy moly! Oh!
Bret: Uh, sorry they're not here to accept, but in their place would be former members of Menudo, Chi-Chi and Menendez.
John: It's like someone just unleashed the floodgates on your head. It's incredible.
Bret: All right, if you guys were to accept, how would it go?
Robby: I'd like to thank my momma and Elvis.
Robby and John: That's it.
Bret: Thank you, good-night. That's all we have time for, Rosie O'Donnell, back to you.
Bret: Song of the Year: Backstreet Boys, Ricky Martin, Santana f/Rob Thomas, TLC, or Shania Twain?
John: Uh, I'm gonna go with Santana again.
Robby: I'll be completely honest. I think that Backstreet Boys' song is the most catchy song of all those songs, so I'll be honest with you.
Bret: Nicest ass in the group?
Robby: Shania Twain.
Bret: I mean in the group of winners, not in the Backstreet Boys.
John: I was gonna say!...I like that guy Howie...what's his name, Howie or Wally? There's some guy, Howie or Wally. Great ass.
Bret: Tito.
John: Great ass. He has got to do lunges and squats and god knows what else to get that thing to look like that. We did a show with those guys at Madison Square Gardens, and he was entertaining everyone backstage by cracking walnuts between his butt cheeks. It was really amazing...No one would eat them though.
Y100 Buffalo Talk from Day 1, Monday the 21st
Bret: We were talking earlier, off the air, about Buffalo. I lived in Rochester for eleven months, and my wife's brother lives in Buffalo now. And all I can say about Buffalo is they need to turn up the heat and work on the tourism on their side of the border, because on the other side, in Canada, they've got like the Hard Rock, which New York has as well, but it seems like everybody goes over there, has a good time, goes home.
John: Well uh...People come to Buffalo to drink. Cause the bars stay open til 4 in the morning in Buffalo, so y'know, um, I always thought they should close the bars a little bit earlier (lol, sure John) and turn the heat up.
Bret: And go to the Whirlitzer factory, that was amazing.
John: Is that still there? I don't even know.
Bret: To be honest, I drove by and was like, "Hey, look, Whirl--!" Like in vacation, "Hey kids, it's the Whirlitzer factory! All right, gotta move!"
John: Yeah, but you go to the falls, everybody does that, and we've been there like five thousand times.
Bret: I had never been to the falls til last year when we went to visit her brother, and drove by at night, and it was kinda like the second coming. Like you come around the corner on whatever that drive is, and those lights that they have on at night...
John: It's fantastic. Really beautiful, it's really beautiful. But actually, a lot's being done in Buffalo, they're doing a lot of urban renewal downtown and stuff like that, and there seems to be a lot more independent newspapers coming out in that city, where you can get an alternative viewpoint to "The Buffalo News." Which is fine, it's good.
Bret: Electric, wanting water...I'm kidding.
John: Yeah, they're putting the toilets in..that's right...you motherBLEEEEEEEP, are you making fun of Buffalo?!?
Bret: Actually, the most fascinating thing I found out about the falls was that I guess a few years ago, they clogged the falls and did some maintainence...and they found all kinds of stuff down there, like bodies and carparts and stuff.
John: There's this really famous piece of news footage of a guy unintentionally being caught on tape jumping over the falls. The guy was doing a story about something else, and all the suddden, he looks behind him and goes, "Oh my god, what the hell is that!" There's a guy that jumped in the water and just dove over the falls.
Bret: Well there's a story about a baby, I guess, that went over out of a boat and lived, because the baby was so light, went over the falls.
Robby: Yeah, that was me.
Bret: Creed and Tonic and Oasis, and little tiny babies going over the falls next from Y100.

Post-Grammy Plans, Day 3, Wednesday the 23rd
Bret: Not only are you nominated, but uh, I don't know, maybe? Maybe Johnny's giving out an award? Maybe he's just getting the gift bag and going to the parties.
John: I may be valet parking cars.
Bret: You'll have to fight me for that job, cause that's my gig tonight.
John: Do you know how much money the valet parkers at the Grammies make?
Bret: It's either the valet parker at the Grammies, or the valet parker at the parties.
John: Oh yeah.
Bret: I'll make you a deal--you can have the Staples Center, and I'll take the Four Seasons.
John: Yeah, dude.
Bret: And we'll pool tips at the end of the night.
John: Sounds good to me.
Bret: We'll go to the Pink Dot, we'll buy Gatorade.
John: That's cool. They deliver.
Robby: We don't have to go, we can just sit right here.
John: Tell people in Philadelphia what Pink Dot is. (**thank you John!**)
Bret: Okay, the Pink Dot, and you guys probably don't know what the Wawa is.
John: I love Wawa!
Bret: Wawa! All right!
Robby: You have to remember, we ARE national travelers. We travel the United States quite frequently.
Bret: Well the Wawa and the Pink Dot are...well, they're one. They're not related, but they're one.
John: Does Wawa deliver?
Bret: No.
Robby: See, now there is the genius of the Pink Dot.
John: There you go! Pink Dot delivers in thirty minutes or less, anything you want. You're like, "I want a bottle of Scotch and some rock salt," and they bring it to your house!
Robby: Exactly. "I want a Playboy magazine and some clothespins."
Bret: "I had nothing but cheese last night. I'd like an enema and a bottle of jack." "Okay, ten minutes."
Robby: It's amazing, you could be so ripped. Like it's on computer, you can be so ripped, literally all you gotta do is have it on speed dial, and you just go "TWELVE BEER!" and like they know who it is, they know where you are. "TWELVE BEER!"
John: And you say "Put it on my account," and then they leave it at the door.
Bret: Yeah, they're like, "Your beer is here sir, Pink Dot."