Eminem

*Parental Advisory Explicit Content*


My Name Is-Slim Shady LP


Chorus: repeat 2X


Hi! My name is.. (what?) My name is.. (who?)
My name is.. {scratches} Slim Shady
Hi! My name is.. (huh?) My name is.. (what?)
My name is.. {scratches} Slim Shady


Ahem.. excuse me!
Can I have the attention of the class
for one second?


[Eminem]
Hi kids! Do you like violence? (Yeah yeah yeah!)
Wanna see me stick Nine Inch Nails through each one of my eyelids? (Uh-huh!)
Wanna copy me and do exactly like I did? (Yeah yeah!)
Try 'cid and get fucked up worse that my life is? (Huh?)
My brain's dead weight, I'm tryin to get my head straight
but I can't figure out which Spice Girl I want to impregnate (Ummmm..)
And Dr. Dre said, "Slim Shady you a basehead!"
Uh-uhhh! "So why's your face red? Man you wasted!"
Well since age twelve, I've felt like I'm someone else
Cause I hung my original self from the top bunk with a belt
Got pissed off and ripped Pamela Lee's tits off
And smacked her so hard I knocked her clothes backwards like Kris Kross
I smoke a fat pound of grass and fall on my ass
faster than a fat bitch who sat down too fast
C'mere slut! (Shady, wait a minute, that's my girl dog!)
I don't give a fuck, God sent me to piss the world off!


Chorus


[Eminem]
My English teacher wanted to flunk me in junior high
Thanks a lot, next semester I'll be thirty-five
I smacked him in his face with an eraser, chased him with a stapler
and stapled his nuts to a stack of papers (Owwwwwwww!)
Walked in the strip club, had my jacket zipped up
Flashed the bartender, then stuck my dick in the tip cup
Extraterrestrial, runnin over pedestrians
in a spaceship while they screamin at me: "LET'S JUST BE FRIENDS!"
Ninety-nine percent of my life I was lied to
I just found out my mom does more dope than I do (Damn!)
I told her I'd grow up to be a famous rapper
Make a record about doin drugs and name it after her (Oh thank you!)
You know you blew up when the women rush your stands
and try to touch your hands like some screamin Usher fans (Aaahhhhhh!)
This guy at White Castle asked for my autograph
(Dude, can I get your autograph?)
So I signed it: 'Dear Dave, thanks for the support, ASSHOLE!'


Chorus


[Eminem]
Stop the tape! This kid needs to be locked away! (Get him!)
Dr. Dre, don't just stand there, OPERATE!
I'm not ready to leave, it's too scary to die (Fuck that!)
I'll have to be carried inside the cemetery and buried alive
(Huh yup!) Am I comin or goin? I can barely decide
I just drank a fifth of vodka -- dare me to drive? (Go ahead)
All my life I was very deprived
I ain't had a woman in years, and my palms are too hairy to hide
(Whoops!) Clothes ripped like the Incredible Hulk (hachhh-too)
I spit when I talk, I'll fuck anything that walks (C'mere)
When I was little I used to get so hungry I would throw fits
HOW YOU GONNA BREAST FEED ME MOM? (WAH!)
YOU AIN'T GOT NO TITS! (WAHHH!)
I lay awake and strap myself in the bed
Put a bulleproof vest on and shoot myself in the head (BANG!)
I'm steamin mad (Arrrggghhh!)
And by the way when you see my dad? (Yeah?)
Tell him that I slit his throat, in this dream I had


Chorus


Role Model-Slim Shady LP


OK, I'm going to attempt to drown myself
You can try this at home
You can be just like me!


Mic check one two.. we recordin?
I'm cancerous, so when I diss you wouldn't wanna answer this
If you responded back with a battle rap you wrote for Canibus
I strangled you to death then I choked you again
Then break your fuckin legs till your bones poke through your skin
You beef wit me, I'ma even the score equally
Take you on Jerry Springer, and beat yer ass legally
I get you blunted off of funny home grown
Cause when I smoke out I hit the trees harder than Sonny Bono
(Ohh no!!) So if I said I never did drugs
That would mean I lie AND get fucked more than the President does
Hillary Clinton tried to slap me and call me a pervert
I ripped her fuckin tonsils out and fed her sherbet (Bitch!)
My nerves hurt, and lately I'm on edge
Grabbed Vanilla Ice and ripped out his blonde dreads (Fuck you!)
Every girl I ever went out wit is goin lez
Follow me and do exactly what the song says:
smoke weed, take pills, drop outta school, kill people and drink
And jump behind the wheel like it was still legal
I'm dumb enough to walk in a store and steal
So I'm dumb enough to ask for a date with Lauryn Hill
Some people only see that I'm white, ignorin skill
Cause I stand out like a green hat with a orange bill
But I don't get pissed, y'all don't even see through the mist
How the fuck can I be white, I don't even exist
I get a clean shave, bathe, go to a rave
Die from an overdose and dig myself up out of my grave
My middle finger won't go down, how do I wave?
And this is how I'm supposed to teach kids how to behave?


Now follow me and do exactly what you see
Don't you wanna grow up to be just like me!
I slap women and eat shrooms then O.D.
Now don't you wanna grow up to be just like me!


Me and Marcus Allen went over to see Nicole
When we heard a knock at the door, must have been Ron Gold'
Jumped behind the door, put the orgy on hold
Killed em both and smeared blood in a white Bronco (we did it!)
My mind won't work if my spine don't jerk
I slapped Garth Brooks out of his Rhinestone shirt
I'm not a player just a ill rhyme sayer
That'll spray an Aerosol can up at the ozone layer (psssssssh)
My rap style's warped, I'm runnin out the morgue
witcha dead grandmother's corpse to throw it on your porch
Jumped in a Chickenhawk cartoon wit a cape on
And beat up Foghorn Leghorn with an acorn
I'm bout as normal as Norman Bates, with deformative traits
A premature birth that was four minutes late
Mother.. are you there? I love you
I never meant to hit you over the head with that shovel
Will someone explain to my brain that I just severed
a main vein with a chainsaw and I'm in pain?
I take a breather and sighed; either I'm high, or I'm nuts
Cause if you ain't tiltin this room, neither am I
So when you see your mom with a thermometer shoved in her ass
Then it probably is obvious I got it on with her
Cause when I drop this solo shit it's over with
I bought Cage's tape, opened it, and dubbed over it


I came to the club drunk with a fake ID
Don't you wanna grow up to be just like me!
I've been with 10 women who got HIV
Now don't you wanna grow up to be just like me!
I got genital warts and it burns when I pee
Don't you wanna grow up to be just like me!
I tie a rope around my penis and jump from a tree
You probably wanna grow up to be just like me!!!


Guilty Conscience


[announcer]
Meet Eddie, twenty-three years old.
Fed up with life and the way things are going,
he decides to rob a liquor store.
("I can't take this no more, I can't take it no more homes")
But on his way in, he has a sudden change of heart.
And suddenly, his conscience comes into play...
("Shit is mine, I gotta do this.. gotta do this")


[Dr. Dre]
Alright, stop! (Huh?)
Now before you walk in the door of this liquor store
and try to get money out the drawer
You better think of the consequence (But who are you?)
I'm your motherfuckin conscience


[Eminem]
That's nonsense!
Go in and gaffle the money and run to one of your aunt's cribs
And borrow a damn dress, and one of her blonde wigs
Tell her you need a place to stay
You'll be safe for days if you shave your legs with an aged razor blade


[Dr. Dre]
Yeah but if it all goes through like it's supposed to
The whole neighborhood knows you and they'll expose you
Think about it before you walk in the door first
Look at the store clerk, she's older than George Burns


[Eminem]
Fuck that! Do that shit! Shoot that bitch!
Can you afford to blow this shit? Are you that rich?
Why you give a fuck if she dies? Are you that bitch?
Do you really think she gives a fuck if you have kids?


[Dr. Dre]
Man, don't do it, it's not worth it to risk it! (You're right!)
Not over this shit (Stop!) Drop the biscuit (I will!)
Don't even listen to Slim yo, he's bad for you
(You know what Dre? I don't like your attitude..)
{sound of static}


("It's alright c'mon, just come in here for a minute")
("Mmm, I don't know!")
("Look baby..")
("Damn!")
("Yo, it's gonna be alright, right?")
("Well OK..")


[announcer]
Meet Stan, twenty-one years old. ("Give me a kiss!")
After meeting a young girl at a rave party,
things start getting hot and heavy in an upstairs bedroom.
Once again, his conscience comes into play... ("Shit!")


[Eminem]
Now listen to me, while you're kissin her cheek
and smearin her lipstick, I slipped this in her drink
Now all you gotta do is nibble on this little bitch's earlobe..
(Yo! This girl's only fifteen years old
You shouldn't take advantage of her, that's not fair)
Yo, look at her bush.. does it got hair? (Uh huh!)
Fuck this bitch right here on the spot bare
Til she passes out and she forgot how she got there
(Man, ain't you ever seen that one movie _Kids_?)
No, but I seen the porno with SunDoobiest!
(Shit, you wanna get hauled off to jail?)
Man fuck that, hit that shit raw dawg and bail..


{sound of static}
{pickup idling, radio playing}


[announcer]
Meet Grady, a twenty-nine year old construction worker.
After coming home from a hard day's work,
he walks in the door of his trailer park home
to find his wife in bed with another man.
("WHAT THE FUCK?!?!")
("Grady!!")


[Dr. Dre]
Alright calm down, relax, start breathin..


[Eminem]
Fuck that shit, you just caught this bitch cheatin
While you at work she's with some dude tryin to get off?!
FUCK slittin her throat, CUT THIS BITCH'S HEAD OFF!!!


[Dr. Dre]
Wait! What if there's an explanation for this shit?
(What? She tripped? Fell? Landed on his dick?!)
Alright Shady, maybe he's right Grady
But think about the baby before you get all crazy


[Eminem]
Okay! Thought about it, still wanna stab her?
Grab her by the throat, get your daughter and kidnap her?
That's what I did, be smart, don't be a retard
You gonna take advice from somebody who slapped DEE BARNES??!


[Dr. Dre]
What'chu say? (What's wrong? Didn't think I'd remember?)
I'ma kill you motherfucker!


[Eminem]
Uhhh-aahh! Temper temper!
Mr. Dre? Mr. N.W.A.?
Mr. AK comin' straight outta Compton y'all better make way?
How in the fuck you gonna tell this man not to be violent?


[Dr. Dre]
Cause he don't need to go the same route that I went
Been there, done that.. aw fuck it...
What am I sayin? Shoot em both Grady, where's your gun at?


{gun fires, is cocked, and re-fired}


The Real Slim Shady


May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention please?
Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
I repeat will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
We're going to have a problem here


(Verse 1)


Ya’ll act like you never seen a white person before
jaws all on the floor like Pam like Tommy just burst in the door
started whoopin her ass worse than before
they first get divorced throwing her over furniture (scream)
It’s the return of the
Oh wait, no way, your kidding, he didn’t just say what I think he did, did he?
And Dr Dre said
..Nothing you idiots Dr Dre’s dead hes locked in my basement (haha)
Femenist women loved Eminem
Chicka chicka chicka Slim Shady I'm sick of him
look at him walking around grabing his you know what
what, looking at you know who (yea but hes so cute thou)
Yea I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
but no worse than whats going on in your parents bedrooms
Sometimes I wanna get on TV and just let loose,
but can't, but its cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose
my bums on your lips my bums on your lips
and if im lucky u might just give it a little kiss
and that’s the message we deliver to little kids
and expect them not to know what a womens vagina is
of course there gonna know what intercourse is
by the time they hit 4th grade,
they got the discovery channel don’t they?
We aint nothing but mammals, well some of us cannabals
who would rather rip people open like canolopes
But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes
then theres no reason that a man and another man can't elope
But if you feel like I feel I got the antadoite
Women wet your panty hoes, [sing the chorus and it goes...]


(Chorus)


Im Slim Shady
Yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So wont the real Slim Shady...
Please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up
becuase I'm Slim Shady
Yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So wont the real Slim shady...
Please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up


(Verse 2)


Will Smith don’t gotta cuss in his raps to sell records
Well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too
You think I give a damm about a grammy?
Half of you critics cant even stomach me, let alone stand me
(but slim what if u win wouldn’t it be weird?)
Why? [So you] guys can just lie to get me here?
So you can sit me here next to Britney Spears
Christina Aguilera better switch [me] chairs
So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst
And [hear 'em argue] over who she gave head to first
Little bitch put me on blast on MTV
(yea hes cute but I think hes married to Kim, hehe)
I should download [her] audio on mp3
And show the whole world how you gave Eminem [V.D.] (scream)
I'm sick of you little [girl and] boy groups all you do is annoy me
So I've been sent here to destroy you
And theres a million of us just like me
Who cuss like me
Who just don’t give a fuck like me
Who dress like me
Walk, Talk and act like me
It just might be the next best thing
But not quite me


(chorus)


(Verse 3)


Im like a headtrip to listen to
Cause I'm only giving you
things you joke about with your friends inside your living room
The only diffreance is I got the balls to say it in front of ya’ll
And I don’t got to be false or sugar [coated] at all
I just get on the mic and spit it
And wheather you like to admit it
I [kick Shit] better than 90% of you rappers out there
Then you [wonder how can] kidz [eat up] these albums
Its funny cuz at the rate im going when I'm 30
I'll be the only person in the nursing home flirting
Pinching nurses asses when I'm [masturbatin' with Jergens and] I'm jerking
But this whole bag of viagra isnt working
And every single person is a Slim Shady lurkin
He could be workin at Burger King spitten on your onion rings
Or in the parking lot circling
screaming I don’t give a fuck
With his windows down and system up
So will the real Shady, please stand up
and put one of those fingures on each hand up
and to be proud to out of your mind and out of control
and one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?


(chorus)


the Way I Am


Dre just let it run
A yo turn the beat up a little bit
A yo
This song is for anyone
Fuck it shut up and listen
A yo,
I sit back with this pack of Zig Zags and this bag
Of this weed it gives me the shit needed to be
The most meanest MC on this
On this Earth
And since birth I've been cursed with this curse to just curse
And just blurt this berserk and bizarre shit that works
And it sells and it helps in itself to relieve
All this tension dispensin me sentences gettin it
Stress that's been eaten me recently offa this chest
And I rest again peacefully
But at least have the decency in you to leave me alone
When you freaks see me out in the streets when I'm eatin or feedin my daughter
To not come and speak to me
I don't know you and no, I don't owe you a motherfucking thing
I'm not Mr. N'Sync
I'm not what your friends think
I'm not Mr. friendly
I can be a prick
If you tip me my tank is on empty
No patience is in me and if you offend me I'm liftin you 10 feet
In the air I don't care who is there and who saw me just jaw you
Go call you a lawyer go file you a lawsuit
I'll smile in the courtroom and buy you a wardrobe
I'm tired of all you
I don't mean to be mean but that's all I can be is just me


Chorus:
And I am whatever you say I am
If I wasn't then why would I say I am
In the paper, the news everyday I am
Radio won't even play my jam
Cuz I am whatever you say I am
If I wasn't then why would I say I am
In the paper, the news everyday I am
I don't know it's just the way I am


Sometimes I just feel like my father
I hate to be bothered
With alla this nonsense it's constant
Oh it's his lyrical content the song "Guilty Concience"
has gotten such rotten responses
And all-a this controversy circles me
And it seems like the media immedietly
Points a finger at me --
So I point one back at em but not the index or pinky
Or the ring or the thumb it's the one you put up
When you don't give a fuck when you won't just put up
With the bullshit they pull cuz they fulla shit too
When a dude's gettin bullied and shoots up his school
And they blame it on Marilyn
And the heroin where were the parents at
And look where it's at
Middle America now it's a tragedy now it's so sad to see
An upperclass city havin this happenin
Then attack Eminem cuz I rap this way
But I'm glad cuz they feed me the fuel that I need
For the fire to burn in it's burnin and I have returned


Chorus


I'm so sick and tired of being admired
That I wish I would just die or get fired
And drop from my label and stop with the fables
I'm not gonna be able to top what my name is
And pigeon-holed into some poppy sensation
To cop me rotation at rock-an-roll stations
And I just do not got the patience
To deal with these cocky Caucasians
Who think I'm some wigger who just tries to be black
Cuz I talk wit an accent and grab on my balls
So they always keep askin the same fucking questions
What school did I go to what hood I grew up in
And why the who what when the where and the how
till I'm grabbin my hair and I'm tearin it out
Cuz they drivin me crazy
I can't take it I'm racin I'm pacin
I stand and I sit
I'm thankful for every fan that I get
But I can't take a shit in the bathroom
Without someone standin by it
No I won't sign your autograph
You can call me an asshole I'm glad


Cuz I am whatever you say I am
If I wasn't then why would I say I am
In the paper, the news everyday I am
Radio won't even play my jam
Cuz I am whatever you say I am
If I wasn't then why would I say I am
In the paper, the news everyday I am
I don't know it's just the way I am

Page 2
Back