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I force myself through another day
Can't explain the way today just fell apart like everything
Right in my face
And I try to be the one
I can't accept this all because of you I've had to
walk away
From everything


I'm afraid to be alone
Afraid you'll leave me when I'm gone
I'm afraid to come back home


Another sleepless night again
Hotel room my only friend and friends like that just don't add up
To anything
And I try so hard to be
Everything that I could never take away from you again
I heard you say


I'm afraid to be alone
Afraid you'll leave me when I'm gone
I'm afraid to come back home


I cannot forget
I live with regret
I live through this
I can't see through this
I can't do this anymore


I'm afraid to be alone
Afraid you'll leave me when I'm gone
I'm afraid to come back home


Mudshovel


You take away
I feel the same


You take away
I feel the same
All the promises you made to me you made in vain
I lost myself inside your tainted smile again


Cause you can't feel my ANGER
You can't feel my pain
You can't feel my torment
Driving me insane
I can't fight these feelings they will bring you pain
You can't take away
Make me whole again


I feel betrayed
Stuck in your ways
And you rip me apart
With the brutal things you say
I can't deal with shit anymore
I just look away


Cause you can't feel my ANGER
You can't feel my pain
You can't feel my torment
Driving me insane
I can't fight these feelings they bring only pain
You can't take away
Make me whole again


Mudshovel


You take away
I feel the same
All these promises
You promised only pain
If you take away
And leave me with nothing again


'Cause you can't feel my ANGER
You can't feel my pain
You can't feel my torment
Driving me insane
I can't fight these feelings they will bring you
pain
You can't take away
Make me whole again


You will feel my anger
You will feel my pain
You will feel my torment
Driving you insane
I can't fight these feelings they will bring you
pain
You won't take away
I'll be whole again


Mudshovel


It's Been Awhile


It's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
Since I first saw you
Since I could stand on my own two feet again
Since I could call you
But everything I can't
remember as fucked up as it
all may seem the consequences
that I've rendered I've stretched
myself beyond my means


It's been awhile
Since I could say that I wasn't addicted
Subce I could say I love myself as well
Since I've gone and fucked things
up just like I always do
But all that shit seems to
disappear when I'm with you
But everything I can't remember
as fucked up as it may seem
The consequences that I've rendered,
I've gone and fucked things up again.
Why must I feel this way
Just make this go away,
Just one more peaceful day


It's been awhile
Since I could look at myself straight
Since I said I'm sorry
Since I've seen the way
the candle lights your face
But I can still remember
just the way you taste
But everything I can't remember as
fucked up as it all may seem to be
I know it's me I cannot blame this on my
father he did the best he could for me


It's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
and it's been awhile since I said
I'm sorry


Outside


And you, bring me to my knee, again.
And all the times, that i had to beg you please,
in vain.And all the times, that I've felt
insecure, for you. And I leave my burdens at the
door.


but I'm on the outside
I'm looking in
I can see through you,
see your true colors.
'cause inside you're ugly.
Your ugly like me.
I can see through you
see to the real you.


And all this time
that i felt like this won't end,
was for you.
And I taste
but i could never have,
its from you.
And all this time that i tried,
my intention, Full of pride
And i waste more time than anyone.


I'm on the outside,
I'm lookin' in,
I can see through you,
see your true colors,
'Cause inside your ugly,
your ugly like me
I can see through you
see to the real you.


All the times that I've cried,
all this wasted it's all inside
and i feel all this pain
Stuffed it down it's back again
and i lie here in bed
all alone i can't mend
and i feel tomorrow will be okay


I'm on the Outside
I'm lookin' in,
I can see through you
see your true colors
'Cause inside your ugly
your ugly like me
I can see through you
see to the real you


Fade


I try to breathe
Memories overtaking me
I try to face them but
The thought is too much too conceive


I only know that I can change
Everything else just stays the same
So now I step out of the darkness
That my life became 'cause


I just needed someone to talk to
You were just too busy with yourself
You were never there for me
To express how I felt
I just stuffed it down
Now I'm older and I feel like
I could let some of this anger fade
But it seems the surface I am scratching
Is the bed I made


So where were you
When all this I was going through
You never took the time to ask me
Just what you could do


I only know that I can change
Everything else just stays the same
So now I step out of the darkness
That my life became 'cause


I just needed someone to talk to
You were just too busy with yourself
You were never there for me
To express how I felt
I just stuffed it down
Now I'm older and I feel like
I could let some of this anger fade
But it seems the surface I am scratching
Is the bed I made


For You


To my mother, to my father,
It's your son or it's your daughter,
Are my screams loud enough for you to hear me?
Should I turn this up for you?


I sit locked inside my head
Remembering everything you've said
This silence gets us nowhwere!
Gets us nowhere way too fast!


The silence is what kills me
I need someone here to help me
But you don't know how to listen
And let me make my decisions


'Cause I sit here locked
inside my head remembering everything you've said
The silence gets us nowhere!
Gets us nowhere to fast!


All your insults and your curses make
me feel like I'm not a person
And I feel like I am nothing but
you made me so do something
'Cause I'm fucked up because you are
Need attention, attention you couldn't give


I sit here locked inside my head
Remembering everything you've said
This silence get us nowhere!
Gets us nowhere way to fast


Epiphany


Your words to me just a whisper
Your faces so unclear
I try to pay attention
Your words just disappear


'Cause its always raining in my head
Forget all the thing's I should have said


So I speak to you in riddles because
My words get in my way. I smoke the
whole thing to my head and feel it
wash away 'cause i don't take anymore
or this, I want to come apart.
or dig myself a little hole inside
your precious heart


'Cause its always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said


I am nothing more than a little boy inside
That cries out for attention
though I always try to hide
'Cause I talk to you like children,
Though I don't know how I feel
But I know I'll do the right thing
If the right thing is revealed


'Cause its always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said


Right Here


I know I've been mistaken
But just give me a break and see the changes that
I've made
I've got some imperfections
But how can you collect them all and throw them
in my face


But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right
here waiting
And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right
here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep you right
here waiting


I hope you're not intending
To be so condescending it's as much as i can take
and you're so independent
you just refuse to bend so I keep bending till I break


But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right
here waiting
And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right
here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep you right
here waiting


I've made a commitment
I'm willing to bleed for you
I needed fulfillment
I found what I need in you


Why can't you just forgive me
I don't want to relive all the mistakes I've made
along the way
But I always find a way to keep you right here waiting
I always find the words to say to keep you right
here waiting


But you always find a way
To keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right
here waiting
And if I chose to walk away would you be right
here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep me right
here waiting

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