Korn vs. 'N Sync
For the morons who insist that I can't compare Korn to 'N Sync, I have news for you: this is not a comparison. This is what I think would happen if 'N Sync and Korn duked it out in a deathmatch. Enjoy!
(Korn and 'N Sync enter the ring.)
Announcer: Here we are live from wherever we are...
Crazy Sara (That's right, this is gonna be on MTV, and Sara's still banned from that TV station): No one wants to hear your commentary! (Throws a fork at the announcer.)
Announcer: Uhhhh..(Falls over.)
(Each member of each band approaches his opponent.)
Justin: (Approaching David) Yo dawg, why we hafta be fightin', yo?
David: Get away from me.
Justin: I mean, we gots so much in common, yo.
David: I'm warning you.
Justin: Hey, we both fake blonds, yo? (Places his hands on David's shoulders.)
David: F*ck off! (Rams a drumstick into Justin's skull.)
Justin: You just made a big mista...(Falls over dead.)
David: Mistake? What was he talking about?
(A million enraged teenyboppers enter the ring and approach David.)
David: Oh sh*t.
(The bloodthirsty Justin fans chase David around the ring. Meanwhile, Fieldy is fighting Chris.)
Chris (who is on all fours): Yub yub. Owneee!
Fieldy: What?
Chris: Prrrrrrrrrasa!
Fieldy: Huh?
Chris: (running around on his hands and knees in circles) Klackeeka! Nud cha!
Fieldy: You expect me to fight him? (Points at Chris.)
Chris: (Tilts his head like a confused puppy.) *CHOMP*
Fieldy: AHHH! That son of a b*tch bit my arm off!
Chris: (Runs off with Fieldy's arm.) Ki! Ki! Ki!
Fieldy: Come back here with my arm!
(Meanwhile, Munky is teaching Lance a lesson about making crappy music.)
Munky: (Punches Lance in the face.)
Lance: Ow!
Munky: (Punches Lance in the face again.)
Lance: Ow! That hurt!
Munky: Of course it hurt. I punched you in the face. (Punches Lance in the face really hard.)
Lance: Ow! (Falls over.)
Munky: (Kicks Lance repeatedly.)
Lance: Ow! Oh! Ow!
Munky: Aren't you going to fight me?
Lance: I'm waiting to use my secret weapon.
Munky: Secret weapon? Oh yeah, that reminds me, I brought a secret weapon to use on you. I'll be right back. (Leaves and returns with a flamethrower.) Prepare to meet your maker, Lance! (Burns Lance until he is nothing more than a charred corpse.)
(Meanwhile, Jon and Joey are going at it.)
Joey: I'm superman!
Jon: Hey superman, eat sh*t. (Throws a chair at Joey.)
Joey: A chair ain't sh*t, pretty boy!
Jon: Pretty boy!?
Joey: Yeah, ya faget!
Jon: You can suck my d*ck and f*cking like it!
Joey: Oh yeah?
Jon: Yeah, butt-f*cker!
Joey: F*ck you!
Jon: F*ck you!
Joey: Go to hell and f*ck yourself, you f*cking pussy! Why don't you go play your fag pipes?
Jon: Why don't you just grab a donut and watch a real band take the stage, fata*s.
Joey: Don't make fun of my a*s!
Jon: I'll make fun of whatever I f*cking want to!
Joey: (Charges at Jon) AAAAGGGHH!!!!!!
Jon: (stepping aside as Joey plunges into the audience.) Now all the little girls will hate you for cussing.
Joey: Oh no! I don't get to molest little girls anymore?
Jon: You can molest them all you want, but that's if their parents don't kill you first!
(The parents in the audience rip Joey to shreds.)
(While all this is happening, Brian and JC are duking it out deathmatch style!)
JC: (Pulling out a rusty chainsaw) This is one match I'm not gonna lose!
Brian: Oh f*ck! I didn't know chainsaws were allowed!
JC: Man, this thing is heavy. Okay Brian, ARE YOU READY...to die!
Brian: This isn't fair! I though Sara liked me! Why'd she give that loser a freakin' chainsaw?
Mysterious voice: Use the force, Brian.
Brian: What?
Mysterious voice: You heard me! Use the muthaf*ckin' force!
(All of the sudden, Chris runs right passed JC, causing him to lose control of the chainsaw and cut Chris's head off.)
Brian: I knew Sara wouldn't write a story with me dying in it. Now where's David? I should probably save him from the hoard of teenyboppers.
Fieldy: (To Chris's dead body) That'll teach you to bite my arm off! (Picks up his arm and runs away.)
JC: Crap. Oh well, at least I have a solo career now.
David (who is being chased by millions of screaming girls): Don't kill me!
Teenybopper 1: You killed my husband!
Teenybopper 2: I was going to marry him!
Teenybopper 3: You just killed the hottest guy on Earth, you bastard!
David: But he's not as hot as...uh...him! (Points to Brian.)
Teenybopper 4: Oh, he's right, that guy is pretty hot!
Teenybopper 5: Yeah, I'd like to be his future wife!
Brian: David!
David: Sorry.
(All the teenyboppers surround Brian.)
Brian: But I'm already married!
All teenyboppers: We don't care.
Teenybopper 6: After all, Justin was banging Britney's box, and we just called her a slut and a whore and a tramp and made fun of her singing, even though we had her CD.
Jon: Oh sh*t, what's happening to Brian? What are those girls doing to him!?
David: It's a long story. Let's just say he's the new teen idol.
(All of the sudden, a burst of flames smites the teenies.)
Lance: That takes care of them!
Munky: Lance?! But I killed you!
Lance: You only thought you killed me, but no fire can put out the intense heat of...FLAMMER MAN!!!
(Lance tranforms into a fire-themed superhero.)
Jon: Holy sh*t, what is that?
Brian: I don't know!
Lance aka Flammer Man: You can't kill me! I am the great and powerful Flammer Man, and you are about to become soot! (Hurls fireballs at Jon, Munky, David, and Brian.)
Jon, Munky, David and Brian: AHH! (They all dodge the fireballs.)
Brian: Well, this mysterious voice said something about The Force...
(All of the sudden, Yoda appears.)
Everyone: *GASP* Yoda!
Yoda: Brian, The Force you must use if Lance you want to defeat.
Brian: Okay, but how do I use The Force?
Yoda: *sigh* Everything must I do? (Uses the Force on Lance, and Lance shrivels up and dies.)
David: Wow, that was amazing.
(All of the sudden, KID ROCK enters!)
Kid Rock: Hey Yoda, can I use The Force to get laid?
Yoda: *sigh* Only if you must, the Force you can use.
Kid Rock: Cool! I wanna be a jedi! I wanna be like Yoda! F*ck singing an' tryin' to be a rapper and using Metallica clips in songs that coulda been written by a two year old redneck! I'm gonna use The Force to get f*cked from now on!
So, Justin from 'N Sync is dead, Fieldy from Korn has one arm, Lance from 'N Sync is really Flammer Man, and he's also dead, Joey from 'N Sync is no longer a teen idol, JC from 'N Sync finally has a solo career, Chris from 'N Sync is dead too, and Kid Rock is now going to jedi school. I think that pretty much covers everything. You know what's sad, though? You could have skipped all that nonsense and just read this part. Ha!
The End
My comments on this match: As you can tell by the silliness of this story, this as written while I was very bored. And as you can tell from the stuff Chris said and the Yoda cameo, I'm a Star Wars fan. Now this is where I'm supposed to say that this is a complete work of fiction, right? I made it all up. No one is dead, and no one's arm got bitten off, okay? The reason I made Chris bite Fieldy's arm off is because I think Fieldy really sucks at bass. If you have any comments on this match, feel free to leave me a message on the message board or in the guestbook. To be honest, I don't want you to email me your comments.