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[from the journal entry in Montana] Dreams have shaken me awake. First 4:40 am Now 6:30 am The Magdalene was on trial. Not in the sense that there was a court room, but her essence was being questioned by a woman I know who is a "Student" of the Ancient Mysteries. I can't get her words out of my head - this horrible tone, saying "she was only a seductress like the succubus" of course that makes no sense. Maybe she's a Rhyme junkie. an assonance junkie. yikes. I Bought a Book of Inns today. Taking it at a snail's pace. I thought about going Back to where I was in my world Before that call came that morning from Amber - But there's nothing in that reasoning. strange. But I feel more at home out in Her. In this. This - what do I call it - There was an old Medicine Woman in the desert who said "you must get to know your true mother. She is vast and deep and all things and in between. And only then will you see the roots of your own tree. This Body Map of which I speak - you must begin to see your true form. Daughter of Long Walks, your path has crossed with this Man. You have exchanged a gift. But you cannot walk in his world. They will tie your laces together and tell you to run faster. As for him, this one will feel Caged in open spaces. The Quiet will be as Nails to a Black Board. He wants you as a man wants a woman. He wants to Box all of this up and take it to his Lair. He does not see through his lens the consequence of this. For both of you. You are of different Worlds, you will know when another path will pull you, and with heavy heart you will carry this and you will walk. Give your Tears to The Great Mother. Lay down on her at night. She has wept for Jupiter. She will show you how to weave this into your map. Daughter of Long Walks there will be others... the serpent has awakened at the base of your spine, It will tell you when to follow the hearts Desire." with this, and the Heady sage, she thanked the 4 directions with Tobacco and took her leave. [next page] It seems a lifetime since I had that Magdalene dream. The hiking boots are holding up well - mainly because a girl just has to put on a heel - sooner than later I always say. My skin color is changing - being outside all the time. There is a rhythm out on the road that is calming. You hear about things that are happening from word of mouth. I was thinking about the Oregon Trail and how people got their information It's Wednesday. Sometimes I wonder what our life together would have been like...If he could've come up North, up here - [crossed out: maybe] _ this is Ludicrous. time for coffee. Ran into someone who Gave me Georgia's # She's up North... The Baby is beautiful - needy, but beautiful. Georgia's gorgeous Completely juicy and voluptuous and her husband is all In, as they say. What an idea 2 people compatible having a child. Stumps me. She has this husky low giggle and a southern drawl - so imagine, "Look Shugg (as in sugar) I couldn't abide him at first. Northerner - worse yet - a west coast northerner and liberal, my lands, Above and Below the hair line. But I liked him. And then well then, It took a while. It had to simma." (that would be simmer) A mutual friend popped by, hearing I was visiting Georgia. She's been a busy Peach - a naughty busy Peach, but nevermind. He does something with music - I don't mind it really, but I usually stay clear of these ones, having learned they're all a bit high maintenance. He looks right at me. "Wow you look great." - What's that supposed to mean - (I couldn't catch those words marching straight out of my mouth) (Twinkling) "I dunno. Liberated. Radiant. Any reason? - Smartass." How you been? - "Well I gotta take' the critters up to the folks _ got a couple projects in Minni and Madison _ it'll be a couple a months. Hey I could use an extra pair a hands getting them up to Orcas, what do ya say - - -" .- Define critters _ 3 Dogs. 2 Cats. - Character references? - 1 Loner Jack Russell, 2 Black Labs that may kiss you to death and a couple of miserable Persians. - I'll hold the cats - [next page] Orcas is a blanket of beauty. Saw some whales. Had a laugh. Bonded with the Persians. I'll call Him strange. He's a funny one. Now He says he could use a hand in Minni and Madison, am I any good with computers? - No. You know that - It's enough. It'll be fine - just treat it like a book with these silly appendages called keys _ Maybe I'll drop in and see you _ No computer sppendages fantasy? - I work for no one - When, how, are you driving or what? - Yes - Could you use a hand... - Sure - But I take it slow. - I've got 6 1/2 days, I'll just fly out from wherever we are. - Is that possible? - of course. [from the journal entry in California] I've been keeping a little something from everywhere we go. Sometimes matches Sometimes something else...to Remember. Pink sandwiches Yikes. Better than I thought. Feeling like Alice when she tipped the bottle that read "Drink me" and I did, getting Bigger then getting smaller Feeling my way in your world. you like taking photographs. This is how I begin to see how you see. Salt and heat. Wood burning by the sea. Discovering you as you discover this - Heaven. Passed through here before. Not like this. [crossed out: Showing you places] No. treasures. They became my haunts. where I stored what was left. Shreds. This was long ago. You don't know the story yet. You do know a few of my special places. You have doors that are locked. one opens. I go heard about a place. today. In a café. Took off there together. Pulling the car over when one of us has a hunch. Time to turn back. we Decide to go further. Have some friends out in the desert. New Mexico. You want to go I hesitate. We go. Grand Canyon. finally. we are all at the Mercy of the Desert. She is merciful today. strange. you "fall in love" - then it's kind of important that you "fall in Like." I like the way you listen to strangers. I like the Light here. It is kind. maybe that's good. maybe that's not good. It begins to melt Any Restraint. what you don't say... the shedding is Beginning. for Both of us. the Light has been kind today. I won't wonder about Tomorrow. Go to Zuni...Salinas. It stirs up things. Inside. We see it differently. I'm not pissed off just tired - I say. I feel something Watching. Hard to explain. I think they're letting us take some kind of historical polaroid Back with us. To Do what exactly? I don't know - I say. "great" you say "I'll take a picture. a picture of something that happened a long time ago..." (It is just beginning to happen for me) [next page] We wander through at a different pace We get separated. You're waiting by the car "so are you ready?" I didn't say - ready for what... Santa Fe has amenities. good tastes and smells. Never underestimate this - I won't do so again. Being with friends was good. Being with strangers was a little weird. But it's tied us together for a while. Taos. She will take you or not. You have no choice in this. You can, however choose how to respond. why don't you fly Back with him to his World? I can't yet. He says he's in. The shedding continues. Hopi. You know how caterpillars Break through this Shell that they created so that they can become a creature of Flight - - - ? I saw a photograph you had taken of me. You left it on the Dash. yikes. (is this how you see me...) Sad to leave Hopi. This is a new special place. odd. I'm not here alone. But I'm sharing secrets Quietly, only with this place. You're phoning. I'm walking Palm Springs and a dip. Closer to your world. You're good in your world. You make cracks at it. They're funny. You see it for what Is Is and yet it has you. You want to slip back into mine. We go to Joshua Tree. Spend the night in sleeping Bags. You say - steal me - I say - easy - we Ride. Retracing what seems like very onld tracks on our way up North again. Seeing earth dressed in any and every green without envy - The secrets she knows. The lovers that have crawled inside each other under her - Before there were pianos Before there was Mohammed Before there was Jesus Before Mac's, for Chrissake. the phone goes. San Fransisco. almost where we chose to go further. I cross the Bridge. You don't. [from the journal entry in LA] L.A. Jesus. My jaw hurts. pop to King's Rd, get a coffee to go, it's too early for him to be here. I take one shot Vanilla latte. She wants a Double Expresso after last night's - Rats. What do you call it - Brutal Things I saw. Things I was told. Parchment. Tree skin. Sustainable. Even the ink stains. Happen to have a fondness for ink stains. I have some on this paper as I write this. I have a fondness for Amber. Maybe I have done some of the things she has done, but mine is not on tree skin. To be accurate here is on man skin and this is imprinted on tree skin. But now she knows. It's more than that. Forever. It is written on her Body. We talk about Body maps. On our way to San Diego but stop at Laguna Feet in sand. Looking up. Stars are just beginning to show themselves we talk about Star maps Maps of the Heavens. She wants to know more. I tell her about this mythic astrologer in Maine and about the Alchemist on 63rd and ?? (in NYC) I said I Could hook her up. She said she Could hook me up. We laughed. She said "Come to the porn awards with me I need you" I said "that's in Vegas right" Look she faltered a bit - "He's bringing her to this thing. There's not a lot of me left. I can't face them alone." |