Several hours and countless alcoholic drinks later, Nick and I are stood outside the chapel in the MGM Grand hotel. To say we are drunk would be like saying the Mississippi is a little river. Nick reads the sign with a giggle.
“Weddings inside, that’s us!”
“No, we need the fake weddings sign,” I giggle.
“Fake-Weddings-R-Us!”
“Do they exist? Cos I think they should.”
“They should!” he agrees. “Definitely should. Let’s go ask for a fake certificate.”
“Okies!” I giggle and we head inside. A stern-faced woman is perched on a high stool. I see her and nudge Nick. “Scar-y!”
“She’s like some evil teacher… Argh!” We collapse into giggles and hold each other up as she glares at us.
“Yes? Can I help you?”
“Yeah, we want a marriage certificate thingy… But like FAKE,” I tell her.
“A fake thingy,” repeats Nick.
“You want a fake certificate?”
“Yes!” we say together.
She shakes her head. “Sorry but we don’t do that. It would be illegal.”
“Aww,” says Nick. “Ah fuck it, let’s get married. Just go in there, say I do and get the paper.”
“Yeah, get the paper thingy!” I agree. I look at the woman, “We’ll be gettin’ married then.”
“You will?” She looks us up and down. “Aren’t you a little….drunk?”
“Drunk?! Us?! No way!” Nick exclaims seriously before hiccuping. “I need a shock,” he tells me before hiccuping again.
“A shock?” I giggle. “Hold your breath.”
“Oh, idea!” he grins and pinches his nose as I talk to the woman.
“So, ya got space for us?”
“For when?” she asks.
“Oh, any time. We’re not bothered. The bar stays open for like ever right?”
“Uh, yeah,” she says worriedly before checking her books. “Oh, I have a spot open right now.”
“We can go in now Nick,” I tell him. He’s still pinching his nose and I nudge him. “Breathe!”
He gasps in air before grinning. “I cured ‘em!”
“Cool. We can go in now!”
“Yay!” He grabs my hand and sets off running into the little chapel. We skid to a halt in front of a startled pastor. “Hi! We’re gettin’ married.”
“You are? Oh good,” the pastor says wearily. “Do you have your witnesses?”
“Witnesses? It’s not exactly a crime,” I say seriously before bursting out laughing. “Get it?! Crime?!” Nick starts giggling but the pastor just clears his throat. “Uh, no witnesses.”
“How many do we need?” asks Nick.
“Two.”
“Gimme a minute,” he races down the aisle and disappears into the casino, reappearing seconds later with a couple. He rejoins me. “Meet….uh…you are?”
“I’m Dane and this is my wife Sarah.”
“Hi Dane and Sarah,” Nick and I chorus before laughing again.
“Uh, let’s make this quick,” says the pastor impatiently.
Ten minutes later, we’re standing outside the chapel with our marriage licence and our witnesses. Nick checks out the casino and spots the other Boys sat around a craps table in the corner.
“There they are! We gotta run past ‘em waving this thing.”
“Is that obvious enough?” I ask.
“I guess not… Hey, you guys could run after us throwin’ confetti or somethin’,” he says to Dane and Sarah.
“Uh, confetti’s not allowed in the casino,” says Dane.
“And we gotta go. Congratulations,” says Sarah before rushing off with Dane.
“Meanies!” yells Nick and I giggle. He grabs a guy in a lurid Hawaiian shirt. “Hey dude, I’ll pay ya $50 to run after us yellin’ somethin’.”
“Sure, what do ya want me to yell?”
“Uh, I dunno,” Nick turns to me for inspiration.
“Just married?” I suggest.
“Boring. You just got married?”
“Kinda long,” I say.
“True. Uh…I dunno.”
“How about I yell you got married?” suggests the guy pocketing Nick’s money.
“Sure!” I say.
“Ok, so we run past, I wave the paper thingy and he yells?”
“Sounds good,” I giggle as Nick grabs my hand.
“Ok, we ready?” Both the guy and me nod. We all take off running along the casino floor towards the craps table and the elevator beyond it.
“YOU GOT MARRIED! YOU GOT MARRIED!” the guy screams behind us as the guys look up from their cards.
“WHOA!” yells Nick waving the certificate like crazy.
“WHOO HOO!” I scream as we make it to the elevator.
Nick hits the call button and the doors open almost immediately. We step inside and turn round to see the four guys slowly standing up, jaws scraping along the floor. We giggle as the doors close. We ride up to our floor and stagger out towards Nick’s room.
“You better stay with me tonight,” he says opening the door. “More believable.”
“Any excuse!” I giggle as we fall into the room.
Nick kicks the door shut and we collapse onto the bed, the alcohol finally getting the better of us as the white marriage certificate gently flutters to the floor.
The sunlight streaming through the unshuttered window wakes me up. I open my eyes and groan as the light pierces my brain. I roll over and stick my head under a pillow. My head feels likes a brass drum has taken up residence. The pillow is pulled off me and I complain with a loud groan. I roll back onto my back and glare at Nick who has covered his face with my pillow. I pull it off him and he groans loudly, squinting at me.
“My head,” he moans.
“My pillow,” I say burying my head under it again.
“My bed,” he states.
“Is it?” I peek out from under my pillow as he sits up, holding his head gingerly.
“Must be. That’s my bag.”
“Oh, ok… Why am I here then?”
“I don’t really remember much after, uh, dinner,” he lies back down.
“Me either,” I admit. “I guess we got pretty trashed huh?”
“I guess. Judgin’ by my head…” he groans.
“I’m gonna go to my room and get a shower. Clear my head hopefully.” I sit up slowly and climb out of the bed. My foot hits a piece of paper and I bend down to pick it up. I read it. “Uh, Nick… Do you remember this?” I hand him the paper and he reads it.
“Uh, it’s fake right? It’s gotta be.”
“Oh yeah, course,” I say hopefully. “Nobody woulda married us in the state we were in last night.”
“No way,” he says. “Hey, you go shower and I’ll go show the chapel this – just to check.”
“Ok,” I head out of his room and into mine.
I have a quick shower and step out to hear an urgent knocking at my door. I wrap a towel around me and open the door. Nick walks into my room, shutting the door behind him and handing me the paper.
“It’s real.”
“Huh?” I stare at him and then down at the paper.
“They don’t issue fake certificates. It’s real. We’re married.”
“No way,” I sit on the bed heavily still staring at the piece of paper. I figure if I stare hard enough the words will just disappear.
“What do we do?” Nick sits next to me.
“Not a clue.” We sit in silence a while. “Could we get it annulled?”
“I already asked. No, cos we spent the night together so we kinda…uh, consummated it.”
“But we don’t know if we actually DID anythin’,” I point out.
“I know,” he shrugs. “We can’t prove it either way.”
“So we gotta go through the whole divorce thing?” I ask.
“I guess,” he groans. “Man I don’t wanna be divorced at 21.”
“The divorce thing - is there any way our families could find out?”
“I dunno. Jeez I hope not. My mom would KILL me.”
“Mine too. Well, I guess the upside is we don’t have to divorce cos once our moms find out, that whole ‘til death do us part thing comes into play.” I look at Nick and we start laughing. “This has to be the dumbest thing I EVER did.”
“Ditto,” he chuckles. “But if I had to pick someone to marry right now, you’d be it.”
“Aww, I’m honoured,” I giggle and lean across to kiss him. He wraps his arms around me and deepens the kiss. My towel slips as we lean back onto the bed and he rolls on top of me. He smoothes back my damp hair and kisses the tip of my nose. “I heard this theory that sex can cure a hangover…” I whisper as his hands run across my body.
“Really? We should definitely put that one to the test,” he kisses my breasts softly. “And besides… I guess if we’re divorcin’ we might as well have a memorable consummation…” he suggests with a wicked grin.
“Mmm, it would be our duty…” I agree reaching down to free him from his pants.