Kayla tossed and turned for the rest of the night. Her indecision of going to see the guys off the next morning kept her from getting any decent sleep. Around four in the morning she finally gave up on trying to get any shut eye and sat up in bed. She rubbed her eyes from the nonexistent sleep she just had and climbed out of bed. She crept into the bathroom and decided to get ready for work.
When she was dressed and ready, she checked her watch and noticed the time. She tapped her foot on the kitchen floor and debated on actually leaving to see them off. She looked around her kitchen and tried to occupy herself. Bryce and Casey were both sound asleep and Kayla was restless.
She finally decided to take a drive before she headed to work early. She gathered her things and wrote a note to Bryce and Casey, telling them where she went in case one of them woke up early.
She grabbed her purse and shut the front door softly behind her. She walked down the hallway and to the elevator. When she made it to the lobby she felt nervous for some reason unknown to her.
She stepped outside into the morning air and inhaled deeply. She made her way over to Bryce’s car and threw her things into the passengers seat. She climbed into the drivers seat and started the engine. She pulled out of the parking lot silently. Once she got to the open road she floored the gas pedal to a fast pace and sped down the almost deserted road.
Her mind wandered back to the conversation she had the night before with Alyissa and she looked over it again. She wondered if it was true, that Lance could possibly forgive her and maybe they could give it another try. Her heart ached for that chance, but her gut told her differently. She was starting to have doubts about this whole thing and Bryce’s proposal kept floating through her mind.
She shook her head, trying to free her mind of her thoughts. She pulled into another parking lot and cut the engine. She stared from her car at the whole scene she had experienced once upon a time. She leaned back in her seat and watched the five guys wave their last good-bye’s and board their bus.
Kayla sighed heavily and knew she was going to regret the fact that she never got out of the car. She just wasn’t sure if she could handle all of the possibilities and thoughts going through her mind, in front of everyone.
A tap at her car window startled her. She looked up and found Alyissa, cupping her hands at either sides of her head, peering into her car. She motioned for Kayla to roll down the window and Kayla did so.
“How the hell...” Kayla trailed off.
“I saw you pull in when I was saying good-bye to Justin,” Alyissa answered. “Why didn’t you get out?”
Kayla shrugged nervously, “I-I don’t know.”
“You never seem to know,” Alyissa commented quietly.
“I was never a very good decision maker,” Kayla said, gazing over at the buses as they were slowly pulling out of the parking lot.
“Come on, I’ll take you out to breakfast,” Alyissa said in a soft tone.
JC nudged Justin and pointed out the window.
“Whaaattt???” Justin whined, annoyed from being interrupted.
“Look,” JC said in a low tone.
“Wha-- Oh my...” Justin said, jaw dropping. “Is that...?”
JC nodded his head, “It is.”
“What is she doing here? Why didn’t she get out of the car?” Justin asked all at once.
“Who’s here and didn’t get out of the car?” Lance asked, walking towards them.
“Um, no one,” JC quickly mumbled. “J thought he saw someone he knew, but he was wrong, weren’t you J?” JC said, nudging Justin roughly.
Justin still had his gaze fixed on the car in the parking lot but broke away when JC elbowed him.
“Huh? Oh yeah, guess I was wrong,” Justin mumbled, tearing his eyes away from the window.
“I don’t see any-- Oh,” Lance said, peeking out the window and spotting the car JC and Justin were staring at. “Is that...?” Lance trailed off.
Justin and JC nodded their heads in unison, waiting for his reaction.
“I wish she had gotten out of her car to say good-bye,” Lance finally said in a soft whisper.
The other two guys exchanged look and looked back at Lance with a questioned look on their faces.
“I thought--” Justin started.
JC elbowed him.
“Ow!” Justin cried out in pain. “Man will you STOP elbowing me?”
JC rolled his eyes and looked back at Lance. “You...want to talk to her...?” he asked cautiously.
Lance sat down on the long couch and continued to stare at the slowly fading picture of Kayla’s car in the parking lot. He sighed and nodded his head. “’Liss and I had a small talk last night and she made me realize a few things that I’ve been oblivious to lately.”
Justin smiled proudly, “That’s my girl, always there to point out your faults.”
JC rolled his eyes playfully and Lance smiled gently.
“Yes, well she made me consider everything again and now I’m looking over the whole situation once more,” Lance said, finally pulling his eyes away from the window. “Right there was an opportunity to try and start fixing things between us, but I guess I’ll have to wait for next chance.”
“Let’s hope that chance is soon,” JC said, studying Lance’s expression.
Lance nodded his head in agreement, “Let’s hope I’m not too late.”
Kayla stirred her coffee and stared into the hot liquid blankly. Alyissa shoved a forkful of pancakes into her mouth and chewed hungrily. She took a huge sip of orange juice and looked over at Kayla who had been silent ever since they had arrived at the diner.
“Say something will you? This silence is going to drive me insane,” Alyissa said, looking at Kayla. “What’s on your mind?”
Kayla shrugged, “Lots of things.”
“Like...?”
“Like Lance...and everything that’s going on...and everything that ISN’T going on,” Kayla sighed.
“Well honey, tell me your views about this whole situation,” Alyissa urged.
Kayla sighed heavily, “I’m really unsure about everything right now. I realize I’ve been pushing people away all my life and now here’s the man of my dreams and I accept him into my heart, but not my life.”
“What do you mean by that?” Alyissa asked, slightly confused.
“I mean, letting Lance into my heart is no problem, I KNOW I could fall in love with that guy, there’s no way I couldn’t. Letting him into my LIFE is another story,” she tried explaining. “I think that’s what got me in this whole mess in the first place.”
“Well wouldn’t letting him into your heart go along with letting him into your life?”
Kayla shook her head, “That would just be letting him into my heart. Letting him into my LIFE means letting him into Casey’s life, Bryce’s life, my home life, my hectic schedules, my problems, so many things that I’m not sure he could handle, I’m not sure ANYONE could handle my life for that matter.”
“You seem to be doing a pretty decent job,” Alyissa commented.
Kayla laughed lightly and shook her head, “I’m doing a horrible job at handling my life, I don’t know what I want anymore and everything that seemed secure in my life seems shaky and unstable now.”
“Lance is...”
“Shaky and unstable, a possibility that I don’t know if I can take a chance for,” Kayla cut in.
“Life is all about taking chances,” Alyissa replied. “Lance is one of those chances your heart tells you is right and your mind tells you is wrong. For once listen to your heart.”
Kayla ran a hand through her hair, “I’m just so tired of thinking of possibilities and what will happen if they don’t work out the way I want them to.”
Alyissa nodded her head, “So stop thinking about them and go with your heart.”
Kayla shook her head, “It’s just not that easy, if I lived by myself and had no other responsibilities besides taking care of myself, I’d be with him in a heartbeat. But that’s not the story of my life, it’s the story of an easy life that I can never possess.”
Alyissa sighed, “Your not looking at the positive side of anything Kayla, your looking at all the ‘what if’s’ and the ‘maybe’s’ and your life is going to be full of them. What are you going to do if you pass this chance of love and happiness up and you encounter it again with someone else? Maybe Casey will be all grown up by then and maybe you’ll be living by yourself, what are you going to do if the opportunity comes up again? Are you going to push it away because of the chance of you getting hurt, or that it might not work out the way you want it to? We have to take chances in life, take your first chance with Lance and I guarantee you’ll be happy with the outcome.”
Kayla felt like crying from her words. It wasn’t that they offended her or hurt her, but more importantly, she knew Alyissa was absolutely right. She couldn’t hide away in a shell all her life and let all the chance’s of a lifetime pass by her without one word to stop them and make them notice her. Lance was something she had always dreamed of and here she was thinking about giving him and everything they could have together, up without a fight.
“Y-Your right ‘Liss,” Kayla stammered. “Your absolutely right.”
Alyissa smiled softly. “Those guys are amazing at making music and swooning girls young and old, but snag them on a personal relationship and they’ll blow you away.”
Lance chewed his fingernail nervously and looked outside at the passing trees. He sighed deeply and let his mind drift back to Kayla and the sight of her sitting in her car, staring at the buses pull out of the parking lot. Why hadn’t she gotten out of her car to say good-bye?
“Would you after what you said to her?” he mumbled to himself, answering his own question. “What have I done?” he asked to no one particular.
He sighed miserably and buried his face in his hands. He felt like going home and crawling into bed, with Kayla in his arms. He wondered why everything had to be so complicated for them to be together and why everything had to happen the way it did. He wondered what the whole story was.
Justin walked in quietly, unnoticed and sat down beside Lance. He stared at his best friend with pity in his eyes. Lance was really unhappy without Kayla and all the pushing away he was doing to everyone around him and more importantly her, was killing him inside. He needed her and he needed his friends to support him.
Justin placed a hand on Lance’s shoulder, causing Lance to jump from surprise. “Sorry I didn’t mean to scare you,” he said quietly.
Lance laughed lightly and shook his head, “It’s all right.”
Justin stared at him still and Lance continued to stare out the window. “Are you going to call her?” he finally asked.
Lance turned around and gave Justin a questioned look, “Who, Kayla?”
Justin nodded his head slowly, “Are you going to call her?” he asked again.
Lance shrugged, “I don’t know if I can.”
“It’s easy,” Justin started. “You just pick up the phone and dial her number then--”
“I know HOW to call her, I just don’t know if I CAN call her,” Lance interrupted, catching Justin’s sarcasm.
“Sure you can, I’m sure she won’t mind,” Justin grinned softly.
Lance smiled and shook his head, “She might actually.”
“I doubt that,” Justin said, expression turning serious. “You two need to talk and if she was back on this bus ‘Liss and I would lock you two in this back room until you kissed and made up again, but she’s not so you need to call her and work things out.”
Lance sighed, “I wouldn’t mind being locked in a room with her, at least then we couldn’t leave until everything was said and explained.”
“So call her,” Justin said, handing him his cell phone.
“I can’t just call her up and--”
“Of course you can,” Justin cut in. “She’s probably hoping you’ll call her.”
Lance stared at the phone in Justin’s hand and hesitated. “You think so?”
“I KNOW so,” Justin smiled reassuringly.
Lance smiled weakly and took the phone into his hands. He turned it on and paused for a second, staring at the key pad.
Justin leaned over and pressed the numbers in.
Lance looked up gratefully, “Thanks.”
“No prob.”
Lance placed the phone to his ear and listened to the ringing noise. He prayed that Kayla would pick up, but then again wasn’t sure what he should say if she did pick up. After a good six rings he was about to hang up when someone finally picked up.
“Hello?” a voice answered.
Lance stayed silent for a moment and panic suddenly washed over his face.
“TALK,” Justin urged in a whisper.
Lance cleared his throat and spoke, “Kayla? This is Lance, we need to talk.”
Kayla almost dropped the phone when Lance had finally spoken. She thought she had recognized the voice on the phone, but thought it was just her imagination playing tricks on her when she thought it was Lance. But this only made it official, he wanted to talk, but was he ready and willing to listen?
“H-Hi,” she managed to choke out. “How are you?”
“Fine and you?” he asked.
They were just trying to make polite conversation, waiting for the other person to start the discussion that was laying ahead of them.
“Can you talk?” he asked.
Kayla looked around and nodded her head. She slapped herself on the forehead when she realized he couldn’t see her. She sure wished she could see him.
“Yeah,” she replied in a small voice.
“Good,” Lance said in response. He couldn’t think of anything else to say.
“You said we need to talk?” Kayla asked, trying to act casual.
“Yeah,” Lance said. “We need to talk about...us.”
“I thought there was no more ‘us’,” Kayla shot out.
She covered her mouth and closed her eyes, hoping that wasn’t her that just spit out those words when this was her chance to try and fix things. Unfortunately it WAS her and she scolded herself, great start she was getting off on.
“I know there isn’t,” Lance said carefully. “But I want there to be.”
Kayla sat in silence for a moment and tried absorbing what he had just said. “You do?” she squeaked.
“Yes, I do.”
“Oh,” was all she could say. “But I thought you said--”
“Forget what I said before, I was letting my pride get into the way and I said some things I didn’t mean,” he cut in. “I’m sorry Kayla.”
Kayla’s eye welled up with tears and she nodded her head, “I’m sorry too Lance, for everything...”
“I didn’t let you share your side of the story and I’m hoping that it’s better than what I assumed,” he said in a hopeful tone.
Kayla froze, “A little better.”
“Well I’m all ears now, so please tell me your side.”
Kayla took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Casey IS my daughter,” she started. She could hear him stiffen up on the phone. “But Bryce is NOT the father.”
Lance’s shoulders relaxed and he almost smiled.
“Casey seems to think so though, because that’s the only male figure she’s remembers in her life and he’s still there now, so she’s grown attached to him,” Kayla explained.
“Who’s the father then?” Lance asked cautiously, afraid to hear the answer.
“Of Casey?”
“Yes, of Casey.”
“MY father,” Kayla said.
“Your-- she’s your daughter by your father?” Lance asked in disbelief, becoming suddenly uncomfortable.
“No no it’s not what you think,” Kayla said quickly. “Casey’s my little sister.”
“Your little sister?” he asked. “Now I’m really confused.”
“Ok, let me start at block one,” she sighed. “As you know, my parents got into a car accident two years ago and died. I had just legally turned eighteen and Casey would be put up for adoption since we don’t have any living relatives and I couldn't bear to have her torn away from me.”
Kayla took a deep breath and continued, “So I became her legal guardian and started to work multiple jobs at a time to provide for her needs and my own. Our parents left us money, but after the legal crap and the funeral service I barely had any left to help me out.”
Kayla’s eyes were filling with tears from going back in time in her life. “They had left money to go towards our education and I put it to exactly that, but we only had enough spare money to rent a sloppy apartment in the bad parts of town and that’s where we moved. I had to go to school at night and work as many jobs as I could get during the day so I could support the both of us.”
Lance remained silent and listened intently, he had no idea Kayla had been through HALF of this.
“I met Bryce one day and he seemed to be able to solve all of my problems. He became a good friend in my time of need and he’s helped me out in so many ways possible I lost count. He’s been there for Casey like a father and she counts him as one, though there was never anything romantic between us and there still isn’t.”
A tear fell from Kayla’s eye and she brushed it away, grabbing a tissue and wiping her eyes. “I got the job at JIVE and it seemed like my prayers were answered because I really need this job to support Casey and I. Bryce suggested we move in together since he spent so much time at my place and he wanted to get us out of the raggedy apartment we were staying in. We agreed to split the rent and so we all moved in together.”
Kayla took a deep breath to try and control all the tears spilling down her face. “When I took the job at JIVE I had NO idea I would become so involved with you guys. I had no clue that you all would befriend me and make me feel wanted and included. I had no idea I would fall for you,” she said softly. “So I kept Bryce and Casey a secret so none of you wouldn’t look at me differently or assume things, so that when I came into work I would step into another world where no one knew of the reality I lived every day.”
Lance leaned back in his seat and felt physically ill. He couldn’t believe she had kept so much inside of herself, and so well at that. She was someone he didn’t expect her to be, but he liked her for that, more over he might even love her for that.
“I-I didn’t know,” he said quietly.
“No one did,” she sniffled, wiping more tears away with her tissue. “No one ever has.”
“I’m so sorry Kayla,” he said sadly. “I’m so sorry I assumed things and gave the reaction that you feared of. If I had just given you a chance to explain then all of this could have been avoided, I’m so sorry.”
Kayla sighed, “It’s ok.”
“No it’s not, there’s no acceptable excuse for my behavior and I’m so sorry for that,” he said shaking his head. “I’m so ashamed.”
“I have to admit you really did hurt me with those things you said to me in the hall way,” Kayla said softly. “I thought you meant them.”
“I never meant a word of it, I was just really hurt and confused, still that’s no excuse for anything, if I had only known...”
“I think we should start over again,” Kayla said in a low tone. “Start from block one, be honest with each other and more importantly, OPEN with each other.”
Lance nodded his head, “I totally agree.”
“I want to be with you,” Kayla said slowly. “You make me happy.”
Those simple words caused Lance to smile purely. HE made HER happy, when he wasn’t being an asshole that is. He wanted to make her happy all the time, he needed her in his life.
“You make me happy too,” he replied gently. “I’m so sorry Kayla.”
Kayla was crying by now, tears pouring down her face. She even had the hiccups from crying so much. “I...*hiccup*...I’m sorry...*hiccup*...too.”
Lance smiled at her hiccups, they were cute.
“Let’s try this again...the RIGHT way,” he said.
“Yeah...the right way,” she echoed. “I miss you.”
Lance’s heart fluttered, “I miss you too.”
“I hate to cut you off, but I’m at work and I’m a mess, if Mr. Collins comes in he’s going send me home again and I can’t afford to take anymore time off because I need the hours.”
“I understand, I’ll call you later,” he said.
“All right, I’ll be waiting,” she smiled. “Bye.”
“Bye.”
They both hung up the phone reluctantly and sighed.
“So, so?” Justin asked anxiously.
Lance had forgotten he was even sitting in the room beside him. He looked over at him and a smile crept across his face.
Justin grinned, “Congratulations man, congratulations.”
Lance nodded his head, “Thank you...you and ‘Liss...are amazing.”
Justin beamed proudly, “Yes that’s my baby,” he said referring to Alyissa.
Lance smiled, “You should be proud of her, she just helped me discover true happiness again, I owe her my life for that.”
Kayla walked into her apartment and sighed heavily. It had been a long day, a good day, but a long one. She had finally caught up on all her work and had stayed at the office, working overtime. She was tired now and all she wanted to do was sleep, she smiled knowing that tonight would be the first night she would actually to able to sleep peacefully.
She dropped all of her belongings by the door and kicked off her shoes. She walked into the kitchen and over to the counter, making herself something warm to drink.
“You got back together with him didn’t you?” a voice asked, out of the dark.
Kayla jumped and spun around, clutching her chest. “Bryce! I didn’t see you there! Why are you sitting in the dark?”
Bryce didn’t moved, “You got back together with him didn’t you?” he asked again through gritted teeth.
“Who, Lance?” Kayla asked.
Bryce nodded his head, all Kayla could see was a shadow on half of his face move.
“Yes...yes I did,” she said. “We’re going to try it again.”
“What about US?” he asked angrily.
“What do you mean?”
“I proposed to you Kayla and you told me MAYBE, now you don’t even have the dignity to tell me your getting back together with your little boy band boyfriend?”
Kayla narrowed her eyebrows in annoyance, she was starting to get sick of people pushing her around.
“What do you mean I don’t even have the dignity to tell you? I just got home, I thought you’d be asleep or in your room, you haven’t given me a CHANCE to tell you,” she replied, crossing her arms over her chest.
“You wouldn’t have anyway, even if you HAD the chance,” he shot back hostily.
“How do you know?” she challenged.
“Because ever since you started working at JIVE you’ve blocked me and Casey out of your life like we’re not important enough to exist in your little world,” he said getting heated. “You don’t tell me anything anymore and you don’t even act like Casey exists, you’ve missed important parts of her life because you were on tour with your little boy toys or your at ‘company parties’,” he said, making quotation marks with his hands.
“That’s not true Bryce, I work my ASS off to support Casey and I,” she protested.
“But money doesn’t matter to that child, all she wants is your love and attention!”
“I DO give her love and attention!” Kayla said, voice raising. “Just because I can’t spoil her rotten like you do, which I DO NOT appreciate by the way, doesn’t mean I love her any less. She’s MY responsibility and I do a pretty DAMN GOOD JOB at taking care of her!”
“Except for when your prancing around with your little boyfriend,” he shot back, voice raising to her level.
“Don’t EVEN get me started on that! I’m happy, can’t you be happy FOR me!?” she said, slamming her hand down on the counter. “DAMMIT BRYCE! Why the hell are you flipping out on me about getting a boyfriend!?”
“Because I asked you to marry me and it makes me wonder how long it was going to take you to tell me NO!” he yelled back.
“What the hell are you talking about!?” she asked in a shrill voice. “I would have told you I’m not heartless you know!””
“Why don’t you want to marry me Kayla!? HUH!? WHY NOT!?” he asked, tears burning his eyes. “What have I done wrong!? I’ve taken care of you and Casey like you’re ALREADY my daughter and wife, when I ask to make it official you tell me maybe and then go out and get a boyfriend, how the HELL do you think that makes me feel!?”
Kayla stood there in silence, she looked at him in a different light and finally understood why he had been so moody ever since she had gotten back from the tour. He knew something was going on between her and one of the members of *N SYNC and he couldn’t do anything about it.
“You’ve been planning this for awhile, haven’t you?” she asked softly.
Bryce took a deep breath to contain himself, “Yes.”
“Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
“Why do you think?” he asked bitterly. “You were off in your perfect world with your perfect guy and I was left here with only Casey to hug me in my time of need.”
Kayla’s eyes softened and her expression relaxed. “I had...no idea...” she trailed off.
“You wouldn’t,” he mumbled hostily.
“Don’t be like that,” she said softly.
“Be like what!?” he challenged.
“Like THAT,” she said, raising her voice again. “I’m sorry Bryce, but I can’t marry you!”
“Why!?” he asked in a pleading voice. “WHY?”
“For reasons,” she replied sadly.
“Like what!?” he asked shrilly.
“Well for one, I’m not ready to get married yet,” she said.
“Kayla, you need to settle down, you need to think of Casey! You need to think of her future and what will happen to her if you keep living your little fantasy life,” he said, holding his hands out weakly.
Kayla gritted her teeth, “I’ve been thinking about Casey my whole life, do you hear me!? MY WHOLE LIFE! I’ve thought about her, I’ve put her ahead of me, my happiness, my well being, I would be dragged through hot fire for her own comfort, don’t you think it’s time that I do something for myself?”
“Yes, marry me,” he said.
Kayla laughed bitterly, “Do you think it’s that easy Bryce? That I just slip the ring on my finger and recite my vows so that Casey can have YOU as a daddy? I feared her getting too attached to you, I feared something like this would happen and I was right. I should have pulled away when it wasn’t so deep, when she still called you Bryce and didn’t give you the nickname daddy.”
“Why are you like this Kayla? What have those people taught you?” he asked, squinting his eyes at her.
“What do you mean by that?” she asked, getting offended.
“They’ve corrupted you, they took away the sweet appreciating Kayla and replaced her with...with...I don’t even know who you are anymore,” he said in distaste.
“They’ve done nothing of the sort! They’ve helped me grow, help me learn how to have fun, helped me learn how to smile again! They’ve brought the life back into my eyes and the bounce back in my step. They’ve helped me find ME again and you just don’t appreciate that!” she yelled in defense.
“Your right I DON’T appreciate that! Look at what they’ve done with you! They’ve fed you lies and learned how to control you!”
Kayla couldn’t believe the words Bryce were uttering to her. She couldn’t believe the expressions he was using and most of all she couldn’t believe the accusations he was making.
“I...I can’t believe you...” she trailed off, staring at him in disbelief. “I can’t believe you actually THINK those things...”
“I KNOW them,” he corrected her.
“I don’t think this is going to work anymore,” she said quietly.
“What’s not going to work anymore?” he asked, confused now.
“Living together,” she said.
“Don’t tell me your going to try and move back to that ratty old apartment you used to live in,” he said.
Kayla shrugged her shoulders, “I think Casey and I need to break away from you for awhile.”
“What!?” he asked in surprise. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about moving out,” Kayla said slowly. “I’m going to find another place and as soon as I do, Casey and I are moving out.”
“Kayla don’t do this,” Bryce started to plead. “You don’t know what your talking about, your just upset with me and your tired, just go to bed and sleep on everything.”
He touched her arm and she stiffened up, she ducked her shoulder out of his reach and stepped towards the doorway to the living room.
“No Bryce, I know exactly what I’m talking about and for once, my mind is clear,” she said strongly. “Casey and I are moving out.”
“No you can’t do that,” he said frustrated. “YOU CAN’T!” he yelled out, slamming his fists on the table, angrily. “I LOVE YOU!” he exclaimed loudly.
Kayla didn’t recognize the man standing in front of her. She had lost the Bryce she had known and loved as a friend, she had lost him awhile ago. Now stood a unstable Bryce in front of her and she was scared of him. She never thought the day would come that she would be scared of Bryce.
“I don’t love you,” she said in a calm tone, even though her whole body was shaking in fear.
“What?” he asked, fixing his glare on her. “What did you just say?”
“I SAID, I DON’T love you,” she repeated loud and clear.
Her breath quickened it’s pace and she gathered all of her emotions to remain strong and not collapse in her insecurities.
“I love Lance,” she said quietly, surprising even herself. She waited for a reaction and when she received none she spoke again, “Expect Casey and I to be out of here as soon as possible.”
With that she turned around and walked out of the room, leaving Bryce standing there in pure shock and hurt. Once she left he broke down and cried.
