It was almost blinding, the sunlight, as it was gleaming over the tops of the waves. The ocean came crashing onto the shore and it combined with the sound of the seagulls screeching and diving after the crusts of bread from the tourists on the ferryboat as it tugged into the harbor. It was a quiet calmness. The smell of salt water, hearty and life giving, filled your lungs and brought you back to a safe and comfortable place. Lance saw himself on that ferryboat, looking over the railing, watching the churning waters below, and the white and gray birds above. He made out the shoreline beyond, and a lighthouse with it’s rotating beacon. Lance watched himself in the dream, as he smiled and kissed his companion. He was holding her jacket tightly around her as the wind swirled around them. He enjoyed having his arms around her, and a warm feeling of contentment washed over him.
"NO!"
Suddenly there was chaos and he heard the screams of a woman who had fallen from that ferryboat and plunged into the deep, cold water. Lance jumped into the water to reach for her. She went under a wave and he couldn’t see her. He tread water and dove repeatedly. His eyes frantically scanned the horizon. "Mercedes!"
Lance awoke with a start. Covered in sweat, he laid in this bed trying to get his bearings. It took a few moments for Lance to remember where he was. What had happened to him over the past 48 hours. To love. To lose.The dream seemed so real, but it was so odd. If he could dream and have another life after he closed his eyes, why couldn’t it be those few stolen moments in bed with Mercedes? Why was he dreaming about some ferryboat carrying tourists...to a place he was sure he knew, but he had never been.
Lance could tell it was early, and he desperately wanted to grab some more sleep. Now the sweat on his body from his dream, was making him shiver and he drew the sheets up around his neck.
‘It’s chilly out, Lover.‘ Mercedes returned to bed having dropped her robe on the floor.
He warmed her, he took her face in his hands and kissed her. Lance could still feel the smoothness of her skin and smell the perfume. Laying naked next to her, breathing every breath with her, his heart beating in unison with hers, living only to take pleasure again with her. Her moaning. His thrusting. His greedy consumption of her flesh.
‘STOP!’ Lance sat upright in bed. ‘I can’t do this.’
Justin and Chris were sitting around the kitchen table with Johnny eating breakfast when the Fed-X truck pulled up outside and a man came to Johnny’s door with a package.
"Sign here, please."
Johnny slowly walked back to the kitchen.
"Hey, who rang the bell?" Joey emerges blurry-eyed from one of the bedrooms.
Lance had just come out of the shower, smelled something in the kitchen and was anxious to see what Johnny’s girlfriend had made for breakfast.
Lance was determined to put aside all the confusing questions over last night’s dream until he looked at Johnny who was holding a package and looking at Lance.
"It’s from Mercedes’ lawyer, the tapes from the sessions you guys had. There’s a letter from him..." Johnny’s voice trailed off because he was reading it to himself, before he shared it with the guys.
"Well, READ IT Johnny," insisted Chris, "OUT LOUD!"
"Dear Mr. Wright: Blah blah the tapes, Mrs. Burns insisted they be handed over to *N SYNC so they might be handled in whatever manner the group wishes. She sends her regrets and sincere best wishes to the group in the hopes that they will be able to finish the recording in a timely fashion. Blah, blah Mrs. Burns has voluntarily entered The Fallbrook Center in New Bedford, MA ." Johnny flashed a look out of the corner of his eye in Lance’s direction.
‘Massachusetts’ Lance slowly shook his head in disbelief.
"There is a mention here pertaining to the tests that we, err I, requested, and that the blood work was drawn last evening and that we will be notified of the results within two weeks." Chris looked at Lance, but Lance’s face didn’t reveal any emotion.
"Any monetary compensation for her services at the sessions has been returned under separate cover. Mrs. Burns wishes me to convey her heartfelt apology for not being able to complete the sessions with the group and hopes that you will convey to them her appreciation and affection. Sincerely, blah blah blah."
Lance stared down at his coffee.
"Are you okay, Scoop?" Joey asked.
Lance took a deep breath, "Not really." He managed a smile, "But, I will be."
"Hey, my man, why don’t we go shoot some hoops?" said Justin.
"That’s great. We’ll let J.C. sleep a little longer, play some basketball, and then get down to business. We do have a record to finish," Lance said.
Joey watches them from the doorway as he drinks his coffee. "What do ya think, Johnny? Is Lance going to be alright?"
"He’s lucky, he’s got good friends to see him through this, and plenty of work to do to keep him busy, Joey." Johnny put a fatherly hand on Joey’s shoulder, "It’s a good bet that he’ll be okay." After a pause, Johnny adds, "It’s good to see you guys all sticking together."
"After last year? You bet," Joey says while sipping his coffee.
(Two months later)
It had already been a long day of rehearsals. Each of the guys felt a certain exhaustion, but Wade, their choreographer, made them push on. There was a certain urgency in being good, in being better than good. A little fatigue was beginning to show in the guy’s demeanor. They had been preparing to promote the "No Strings Attached" album. Coming up was an "*N SYNC Weekend" on MTV. Johnny could see by the way someone was rubbing their forehead, or stretching their back muscles, or maybe it was the lull in comic relief, but the stress was showing and Johnny could read all the signs.
"You guys need some time off," Johnny suggested.
"Can anyone say, ‘duh’?" said Chris.
"I mean it, you each need to get away...we can’t spare a few days here, but take the day off, get away and come back refreshed."
"Johnny, they haven’t even gotten the last..." Wade began.
Johnny waved him off, "They’ll get it when we get back together. This coming weekend will be kicking off a promotional tour to beat all. Now, all of you get outta here, before I change my mind!"
The grin on J.C.’s face widened with each passing second...and he passed a glance around the room to the guys that spelled FREEDOM!!!
"24 hours...is that what I’m hearing ?" he asked.
"Yes, J.C. just please be back by tomorrow afternoon," Johnny said.
"Don’t call me, don’t even think of me...I’m already gone," J.C. yelled.
Lance was gathering his things and drinking from his water bottle. He sat on the edge of the bench and reached for his cell phone.
"SiSi, it’s Lance. I need you to arrange a flight for me, please? Yeah, Johnny gave us some time off for not-so-good behavior. Could I get on the next flight to anywhere close to New Bedford, MA. Yeah, that’s where I’m headed."
Joey was packing up and listening to Lance as he talked to SiSi. He couldn’t help but overhear Lance’s planned destination.
Joey putts around until Lance got off his phone, "Hey, did I hear you say you’re going to New Bedford?"
Lance glanced over to him, "Yeah, there’s a flight to Boston that leaves in a little over an hour. I have to hurry."
"I thought you’d want to spend the time with your family. They‘re here in New York for the week," Joey said.
"Don’t worry about me, Joe. I know what I’m doing," Lance said as he started towards the door. He looked at Joey walking stride for stride with him and he added, "I really need to do this."
Joey stopped, "Maybe you do, but that doesn’t mean you have to go alone, does it?"
"I’m ready for this, you really don’t need to baby sit anymore."
"Hell, Lance, I’ve never been to New Bedford, I bet there’s a lot of hot chicks living there." Joey smiled and raised his eyebrows expressively.
"Seriously, Joey, I’ve had this on my mind for a while now. I have to see for myself that Mercedes is going to be okay." Lance stood leaning in the door way.
"Lance, you just found out two weeks ago that you’re in the clear. Mercedes’ HIV test was negative. It’s a chapter you now can put behind you."
"No, Joey, I won’t be able to close the book on Mercedes that easily. You see," Lance looked directly into Joey’s eyes, "I love her."
Joey was quiet for a minute, "I want to say something, Lance, but I’m not so sure you want to hear it."
"Go on."
Joey lowered his eyes and spoke in an almost hushed tone. "Are you sure?"
"Go on, Joey."
"Okay. Mercedes is a beautiful woman and a terrific friend, but..."
"But."
"But, she’s what, like eight years older than you, and at the moment she’s in well, essentially, a mental hospital. Of all the girls that would fall all over themselves to spend some time with you....why Mercedes?"
Lance was silent.
"Are you mad at me, Scoop?" asked Joey.
Lance shook his head, "No, Joey." Lance paused before he continued. "I know a lot of people might not be able to understand. I’m not so sure I can explain it to you. But I came to realize some time ago that being with Mercedes was like coming home to a place I never knew, but once I got there I knew it was where I belonged."
Lance slid his bag from off his shoulder and let it fall to the ground. "I’ve never thought about Mercedes as being older than me, although obviously I knew she was. When we’re on tour we’re surrounded by cute younger sister types that have braces and giggle. You know, we’ve got girls who give us stuffed animals and those who would like to provide us with extracurricular entertainment. The latter of the two would land us in jail."
Joey grins. "Or at least in the pages of the NATIONAL ENQUIRER."
"Exactly," said Lance. "But, those girls who seem to willingly push themselves into pseudo-adulthood lack the essential ingredient. And then wham you meet a woman...a woman who isn’t trying to be anything but who she really is. The original article. She makes you want to be a better man. A woman who makes you want to promise to be there for her. If Mercedes was physically ill, wouldn’t you think I was a jerk to forget about her?" Joey looked at Lance and reluctantly nodded his head.
"This is no different. Not to me it isn’t."
"Are you still having those nightmares?"
"What? Did Justin tell you?" Lance asked.
"Well, you know we all knew about them. There was a night out in L.A. when we all heard you, something about the water." Joey paused. Then he asked: "Are you drowning in your dream, Lance?"
"In my dream, Mercedes is drowning and I can’t get to her to save her."
Joey rubbed his temples and his eyes showed genuine concern as Lance continued: "I just can’t seem to shake that dream."
"Is it some misplaced feeling of guilt?"
"Did you get that from Chris? You sound like Chris and his psychology books." Lance couldn’t help but shake his head and smile. "I really do appreciate the concern."
"You know, I think your parents are worried about you. Why don’t you just stay in the City and visit with them."
"I had the parent conversation. You know my sister Stacey has tried to get them to chill a little. Stacey’s known about my feelings for Mercedes. Nobody in the family knows all the details, but just the same, it still isn’t easy for them to understand. They would probably freak if they knew everything. But, I basically just told them to trust me because I know what I’m doing here."
"Do you?"
Lance smiled and looked down at his feet, "Nope. Not a clue."
Joey and Lance shared a laugh.
"But, Joey I have to do this. I don’t know if she’ll ever feel the same way about me as I do about her, but I do know I have to see Mercedes. I will continue to see her until I know whether this feeling I have is something we can share. I need to know if it can take us anywhere. I was planning on going to Fall Brook the first chance I got."
"Do you know whether or not you’ll be allowed to see her? I mean, with the therapy and everything maybe she won’t be allowed to have visitors."
"You mean, maybe they’re discussing the delusional episode and seeing the man she had sex with when she thought it was her dead husband might not be a good idea?"
Joey’s lips made an "ooooo" and his eyebrows went up, "Yep, something like that." He sheepishly looked at Lance, "Sorry."
"Don’t be. I’ve thought about that. I still have to try and see her."
Joey looked Lance straight in the eye, "What airline are we flying out on?"
"No, it isn’t necessary, Joe. Honest." Lance grabbed Joey’s arm and added, "But, thanks, man, really."
Lance made it to the airport check-in with a little under fifteen minutes to spare. "Cutting it a little close, aren’t you Dude?" Lance spun around and was smack in front of Justin.
"How?" Lance was speechless.
"Joey called me. I called SiSi. I figured it was time for a little adventure. Me and Joey are gonna check out the locals while you find out how Mercedes is."
"Unbelievable. You guys are unbelievable. Thanks." Lance nodded his head in appreciation.
"No prob. Now, whether or not Joey makes it here before flight time...THAT remains to be seen."
Lance and Justin were already in their seats as Joey smiled sweetly at the attendant who was JUST about to close the plane door and lock the latch. Justin was laughing hysterically as Joey threw his flight bag into the overhead compartment and sat across the aisle from them.
"New approach with the stews, Joe?" Justin asked.
"Laugh it up, fuzz ball," Joey answered.
"Did either of you tell Johnny where we were going to be?" asked Justin.
"Johnny didn’t expect us to leave the city. He’d freak if he knew we were headed for iceberg central. Hope you brought a long some thermals, Justin. Boston’s expecting snow."
"’Course I did!" Justin answered loudly. Justin turned to his seat mate, "Lance, think we could stop in the terminal so I could buy a jacket?" he whispered.
After the seatbelt sign went off, one attendant asked if a female passenger could have an autograph, and Justin went back to comply.
Joey was typing into his laptop and Lance checked his cell phone for Mercedes’ sister’s number in Boston. He dialed her up.
"The family has appreciated the concern you and the other guys in the band have shown for Mercedes, but we ask that you don’t fly all the way up from Orlando to visit her."
"I don’t think you understand, Victoria, I’m already on my way. We got some time off at the last minute. And we‘ve been in New York this week."
The tone in her voice changed completely.
"Oh I don’t think YOU understand, Lance. I can promise that you won’t be allowed to see Mercedes."
"Why is that?"
"I don’t know how to put this delicately," she paused, "But, I am aware of certain things."
Lance’s heart stopped.
"You know she’ll have to have another HIV test in 6 months, thanks to you."
"Excuse me?"
"Don’t make me say it. You know what you did to her. I never would have believed it was possible of you. Not you, not any of you could possibly have violated her trust in that hideous way."
"I don’t know what to say..." Lance started. "Please, let’s sit down and talk about this. I should arrive in Boston around 4."
"And you expect me to sit and have a civilized conversation with you about what you did to my sister? I recommend that you hire a lawyer. When Mercedes recovers I’m going to encourage her to file charges against you. Don’t think just because you’re a celebrity you won’t have to pay the penalty."
"Please, wait. Whatever it is you’re thinking happened. It wasn’t like that at all."
Justin returns from his autograph "session" and notices Joey leaning over the aisle staring intently at Lance, and Lance was pleading on the phone to someone.
"What’s...?" Justin begins, but Joey puts a finger to his own lips to motion to Justin not to speak.
"You and I have to talk. Somebody got the facts all out of whack here."
Lance’s voice rose to a new level.
"Are you denying that you...raped...my sister?"
"That isn’t what happened. I never forced your sister to have sex with me."
Joey and Justin eye one another with grave concern.
"Shit," Justin said quietly.
Joey’s hand was now rubbing the side of his face and his head was nodding trying to absorb what was being said. He was afraid he had a pretty good idea of what Mercedes’ sister was implying.
"But, you’re not denying that you had sex with her!"
"No. It was beautiful."
"You’re sick."
"The HIV test was for me not because of me."
"How dare you! I’m going to hang up now, don’t try to contact us again."
"Victoria Liam was never faithful to your sister. I found that out, but I couldn’t tell her after everything else that has happened to her. I love her."
CLICK
"Victoria, VICTORIA!!" Lance stared at the phone and then rested it against his lips and closed his eyes.
"What now, Lance?" asked Joey quietly.
Lance stared straight ahead stoically. "Now we try to make the 4:30 connecting flight to New Bedford."
