"Ford, quick get the nurse and my Mom!" Stacey yelled. She grasped Lance’s left arm. "Hey, Lance. Welcome back." She smiled down at her Brother trying to be soothing and calm.
Lance was anxious. He looked confused. His eyes continued to scan the room. He was looking for something...or someone. Lance winced in pain.
"We’ll tell the doctor you need some pain medication. Is it your shoulder?" Stacey asked.
Hoarse and parched, Lance tried to speak. "Mer..."
Stacey knew he was asking about his wife, but she hesitated. She didn’t know what she should tell him.
"MER..cedes" Lance struggles, "Mercedes."
His eyes pleaded with his Sister. Lance blinked and a tear fell.
Into the room hustled the nurse and two steps behind were his Mom and Dad. "I’ve paged your Doctor, Mr. Bass. She’ll be happy to hear that you’ve decided to wake up today...you’ve just been so lazy sleeping the day away!"
Lance looked into his Mother’s face. He tried to read her facial expression. "Mercedes." he asked with a crack in his voice. Even his Mother looked over to the rest of the family in the room, and hesitated before she spoke. Lance began to get edgy. He tried to sit up. Lance tried moving his right arm to reach for his Mother. He winced in pain, again.
"Here, Mr. Bass. I’ll get you some ice chips and you only need to push this button here and you’ll receive more pain medication. Your doctor left an order for some morphine, to see you through the next 48 hours or so. I’ll get that, too."
His Mother kissed his cheek, "Oh Sweetheart, we’re all so glad that you decided to wake up! We were really beginning to worry about you. Now, I know that you’re going to be alright!"
His Father took his left hand in his own and Lance could see the tears in his Dad’s eyes. "Glad you decided to stay here with us , Son. God knows we were afraid we might lose you."
"MER...CEDES! Mercedes...ah..tell me. TELL ME!" His voice was raspy and agitated now.
Ford sat next to Lance on the left side of the hospital bed where he could grasp his hand. "Lance, Mercedes is alive. She’s ALIVE."
Immediately, Lance seemed to relax. His eyes closed and he took a deep breath. After a few moments, his eyes opened again, "Tr...uth?" He asked his brother-in-law.
"Honest. Honest." Ford squeezed his hand. The nurse gave Lance some ice chips. It was a welcome relief. She also moistened his lips. Then, very unceremoniously, she gave him a shot. A pain killer.
Lance gave her an uncharacteristically nasty look. "Don’t put me out." He said, a little less hoarse than before thanks to the hydration.
The nurse smiled at him, "Not planning on it. As long as you behave yourself."
"Mercedes...need to...see her. Where? HOW...is she?"
Ford got up so that Lance’s Mom could sit next to him. "She is here in the ICU and she..." Diane looked over to her husband.
"Son, Mercedes is critical." His Father finished the sentence Diane couldn’t bring herself to finish.
Lance brought his left hand up to his face. "How bad?"
Silence.
"HOW BAD?"
"Mercedes had a bullet removed from her head."
Lance gasped for air and tears began to fall from his eyes. His eyelids closed and he coughed. "No." He moaned.
"Hey, Bro...you’re a Daddy!" Stacey told him, hoping some joyous news would help buoy his spirits.
Lance’s eyes darted over to his sister. When they focused on her, they widened in fear.
"She’s doing really well, Lance. It’s a GIRL. You said it would be and it is!"
Lance shook his head, "No. Too early. TOO EARLY!"
"Chris Kirkpatrick has some photos." Diane told Lance. She gave Ford a nod and he went to find Chris.
Ford left the ICU area and the police officer at the door asked if Lance had opened his eyes yet. They would have to send in a detective to interview him as soon as the family had been allowed a moment or two alone with him.
They saw Ford coming down the hall and had anticipation written all over their faces. The look was all one big question mark. Ford found the guys having yet another cup of coffee. "Lance is awake."
"Thank God." Chris said hugging Joey, J.C. and Justin. Slapping hands with everyone else within a 50 yard radius.
"Listen, he needs to see those pictures of the baby. He isn’t taking the news very well. He’s been told about Mercedes and now he seems convinced the baby isn’t doing well either."
"I have them right here." Chris handed the pictures to him. Ford told him he should show Lance the pictures himself. He’s the one that thought of it. Chris kept right in step with Lance’s brother-in-law as they quickly returned to the ICU.
"Hey, Scoop." Chris said as the other members of the family cleared a path for him.
Lance looked pretty bad, and the red, swollen eyes didn’t improve his white pasty complexion much. Chris sat in the seat Diane vacated. "I brought you a present."
Chris took Lance’s hand and placed the first of four photos of the baby in the palm of his hand. "She’s a beauty."
Lance scanned the photo. You couldn’t tell how tiny she was. Chris had them take off the bandages over her eyes. There were tubes for intravenous. The heart monitors. But, except for the fact that she had very little body fat, the Bass baby didn’t look too bad.
"There’s more." Chris gave him another photo to look at. Lance even smiled, in appreciation. "By the way, we’ve been taking bets in the waiting room. "What’s your daughter’s name, Lance?"
"Eleanor Faith Bass."
Chris smiled. "Ellie? May I call her Ellie?"
"I’m going to." Lance said nodding in reply not taking his eyes off the photo. Chris handed him another one. It was like water to this thirsty man. He was drinking them up with his eyes.
"Well, doesn’t that just answer a whole slew of questions about that night in Tampa. It WAS Tampa, wasn’t it? The ELEVATOR?"
Lance glanced over to his family. A little color actually came to his cheeks. (It could have been the morphine.) "Not much...gets by...you."
"Hell, they should call ME Scoop." Chris answered, with a grin.
Lance placed the photos on his heart. "Tell me...about Mercedes." Chris glanced over to Lance’s family. "Don’t look at them." Lance licked his lips. "I want...the straight dope. I expect you...to...be honest."
"Alright Lance." Chris replied. "This is what the doctors told us."
Chris ended up holding Lance’s hand before he was through. "...But, she’s a fighter, Lance. She has everything in the world to fight for. She wants to stay here with you and Ellie. I believe she’s gonna make it."
Lance nodded his head. "Chris, if I...asked you...you’d...do almost...anything for me...wouldn’t...you?"
"You’re my bitch. I’d do anything I could for you. What d’ya want?"
"Make them...take me...to Mercedes."
"Lance, you just woke up. You shouldn’t underestimate what kind of shape you’re in. You’re one lucky SOB, you know that don’t you?"
"Chris...I am...begging you...help me."
"I can’t do anything that might jeopardize your recovery, Lance. Will you settle for a photo until you’re a little stronger?"
Chris looked over and saw Ford shaking his head, ‘no’. Chris had heard that she looked pretty bad. "You know she’s on a respirator. I told you that, right?"
"Yes...I know." Lance replied. His eyes lower to his chest. "Chris...I have...to see...her." His voice began to crack. "I need to...see her."
"It isn‘t going to be a glamour shot. I don’t know if either one of us can handle that, Scoop. Ford won’t even let your Mom go in. None of us were allowed in." Chris explained.
"She isn’t...alone...is she...alone?" Lance asked with great anxiety.
"No, NO! I know Gwen, Ford and Stacey have been in there." Chris answered.
Lance struggled to sit up, "Take me...in there."
"When your doctor comes in. I will personally ask her. My #1 priority. Okay?" Chris told him.
"No matter...what...anyone else...says...no matter...what...anyone...else wants..." Lance says to Chris. "Promise me."
"As long as your Doctor has no major objections Lance. That’s the only thing." Chris looked up to see a police detective and a uniformed officer in the door way. "In the meantime, I’ll go and see her myself. I think the police are here to talk with you."
Lance kept a grasp on Chris’ hand a moment longer, "You...promised. Remember...that."
Chris nodded his head. "I will remember that."
The family moved aside as the NYPD detective approached Lance. As he did, Lance’s doctor came into the room. "Detective, do you need to come in here RIGHT now? I haven’t even checked out my patient yet. Why don’t you and the other family members wait outside momentarily. Alright?"
"Listen Doc, "Chris started. "I promised Lance that I’d make a pitch to you about letting him go see his wife and daughter. He especially needs to see the Mermaid. I mean, Mercedes."
"I can appreciate your loyalty. But, I’ll tell you straight out, I’d rather we keep this guy tied down tonight. He shouldn’t be jostled around. He‘s been through a lot." She shushed Chris, the detective and Lance’s family out.
Chris was not surprised that Lance’s doctor was not enthusiastic about getting Lance over to see the Mermaid. So, he took Dani and the Polaroid and went to the ICU to see her himself. Gwen was sitting there reading poetry to her. "Yeats" Gwen said. "It’s her favorite."
Chris kept squeezing Dani’s hand and fighting back the tears. Gwen suggested that they speak to her. "I don’t think I can let Lance come over here, in good conscience. Gwen, she isn’t breathing on her own?"
"I asked the doctors and they tell me that she could breathe on her own. But with a brain injury the best thing is to make sure the patient gets plenty of oxygen. This is the best way to pump it in fast. That’s not the official lingo, of course."
"No, this I could understand." Chris managed a smile. He walked over to the side of Mercedes’ bed. "Hey, Mermaid. You’ve got a man down the hall who’s really chomping at the bit to come and see you." Chris started to relax a little when he continued, "And you have a baby daughter. MAN. You’ve got to see this little Princess. You be fighting off the guys hangin’ around that one...her Daddy and you will have quite a job keeping them away! She’s gonna have Lance wrapped around her little finger." Chris held onto Mercedes’ hand, "Come back to us. You’re needed by so many of us here. I need someone who can see through my act. Eleanor Faith needs her mommy, and Lance needs his woman. Mermaid you better come back to us." Chris lowered his voice and said angrily, "Don’t let the bastard win."
Reluctantly Lance left the ICU and Chris headed them towards the Neonatal Nursery.
"Here’s where they keep all the really cute jail bait." Chris said. Lance thought Chris was being lame now, but he smiled anyway. For Chris the humor helped ease the pain. For Lance, the only thing that was going to help was revenge. For putting his wife’s life in danger, for robbing them of the experience of their daughter’s birth. For that and more, he was going to find these assholes and make them pay.
But, all that anger left when he looked in the incubator. There was Eleanor Faith. Lance couldn’t believe how tiny she was. What a miracle she was. The baby that he thought had died, the baby so many people tried to deny or rob from them. So many ill-meaning fans, denying she was his! So many well-meaning fans heartbroken, over such a blessed event! How could that be? And then the people who knew them and wanted to rob them of this joy, this gift from God...FAITH. Faith is what kept them going. When he lost it, Mercedes still had the faith and carried on. It was Lance’s turn now. A perfectly beautiful baby girl with the old-fashioned name.
It suited her.
The nurses there assisted Lance in touching Ellie. His fingers felt her paper thin skin...she is so tiny Mercedes! I could hold her in one hand, if they would only let me hold her. He began to hum a song to her. It was the first thing that came to his mind. And looking back, it was the song he sang as he and Mercedes awaited the timer for the home pregnancy test in Colorado.
"Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arrive..."
Chris stood at the door to the neonatal unit with tears in his eyes. It wasn’t that he was so macho, it’s just that he didn’t like to cry much. When he had to help raise his sisters, he felt crying was a luxury they could not afford. It was too introspective. Chris felt a special attachment to this little girl already. Princess.
Dr. Copperknoll was also watching Lance with his baby girl. "Thanks, Doc." Chris said.
"For what?" she asks.
"For letting him see his wife and daughter. I mean, I know you’ve taken a risk here, letting him come down here. It’s obvious he isn’t strong enough yet, but his heart was breaking and you knew you had to help that heal, too. Really generous move, Doc. Thanks."
Dr. Copperknoll’s eyes darted away from his quickly. Chris didn’t like the feeling he got from that. He touched her arm. "Is there something you’re not telling us?"
She just looked at Chris and shook her head. "Let’s give your friend this time with his family."
"Daddy’s here. I love you, Ellie."
(Friday January 5, 2001 St. Luke’s Hospital NYC)
"Well, that was good that J.C. was able to be there Wednesday when the Grammy Nominations were announced. You know we kind of drew straws and we really didn‘t need two of us there. I felt I needed to be here in Manhattan with Lance. " Justin was listening intently, "No, he’s doing pretty well. The nurses have fallen in love with Ellie, just like the rest of us. They might even let Lance hold her today. Yeah, he’s pretty excited. How’s LA?" Justin managed a smile, "Well, Dick Clark took it pretty well that we decided not to perform Monday night, I hear. It wouldn’t feel right to do something without Lance there. Yeah, the rest of us are still planning on flying out this afternoon. I miss you, too."
"Is it Britney?" Joey asked. Justin nodded. "Tell her ‘hi’ for me."
"Like hell I will." Justin laughed. "No, nothing." He returned to his phone call.
Joey got up from the chair and looked out the hospital window. Lance had been moved off the ICU ward into a fairly regular hospital room. They had him downstairs in x-ray and the guys had come by to visit one last time before they left for the airport.
Joey hadn’t seen Lance alone since the shooting. Joey wondered how much Lance had been told about that night. That Roz had been with him instead of doing her job. That was something he didn’t know he’d ever be able to forgive himself for. They heard Chris cracking a joke in the hallway and knew that Lance was on his way back up again.
"Yeah, ok. I’ll tell him...see ya soon." Justin finished his call just as Lance was wheeled into the room. "Hey, you’re looking much better than yesterday. Brit says, ‘hi!’ She can‘t wait to see Ellie again."
Lance just gave them a quiet grin as Joey added, "Scoop, doing so well that you might want to consider flying to LA with us this afternoon...huh?" Joey noticed that Lance avoided eye contact with him and his demeanor changed. Was it his own guilt that MADE him imagine this?
"Justin, Chris. " Joey said. "Could you give me and Lance a minute alone here?"
J looked at him and nodded, "Sure, Joe. I’ll be right down the hall with Ellie, ok? Gotta make Brit jealous every chance I get." Justin raised his eyebrows, "heh heh."
Lance smiled after him, "I’m on to you, Timberlake."
"Don’t worry, Lance. I’ll be there to chaperone." said Chris.
Justin and Chris knew that Joey had a lot he needed to say to Lance. Basically, he needed to relieve his guilty conscience. But, they knew that Lance was aware that Roz was derelict of her duty that night and that he probably had things he needed to say to Joey. Their friendship was going to continue to be strained unless they talked this out. Only now, they were about to run the risk of completely blowing apart their friendship.
"Do you notice that we haven’t spoken about the Mermaid yet today?" Chris asked Justin.
"It’s painful to see her there just veggin’...sorry, but it is." J said.
"Painful for us?! Imagine how Lance must feel." said Chris.
The nursery was always filled with busy little candy stripers whenever the *N SYNC guys came to visit the baby. She was doing well, and the nurses promised Lance could actually hold the baby today. Chris heard this unbelievable wailing as he entered the neonatal area.
"WOW. Is that the Princess?" Chris asked of the nursing supervisor he had come to know in the days they’ve practically camped out at St. Luke’s Hospital.
"That’s her. She’s got quite a set of lungs on her! For such a tiny thing..."
A light bulb went off above Chris’ head, "Man, THAT gives me an idea! Anybody got a tape recorder? Come on J, with your ego you must have one on you."
Sheepishly, Justin brought out his small, handheld tape recorder. "It was J.C.’s idea for me to carry one...for lyrics...and stuff."
Chris smiled, "I’d kiss ya, but I’d hate to see it end up in the Enquirer."
As quickly as he could, Chris started taping the precious wailing of this little premature baby named Ellie Bass. He just stood there taping her patiently for just under 5 minutes. Then, she stopped and apparently fell asleep.
"Sorry about that, Princess. I know someone wishes they were here to pick you up and rock you and shush you and kiss you. Maybe this afternoon your Daddy will be allowed to do that. With your help, maybe your Mommy will be able to do that real soon!"
"What was that all about?" asked Justin.
"Wait and see, Junior." Chris replied. "Wait and see."
Joey sat on the window sill in Lance’s hospital room, as the orderlies helped Lance into bed. "I was told I could go see my wife again this afternoon."
"Yes, Mr. Bass, but first your Doctor has to see the x-rays and you can have some lunch and take a nap."
"I don’t want to take a...oh forget it. Will you get my nurse, please? I need to go see my wife." Lance seemed irritated. Joey felt it had more to do with him than with the inconvenience of being put into bed at that moment.
"Lance." Joey began as he watched the orderlies leave. "Lance...I..."
"Joe," Lance closed his eyes and sighed, "I am in a really pissy mood right now. Maybe we should wait until we meet up in Orlando after all the Award shows in LA. I’ll see you in Orlando." said Lance as if he was dismissing Joey.
"Don’t do this." Joey pleaded.
Lance opened his eyes, "Don’t do what?"
"You know what. You’re brushing me off. I need to talk with you about this."
"You do?" Lance said sarcastically. "Oh, man, sorry. I forgot your needs are what this is all about, isn’t it? You had to have Roz from the first day you met her. Happy New Year, Joe. Hope you got satisfaction."
Joey looked down at the floor. "Okay, now we’re getting somewhere. Obviously, you blame me and I understand that."
"Hell, Joey, I blame you, Roz, the New York City Police Department, Lonnie...I blame EVERYBODY. I blame ME. I blame God. I blame that stupid MTV party. I KNOW it was Victoria. Damn, I KNOW it! But, do you think the police believe that? Some poor dumb shit saw her in the hospital and said she’s not capable of planning or hiring someone to do that! NOT CAPABLE!! It was HER, it was her...it was her...and somehow she had Matt Rent working for her. I feel it. I feel it, Joe." Lance gasped, his heart caught in his throat. "I should have made her stay in Mississippi. I should’ve...I should’ve..." Lance started to break down.
Joey held onto his friend. "I am so sorry, Lance. I’m sorry."
At this time a voice can be heard from the doorway, "Ok, you guys are so lucky that I know you both...although I must say, I always wondered about you Joey...a little too much action is like overcompensating for something..." Chris was standing there with Justin.
Justin had a large smile on his face. "Glad to see you two are friends again."
"Alright. Break it up." said Chris. "I have a plan, Scoop."
Lance turned his head to rub his eyes. Joey gave him a compassionate smile and Lance asked Chris. "What is it?"
Dr. Copperknoll came in behind Chris and Justin, just as Chris was about to tell Lance about the tape recorder.
"Hey you." Lance yelled, "What’s this about a nap? You promised I’d get to go see my wife."
"You’re obviously feeling better." She said. "They just told you I said that because they like to get your blood pressure up."
"Okay, so I’m going over there now, right?" asked Lance.
"Well, we need to talk first."
"Should we leave, Doc?" Chris asked. The doctor hesitated. "Do you want us to leave Lance?"
"What’s this about?" Lance asked with heightened anxiety.
"Lance, as you know, Mercedes’ doctors have been thinking all along that the oxygen would help her recovery." Dr. Copperknoll hesitated again. "Now, they’re asking for your permission to remove the respirator."
Chris and Justin looked at each other. "What does that mean, exactly?" asked Lance. "Does it mean she’s getting better?"
"It means, Lance, that her doctors and I want you to sign a DNR...Do Not Resuscitate order. Mercedes will start breathing on her own...or it will indicate to us that she..."
"Lance, do you want me to go find your Mom? I saw Stacey going into the Nursery." Chris asked him interrupting the doctor.
Lance shook his head. "My wife is not going to die."
Dr. Copperknoll cleared her throat, "There is brain activity Lance. But, we don’t have any idea of the damage..."
"MY WIFE IS NOT GOING TO DIE." Lance raised his voice, "GET IT?"
"Will you sign the order?"
"You want me to give you permission to keep her off the respirator?"
"Yes." The doctor answered him. Joey and Justin stirred nervously. Chris looked at Lance intently.
"I want another opinion." Lance said.
"You have some of the best doctors in the country on call here. How many opinions do you want?"
"Hey, cut him some slack." Chris yelled.
"She will either breathe on her own, or you need to let her go."
