(Albany, New York…Ryan's Funeral)
"Justin! Where's JC?"
"Hi to you too Kylie…" Justin said sticking his hands in his pockets.
Kylie forced a smile, "How are you guys doing?"
"Everyone's good…except for Lance."
Kylie looked around her, "Where is he anyway?"
Justin rubbed the back of his neck; "He didn't come. I wish he would have. Maybe he would have felt better if he would have came to the funeral ya know?"
Kylie nodded her head knowingly. She placed her hand on his shoulder and patted it softly. Justin walked away, heading towards the refreshments.
Kylie turned her neck to the direction of the casket. Her heart was in pain at the sight of the large chest. She made her way over to it, slowly taking a step closer every couple seconds. When she got close enough to it, she ran her hand over the smooth wood. Her eyes started to become watery. The funeral was beautiful to her; Ryan would have loved it. On top of her casket laid a bouquet of daisy's and daffodils; Ryan's favorite flowers.
Kylie wished she would see Ryan. It was heartbreaking to know that it was a closed casket. A single tear ran down her cheek as the sounds of "Tears in Heaven" by Eric Clapton filled the air.
Would you know my nameIf I saw you in heaven?
Would you feel the same
If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on
'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven...
Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven?
I'll find my way through night and day
'Cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven...
Time can bring you down, time can bend your kneesTime can break your heart, have you begging please...
Beyond the door there's peace I'm sureAnd I know there'll be no more tears in heaven...
Would you know my nameIf I saw you in heaven?
Would you feel the same
If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on
'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven...
"Excuse me Miss…"
Kylie quickly wiped the tear off of her cheek and turned around. She was facing an older woman. She had long, curly blonde hair and brown eyes. She had been crying, obvious by her tear stained cheeks. The woman lifted her hand up weakly and handed Kylie a cream colored envelope.
"This is something that is addressed to you, Kylie. The investigators came to the conclusion that Ryan wrote it before she died." the woman smiled weakly and brushed a fallen tear from under her eye.
Kylie looked down at the envelope and felt the paper with her thumb. Her eyes traveled back up the woman. "Thank you…and I'm sorry about Ryan, Mrs. Joleigh…She'll be greatly missed."
Ryan's mother put her head down. She took in a deep breath and calmed her nerves down a bit.
"It gets easier everyday now…but it just so hard…cause your never supposed to bury your children."
Kylie's face was now red and cover with tears. She looked back down at the envelope. When she looked back up, Ryan's mother was gone. Kylie exhaled slowly and searched for somewhere to take a load off. Minutes of searching led her to a stone bench about 20 feet away from the casket. She just sat there and stared at the envelope. To tell the truth, she was terrified to open it. She feared of what Ryan possibly had to say in the letter.
Kylie took a deep breath and opened the top of the envelope, tearing the opening. She reached her hand in and felt a couple sheets of paper. She pulled them out and read the letter.
About ten minutes passed and Kylie's skin was soaked in tears. This letter was so powerful. She never knew that Ryan felt this way. The pain, the bitterness she went through. It made her heart tear in two.
Kylie shot up straight and marched her way to find JC or any of the guys. Minutes passed and she couldn't find any one of them. Kylie lifted her head up to try and get a better look of things that surrounded her. Nothing.
The light was fading and people were getting ready for Ryan's burial. Kylie knew that she didn't have the strength to watch that. She grabbed her bags and forgot all about trying to find any of the guys. She high heals hit the gravel, making a clapping sound. Kylie heard a familiar voice as she got close to her rental car. She turned and smiled weakly at the presence of one of her best friends. JC opened his arms and she didn't think twice of it. She walked to him and felt so strong in his embrace. She cried freely again, letting out all of her pain.
(A few days later)
"LANCE!!"
Lance sighed, sitting back into his chair, getting annoyed. He looked up when Justin walked into the kitchen.
"Are you just gonna sit there and mope?"
Lance didn't say anything, just remained in the same position, his eyes not moving from Justin's.
"Lance, please! Don't do this to yourself! Your…you need help. I know that you miss Ryan and you feel bad for her death, but you can't stay like this. The tour starts back up in three days, we need to be with us…"
"I'm here Justin."
"Physically you are…but not in spirit."
Lance looked away from Justin, he couldn't bare it any longer to look into his hurt eyes.
"It hurts Justin, OK? I'm so SORRY that I'm in mourning! Death is something I'm not OK with!"
"Do you want to talk about it Lance?"
Lance stood up from his chair and walked out of the kitchen, leaving Justin confused.
Why couldn't anyone get it? Lance didn't want to talk about it. He felt responsible for Ryan's death, and nothing would change his view of it. If he wasn't so caught up in Anne, nothing would have happened to Ryan. She'd still be alive. Lance felt like a horrible person for what he had done. Never in his right mind did he think that things would have been pulled that far. He hated himself…he really did. It had been two days since Ryan's funeral and he wasn't feeling any better.
Lance heard that Kylie had been wanting to talk to him since she got back from Albany, but he just didn't want to discuss anything with anyone.
Lance put on his gray tennis shoes and walked out the door, without telling anyone where he was going. He just wanted to do nothing up think. Lance tilted his head up to the bright baby blue Florida sky. Lance lost his visual of the sky when someone knocked into him. His attention turned to Kylie who had the look of shock on her friendly face. Lance noticed in her hands was an envelope. His eyes turned away from the object and turned his attention to Kylie.
"Hey Lance…I was just coming to see you…since you've been ignoring me."
Lance stuck his hands in his pockets, "I haven't been ignoring you…I just needed some time to myself."
"Well, Lance, you're spending sometime with you whether you like it or not. I need to talk to you…its important…"
Lance turned in a full 360-degree turn and looked at Kylie grabbing his head as he started to develop a headache. "What could possibly be important right now?"
"Its about Ryan…"
