Alyssa tugged her blanket further up her body, switching off the radio. She tried to sleep, and she was far beyond being tired. She was exhausted, mentally, and physically. Yet still, she couldn't sleep. Lance's news dropped on her like a bombshell. It was all she could think about, leaving Justin, leaving everything she had just gotten adjusted to. It at heavy on her mind, and it hurt to think about it.
"Couldn't sleep either?" Alyssa never turned her head away from the window, just smiled when she recognized Justin's warm hand swallow hers.
"Not a wink, I have a lot on my mind right now," She reached out touching the glass again. The weather outside matched how she was feeling perfectly. It was dark, and cloudy, and the rain pounded down hard as if in anger.
"You know, there's a cold front coming through. All the rain is going to turn to snow," Justin's voice was soft, trying to make any conversation between the two. Alyssa smiled at his effort, turning to face him for the first time.
"Am I being selfish, because I don't want you to leave at all..." Justin leaned his chin on her shoulder. Alyssa could feel his soft breath against her neck.
"I don't know Justin. Part of me says to take the career move, but the rest of me wants to stay on this tour bus, just like this forever. Performing for girls with *N SYNC glow sticks, and have my manager, and my best friend with me every step of the way..." She squeezed his hand, not resisting the tear that ran down her cheek.
"Oh don't worry. I'll still be your number one fan. Just think of this as one bad thing, amongst all the good. I mean, we can talk every night on the phone. And then in a month me and the guys get 4 days off for Christmas. I'll be in Orlando, and so will you," his voice had lowered to a whisper, his lips almost touching the side of her face.
"Yeah, but it still won't be the same. We won't have any more moments like this. I won't be able to hold your hand, sleep on your shoulder on a plane, look into your eyes..." Justin cut her off kissing her nose lightly.
"No more kisses, no more holding you, no more telling you how much I love you, and don't want to be away from you," Alyssa tensed a little, as Justin sat there. His lips drawn together in expectation. Once again she turned away to the window. It made his heart sink completely. He felt a coldness, and void settle inside of him. Was this how he was going to spend one of her now numbered days? Confessing his love, and honesty of his emotions. And being shunned by her. It hurt him to the core, just the thought that maybe she didn't love him?
Alyssa noted his quietness, and she couldn't blame him. She might as well have stomped on his heart right then. She knew she loved him. but the three words held so much promise, and sacrifice. Another tear dripped down her cheek, landing onto Justin's hand.
"Baby, please don't cry," He kissed the wet trail the etar had made down her face, rubbing her hand softly.
"Why don't you try to get some sleep? This couch folds out, either you can sleep on it, or in my bunk and I'll sleep here,"
"I'll sleep out here..." She said quietly. He shook his head as she slowly stood up.
"I'll fix you up," he gave her a reassuring smile, even though his heart was practically bleeding. Pulling out the couch, and getting some extra blankets and pillows out for her he sat down patting the bed lightly.
"Do you want me to lay with you until you fall asleep?"
"No, that's OK, I mean if you don't mind I guess," Alyssa giggled as Justin layed down, pulling the covers up to his mid chest. She slowly crawled in beside him, snuggling against him. He was on his side his chest flat against Alyssa's back. his arm curled around her waist protectively, holding her hand.
"Goodnight Justin..."
"Goodnight baby," he whispered humming softly to her, until her breathing evened out. "I love you..." A small tear rolled down his face, as he kissed the top of her head lightly, closing his eyes.
