Alyssa sighed heavily, letting her head slowly fall to her hands. It seemed like she had been sitting on the bus for days, which in reality was only a mere 2 hours. Her heart was heavy, as were her thoughts. The look in Justin's eyes, along with his words flashed over and over again in her head.
His eyes were unlike anything she had ever seen. The depths of blue she normally looked in for comfort, and normalacy flashed with pain and anger. They burned into her, and when she looked further she still couldn't see the comfort she longed for. She shook her head trying to rid the picture from her troubled mind. It was useless.
She jumped when she heard her cell phone ringing. She stared down at it like a monster before slowly picking it up. She glanced down at the screen seeing "Jc's Cell" typed across it. Letting out a deep breath she clicked it on.
"Hello?"
"Hey sweetie, it's JC," Alyssa smiled at the softness of his voice.
"Hey, how are you?" She asked, the usual perkiness completely drawn from her voice.
"I'm doing alright. I just wanted to call ... and well check in on you. I heard about last night, how are you holding up?" Alyssa sighed her eyes moving down to her hand. She was surprised to see it shaking lightly, tears starting to well up in her eyes again.
"I'm... oh Jc I don't even know what I am... I don't know WHO I am..." Alyssa wiped a tear away angrily. She hated the feeling of loneliness, and emotions from her past coming to surface again.
"I called to listen hun. Just spill anything..."
"I woke up this morning and I look in the mirror. My eyes are red and puffy, I'm shaking, and I can barley think without seeing him.. and I can't make the tears stop..." Alyssa paused, closing her eyes to regain her compsure. "And I go to the airport, and there is fans there JC... FANS. When did that start to happen...they dont know me, they dont know my life... and they are chasing after someone who's not even worth it. I just keep getting pushed further and further back, and just when I think it's better... I just fall again. I can't handle it... I'm not that STRONG JC. There isn't anything worth fighting for...EVERYTHING important to me... just disappears. They stole my dignity, my pride... my dreams They stole my LIFE..."Alyssa choked on the tears building in her throat.
JC flinched listening to a truly broken down girl pouring out her emotions to him. "Sweetheart listen to me. They can't take anything you don't want them to. It's not theres for the taking. You stay strong, and you look deep inside and find YOU again. Not popstar Alyssa, not Justin's Alyssa... but YOU."
Alyssa listened wiping the remaining tears from her face. Taking a series of deep breathes...she smiled.
"Thank you JC... I needed that,"
"Anytime sweetie. Now you call me if you need to talk again. Take care of yourself... and stay strong."
"Ok, I will... thank you again."
"No problem. I'll talk to you later."
JC clicked off the phone glancing down at it for a few seconds. He shook his head, thinking about every word she had said to him. It shocked him to hear how much she was hurting. She was so open with him. Her vulneribility echoed from every single word she said. JC jumped when he heard Justin walk into the room.
He didn't look well either. He had circles under his eyes from lack of sleep, and he had been in an incredibly bad mood since he had gotten home. Justin gave a half smile, JC turned his head closing his eyes.
"What?"
"Nothing ... you messed up bad this time man. I mean ... bad," JC raised his eyebrows before walking out of the room, leaving Justin to himself. Justin ran his hand through his curly hair, dropping his face to his hands.
"I know...God I'm so sorry Alyssa," he whispered to himself.
The feelings inside of him were a mix between pain, anger, and regret. The pain was still there. The words she still had never spoke still left a void in his heart ... and it still hurt him. All of his anger was directed at himself. He couldn't believe what he had done, and the words he had said to her. He regretted all of it....saying he didn't love her, yelling, pointing fingers. But more than anything he regretted that this is what it all had to come to. He drove their relationship into nothing. He made an unfillable gap in his own heart, and a shell of girl back in California.
