The baking session was very successful. All the cakes and pies and fudge and other goodies were made and ready for the rest of the dinner. Elaine sent her Mom to bed and she stayed up to put the turkeys in the ovens.
She had a huge bowl on the counter that she was mixing the stuffing in and the pans with the turkeys were lined up ready to be stuffed.
Lance had gone out to check the grounds before locking up for the night. It was the same ritual here as in Orlando. He wanted to know that his home was secured. But, Elaine also thought that he used that time to thank God for his many blessings and just to talk to Him. He never took anything for granted.
As Lance came into the kitchen, he saw Elaine standing at the counter mixing up the stuffing for the turkeys. He thought she looked perfect standing there in their kitchen. 'Their kitchen.' That sounded so right, so perfect. She WAS perfect. If it was possible, she grew lovelier everyday and he wanted her more each moment they were together. The way she held her head and the way she stood tall and proud, he was so proud of her. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other. All he could think about was holding her in his arms. He slipped out of his boots and quietly moved over toward her.
Elaine was in the middle of stuffing a bird when she felt little puffs of air blowing on her neck. Then, she felt soft lips brushing her neck where she had her hair pulled up on her head. "Lance, I'm trying to stuff a bird here...and you're...making it...extremely difficult to...concentrate...on what I'm..doing." She leaned back into his kisses and his embrace as his arms wrapped around her.
His arms pulled her into his hard body and his lips attacked her neck and ear and she felt her legs grow weak under her. 'Oh Lord, help me' she thought. It was getting harder and harder to resist him, but she knew she had to keep a cool head, but kissing him was the best high she could get. She loved being high on Lance. He was definitely addictive.
Finally, she could stand it no more. She dropped the stuffing in her hands and spun around in his arms and ran her hands into his hair and kissed him long and hard. Soon, there was stuffing all through his hair. She kept the kiss going while she put more in. Lance finally realized just what she had done. "Oh, I am so gonna get you for that."
Elaine looked into his eyes and sweetly said, "No you won't because you love me, don't you?" She pouted her lips at him and he could not be angry with her anymore. So off he went up the stairs to get his shower. Elaine washed her hands and continued to stuff the turkeys, but now, there was a devilish grin on her face.
When she was done stuffing and putting the birds in the oven, she cleaned everything up and headed upstairs. As she topped the stairs, she and Lance collided, again. He was fresh out of the shower and clean shaven and smelled of Polo after shave. She had never known him to wear that before, but she knew what it was and it was starting to get to her along with the sweat pants low on his hips and the white wifebeater shirt. He was just drop dead sexy and there was no denying it. His hair was still wet and flopped over and she thought to herself that she had never seen him look sexier.
"Are you coming up to bed already?" he asked.
"Yeah, I thought you were already in bed."
"Sugar Bear, I would NOT go to bed without telling you good night first and getting a kiss goodnight. Besides, I wanted to talk to you. We weren't able to have any real alone time today."
"Let me go change, and I'll be back down in a few. Could you fix me some hot cocoa with marshmallows, if you have them?"
"Sure Baby."
Elaine grabbed a shower and put on some sweats of her own and went downstairs to the kitchen and the light was out. Then she heard the TV going in the family room and she headed there. Lance was watching reruns of I LOVE LUCY and chuckling at her antics. The hot cocoa was on the table with a cover on it to keep it warm. Elaine grabbed the cup and drank the chocolate warmth. It was so good and soothing and relaxing. She closed her eyes to savor the flavor of the cocoa and to finally relax.
Suddenly, she felt Lance's soft, velvety lips on hers and she melted into his embrace. His hands caressed her cheek and his fingers played in her hair. The cup was removed from her hand and placed on the table. He pulled her to him and settled back on the couch. As he moved back, she was pulled into his lap and she snuggled into the cushions around them. His strong, powerful arms held her close and he snuggled into the pillows with her. His lips gently caressed her face and neck and Elaine was deliriously happy with this man in her life. "Is this what you waited all day for?" she asked shyly.
"I always want sugar from you, Sugar Bear. And, I just want to sit and hold you close to me. It seems like these last few weeks have been so hectic and when we get back to Orlando, there's gonna be that interview and final preparations for the wedding. Baby, do you realize we're gonna have to make an appointment to get even a kiss from each other?"
Elaine was laughing so hard. "Sweetheart, I will never let a day go by that we are in the same town that you don't get a kiss. I promise." She leaned and gave him a kiss. "We WILL make time for each other. (kiss) We WILL do exactly what Granny Dorn (kiss) told us to do...(Kiss)..Lance, I love you." (Kiss)
"Oh Baby, I love you too. Sometimes, I just get scared. I know I sound like a broken record, but I almost lost you. You're just too good to be true and I keep waiting to wake up and find myself back in that void I was living in. And I wasn't even living, I was barely existing. You are so honest and pure at heart. The things I've done don't warrant me deserving you and I just get the feeling sometimes that you're gonna disappear." Lance was opening up in a way Elaine had never known. Tears were in his eyes and he was trying to hold them back. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be blubbering like this."
Elaine took his face in her hands. As one lone tear rolled down his cheek, he went to wipe it away and she stopped him with a kiss where the tear had gone. She kissed the tear away. This very simple act on her part touched his heart and more tears fell. She wrapped her arms around him and cuddled him close to her chest. Suddenly, his body was racked with sobs. The dam had finally broken that Susie had told her would from the stress of their ordeal and his near loss of her. Susie had been so helpful in letting her know what to expect.
Being home in Mississippi, where things were as normal as they could get in his life anymore, he had finally had the sudden impact of everything that had happened in the last months. Elaine just sat in his lap and cradled him to her and let him have his release.
She sat like this for two hours while he cried, vented his anger at Vivica and what she had done in his life and to his life. What she had tried to do to Elaine and how helpless he had felt at not being able to protect her from harm. He went back and forth between crying and anger and crying anger and crying pain. As he got everything out, Elaine prayed to God that He would give Lance a sense of peace when this was all over. She prayed that God would give her wisdom and the right things to say to Lance to comfort him.
What bothered her the most was how he kept feeling he did not deserve her. She turned in his lap and looked squarely into his gold flecked green eyes that were so full of pain and hurt and so red and puffy from all the crying. She softly kissed each eye and then she looked at him like he was a hurting child. A thought came to her mind and she knew she HAD to ask this question, even though it might set him off again. "Lance, I know I have told you that you are NOT responsible for what happened with Vivica, but you still look on it as you broke your vow to God, right?" Lance nodded his head yes. She lifted his chin to where he looked directly into her eyes. "Lance, what is God good and faithful to do if only we ask Him?"
He looked at her and thought for a moment. "To save us?"
"Yeah, but also to FORGIVE us. If we are really sorry for the things we've done, He is faithful to forgive us, just as a loving father forgives his child for things they do wrong. Baby, have you asked God's forgiveness?"
Lance looked down at his hand holding hers and twisting the diamond cluster ring on her left hand. "Not about that, I've asked for forgiveness for other things, but not that." His face was so full of pain.
"And why not? Baby, He forgives ALL our wrongs not just some." She thought a moment. "Honey, how do you feel about...Vivica?"
Lance lifted his eyes to her and it actually terrified her the look that had taken over his eyes and his face. She had never seen such hatred and anger. It gave his face an ugly countenance. The look of fear on her face reached to him and he suddenly was concerned for her. It was like someone had flipped a switch. "Sugar, what's wrong, what's frightened you?"
Elaine looked at him with wonder. "You don't even realize it, do you?"
"Realize what?"
"When I asked how you felt about Vivica, the look on your face terrified me."
"What look?" He was actually clueless to the fact that he had so much anger and hatred bottled up inside him.
Elaine figured now was as good a time as any to lay it all on the line. "Baby, you've got to let go of all that anger and hatred you have penned up inside of you. It is destroying you, bit by bit, NOT Vivica, but you and eventually, it will destroy us."
Lance panicked, "No, I won't let it destroy us," he cried and pulled Elaine into a tight hug.
"You're wrong Lance. Hate and anger are a disease and they will infect everything in your life and eventually destroy it. Just like a cancer destroys. You've got to get past this. I know you don't want to hear this, but, you're gonna have to forgive her and put this all BEHIND you."
Lance pulled back. "FORGIVE HER!"
"Yes, forgive her. Lance, when I was able to be where I could get back to my Bible studies after everything happened, do you know what the first verse in the Bible I was slammed with was?"
Lance shook his head no and Elaine reached over to the end table by the couch and got her Bible she had left there that morning after her devotions. She turned to Matthew chapter 6. "Right here, God gives us the Model Prayer and in that prayer it says:
And forgive us our debts
As we forgive our debtors.
And do not lead us into temptation,
But deliver us from the evil one. (NKJV) (Matt 6:12-13a)
We are asking God to forgive us and by the same token we are to forgive 'our debtors.' If that wasn't clear enough for me, God 'slapped' me with verses 14 and 15:
For if you forgive men their trespasses,
Your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
BUT, if you do NOT forgive men their trespasses,
Neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
Lance sat and pondered what she had just read. Elaine closed her Bible and put it on the table. "Honey, in other words, how can you expect God to forgive you ANYTHING, big or small, if you are NOT willing to have the same spirit of forgiveness? If you have sin in your heart, and hate and anger is a sin, you are not going to have effective communication with Him. Lance, that verse hit me like a ton of bricks and I realized what I had to do. I've forgiven her in my heart, but I need to go to her and tell her I forgive her and I plan on doing that when we get back to Orlando, and it would really be good if we went together."
"You stay away from her, she'll hurt you," Lance panicked.
"Baby, she's in a mental hospital and they have her medicated, I don't think she is going to be a danger. Have you read the reports from the doctors?"
Lance shook his head no. "Did you know that she was in fifteen foster homes in a five year period? She was sexually abused by four of her foster fathers and by several foster brothers. My God Lance, the fact that she would even want to love a man would surprise me. The fact that she could even 'act normal' surprises me. What she has had to endure is incomprehensible. She is a human being who has been used and abused past the breaking point."
"There's nothin' human about her," Lance snarled. "She doesn't deserves sympathy."
Elaine was shocked but yet understood his vehemence at her, but, his compassion had gone completely out the window. She looked him straight in the eye. "There, but for the grace of God, go I. Lance, I just as easily could have turned out like Vivica. If I had not had the love and nurturing from my family that I did. If I had been done the way she has been done, it could easily be me in that hospital instead of her.
Lance, I love you with all my heart and soul and I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy. But, as long as there is ANYTHING from the past lurking around, we won't be happy. Your anger and hate is 'lurking.' Baby, you've gotta let it go. I want our life to start out fresh and no excess baggage."
She stood up from his lap and turned back to him. "I want you to think about what I have said. It's important to our relationship. Forgiveness can work miracles in our lives and clear so much up. While we're clearing the air, I have a confession to make to you. I am NOT so honest and pure of heart. I have lied to you, sort of, in a way, and now, I'm asking your forgiveness."
"What lie?" asked Lance stunned.
"Graduation Night, I wasn't asleep. I'm sorry I misled you and I hope you can forgive me."
Lance sat there with his mouth open. Elaine turned to go up stairs. "Where are you going?" he asked with a lonely tone.
Elaine picked up her Bible and looked at Lance, "I'm going up to read and pray that you can understand where I'm coming from. I love you, Lancelot. I don't want to lose you, but this is a very important part of a relationship. We've got to be able to forgive one another. Neither of us is perfect and we are going to screw up from time to time."
She started to leave and Lance reached for her hand. His voice cracked, "Please, don't go. Please stay here with me. Don't leave me alone," he pleaded.
"Are you sure you don't want to be alone to think?"
Lance turned tear filled eyes to her and pleaded with her to stay and just be near him while he thought about what she had said. He was quiet for a while and then, "Elaine?"
"Yes, Lance."
"Graduation Night, why did you...?"
"Why did I pretend to be asleep? Would you have kissed me the way that you did if I had been Elaine, Sissy to the guys in the group? Do you want to know the whole truth?"
Lance nodded his head yes and indicated that he wanted her to sit by him on the couch. He covered her hand with his and gave it a squeeze. With that, she began.
She started way back to when she was only thirteen years old and the first time she met them. Then, there was how he became her hero because of the Wesley thing and how that became a deep abiding love, on her part, at least. She shared how her heart would break when he went out with all the girls he had dated over the years. "Lance, I loved you more than anything in my life and I wanted you to be happy. While I prayed that God would save you for me, I still wanted you to be happy more than me. I watched you with Danielle, Beverly, Carrah, Kerri, Wendy and even Vivica, and I thought if they can make him happy, that's the most important thing to me."
Elaine was starting to become emotional and she looked for the tissues. She suddenly felt an urgency to just open up about everything she experienced those years, but in doing so, she would have to deal with her hurts and disappointments that occurred along the way. She turned to look at him. "Lance, I've loved you since I was thirteen years old. You've been the center of my universe. I prayed each and everyday for your happiness and your success. I prayed that you would wait for me to grow up so that I could love you the way you needed to be loved. I waited for the day that I turned eighteen and I could love you as only a woman can love a man. I've lived for this moment to be right here with you."
Her voice was becoming shaky and tears were streaming down her face. "I vowed after Christmas break last year, that I was going to make all your hurt go away that you had been put through. I wanted to be the one you held close to you. I wanted it to be my eyes you gazed into each and everyday. I wanted to be the one kissed with all the love and passion you possessed inside you. I wanted to be the one that could make you happy beyond your wildest dreams."
Tears flowed and she sobbed and Lance could stand it no longer. He took her in his arms and bestowed on her the favor she had him earlier. They rocked back and forth as she continued. "Lance, for the last several years, ever since you made the movie with Vivica, I have had the same dream over and over. In my dream we are in each others arms and you are kissing me and touching me and I am wanting you so terribly bad. And then, I remember my vow and we stop and then we start kissing and touching again until I wake up just as you're about to..." Elaine looked down at her hand and the embarrassment caused her face to burn.
She finally took a deep breath and looked up into those soulful green eyes of his and cried. "Lance, after all those years of kissing you in my dreams, I wanted to know what it was like to be kissed like a woman. I wanted to know what your lips felt like on mine. I wanted to know how it felt to be wanted by a man, but not just any man. I wanted YOU! I wanted you to love me and want me as a woman, not love me like a sister. I loved you then, I love you now, and, God willing, I'll love you the day I draw my last breath."
Elaine looked back down at her hand with Lance's Grandmother's ring on it. "I misled you and I guess you could say that I trapped you into a relationship. For that, I am deeply sorry, BUT, I will NOT apologize for loving you. I will not apologize for caring about you and wanting to see the care free Lance I used to see before Vivica hurt you.
I can't begin to comprehend what Vivica's life has been like, but, from everything I've read, she's lucky to even be alive. Did you know that a lot of girls who have gone through what she has gone through, kill themselves? They can't stand the pain anymore. Lance, she's human and she hurts, too, just like you and me. We've been fortunate enough to have love in our lives, she hasn't. She needs help and she needs understanding."
Lance pulled her close to him. He wondered how someone so young was so wise. She could build you up or she could put you in your place and make you feel oh so small. "We really need to get to bed," Elaine whispered.
"No, I don't want to be without you tonight. Stay here on the couch with me, please?"
How could she refuse him? She went and turned on the radio down low and returned to the couch and pulled the throw blanket over them and cuddled close into his arms. As they held each other, one of Meredith's first songs came on. Elaine noticed how Lance's face lit up when he heard it. He was still so proud of her after all this time. There had been a lot of hard work and sacrifice put into getting her career going. She had done some opening shows for their famous NO STRINGS ATTACHED Tour and with that came her first CD released in 2001. When Lance had been so out of it after the fiasco with Vivica, her career suffered some, but Diane and Stacy had worked hard to keep her going. People tried to get her to leave FLE and she refused to walk out on Lance. She told them that he didn't turn his back on her when it got tough and she was not turning her back on him either.
Elaine remembered all the stuff that was on the Internet at the time about Lance and Meredith being so cute together. Well, if there had been anyone, other than herself, that Elaine would have approved of for Lance, it would have been Meredith. But Meredith was devoted to her career and the man who made her dreams come true. She loved Lance like a brother and would do anything for him.
She sensed Lance being deep in thought and before she drifted off to sleep, she said, "Lance, I love you so much. Good night." Then she snuggled into his arms and went to sleep, but not before hearing his reply. "I love you, too, Elaine. Please have sweet dreams."
Lance didn't know how long he sat there after Elaine went to sleep. He went over and over everything she had said to him, and, she was RIGHT. There was no place for hate and anger in his life. And she was right about it not doing anything to Vivica, but it WAS consuming a part of him that should belong totally and completely to Elaine. Silently, he prayed that God would show him how to do this.
The morning dawned anew with brilliant streams of sunlight shining through the clouds. It was as if all the clouds were being pushed away by the sun's rays to make way for a new day to be taken and used to it's fullest. Elaine stretched and found herself alone on the couch. She looked and found Lance knelling by the bay window of the family room. As she looked closer, she noticed that his shoulders shook from sobs as he knelt with his hands over his head.
Elaine started to call to him, but then she heard him talking to God and she knew she must leave him to his time with his Lord and Savior. Silently, she prayed as she watched him there. 'Lord, touch his heart and give him peace. That peace that passes all understanding. And help me to help him. Make me an instrument of Your peace. Amen.'
As she continued to watch him, she quietly sat up on the couch. Suddenly, he seemed to collapse on the seat cushions of the window seat. She had no clue as to how long he had been there. Quietly, she walked over and knelt beside him on the floor and placed her hand on his back. He knew without looking that it was her and moved to hug her hiding his face in her lap. Fresh sobs racked his body and he clung to her as if he were afraid she would leave. Her trembling fingers raked through his hair to attempt to soothe him and ease his turmoil. Softly, she prayed, "Heavenly Father, help me to help him. Give me the wisdom to be what he needs now."
She reached down and pulled him up to her. Then she wrapped her arms around him and slowly rubbed his back until the sobs lessened. When she felt he had reached a point of being able to share with her, she lifted his face to hers.
What she saw broke her heart. His sparkling green eyes were red and puffy from the crying he had done. She went to move to get a cool wet rag to put on his eyes, but at the first hint of her leaving, he clung to her as a drowning man would to a piece of driftwood. "Please don't go," he pleaded. "Please don't leave me."
Elaine kissed his trembling lips, "Baby, I'm not going to leave you. I will never leave you. Please let me get a rag for your face and eyes. I'll be right back."
"No, please wait. I just need you to hold me right now, I don't need a rag or anything else but your lovin' arms around me. Baby, I'm so sorry for not realizing what you were trying to do. You were so right about anger and hate. I don't want to waste that kind of energy anymore. I don't want to take away from you anymore. I have short changed you long enough. I did what you told me to do."
"And what's that?"
"I asked God to forgive me for everything I've never confessed to him and then some. I've been on my knees since 4 this morning begging God's forgiveness for so much in my life. And, now, I'm asking your forgiveness and yes, I've forgiven Vivica and I want to go with you when you go to see her."
Tears flowed down both of their faces. She looked into his eyes and she could see it there. The peace and the contentment were there. Gone was the angry twinkle and the lear. He looked like he had been reborn. "Thank you, Sugar Bear, for lovin' me like you do. Thank you for not being afraid to say what you mean."
Elaine searched his eyes and felt like she was really home. "Lance, does this mean that you can forgive me for what I did?"
Lance smiled for the first time that morning. It was like the sun's rays breaking through the clouds and dispelling the darkness. "Baby don't you think if I can forgive her, I can surely forgive you? I'm ready to give all of my heart and soul to you woman. I love you more than I can even come close to expressing."
They held each other and kissed a tender kiss. "I love you too, Lancelot. Now, we need to get Thanksgiving dinner ready."
"Yes, we do because I have an awful lot to be thankful for today, starting with you, Baby. I love you Sugar Bear, and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you."
"I love you, too, and it's gonna be a great life."
