Okay, I'll admit it…I am a perfectionist. I always have been. It is as much a part of me as my teeth or head. I needed everything to be within my definition of PERFECTION. Although, with different circumstances that changed. If you wanted to have fun, for instance at a picnic then I would do everything in my power to have fun. It wasn't always grades, cleaning, and other worthy skills.
I was in my third year of college, living in Florida with my best friend Maya. Her family had moved down here so she soon joined them. I just moved down here, to live with her. I was amazed all my college credits from Washington transferred. I had two years of school left. I planned on getting my Masters in English or Drama. I wasn't quite sure yet…So I moved from the University of Washington to the University of Central Florida. I had everything planned.
First, I would work my ass off trying to get good grades. Straight A's preferably. While doing that I was involved in several clubs to assure them I was not excluding myself from the world. I did Peer Mediation and Honors Society. I tried my best to keep up with all my friends back home in WA and trying to make new ones here. But I had Maya, and that is really all I had time for. I spent spare time working on a novel I was writing called, "Roses have Thorns". Oh and did I tell you I had a job too. I was Administrative Assistant at 'The Matthew G. Norton Company.'
Life was not even close to easy for me. But I knew of people who had it worse. Taylor, my childhood friend was still working at McDonald's trying to make enough money to move out while her parents put her through community college.
Still even now I knew it was only the beginning to bigger and better things. Or so I hoped. I believed in the end it would all be okay. That is what kept me going, that is what kept me in a relationship with Christ.
I stayed in shape on top of it all. Yoga in the morning, everyday. I did some sort of dancing every Saturday night and then there was Church on Sunday. But even that little amount of effort kept me fit enough to be satisfied. I ate when I had time and could afford a decent meal. College was free because I was on a grant. But it is expensive to live on your own with one other person while your family is across the states.
I guess what I am trying to state is I was busy. I wasn't unhappy but I wasn't happy. It was a neutral zone where feelings weren't aloud. It was where I knew I would have to stay for the extent of my college career.
I hoped for more though, this wasn't what life was about. I wanted marriage, babies, love. I just couldn't fit it into my schedule. And that scared me. That scared me more than the nightmares I had of failing all my classes this semester. I was a far cry away from that, THANK GOD!
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