I left her house a mess. AJ told me she didn’t want a relationship and she only agreed to it because it didn’t imply anything but that didn’t change anything. At least not in the feelings department.
Then a thought crossed my mind. What if I only liked her for rebound purposes? The question alerted me. How could I be so shallow if that indeed was the case? How would I know if that was a reason or not? I had no clue except try to get with her and I knew how hard that was going to be. Everyone likes a challenge but she was…she was just
…Her. I drove home in silence. I walked upstairs in silence. Who did I have to talk too? No one. I was alone again. ALONE. The word held such hopelessness and depression. It held unhappiness and fears. And the last thing it held…was me. I was stuck in it’s grasp. I almost escaped.
As I laid on my bed. I still smelt her, as if she was here. My eyes began to water. I knew she wasn’t here and if she ever came again it wouldn’t be without a fight. She didn’t need a man. Not when she had her future. She didn’t need me, and I knew I needed her. Was it her I needed or just someone?
She was becoming my hope, she was becoming my dreams. And yet I couldn’t say if it was just because of who she was or because of the fact she was near me one night? The plot was thickening and I wasn’t sure if I liked it or not.
I couldn’t sleep, that was asking way too much of myself. I rolled over again inhaling the scent that was fading. I missed her here. I just missed being around someone who wouldn’t hurt me. I guess that was a lie within itself. If she wouldn’t hurt me then why am I hurting? Or is this not even her fault. The confusion of it all was beginning to become normal.
I was still unsure on whether I should go for it or not but what else did I have to do? Besides that there was that something about her. Something I wanted more than anything else at the moment. Something I would do anything to get. And that would probably take everything too.