“Nick!” I screamed. He was no where to be found. It’s hard to hide in a moving tour bus, unless he is on the dancer’s bus again. I finally just sat down giving up.
“Hey Rok, what’s up?” AJ asked while grabbing a pop. I looked at him like ‘you really want to know’.
“Just spit it out.” He urged bluntly.
“Leigh just got a new job.” I said flatly.
“Excuse me, isn’t that supposed to be a good thing?” He questioned.
“ On the hit show, ‘What would Happen…” I said disgusted.
“Oh God, you don’t mean that one that was created by Em and Hannah, do you?” He asked startled. AJ and I didn’t share too many secrets but we had shared our past with them to each other. We had been discussing it a lot more lately since they rose in fame and the fact we would run across them again, it was inevitable but Leigh working for them made it harder to ignore them. It’s not like they were bad people. They were great people. I didn’t know Hannah personally but AJ is a great judge of character. I knew Em very well. The worst of it was so did my family. They loved her like she was a part of it but I had been successful at avoiding her this long. She was dangerous, not to anybody but her and I when we were together but that is why I ignored her. She unleashed something in me I couldn’t control and it happened to her too. I could remember it like this morning although it was 8 years ago. AJ had a similar experience with no control. And now with our careers so promising we needed the control more than ever, we couldn’t and wouldn’t let that kind of thing happen again. It was easier with me, since I had an engagement with Leigh that she would have to fight to get to me. I loved Leighanne too, it wasn’t like I was using her. And with her I could control my feelings to the extent I was comfortable with. Leigh didn’t know about my relationship with Emily, she wouldn’t have understood it anyway. But there had to be another way to get her to not work there. I felt so self ish for wanting to control her career but if she met them she would also love them and then want us to met them. I knew I didn’t need that now and neither did AJ.
“What are we going to do? What the fuck are we going to do?” AJ asked as he began to pace the kitchen area.
“Its not like we have to met Hannah and Emily yet…” I reasoned.
“Keyword: YET. I can see it now. We don’t recognize each other first and I lean over to shake her hand, the electricity flows and she immediately knows me, she smiles subtly while her eyes are beaming and by that time neither one of us is going to let go.” AJ dramatized, “ You don’t want that Rok, not for me and definitely not for yourself especially in front of Leigh. I mean she’d catch on quick.” AJ finished with.
"Okay, good point but we can avoid meetings.” I reasoned again.
“You WANT this, don’t you? You miss her. Its okay Brian, I cant tell already. Just cause its been so long. Jackie loves her and Harold loves her and Kevin loves her and Kristin loves her. But Brian you are getting married in 6 months. Think of the pain you can cause Em by giving up control.” He explained.
“But Bone, why do you care so much about me, that’s my problem, what’s your excuse?” I asked.
“ I am 22 years old. I am not ready for her, for that feeling. We weren’t like you and Em, we didn’t stop when we couldn’t handle it anymore. We made it worse.” He shared. I felt bad, I felt really bad. Em and I stopped, just in time. For various reasons. We were 16/17. We weren’t ready for the feelings, the passion, and she was more of a Christian than me. Sex was an absolute no-no. To prevent a major episode of control loss, we broke up. But AJ had gone to that next level. He had lost all the control and he was 15 (she was almost 17).
“AJ, don’t worry, it’ll be strictly Leigh’s thing. We won’t met them.” I soothed. My gut was starting to hurt. I didn’t handle emotional stress very well. I had never taken this easily, apparently AJ was with me there because he began to cry. It almost made me want to.
“I dumped her soon after that man, it was brutal. Like knives. It can never happen again and I don’t want it happening to you EVER.” He said, “Promise me, if by chance you meet her, you will not have sex.” He demanded.
“I promise.” I said. I now had plenty of reason not to. My promise to AJ, commitment to my fiancé, and the whole control issue. But none of that eased my mind. I knew how she was and I knew given the circumstance it could all go out the window.
We had two more shows left in Ontario. I was ready for the break but afraid to go to Kentucky. Harold’s wedding was in 2 weeks though and I had to go for him and his wife Adina. I prayed Em wouldn’t be there, but it was obvious she would. Adina was a good friend of hers and Harold acted like her older brother.
To Go: