"AJ! Be a little fucking considerate and shut the hell up!" She exclaimed. The harsh words rang the truth into my head. She was going to Paris, this weekend. Another one of those fashion show things and this time she might not come back. This time it might be the end. I wasn't ready to give her up. We had our problems, hell we still had a lot of problems but knowing at the end of the day, when all was said and done that she would be beside made it all worth the while. I couldn't specifically pin point the problem now, as much as I wanted to it just wasn't happening. She stood there looking at me a second before bounding out of the door. I hated it when she did that. I also hated it when she ignored her fathers phone calls and called me at the recording studio instead. But I admired her for her fashion sense. Her outrageous creativity. Her save the world complex and the way she kissed, it was sinful tasting her lips that always tasted like some sweet fruit. I wanted to run after her but it was too late she had left. I called her.
"Hello Jackee Fitz of Fitz designing speaking." She answered professionally, thinking it was some annoying rich customer that was wondering about the latest show she was attending.
"Jax its AJ, don't hang up…" He begged. She sighed letting him talk. But she knew she couldn't keep living like this.
"Jax, I love you. We can work things out." He offered.
"How do you suggest we do that AJ, we have been trying to work things out since we met." She honestly replied.
"What is wrong this time, I have no clue why you are mad…" He explained.
"AJ, let me come back home, I'll take a later flight." She said. This was it. We either work this out or we lose it all forever.
AJ waited in agony until she was finally back. But he could tell that this was the last straw, if he couldn't help her now, he couldn't hold her later.
"Talk to me…" He encouraged as they sat down in front of each other.
"AJ, you have a problem. No- not a problem, a flaw…no that isn't it…" She tried explaining.
"Just tell me what the fuck is wrong with me!" He demanded getting angry. She looked at him with pleading eyes.
"Okay maybe I have the problem…" She concluded. He looked in her eyes regretting his outburst.
"Just tell me…" He said softly.
"Are you happy AJ?" She asked. He looked at her confused.
"Do you mean am I happy with you? I am." He reassured her.
"That is not what I am asking. Are you happy with yourself? Are you happy with the world? Are you happy?" She asked in a pleading manner. He felt tears sting his eyes. He felt like such a weakling. How was he supposed to answer that question.
"Jackee, everything has imperfections…" He began.
"But can you be happy with them?" she asked.
"I've never thought of this kind of thing." He admitted.
"AJ, when you think of you. What do you think?" She asked.
"Singing." He replied honestly.
"Then what do you think you feel about yourself?" She asked.
"OK, OK stop the Spanish Inquisition. Jackee, I love my life, I love my family, I love you for God's sake. Nothing could get better than this besides us not having this conversation and you staying the night." He said in a rather harsh outburst.
"That was exactly what I was getting at. You are happy. Your life couldn't get any better. That is of coarse when you get married, you will be a bit happier, then when your kids are born a bit happier too. But what then. Then there is no where to go but DOWN. Are you sure that you could handle that? And with me?" She questioned. Tears sprang in his eyes and anger in his heart. Why would she….How could she…How did she…make him feel this way.
"Just leave Jax, do your fashion thing. Come back. I'll do some thinking and then we'll talk." He replied calmly.
"Do you expect me to just waste all my years with you? I won't McLean. If you don't have an answer when I get back, then its over." She said firmly. He got the idea, which on top of everything else made his day that much worse. Shit, all he wanted was to be with her. Make babies, get married, all that good stuff. He just wasn't sure if he cared whether or not it all went downhill as long as he got it for at least a little while…
~*IN THE PLANE*~
Jackee hit herself upside the head. Pissed. She knew she was ruining her relationship with AJ but ever since the miscarriage she had a lot on her mind. Especially the unmentionable, what if she couldn't have a kid. She was worried. Could she let herself be truly happy, just to watch it fall. It was like that Manic Depression her ex boyfriend had. He'd go way high, very happy and excited but the happier he got the worse he felt afterward. He was too much for her. Everything was too much for her now. All she had really was fashion. That never let her down. Soon the passenger that was meant to sit beside her boarded. She was happy, bouncy, incredibly skinny. She could be a model, Jackee concluded. But her outfit screamed for the fashion police. She was wearing orange pants and a white tank top. Orange was not meant to be worn, at least not in Jackee's head.
"Hi I am Ann!" The girl exclaimed shaking her hand.
"Jax." Jackee replied a little annoyed.
"Aww…What's wrong?" Ann asked.
"Just not happy…" She answered wondering why she was even started her tale of woe.
"Well then you have no where to go but up." Advised Ann, dubbed queen of optimism.
"What then? Then I have no where to go but down" Protested a passionate Jax.
"Then you have to decide if getting yourself happy to fall again is worth it." Ann advised becoming serious and losing the smile planted on her face. Jackee began to tear up.
" I try and stay happy. I was put on this world to live and you know what that is what I plan on doing, you should consider it." She advised.
"Thanks, I am going to take a nap now…" Jackee replied.
~*THE AIRPORT on the day of Jackee's arrival HOME*~
"AJ!" Jackee exclaimed running up to him as if they were parted for longer than two days.
"Hey Jax." AJ said surprised at her enthusiasm, "Oh I thought about what you said…" He began.
"AJ I met a wise woman on my flight, I think I should live for the moment more…" She interrupted.
"Let me finish." He ordered, "Any moment with you is worth all the happiness the world can give me." He explained. She knew then why she loved him so much. And she knew she could handle sadness with him better than she could without.
(EN: Hey comments, questions, recommendations, requests, bored, EMAIL ME! Thanks. *smiles*)