None of them left. They all stayed, but no one was talking to each other. Trista was mad that nobody had listened to her speech. Alyssa was mad that Trista thought she knew everything. And she was mad at her friends for not caring more about being there. It just made everything that much harder.
The air was icy at dinner that night. Everyone was shooting dirty looks at one another and John Morgan was clueless to it all. He looked at them in confusion, not having the slightest idea of what was going on. Neither of his daughters wanted to say anything.
“Okay, what’s going on?” John asked, putting his fork down. The group just stared at him. “Hello? Is anyone listening?”
“Nothing,” Alyssa spat, still glaring at everyone but Ryan. “Besides, it’s really none of your business.”
“Yes, it is!” John exclaimed, getting angry. “This is my home. When something is going on, I have the right to know. You’ve been getting into physical fights, you’re arguing, I don’t know what’s gotten into you guys.”
“We grew up.” Lynn supplied.
“So?” The group looked at him. “What? You think because you’ve changed and grown up that you can act like a bunch of two year olds? So you’ve changed. Big deal. You’re still friends, you’re still the same people only wiser, more mature. But you couldn’t tell from the way you guys are acting.”
He got up and left, his appetite ruined while the group just stared at their plates like they could predict the future. One by one, they started to look at each other, still seething and not knowing what to say.
“He’s right,” Trista agreed. “We’re acting like little kids.”
“It’s just so awkward,” Sam said. “I know I’ve changed. But I’m sort of the same person. I don’t get why we’re fighting.”
“Cause we’re a bunch of morons,” Alyssa said, causing the room to break into laughter. “Seriously, what’s gotten into us?”
“I don’t know,” Ryan said. “But I’m sick of it. I have enough crap to deal with without having to deal with the fighting between us as well. We’re better than this, guys, we’re closer than that.”
“I think our whole problem is that we can’t admit that we’re really not close anymore.” The group looked at her, and Lynn continued. “I mean, we’re trying to be who we were. But that’s not us anymore. And the sooner we realize that, the sooner we’re going to get along better.”
“I agree.” Alyssa said quietly. “We’re not those same people, and we’re fighting because of it. It just needs to stop.” The phone rang, and Alyssa went to answer it.
The group waited while Alyssa held her phone conversation and watched her hang up the phone.
“Who was that?” Ryan asked.
“My lawyer. The divorce proceedings are starting.” She held a surprised look on her face.
“Why do you look like that surprises you?” Lynn asked. “I mean, you knew it was going to happen.” Alyssa glanced at her friend before replying.
“Cole isn’t going to contest it.”
******************
It had to be a part of a master plan. There was no way that her husband, Cole Taylor, would ever NOT contest a divorce. He had told her it was forever; that she was going to stay married to him. He had threatened to hurt her if she left.
Why wouldn’t he contest it?
Cole had been divorced once before, two years previous to meeting Alyssa. They had married right out of high school, rumors of her being pregnant flying all around. Cole had said that he didn’t even love her and that marrying her was “the right thing to do.” They got divorced a mere six months before Alyssa met him.
Something didn’t add up.
When she called Sydney to talk about it, she said that it was due to the claim of abuse that Cole decided not to contest it. Abuse, she said, could have gotten him into a ton of trouble if he wanted to drag it to court.
It still didn’t make sense. Cole was a damn good lawyer; he wouldn’t have had trouble getting his way in the courtroom. Hmm. Oh well. Alyssa wasn’t one to look a gift horse in the mouth.
If all went well, Alyssa would be divorced within six months. Freedom was within her reach and Alyssa could feel an enormous weight being lifted off her shoulders. It left her with options, with a chance for a better life.
With a chance to be with Ryan.
Of course, he would have to get divorced too. For the first time since she had arrived in Florida, Alyssa was really aware of just how much she longed to be with Ryan. Every look, every gesture just made her want him more. Eight years hadn’t changed anything.
Alyssa realized that, by putting Ryan into every one of her books, she was just fueling the addiction that she had for him. That’s what he was, wasn’t he? An addiction? That’s why she hadn’t been able to let him go. She wouldn’t let herself let him go.
And now that she was on the way to being unattached, there was this...need within Alyssa to be with Ryan. Almost like if she didn’t do something about it, she was going to go crazy.
Shaking her head, she pulled on a pair of jogging pants and a Lycra tank top. Alyssa placed her headphones on her head, taking good care to put a good CD into the player, put on her tennis shoes and went out for a run.
When her feet were pounding the pavement, she could forget about everything else. She could forget that this reunion had gone horribly wrong, that nothing at all had been going right. Things were in shambles and people were making mistakes left and right.
How the hell did we wind up like this
Why weren't we able
To see the signs that we missed
And try to turn the tables
When the song started blasting in her ears, she ran faster, harder. It was as if she was pushing to get her friends and their arguments out of her system. She could feel her lungs starting to burn, legs starting to ache.
I wish you'd unclench your fists
And unpack your suitcase
Lately there's been too much of this
Don't think it’s too late
She had reached the park about a mile from her father’s house, still pushing herself, sweat pouring down her face. Light raindrops that had started to spatter quickly turned to heavy drops that soaked her to the bone.
Nothing’s wrong
Just as long as you know that someday I will
Someday, somehow
Gonna make it all right but not right now
I know you're wondering when (You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
Gonna make it all right but not right now
I know you're wondering when
She saw hordes of people scrambling to get out of the rain, covering their heads with newspapers. Alyssa was aware that she looked like a drowned rat. And when she was all alone in the park, Alyssa fell to her knees and started to cry.
The song in her Walkman switched to one of a softer melody, and her tears mixed with the rain as she sobbed in the wet grass of the park in Tampa. She cried for everything, everyone. Most of all, herself.
Wash away the thoughts inside
That keep my mind away from you.
No more love and no more pride
And thoughts are all I have to do.
She was all alone with her thoughts. With her chest heaving from heavy sobs and sighs, she looked at the park through a film of water. Her hair was clinging to her wet skin and she was shivering. The dark sky made her feel empty and void of emotion. It was almost like she was a robot.
Ohhhhhh
Remember when it rained.
Felt the ground and looked up high
And called your name.
Ohhhhhh
Remember when it rained.
In the darkness I remain.
Finally regaining her breath, she stood up and started walking toward her father’s house. The sky was a cloudless, joyless smoky gray, leaving Alyssa feeling as damp inside as she was out. Wishing she had grabbed a sweatshirt, she rubbed her arms briskly as she attempted to get warm. She felt cold inside and out, without any hope of ever getting warm.
Tears of hope run down my skin.
Tears for you that will not dry.
They magnify the one within
And let the outside slowly die.
She grew a little panicked when she heard a car pull up beside her, envisioning some ax murderer jumping out and killing her, but her pulse slowed when she saw that it was Ryan in her father’s van. He opened the door and she climbed in.
“What are doing out here in the rain?” Ryan asked when she had buckled her seatbelt and he had started to drive. “We need to get you home or you’re gonna get sick.” Alyssa nodded numbly.
“I went out for a jog and then it started raining.” She couldn’t put a coherent sentence together. “It was bad.” She was looking out the window, determined not to look at him. If she looked at him, there would be smoldering looks and smoldering looks led to bad things.
“Alyssa.” He said her name so simply, as though it was the easiest thing in the world for him to say. “Tell me what’s wrong, love. Talk to me.” Love. How long had it been since he had called her that? Nine years? Ten? Alyssa had lost count since the days when she felt like she still had a soul and some joy still left in her. She had lost count since the days when she was still Ryan’s girlfriend, still blissfully in love, before she had time to become fearful of their love. It had been a long time since she was happy.
“Everything.” She said, sniffling and wiping her nose in a very not ladylike way. She was sniffling partly from the rain, partly from the urge to start crying again. Alyssa wanted nothing more than to just break down and sob.
“Tell me, Alyssa. Practice the newfound talking ability I never got to see. You need to get it out of your system.” He was, of course, referring to when she had left for California and never looked back.
“I miss the old me.” Ryan took the liberty of looking at her when they were stopped at a red light. “I miss the girl who knew what she wanted, even if she couldn’t have it. And I miss the girl who wouldn’t have stood for a man bossing her around. I miss the girl who had joy in writing, who didn’t use it as a way to not live her life, but as a way to bring characters to life. I miss the me that I was when I knew how to be happy.”
They pulled up into the driveway of Mr. Morgan’s house, the rain still falling but lightly now. The dismal sky left something to be desired. There would be no sunny Florida day here.
Ryan was looking at her, in that way that made Alyssa tingle from head to toe, that made her want to put the biggest smile on her face. The way that made her feel loved. That made her want to kiss him.
“I know you’re feeling that way because of the way things were with Cole,” Ryan said, shutting off the engine. “And I don’t blame you for wanting to be the old you. But the new you is pretty great too. You have this amazing career, doing what you love. You’re finally getting paid for pouring your heart and soul into a book and getting personal gratification out of it as well. And yes, Cole was a big mistake. It was just a bad situation that happened. But you have to make mistakes, Alyssa. Isn’t that what got you into our whole situation? You were so afraid of making a mistake that you wouldn’t take any risks.”
“And look where my risk got me,” Alyssa replied, bitterness evident in her voice. She pushed the strands of wet hair out of her eyes. “Five years of mental revilement and physical abuse. I was a prisoner in my ‘wonderful life.’ Taking a risk got me abused and now I hate the man I live with.” She looked away. “You never would have done that to me.”
“No,” Ryan agreed. “I wouldn’t have. I would have treated you like the amazing woman you are, cherished you. So you made a mistake, Alyssa. We all do. Life will go on. And you get start something new, something better.” The mention of something new caught her ear. She turned to look at him then and surprised him by kissing him softly. It was feather light, but it sent sparks shooting through both of their bodies. Their tongues lightly touched, leaving much more to be had.
“I love you so much,” Alyssa whispered. He rested his forehead against hers, cursing fate and the world in general. “It was a mistake for me to not give us a chance, for me to treat you the way that I did. It was a mistake for me to leave and go to California. And it was a mistake for me to let you get away. All of that was a mistake.”
“I think we better get inside.” Alyssa jerked her head back, hurt and the beginnings of anger starting to show on her beautiful face. She unbuckled her seatbelt, opened the door and got out. Alyssa glanced at him once before slamming the door as hard as she could. Ryan flinched as the sound rang out in the van.
Just one more mistake.
*********************
Things between them had changed, if not subtly, then drastically that day. Of course, it wasn’t anything that hadn’t been between them before, but still. It was a culmination of ten years? Or was it eleven? Ryan couldn’t really remember. It was getting harder to remember a time when he hadn’t loved Alyssa. So she had finally admitted that letting him go was a mistake. Just freakin’ peachy. And there he was, stuck in a marriage that he hated because his wife was a bitch and would sue for full custody of their son should he try to divorce her. To top it all off, Alyssa was going to be available and he couldn’t do anything to take advantage of that.
Ryan was sitting at the table, eating a snack with Garrett. He was happily playing with his Teddy Grahams, dunking them in his milk glass. It gave his father time to brood. Not for the first time, Ryan cursed making the mistake of marrying Aimee. Just his luck.
Lynn came downstairs and started rifling through the fridge. Garrett’s eyes lit up when he saw Lynn, as he was getting to know all of Ryan’s friends.
“Hey Garrett, Ryan,” Lynn said, her head still in the fridge. She shuffled things around for a minute before coming out with the makings of a turkey sandwich. Garrett, unaware that Lynn couldn’t see him and with a mouth full of Teddy Grahams, waved.
“Hey Lynn.”
“What happened between you and Alyssa?” Ryan sighed. He was being interrogated already. “She’s all bad moody and we all know that means that something happened between you two.”
“Just another mistake.” He shook his head. “We could have something, Lynn, and I’m still married. She’s getting divorced, she’s ready and she loves me and I can’t do anything about it.”
“I see.”
“Just goes to show you how screwed up things really are.” Lynn took a bite of her assembled sandwich.
“Let me get this straight,” Lynn said, chewing thoughtfully. “You’re not happy in your marriage, Aimee hates you and Alyssa is getting a divorce. Why can’t the two of you be together?”
“Because I can’t divorce Aimee.” Garrett, his snack finished, was looking out the patio doors where he saw Alyssa with some of the other kids. “Garrett, go outside and see Alyssa.” His son nodded and ran outside.
“Why can’t you divorce her?”
“She’ll fight to get full custody of Garrett, Lynn, and if she wins, she’ll never let me see him. I can’t let that happen.” Lynn polished off her sandwich and nodded.
“What makes you think she would win?” Ryan shook his head.
“I’m not saying she would, but if she does then I’m screwed. Big time. Garrett is my world and I don’t know what I would do if I lost him.”
“Okay,” Lynn said, leaning forward on the kitchen island. “Here’s the thing. You deserve to be happy Ryan. With Alyssa or with someone else. You’re going to have to take some risks or you’re never gonna be happy.”
“That’s one mistake I’m never going to make,” Ryan said forcefully. “I won’t lose my son.” Lynn shrugged her shoulders.
“Okay, suit yourself. Stay in your unhappy marriage. It’s not a good environment for Garrett.” No sooner had Lynn walked out did Alyssa walk into the kitchen. She saw Ryan, threw a dirty look his way and went to grab a bottle of juice.
“Alyssa-”
“I don’t want to talk about it, Ryan.”
“But-”
“Look, if you don’t want me, fine. If there’s nothing between us anymore, fine. I get it, okay? I got it way back before I left for California. You and I will never have a chance. I think that’s been drilled into my head enough times for me to finally get it. I was stupid to think that just because I’m getting a divorce, you and I could be together. I just made the stupidest mistake last night.” She turned to walk out but Ryan grabbed her arm.
“It’s not that I don’t want you.” Alyssa turned around and looked at him. “I want you so bad, it hurts. For the past eight years, you’re all I’ve ever thought about. You’re all I’ve ever wanted, no matter who I was with. But I can’t divorce Aimee, no matter how much I want to be with you because she’ll take my son. He’s something that I can’t afford to lose.” Alyssa’s face softened slightly.
“I’m sorry, Ryan.” Alyssa said. She gave him a kiss on the cheek. “I’m sorry you and I just never seem to be able to have our chance.” With that, she walked out of the room.
His heart broke even more.
*********************
Sam and Charlotte were sunbathing outside in Mr. Morgan’s backyard. Over the past few days, so much crap had happened that they hadn’t had time to focus on their problems. Sure, they had fought, but it was a lot less than when they were at home.
Sliding off his sunglasses, his just gazed at his wife. She was so beautiful, so graceful...so deceitful. How many times had she cheated on him? How many times had he come home to find her not there? How many guys phone numbers did he find around the house?
And yet he still loved her. Heart, body, mind and soul, he loved Charlotte. And while he was contemplating joining Alyssa and Ryan in their divorce bliss, he had decided against it.
“Hey, Char,” Sam said, sitting up. She turned her head to glance lazily at him.
“What?”
“I think, when we get back, we should go to some marriage counseling.” She too sat up now, and took off her sunglasses.
“What?”
“I think it would be good for us if we went to see a marriage counselor.”
“I thought we were going to separate,” Charlotte said quietly, not able to look at him.
“I wanted to...but Charlotte, I was just thinking about how much I love you and how much I love our sons. I don’t want them to have to deal with that. But you have to promise me that you’ll try to work harder too, and stop with the sleeping around.” Charlotte flinched.
Whore.
“I think I can do that.” Sam kissed her, before lying back down. She had to admit that it felt good to not be fighting with him.
At least they could work out their problems.
*******************
Julie had been playing volleyball with Trinitie in the pool when her cell phone rang. It never stopped. Wiping her hands quickly on her towel, she flipped open the phone and answered it.
“Hello?”
“Julie,” the impatient British voice said. “I believe you are due back here very soon. I would like to know why you are not here right now.”
“God, Will, do you ever leave me alone?” He chuckled.
“No, and I get paid to harass you. Look, darling, I think they’re going to start filming a little bit earlier. So you’ll have to come back this weekend. On Friday to be exact.”
“What? Four days? But-”
“No ifs, ands, or buts about it ma cheri.”
“You’re not French, so don’t try to speak it. Look, I can’t come back. Josh and I are already fighting about shooting, my daughter is having a blast here--”
“All well and good, my dear. But you have a contract and you have obligations. I will see you Friday.” He hung up without another word. Growling in frustration, she threw her phone down on her lawn chair.
Trinitie was looking at her, with that look on her face that said she knew that her vacation was over. Just because Julie had to go didn’t mean that the kids had to go too. They could stay with Josh. However, Josh would not be happy about this at all. Julie sighed.
“Trinitie, I’ll be right back.” Julie headed into the house and up to the room she and Josh shared. Sure enough, there he was, playing video games with Michael and Ryan.
“Josh, I have to talk to you.” He sighed in irritation, paused the game and went out into the hall with her. She could tell that he was already angry at her.
“What?”
“I have to leave on Friday.” His face was starting to show his understanding. “The director wants to start shooting early--”
“Of course!” Josh exclaimed. “The director wants to shoot early, or shoot later, or shoot some God awful time of the day, week, and month. You know what Julie, go. I don’t care anymore. But if you leave on Friday, don’t plan on coming back.”
“Josh--”
“I don’t want to deal with anymore, Julie. The late nights, the early calls, you never being home. You’ve stopped being a part of our family, you never spend time with our kids, and your movies are your life. So good luck, Julie. I tried to stand by and let you do your thing, try to have the successful career and be a good mom too. But if you leave, don’t come back.”
She stood there, shocked. No. Josh had not just told her that he would leave her if she went to shoot her movie. Had he? Josh, ever the nice guy, would not tell his wife that he would leave her if she went to shoot her movie. He had just said it because he was angry.
Or had he?
Julie wasn’t so sure.
*********************
Lynn could see the way that Alyssa and Ryan had to fight to keep others from knowing about their rampant attraction for one another. Of course, to everyone else, it was ten times as obvious. Eight years had done nothing to stifle the attraction that the two of them had for one another. Lynn sighed. She remembered what it was like to be in love.
Just that day, she had received a call from her lawyer informing her that the divorce proceedings had gone through. Lynn was legally divorced from Christian. She had also fired him and hired someone new to manage her career. Lynn was free.
Hello cute guys. Lynn figured, with the way the divorce proceedings were going for Alyssa, the divorce would be final in December. It would be about six months from the time she filed them.
Maybe Alyssa and Ryan would get their chance. Lynn hoped to God, because without Ryan, Alyssa was incapable of being happy. There was no Alyssa if there was no Ryan. The two of them completed each other, two peas in a pod, his ying to her totally moody yang.
But boy had they made some mistakes.
That was this whole trip was about, wasn’t it? It hadn’t been about the reunion. It had been about trying to make up for the mistakes that they had all made. They made mistakes when they didn’t keep in touch with one another. Alyssa had made a mistake when she pushed Ryan away. Lynn had made a mistake when she hadn’t been there for her.
The group was gathered around the pool, lounging, reading magazines and watching their kids play. Alyssa and Ryan were sneaking glances at each other, hoping no one would notice.
Just how many mistakes had the two of them made? Alyssa with the not talking, the mind games, not opening up. Ryan ending their friendship, not being able to put up with her mistakes. And even now, Ryan was stuck.
Life just wasn’t fair.
Lynn was lonely. With the divorce being final, she could date other guys. Problem was, with all the drama going on, there wasn’t time to date. Between breaking up physical fights, Lynn also had her part in the verbal ones.
Lynn watched as Alyssa got up and walked into the house. Quickly following her friend, she caught up with her in the kitchen as she was grabbing the keys to Mr. Morgan’s van.
“Hey, where are you going?” Lynn asked when she saw Alyssa grab her dad’s car keys. Alyssa smiled.
“I have an appointment with a psychiatrist here in Florida until I go back to California.” Lynn nodded before giving her friend a huge hug.
“Good luck. You’re gonna be okay.” Alyssa smiled again.
“Yeah,” Alyssa replied. “I will be.”
*********************
Alyssa had never been inside the psychiatrist’s office in downtown Orlando but it was a huge, immaculate building that was bustling with people. Taking a deep breath, she entered the building. After checking in with the receptionist, Alyssa sat down on a plush couch and waited for her name to be called. While she waited, she read a horribly outdated issue of Psychology Today.
Kristal Harrelson was one of the most respected psychiatrists in Florida with over 30 years of experience. It made Alyssa feel completely at ease. This was not some gimpy psychotherapist that would make her feel insignificant because of her feelings. Introductions were made before Kristal jumped right into the thick of things.
“Why don’t you tell me why you’re here, Alyssa?”
“I just started divorce proceedings and I was told that it would be a good idea to talk to someone about it.” Kristal nodded.
“So tell me, what’s your husband like?” Alyssa sighed.
“Demanding, controlling, arrogant. A pompous ass. I’m pretty sure the list could go on forever. He was so sweet in the beginning and then...I don’t know what happened. It was like he covered up the horrible personality he had just to lure me into marrying him.”
“What was it like being married to him?”
“Hell.” Alyssa stated. “It has been the longest five years of my life. I went from being free and able to make my own decisions to having to watch every step I made because he ran the house. I had to give up almost everything that mattered to me.” Kristal shifted in her seat before asking the next question.
“Did he ever abuse you?” “He never hit me, if that’s what you’re asking. Well, once he did. But he did like to grab my arm hard enough to leave marks and nice red indentations. He tried to choke me one time.”
“Why do you think you stayed this long?”
“Because I loved him,” Alyssa replied. “And I thought he would change. I thought I had to prove something to everyone. Cole was the result of that, I guess.”
“And what did you have to prove?” Kristal asked, intrigued. “I mean, if you weren’t happy, why would you want to stay there? Why prove something at the cost of your happiness?”
“I had to prove that I could be in a relationship where I didn’t mess things up.” She shook her head. “Things with my last fiancé got all screwed up.”
“How so?”
“He was my first boyfriend, back in high school. I was just as screwed up then so I kind of pushed him away. I left to study in France and returned when one of my friends got married.”
“And what was it like, seeing him again?”
“Confusing. I had a boyfriend at the time and it screwed things up. I ended up leaving again and Ryan caught up with me in France. He asked me to marry him.”
“So what happened?”
“Not too long after we got engaged, I found out my mother had cancer. We all came back to Florida and while we were here, a friend of ours got into a bad car accident.”
“What did that do to you guys?” Alyssa sighed.
“Completely tore us apart.”
“How so?”
“I couldn’t handle my mom’s sickness and Josh’s accident too. I thought I had left my...non-talking behind, but I guess I was wrong. While we were there, I completely shut Ryan out.”
“Have you always handled things this way?” Kristal asked. “Is that normal behavior?”
“No,” Alyssa replied. “I mean, yes I’ve always been this way. But no, it’s not normal. I’ve never felt normal doing it. I knew it was wrong and I knew how much it hurt him but I still did it.”
“What happened then?”
“He broke our engagement and finally ended our friendship. Things had been going downhill, really downhill, and he couldn’t take being in the middle of all this crap.” Alyssa looked away. “That’s when I really stopped caring.”
“About what?”
“Everything. I wanted Ryan back in my life. I saw a little too late that he was the only guy that I wanted to be with. It was a downward spiral. I just stopped caring about everything.”
“Do you still feel that way?” Alyssa looked at her.
“A little bit. What with what happened with Cole, I haven’t cared about much really. The divorce proceedings are giving me something to care about.” Kristal nodded and jotted one last thing on her pad. She ripped it off and handed it to Alyssa.
“I want you to see a doctor Alyssa.”
“Why?”
“I think you’re clinically depressed.” She just looked at the psychiatrist, the one who told her what she had feared every time she felt sad, depressed, or had one of her breakdowns.
“Okay.” Kristal smiled.
“Its okay, Alyssa. I know you’re surprised.” She looked at the calendar on her desk. “So I’ll see you next week?” Alyssa nodded.
As she walked out of the clinic, she couldn’t help but feel vulnerable. She had just poured all her feelings out to a virtual stranger and was told she was depressed. But maybe, just maybe, the visit to the doctor would help Alyssa feel better.
Something had to.
*******************
Nobody was going to tell her not to do her job. Not her even her jealous husband. Julie was going to the set and that was final. There would be no ifs, ands, or buts about it. Acting was her career, she had a contract and she would abide by that.
Who was he to be telling her what she could and could not do? He was her husband, not her keeper. Julie was angry. Angry that her career didn’t more to him, that her agent had to mess things up and that life was just being a big pain in the ass.
She was packing her suitcase when Josh walked into the room. His walk carried none of the limp from the accident; eight years had removed it. He was the same guy he was before the accident, but Julie was reminded each time he walked into a room.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m packing,” Julie said in her best “Duh” voice. “I’ve been called to the set and that’s what I’m going to do. I don’t know where you get off trying to tell I can’t go or giving me ultimatums. I don’t like it at all.” Josh shrugged.
“Big deal. I’ve put up with it for way too long, Julie. You’re never home, I never get to spend time with you, our problems are splashed across the front page of a tabloid and you don’t even have time to help your daughter with her homework.” He sneered. “Now tell me, what kind of mother does that make you?”
“You’re just jealous,” Julie spat out, anger flashing in her eyes. “You’re jealous because I’m famous and I have a career. You can’t stand to not be the one making money.”
“That’s not true!” Josh protested. “I just can’t have a wife who’s with me half the time. And you’re not even here that. So I’m done, Julie. Leave. But don’t come back.”
By the time he finished his little speech, she had finished packing and grabbed her jacket. He followed her when she went to say goodbye to Trinitie and Scott. Her daughter nodded when Julie told her she had to go; it was the sort of thing that Trinitie had just come to expect.
And then Julie was out the door.
She had the grace to wait until she was alone in a private plane to let the tears fall. Julie cried, heavy sobs making her chest heave and her breath catch. She cried until her eyes hurt, until her chest hurt, until she thought there were no more tears. And then she cried again.
And back at Mr. Morgan’s house....Josh did the same. When Julie thought she had finally curbed the urge to cry, she managed to doze off for a few minutes before landing at the airport in Albany. Will was waiting for her, a concerned look on his face.
“How’s it goin’ pet?” He knew she hated the little British nicknames he used on her. She walked right into his open arms and cried again. She was still crying as they walked out of the airport.
A limo was waiting for them and as they were driving to the spacious house she shared with Josh, Will attempted to find out what was wrong. Of course, Julie would have to stop blubbering in order to tell him.
“Tell me what’s wrong.”
“Josh told me that if I left to shoot the movie, I better not come back.” Will’s eyes widened. “He’s so mad at me, Will. And he thinks I’m a bad mom.”
“Well you’re not,” Will said angrily. “I think you’re a damn good mum, and he’s just jealous an’ all. He’ll come around, love, he will.”
In the silence of the limo, with tears running down her cheeks, Julie couldn’t force herself to believe his words.
***************
Ryan had been sitting alone in his room all day. The divorce papers, sitting in the trash can, seemed to be mocking him. Aimee had been out all day, and most of the previous night. She and Charlotte decided that it was best if they just stuck together.
Sighing, he pulled the papers out of the trash can. They were mostly filled out; he just had to contact his lawyer in Tallahassee. But the big question was, would Aimee fight for custody, full custody, of Garrett if he decided to divorce her? She was just as unhappy as he was. So, in theory, it made sense that maybe she would want to get out of the marriage and be able to date other guys. Marriage counseling hadn’t worked and they had long since stopped talking to each other.
Their marriage was dead.
He filled in the remaining information, signed the papers and called his lawyer. He was starting the proceedings, regardless of the outcome. Ryan was scared out of his mind.
What if it backfired and he lost his son? What if Aimee got full custody and would never let Ryan see Garrett? What if he was making the wrong decision? All these what ifs were making him sound like Alyssa, with her overanalyzing.
Alyssa.
She, of course, was one of the driving forces behind his divorce. Never, in the eight years they had been apart, had he not thought about her, not wanted to be with her. And now that she too was getting divorced, things seemed to work out perfectly. There was no reason he shouldn’t get a divorce.
Maybe then they could be together.
After all the years of wanting, and longing, maybe they would finally get their chance to be together. Maybe things would finally work the way they were supposed to and they would get a happy ending.
Maybe things would backfire.
******************
Aimee wasn’t stupid. Her lawyer had called immediately after Ryan called to inquire about starting divorce proceedings. She knew it would only take so long before he would want to leave her for Alyssa Morgan. So she called her lawyer back.
And inquired about custody battles.
If Ryan intended to divorce her, then Aimee intended to get custody of Garrett. Sole custody. None of that joint custody stuff, meaning she would have to still see Ryan. But she would work to really take Garrett away, to make Ryan suffer in the worst way possible.
She only felt a twinge of guilt.
Garrett was only six; he wouldn’t fully understand what was going on until much later in his short life. It was the only thing that Aimee could do. She filed her nails as she listened to the lawyer drone on and on.
“I don’t know why you want to do this Aimee,” Trent King said, exasperated. “I know Ryan, he’s a good dad. Personally, I don’t think you have any basis whatsoever for a case. It’s just not probable.”
“I don’t care,” Aimee replied. “I want full custody of Garrett, regardless of how I have to do it.”
“It’s not possible Aimee,” Trent said. She could hear him shuffling papers on the other end of the phone. “I know you must be upset over the idea that he wants to get divorced--”
“Frankly,” Aimee interrupted. “I don’t give a damn. I don’t have a marriage to Ryan. But I tried to warn him that there would be consequences if he tried to divorce me.”
“It’s malicious,” Trent replied. “And morally wrong. I won’t help you tear a son away from his father.” Aimee sighed in irritation and slammed the phone down.
Jerk.
The doorbell rang and when nobody jumped up to answer it, Aimee did. She raised one perfectly manicured eyebrow when she saw Cole Taylor standing on the doorstep.
“Hello.” Cole grinned.
“Hello to you.”
“Aimee Brennon,” She said, offering her hand for him to shake. He got a sour look on his face for a moment.
“Cole Taylor.” He shook the proffered hand and attempted to peer inside the house. “Is my wife around?”
“You mean soon to be ex wife?” Aimee asked sweetly. Cole shot her a dirty look. “Hold on for one moment.”
Knowing that Alyssa was up in her bedroom, Aimee went up and knocked on the door. When Alyssa opened the door, it was almost immediately slammed in her face.
“There’s someone at the door for you,” Alyssa rolled her eyes and tromped down the stairs. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Cole standing on the doorstep.
“What are you doing here?” Cole held his hands up.
“I come in peace.” Alyssa looked at him skeptically. “Seriously.” Crossing her arms over her chest, she glared at him.
“Two minutes. That’s all you have to convince me not to call the police.” Cole sighed.
“I want to talk about going to counseling.”
“Nuh uh,” Alyssa replied, shaking her head emphatically. “No way, no how.”
“Alyssa, please--”
“I said no. But then again, that’s never really meant anything to you before so I don’t expect it to now.”
“Come on, Alyssa. You can’t just throw away everything we have. Let’s sit down and talk.”
“No means no. God, I can’t believe you have the nerve to even come here and ask me that.” Sighing in irritation, she slammed the door in his face.
Some guys.
******************
“Earth to Alyssa! Come in, Alyssa!” Lynn exclaimed, snapping her fingers in front of Alyssa’s zoned out face. Alyssa, who had been focusing on an apparently interesting spot in the distance, finally focused on her friend.
“What?”
“Whatcha thinkin’ about?” Alyssa sighed.
“Let’s think about this, Lynn. Whom do I normally think about?” Lynn pretended to think about it long and hard before replying.
“Ryan.” Alyssa nodded. “Okay, what are thinking about that has to do with Ryan?”
“Everything,” Alyssa replied. “I’m thinking about my divorce, the fact that he can’t start his. I’m thinking about how this could have been our chance and now it might never happen.”
“I think he decided to start divorce proceedings, Alyssa,” Lynn said, grabbing a handful of chips. “At least, that’s what I heard.”
“But why?” Alyssa asked. “There’s a risk that he could lose Garrett if he divorces Aimee.”
“You,” Lynn stated simply. “Are the reason that he decided to go ahead with it. Or that’s how I perceive it to be. He feels the same way that you do Alyssa, and you’re right. This could be your time. Plus, Aimee doesn’t really have a case to petition for full custody of Garrett. Ryan has never been a bad father and the court would see that.”
“Wow,” Alyssa breathed. “Amazing.”
“This could be it, Alyssa. This could be the time you get with Ryan. For good this time. Unless you do something to screw it up.”
“Hey!” Alyssa protested. “I am SO different than I was when he and I were engaged. I’m more talkative about my feelings, and I’m not afraid. At least not when it comes to Ryan. If it were other guys, I might fear that they could turn out like Cole, but I am fear free. It’s an amazing feeling, Lynn, to know that I’m ready and that this could be it.”
“Okay,” Lynn said, pausing. “But what are you going to do if it doesn’t happen?” Alyssa grimaced.
“Thanks for bursting my sort of happy bubble.” She shrugged her slender shoulders. “I don’t know what I’m going to do if he and I don’t get this chance.”
“What do you mean?”
“For the longest time, I was afraid of what I was feeling for Ryan. For the simple basis that it was so strong. After I had, oh eight years to think about it, I realized just how much those emotions helped run my life. Without him, I couldn’t function. I mean, I was still me, I still had interests and goals and a life, but I couldn’t function in it without him.” She shook her head. “If something manages to mess up this chance that he and I have, could have, I don’t know if I could take the disappointment. When he came back into my life, I wanted him so badly and I couldn’t have him. He was taken. The thought of not having him then gave me that same ache in my chest that I used to get when I thought about being with him. That’s the big difference now.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah,” Alyssa replied. “When I thought about being with him, it would be like this weight on my chest, because I was so scared by what I was feeling with him. When I finally got over the fear, the ache only came when I thought about the possibility of not having a future with him. It’s like that now.”
“It’ll be okay.”
“If this doesn’t happen, if something messes it up, I don’t know what I’m going to do, Lynn.”
“You’d survive, I’m sure.” Lynn sighed. “You love him, Alyssa, so yeah he’s become your life. But if something happened, you would learn how to get along without him, no matter how badly your soul was crying out for him. That’s just the plain and simple truth.” Alyssa snorted.
When had the truth been either plain or simple?
Chapter Five~Some Amends
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