It was as if, by some unspoken agreement, the group of friends decided to stay in Florida for much longer than anticipated. At least, most of them did. Sam and Charlotte decided that they were going to return to North Carolina to work on their marriage, go to counseling and try to fix their family.
It was sad when Sam and Charlotte departed, but the friends were starting to enjoy being together again and it wasn’t long before they were partying and having the time of their lives. They weren’t sure how long they were going to stay in Florida, but they were going to have a great time while they did.
Alyssa and Ryan were moving closer toward something serious; everyone could tell by the way they were looking at each other. No one knew exactly what was keeping the two of them from getting together right then. They were in the process of divorces, it wouldn’t be wrong, but still they made no move to get together.
Alyssa’s divorce was well into the middle stages and Ryan’s was moving quicker since he actually lived in Florida. Both of them would be divorcees around Christmas time. What a nice Christmas present for the both of them. Even though they loved to spend time together as a group, Alyssa found herself wanting to do things just with Ryan. So that’s why they did.
On a whim, Alyssa and Ryan had decided to go to the park together. It was something new; in the time that she had known Ryan, Alyssa hadn’t wanted to do anything childish with him. It was almost as if she had to be as mature as him and something like playing in the rain and going to the park was too childish. So there they were. Together they sat on the swings at the park, neither saying really much of anything. Ryan was gently swinging, and Alyssa was fidgeting.
Alyssa was desperate for conversation so she could stop feeling so squicky. "Want to play the question game?" Alyssa asked, digging the toe of her sneaker in the dirt underneath the swings. Ryan looked at her.
“Sure.” There wasn’t really much to say other than okay. It’s not like they had anything better to do with their time. Plus, it was a chance for the two of them to really get some things straightened out.
“‘Kay. You start.”
“What was the best part of us?” Alyssa was slightly taken aback by the question. It was something she had never really thought about, the best and the worst of their relationship. Plus, Ryan didn’t really ask her questions about how she felt regarding their past relationship.
“The way you made me laugh,” Alyssa replied. “The person I was when I was around you. Or how you could make me blush at the drop of a hat. Just being in love with you. Hanging out, talking, kissing. Definitely kissing. There were lots of good parts to us.”
“And the worst?”
“The fights,” Alyssa said. “Where I would lie and say things I didn’t mean. When I told you that I didn’t love you, I was lying. I hated those fights. The distance that came between us after Josh’s accident wasn’t so much fun either. I think the worst part about us was how we dealt with the distance.”
“Speaking of which, why didn’t you open up to me back in Florida after Josh’s accident?” Great, Alyssa thought. Right down to the tough questions. He knows exactly which questions will make me feel vulnerable.
“It was something that I had to deal with on my own. I mean, it was the way that I dealt with things. It was the one thing I picked up from my mother. I could see her do it with my father. Every time she had a problem, she didn’t talk to him about it. She kept everything inside, bottled up until she couldn’t take it anymore. I learned everything about keeping things inside from my mother.” That sounded like a good answer, as good a one as one could come up with on such short notice.
“Wasn’t that everything? Josh, your mom, the divorce. It didn’t matter. You had to deal with everything on your own. I don’t know why you had to refuse everyone’s help. It would have made things so much easier on you if you had just opened up. As your friend, Alyssa, and more importantly as your fiancé, I tried to help you deal with those types of things.”
“That’s who I was, Ryan. You should know that by now.” She was slipping into old pissy Alyssa personality even though she tried her hardest to be open and honest with him. Alyssa hated to hear the truth, anything that would make her feel vulnerable or open.
“Of course.” His tone pissed her off and Alyssa stood up angrily. “Still the same girl after all, Alyssa. You still don’t want to offer any real insight into why you pushed everyone away. I’m not sure that’s ever going to change.”
“God, Ryan, what am I supposed to say? I’m sorry. I was young and I was stupid and I took way too much after my mother because she did the exact same thing. I learned by example. She drove people away and she knew it, but still didn’t change it. I didn’t know how to open up to you. I didn’t know how to be open about my emotions. I’m sorry that I was way too immature to deal with the fact that I loved you so much. I-” Alyssa paused. “The thought of spending the rest of my life with you scared me.”
“Why?” Ryan asked. “I would have done anything for you, Alyssa. I would have given up everything for you. And I did. I was pushed around, pushed away, and treated like crap. I tried to give you space, because that’s what you wanted. Then you wanted me to comfort you. But when I did that, you just wanted your space. I couldn’t win no matter what I did with you. And I tried. I tried for years to make things work and I couldn’t do it.”
“I picked it up from my mother.” The repeated answer sounded lame even to her ears. “I didn’t know any other way to behave. I knew that it was wrong and I knew that it was hurting both you and I and I just couldn’t do anything about it.”
“I knew that you needed someone there, Alyssa, that you were hurting and that you really did love me but were just afraid. So I tried to be understanding. I tried to let you work things out for yourself. I knew you were afraid and had to work it out on your own. And I couldn’t change that for you.”
“It was stupid to be afraid. But when I was that young, the thought of having found someone that I could see myself spending the rest of my life with, scared the shit out of me. But once I looked at it rationally, I saw so clearly that it was okay to be afraid of the strong emotions. And once I knew that it was okay, I wasn’t afraid.” She was looking off into the distance, unsure if she could meet his eyes. Alyssa felt raw, vulnerable and aching. “The turning point came when I went to Leila’s reception. When I was talking to your sister and your mom, I realized just how badly I wanted to be a part of your family. It took mere hours to realize just how badly I fucked up. Hours to get rid of a fear that shouldn’t have been there in the first place.”
“And now?” She stood in front of him. His heart was pounding like crazy and he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear what she had to say.
“I’m not afraid. Not in the slightest. I’m ready, more than ready to spend the rest of my life with you. The thing is, I don’t think--” Her throat felt tight with the tears threatening to overflow. “I can’t stomach the thought of not being with you.” Ryan stood up and took a step toward her.
“Alyssa--”
“I love you Ryan. God, do I love you. I always have. Even when I was telling you that I didn’t love you, I did. I loved you when we weren’t talking because you were never far from my mind. I love you for the person that you are, because you are amazing inside and out. I love you for the person I am when I’m around you, because you make me look at the world in a different, better light. I love how you love me for who I am, faults and all, and even manage to overlook some of them. You put up with me not talking for longer than I think most people would have. I love the person that you helped me become, because I wouldn’t be me without you and the guidance that you gave me. I love that way I feel when I’m around you, like I could do anything and I’m the queen of the world because you love me. I have dated a few people in the past eight years, and gotten married, but God, Ryan, it’s still all about you. It always has been and always will be because without you, there is no me. I love everything about our love, good and bad. But most of all, I love you.”
He was crying and so was she and rain started falling heavily, splattering on the ground and soaking the both of them. The rain was refreshing, cleansing them as they stood there in the park. Then she ran into his arms, and he held her like spun glass. “I love you too, Alyssa.” Then his lips were crashing to hers and there were kisses in the rain. There were no words when he was holding her in his arms, but all felt right with the world and Alyssa knew that something between them had drastically changed.
Suddenly, he was twirling her around and she laughed merrily. This was their chance to play in the rain. She ran across the field and he followed. Then she just stopped and held her arms above her head. It was pouring and her face was turned up toward the sky. Alyssa felt free and gazed at Ryan through a film of water. As much as he would have loved to play some more, lightening crackled in the distance.
“We should get inside.” As they walked back to Mr. Morgan’s house, Ryan linked his fingers through hers. She felt like a teenager again, out on a date with the boy that she loved. There was silence on the way home; neither of them wanted to spoil the mood with stupid, meaningless chatter. Besides, they could each feel what they other were feeling anyway.
Together, they walked into Mr. Morgan’s house out of the rain, clothes clinging to their bodies while inhibiting their movement. Alyssa was shivering from the sudden change in temperature. Her father’s house was warm, the rain on her skin ice cold. For the first time, she and Ryan were alone in the house. It felt weird, to not hear their other friends banging around or laughter ringing in the house. Everything was so happy these days. Alyssa and Ryan parted ways at the stairs, unconsciously knowing what the other needed to do. They had to get out of their wet clothes.
He went to his room to change, she to hers. Alyssa couldn’t decide what to wear, wanting to look perfect for him. After putting on a matching set of bra and panties, Alyssa slid on her gray velour pants and the matching zip up hoodie. She wore nothing under, except her bra and panties, not bothering to put a t-shirt on under it. It didn’t occur to her that anything else was needed. As she walked to Ryan’s room, Alyssa realized that she was shaking.
When she got to Ryan’s room, she sat down on the bed next to him. He had put on jeans and a black t-shirt. Both their eyes were red from crying. So much had transpired, had been flung out into the open, leaving them both vulnerable and aching. The truth was finally revealed and said out in the open. They were sitting in complete silence when Alyssa caught sight of her hair in the mirror above Ryan’s dresser. Suddenly, Alyssa was aware of her wet, stringy hair. For some reason, she felt self conscious and made a move to comb her fingers through it. Ryan grabbed her hand and stopped her.
“Don’t. You look beautiful.” He tucked her hair behind her ears. It was still short, and it still irked him that she had cut off her beautiful long hair. Alyssa almost started crying from the tender touch. As she gazed into those amazing blue eyes, she could feel every bit of love he had for her. Their eyes communicated everything that they were feeling at the moment. The way he looked at her pierced her right down into her soul.
Then his lips were on hers, and Alyssa could not remember anything sweeter. There had been a few kisses, but this...this was absolute heaven. Found after so many years. Kissing him was like second nature, something that came so naturally to her. The kisses were feather light and Alyssa needed more…so much more. Threading her arms around his neck, she increased the pressure, desperate to have more contact with his body and when his hands moved to the zipper of her hoodie and started unzipping it, she made no move to stop him. To her, it was right. It was the right time, the right place. The right everything. Everything about it was right.
Except the fact that both of them were still married.
Cole was not on her mind. And Alyssa was pretty sure that Aimee wasn’t on Ryan’s. But there was that lingering sense of guilt, of not wanting to be unfaithful. But either way, married or not, Alyssa wasn’t going to let anything spoil the perfect moment. And somewhere deep down, she felt a small thrill at what she was doing. Cole had cheated on her all throughout their marriage and Alyssa didn’t feel a single pang of regret.
It was he who pulled away, looking at her to gauge her reaction. Suddenly, she felt like she was seventeen again, afraid to feel the emotions coursing through her veins. There was apprehension as to where they could both feel it moving and she realized that they were both trembling. When Ryan finally spoke, his words were breathy. Underneath her hand, she could feel his heart beating faster.
“Do you want to stop?” She gazed into his eyes, certain he could feel every emotion that she felt towards him and silenced him with a kiss. He took that as a no. Then his hands were unzipping the hoodie and sliding it off her shoulders. She reacted in turn by removing his shirt, momentarily breaking their contact. His chest was just as she remembered from a picture long ago. Knowing it would drive him wild, she dragged her nails down his chest until she reached the waistband of his jeans. She was rewarded with a tortured moan.
His hands traced light patterns over her body, gazing in wonder at what he had been wanting for so long, what she would not give him when they were dating or engaged. Ryan lightly ran his hands over her taut, tan stomach stopping at the top of her velour pants. He seemed to take a deep breath before he untied the string that tightened her pants and slid them off of her.
When he finished, he moved back to gaze at her nearly naked form and his breath caught in his throat as he took in her beauty. His gaze was smoldering, making her blush from head to toe. Clad only in her pink lace bra and matching panties, Alyssa should have felt self conscious. But she didn’t. She felt beautiful, as she always had when Ryan was looking at her.
He placed kisses all the way up her body, placing light kisses on her neck and then nibbling kisses on her lips. They kissed softly while skilled fingers deftly removed the lacy bra and panties. She started unzipping his jeans, impatient with the cumbersome clothes. The kisses were more demanding, as the pleasure built. Once the last barriers had been stripped away, he came to her.
Find me here
And speak to me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
Never, not in the time they had dated or been engaged, had Alyssa and Ryan ever been intimate. Sure, there had been touching, but never actual sex. Alyssa held strong to her values, holding being a virgin on her wedding day in high esteem. There were some close calls, she had to admit. And more often than not, she was tempted to make love to him. There had never been any doubt in her mind that she had wanted Ryan to be her first. And, had they gotten married, Ryan would have been. He would have been the first person she was intimate with. But they didn’t get married. And Ryan hadn’t been her first.
You are the light
That’s leading me
To the place where
I find peace again
They moved together, skin on skin. Alyssa had never felt so light, so free, so in love. It wasn’t anything like her first time, with force and demanding, Cole wanting to please only himself. No. This was everything that that hadn’t been. Everything that she had imagined about being with Ryan...had been so right. He held her as though she were made of spun glass. About to break. Loving. Fragile.
You are the strength
That keeps me walking
You are the hope
That keeps me trusting
Together, they cried out in ecstasy, and Ryan dropped his head down onto her chest. She ran her fingers through his blond hair, breathing in short gasps. Alyssa could almost have burst with happiness. They tightened their arms around each other, not wanting to move an inch. If they could have stayed like that forever, it wouldn’t have been long enough for Alyssa. She wanted forever with Ryan, forever and so much more. She wanted it all when it came to Ryan.
You are the life
Into my soul
You are my purpose
You’re everything
He could feel the rapid pounding of her heart, still coming down from her orgasm. And when it steadied, he could feel the way it sped up again when he touched her. They separated, still breathing heavy. She clutched the sheets around her body, covering it. They were desperate to still have some contact between their bodies, and lay draped together.
And how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be?
Any better than this?
They were lying together afterward, limbs still entwined. They had taken a major step toward completing what they had started so many years ago. What had started as a high school crush had finally matured into a love that had the possibility of lasting forever. It was what she had originally been so afraid of. This was what love was supposed to be. Tenderness, sweetness, the loving emotions that both people felt. Completion, surrender, longing. This was finally love. It was love in its highest form, the kind of completeness that only came when you were with your soul mate.
You calm the storms
You give me rest
You hold me in your hands
You won't let me fall
She was really his. It had taken years that were filled with blood, sweat and tears, unimaginable pain. They had both married others only to find each other again. Even then, it was still complicated. They were still legally bound to others, the emotion truly gone. But here it was. It was their moment, their time, and to them, they had waited long enough.
You steal my heart
And you take my breath away
Would you take me in?
Take me deeper now
“I love you so much,” Alyssa whispered, her head on his chest. Ryan smiled, stroking her hair. She sighed in contentment. Alyssa snuggled tighter against him, not wanting to move anywhere out of his arms. She wanted to keep touching him, keep snuggling. It reminded him very much of a New Year’s Day so long ago when she had snuggled against his body at her grandfather’s birthday/New Year’s Eve party.
“One day, you won’t be afraid.”
“I feel safe.”
“I was never as complete as I was on Monday and from what I saw in your eyes, nor were you...”
“I love you too.” She heard the steady thumping of his heart, beneath her ear and lightly traced her hand down his chest. The simple action sent goose bumps racing down his skin. Alyssa could do the simplest thing and set his body on fire.
'Cause you're all I want
You are all I need
You are everything, everything
Perfect.
No other word could be used to describe what had just taken place between them. All the years of wanting, of waiting had finally paid off. And it had made that moment all that more special. Because they had waited to be intimate with each. They had waited until they were mature enough to really feel the emotions that seemed to drive their everyday lives. Until Alyssa wasn’t afraid anymore.
It was a complete and ultimate surrender.
*******************
Alyssa awoke the next day, light rays of sunshine playing over the sheets. For some reason, the brightness of the room didn’t bother her. She squinted at the room, trying to make out her surroundings before her sleep addled brain managed to piece together the events that had happened. And then it all came rushing back.
She’d had sex with Ryan.
Sitting up slowly, she wrapped the sheet tighter around her body before surveying the room. She and Ryan’s clothes were strewn haphazardly throughout the room, on chairs and lamps and everything in between. Alyssa expected to feel some sort of regret at the events that transpired last night, but all she felt was completion. Alyssa was finally whole.
Making love to him the night before had been the final piece of the puzzle. It had been the very thing that had made her realize just how perfect they were for each other. The way his body fit with hers, the way he made her feel, it had to be right. Her heart wouldn’t have been telling her otherwise. And her heart was telling her that it had been right. It had been fate.
Groaning slightly, she ran a hand through her matted hair before turning her gaze to Ryan. She smiled as she watched his chest rise gently up and down with every breath. Nothing could have made her happier than the thought of what had happened last night. Then it hit her. She had to meet with her lawyer about the divorce. As quietly as she could, she got up and started putting her clothes on.
She felt his gaze on her when she was pulling on her bra. Turning, she stood before him clad only in her velour pants and her pink lacy bra. Ryan looked sexy, with sleep tousled hair that gave him a devilish look. He smiled, before sitting up.
“Hey.” Nervously, she tucked her hair behind her ears.
“Hi.” Continued with putting her clothes on. She slid on her zip up hoodie. She didn’t know what to say, what sort of things one said after finally having sex with the man they’d been in love with for years.
“How come you’re getting dressed?” She heard the playful tone in his voice, the innuendo lying just below the surface. Why was she getting dressed? Shouldn’t she be lounging around in bed, kissing and making love all day?
“I have a meeting with my lawyer,” Alyssa replied, running a brush through her hair. His gaze turned serious now. Ah, the perfect words to spoil the mood. Mention lawyer or anything having to do with the fact that she wasn’t divorced yet and neither was he and the perfect atmosphere was ruined. It was just a reminder that the very special act that they had shared last night came at an entirely bad time.
“I see.” The tone of his voice made her stop brushing her short locks.
“Ryan, don’t.”
“Don’t what, Alyssa?” Ryan replied. He pulled on some clothes. “We had this...amazing night and--”
“Now it’s back to my life. There are things I need to do. Let’s face facts Ryan, you and I aren’t divorced from our respective spouses. What we did last night was adultery. It was a fantasy, playing pretend for a night.”
“That’s all it was to you, wasn’t it? A fantasy? Just some roll in the hay while we’re still married and now we’re going to act like nothing happened, that last night wasn’t the most amazing night we’ve ever shared together.”
“No,” Alyssa said, sitting down next to him on the bed. “Last night was...the best night of my life. Everything was so right and perfect and for awhile, there was nothing else. That was everything that I had ever wanted with you.” Ryan’s gaze softened a little bit. “But we are still married. We’re in the middle of divorces. That’s something we’re going to have to face.”
“It meant that much to you?” She smiled softly.
“It meant the world to me.” There was a pause. “Of course it did. Ryan, it’s you. It’s always been you. After we broke up, when we weren’t talking, at my wedding, it didn’t matter. It was all about you. Last night was special, it was amazing. I don’t want to spoil that by you thinking that it didn’t mean anything to me and I certainly don’t want to spoil it by thinking about Cole. And last night wasn’t the end. I don’t think I could give you up after that.”
He pulled her close and hugged her tightly. Tears sprang to her eyes, and she breathed in his warm scent. This was what she wanted to do. Stay all day, wrapped in his arms. She didn’t want to meet with her lawyer. Over his shoulder, she managed to get a look at the clock. She was late.
She kissed him, with the promise of more lying on her lips. And then she started to walk out the door. Alyssa stopped when Ryan called out her name. He was sitting on the bed, looking at her.
“You still my girl?” Alyssa smiled, recognizing the line from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Buffy and Angel, a love that had gone through as many trials and tribulations as Alyssa and Ryan had, if not more. They would always find a way to relate to that television show.
“Always.”
*****************
Everything with the divorce was going along very smoothly. The way things were looking, Alyssa and Ryan’s divorces would be final somewhere around Christmas. To her, she couldn’t get a better present. To finally be rid of Cole and the emotional baggage she carried from their volatile relationship would make Alyssa very happy.
The month of December, Christmas time, had never held much meaning in the Morgan household. During Trista and Alyssa’s high school years there had been a lot of tension in the house, and Christmas had never been very happy. A lot of holidays around the Morgan house weren’t happy.
Christmas seasons spent with Jane Morgan had been hellish to say the very least. She had to be in control of everything, from the food down the very last decoration that went up on the Christmas tree. Jane Morgan had to be in control of everything all the time. They all put on false facades, pretending that their Christmas’s were happy and jolly and that bullshit holiday crap.
Yeah, right.
This would be the first Christmas where the group was together in eight years. Eight Christmas seasons had gone by, and none of them had sent cards or presents. Those with kids got into the Christmas season, but the ones without...well, let’s say Alyssa hadn’t celebrated a happy Christmas in a very long time.
Christmas hadn’t been Cole’s thing either. Half the time, many years in a row, Cole was much too busy to do anything more than give her an expensive gift. It was supposed to make up for the fact that he wasn’t around to celebrate it, and he didn’t get into it anyway. He tried to buy Alyssa’s love, and for years, that had worked.
When Cole was showering her with gifts, it was easy for Alyssa to forget that he wasn’t the person she had thought he was. It was easy to get lost in diamonds, rubies, emeralds, and trips to Hawaii or Cancun. Somehow, the gifts made things easier. When she was accepting his presents, he seemed like the man she had married.
It was nice to see the house bustling with activity, people rushing around to decorate the house. None of the people understood exactly why they were still in Florida, with lives in other states. They should have been gone by now. Something was keeping them there. Maybe it was the remnants of their friendships.
Maybe they didn’t want to leave.
The group’s strongest couple, Julie and Josh, had been attending counseling sessions while in Florida and were better than ever. Alyssa thought they looked even happier than they had when they had first gotten married. Upon the counselor’s request, Julie was taking some time off from the movie scene. It was time, Julie decided, to spend more time with her husband and kids than on crowded movie sets all day and night. The hiatus was doing her relationship with Josh a lot of good.
Julie wasn’t frazzled anymore, and was able to devote time to Scott and Trinitie. Alyssa couldn’t explain the look on their faces when they realized that their mother was going to actually be spending time with them. For Julie, family had always come first. And when work started to interfere, it was time for a break.
Josh had come to terms with Julie’s fame. Ultimately, that had been what he was so angry about. He was jealous of the fact that she was famous, and he was not. So when she started to neglect her duties at home, it was easy to find a reason to lash out at her. The counselor had told him he had a lot of pent up anger inside of him. But the more they talked it out, the more Julie and Josh came to understand each other and just what their relationship was all about.
And to think they were going to give up on it.
Being in Florida had its perks. Alyssa was sitting out on her father’s deck, feet in the blue green swimming pool and it was a balmy seventy degrees. She watched kids running around, friends talking and laughing. Watching them, being witness to the renewed friendships, Alyssa felt as if something inside of her had changed.
She couldn’t exactly pinpoint it, but she knew it had something to do with Ryan. And the fact that she was actually happy. It had something to do with Ryan. Everything, actually. Because to her, Ryan was everything. And that night had only strengthened her resolve and made it even more clear to her.
Alyssa was meant to be with Ryan.
It was something she had known in high school, fought, known through college, and completely fucked up, and knew with every part of her soul now. Ryan was her other half, the part that had been missing all these years. He was the missing puzzle piece, the one thing that would make her life complete.
And she finally had him.
Alyssa was so engrossed in her thoughts about the completion that she finally felt, that she didn’t even notice Ryan walk up and sit down beside her until he gave her a hard poke in the ribs. She turned around so quickly she almost fell into the pool.
“Ryan!” Ryan smirked before kissing her. Forgetting all about her anger, she sighed in contentment.
“Hi,” He said, gazing at her with obscenely innocent eyes after they pulled apart. It didn’t take long for the mischievous look to creep back into the blue eyes that she loved so much. “Whatcha doing?”
“Thinking,” Alyssa replied, knowing the response that it would garner from him. “You scared me.”
“Uh oh. That can’t be good.” Ryan replied. “The thinking part. The thinking is never good.”
“Hey!” Alyssa protested. “This is good thinking this time. I’ve been thinking about us and how I happy I am that we’re finally, you know, together.”
“Are we together?” Ryan asked, looking at her intently. “I mean, we haven’t really talked about it.”
“Of course we are,” Alyssa said decisively. “After that night, I can’t imagine us not being together.”
“Me either,” Ryan said, grinning. “Couldn’t let you get away.” He moved in to kiss her. There was a rather loud cough from behind them.
“Get a room,” Trista groaned. Alyssa blushed. “I take it you two are finally together?” Alyssa nodded. “It’s about darn time!” Alyssa smiled.
“I know,” Alyssa replied. “It’s been a long time coming.”
“We all know,” Trista said. “But you guys could still get a room instead of making out in our backyard.”
“Whatever.”
December in Florida was nice and warm, unlike many other states. For the first time in…forever, Alyssa didn’t feel claustrophobic. Florida held so many other opportunities than it once had and didn’t inspire feelings of entrapment like it once had. Florida was now a place where she could start over, work on a relationship with Ryan before going back to California.
California. Would Ryan want to go back to California with her? Could she really ask him to give up his life like that? There was still so much that could stand in their way, it was giving Alyssa a headache. There was only a few weeks left until Christmas and Alyssa knew that she had to get back to California, meet with her publisher about her book, move Cole’s stuff out of the house she shared with him and figure out how she was going to make a relationship with Ryan work.
“Whatcha thinking about?”
“Well, we’re together right?” Ryan nodded. “Are we gonna live together?” Again, Ryan nodded. “So are we going to live in California or here in Florida?” Ryan mulled it over for a few minutes.
“California.” Alyssa’s surprise must have shown. “I want to live in California, Alyssa. Even if it’s that same house. I’ll live wherever you want me to live.”
“California is my home now,” Alyssa replied. “I want to start a new life with you there.”
“California it is then.”
The couple kissed to the idea of their new life in California.
**********************
(Christmas Eve)
There had been a time, even with her psychotic mother, that Alyssa had loved Christmas. There was something about the season, about the idea of giving gifts and celebrating Jesus that made Alyssa happy even with the crap that had always been going on at home.
She and Ryan were fully doing the couple thing, as they were practically inseparable. They went to the movies, out to dinner, hung out at home and watched movies, went swimming, played with Garrett, and did everything else imaginable. They were starting to look like a family.
That morning, Alyssa and Ryan received their divorce papers, letting them both know that their divorces were final. Alyssa was no longer married to Cole, nor was Ryan married to Aimee. Good thing considering Cole and Aimee had taken to snuggling in lots of very public places and were officially seeing each other.
Alyssa watched as Ryan helped her father decorate the Christmas tree. The two of them, working together, warmed Alyssa’s heart. She knew that her father was trying to show his support of Alyssa’s relationship and show that he really did like Ryan and had nothing against him.
She caught sight of her reflection in a mirror hanging above the couch in the living room and had to marvel at how different she looked. Alyssa’s brown hair just touched her shoulders, subtly highlighted with blond from the sun, her cheeks were pink and rosy. But that wasn’t the thing that stopped her in her tracks. It was the fact that her brown eyes were shining. Alyssa looked like she was in love; one could see it from miles away.
Alyssa received gifts from her father, but the group hadn't really had the time to shop and were just fine with the idea of being together again. They were tight, strong, something that the group hadn't been for a long time. They enjoyed each other’s company before deciding that it was time to party.
Alyssa had been sitting by the Christmas tree, watching as it rotated, feeling happier than she had in a long time. Everything was perfect, she was with Ryan, they were a couple, their group was still intact and life in Florida was actually incredibly awesome. Talk about a turn of events.
A wide grin spread across her face when she felt Ryan’s arms wrap around her waist. Alyssa could never stop the smile that came to her face when Ryan was around. He rested his head on her shoulder and she ran her fingers through his short blond hair.
“Hey beautiful,” Ryan said. She turned around and kissed him. God, she could spend her entire life just kissing him. It never got old. This was the man that she could see herself waking up and kissing when she was old and wrinkly.
“The tree looks great, Ry.” Ryan had helped her father decorate the tree earlier that night, John’s attempt to show Alyssa that he really did like Ryan. The multicolored lights twinkled, tinsel shone between the branches and the angel atop the tree shone brightly. The whole tree was perfect.
Ryan gently pulled her over to the couch and they sat down together. Alyssa was looking at him, wondering what he was doing. Alyssa’s heart sped up a little, anxiousness beginning to show. Her hands were still entwined with his and he was looking into her eyes.
“Alyssa,” Ryan began. “I love you. I’ve loved you from the moment I met you. And I know now more than ever that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. We’ve waited long enough, a lot longer than any couple should have to wait. I don’t want to wait anymore. I want you to be my wife.” Alyssa’s breath caught in her throat as Ryan let go of her hand to reach to the table behind him. “Alyssa, will you marry me?”
He opened the box and held it out to her. Sitting within the jewelry box was an amazing two carat princess cut diamond ring. It shone in the light from the tree and Alyssa could have sworn that she had never seen a more beautiful ring. It certainly rivaled her first one, when they had just been young and without enough money for a great wedding.
“Yes.” That was all she could manage to say. Ryan slid the ring onto her finger and she admired the way it looked on her finger. It fit perfectly, catching the light from the Christmas tree and glinting brightly. “Yes!” Then Ryan was picking her up and twirling her around and she was squealing in excitement.
Trista, who had heard the squealing, came to investigate what all the noise was about. The happy looks on Ryan and Alyssa’s faces practically told it all. Trista motioned for the rest of their friends to come out and see.
“We’re getting married!” Alyssa said, still in Ryan’s arms. The group looked at Alyssa, whose arms were around Ryan’s neck and the rock glinting on her ring finger before busting into huge grins.
“It’s about fucking time,” Trista said. The rest of the group looked at her. “What? I’m just saying what everyone else is thinking.”
With the engagement announced (and her sister’s so blunt response) the group gathered around the table for eggnog and toasts to well being. Alyssa could almost burst with the happiness that she felt. This was it, this was her chance to be with Ryan and not horribly fuck it up. It was the second time they had gotten together in such a fashion to celebrate Alyssa’s engagement, and hopefully this would be the last time that they would celebrate her getting engaged.
Their arms were around one another, eyes shining happy and bright. Lynn couldn’t remember a time when Alyssa had ever looked that happy. It had been a long time coming. Their friends were smiling too, watching them able to be together and bask in the love they had for one another.
All those years. The years of wanting, of love and longing, pain and suffering, were over. There was nothing but happiness for the two of them now. She kissed him softly on the lips, relishing in the sweet taste. What she once thought would never be hers again, had somehow magically come back into her life.
“We were thinking Briarhurst,” Ryan said, glancing at Julie and Josh. Reconciled, they smiled widely. “I couldn't think of a better place for us to get married. It’s beautiful there.”
“We think that would be a great idea.”
“And a small wedding, too,” Alyssa added. “Just you guys and our family. We decided that we didn’t want some big, extravagant wedding. No one else.” There was the underlying message. Not like my first wedding. Ryan tightened his arms around her, wishing he could have changed that for her, that he could have been her first, her only.
“When?” Trista asked.
“Next month,” Ryan replied. “I don’t think I can wait any longer than that.”
“I think you guys have waited long enough,” Trista commented. “The sooner, the better.”
Julie had turned on the stereo, and lively Christmas music was pouring out of the speakers. There was so much happiness in the room, you could just feel it. As their friends danced, Ryan and Alyssa sat on the couch talking to one another.
“We’ll have to go to the jewelry store and look at rings soon,” Alyssa commented, snuggling up next to him. “We need to get our wedding bands.”
“How about tomorrow?” Alyssa looked at him. “We can go back to the jewelry store where I got your ring and look at the bands there.”
“Okay.” Together they lay there, watching the rotating tree and the twinkling lights.
For the first time in Florida, there was a happy Christmas.
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