Things changed after that. After all, change was expected. Some of the changes were good. Others were not. Shortly after her hometown concert, Chrystelle was set to go back into the studio to record her second album. Between recording and practicing for the upcoming tour, Chrystelle barely had time for Nick and their budding relationship. Consequently, Chrystelle rarely had time to look after herself as her bulimia grew worse.
“Chrys, we’re going out for pizza. Wanna come?” Summer asked. Chrystelle looked up from the cup of tea she was stirring and shook her head.
“No thanks.” She hoarsely whispered. Her throat was sore from recording in the studio, not to mention throwing up her every meal. Chrystelle had bags under her eyes, and a horrible yellowish tint to her skin.
“Are you okay, Chrystelle?” Chrystelle nodded, and Summer sat down next to her.
“I’m fine, Summer.” Summer shook her head.
“You don’t look fine.” She gestured to Chrystelle, slumped over her tea. “You have bags under your eyes, your skin is tinted yellow, and you're so thin, I can see the outline of your ribs. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think that you’re bulimic.”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about Summer, so just back off!” Chrystelle snapped. She stomped to her room at the back of the bus and slammed the door. When she got there, she was shaking so badly that she had to sit down. It was getting to be too much; the lying, the hiding. And the more Chrystelle thought about it, the more she realized that her friends really didn’t know her. If they knew her half as well as they claimed to, they would have noticed the throwing up, the frequent trips to the bathroom after she ate. It was all crystal clear and nobody noticed. Or maybe they did and just didn’t say anything. After all, Summer had noticed.
Chrystelle caught sight of her reflection in the full length mirror that hung on the back of her door. She looked sick. Pale. Not healthy. Without a word, Chrystelle sank down to the floor and sobbed.
*****************
(The next day)
“Try it one more time Chrys.” Wade had a gentle tone to his voice. “You almost have it.” Chrystelle nodded, not sure if she had the stamina to try it one more time. After practicing for another half an hour, Wade sat down with Chrystelle, a concerned look on his face.
“I’m worried about you Chrys. I honestly don’t think that you’re physically ready to go on tour.” Chrystelle shook her head.
“I’m fine Wade. I can do the tour.”
“Do you realize how much you were struggling out there? Moves that used to come easily now have to be forced. I think you have a eating disorder Chrys, and I plan to tell Jive that you can’t tour.”
“I AM NOT BULIMIC!” Chrystelle shouted. She said it with such anger that Wade drew back.
“You don’t understand, Nick doesn’t understand, NOBODY understands. Nobody has ever said something that made you feel like you were NOTHING. When I first started singing, they didn’t notice my talent. They noticed my body and they noticed that it was flawed. There wasn’t a time where critics didn’t the chance to tear me down. YES, I throw up my food sometimes. But you know what? That’s life. Some people can eat whatever they like and not gain a pound. That’s not me. I have to watch what I eat and I do it well. So, keep your nose out of other people’s business and stick to what you’re here to do.” Wade swallowed hard and his eyes got wide. Chrystelle whipped around and gasped when she caught sight of Nick.
“Chrys.” Nick said softly, stepping toward her. Chrystelle shook her head and tried to hold back the tears that were forming behind her eyes.
“I have to go.” She tried to push past Nick but he caught her arm and pulled her back into the room.
“We need to talk.”
“NO, I need to go.” Nick shook his head.
“I love you Chrys and I hate to think that you would hurt yourself like this.” Chrystelle laughed bitterly.
“I don’t do it that often.”
“Once is enough.”
“GOD, you sound like my brother.” Chrystelle’s hand flew to her mouth as she realized what she had just said. Trying to get the image of Nick's shocked face out of her mind, Chrystelle ran from the room.
******************
Is there something I need to know?
Nothing that’s my place to tell you.
Nick sighed as he realized that Jeremy knew that Chrystelle had an eating disorder and wasn’t doing anything about it. He angrily rang the doorbell and barged right in when Jeremy opened the door.
“You KNEW that she had an eating disorder and you didn’t tell anybody? You didn’t tell ME?” Jeremy looked down at the carpet sadly.
“It wasn’t my place to tell you.”
“Damn it Jeremy, it was your place. She’s your sister for Christ’s sake! You should have been doing something to help her!” Jeremy rolled his eyes.
“What was I supposed to do Nick? Force food down her throat? She’s twenty years old. She’s not a little girl anymore. I can’t do anything about it.”
“You have to tell your parents.” Jeremy shook his head.
“I promised.”
“A fucking promise is more important than her life? YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS DOING TO HER. Do you want your sister to die?”
“No--”
“I love her.” Nick’s voice cracked, from yelling and from the fear that he felt when he thought about Chrystelle dying. “She’s sick Jeremy. You haven’t seen how bad she looks because she’s staying with Summer but, she’s nothing but skin and bones.”
“I know, Nick.” Jeremy said softly. “She’s the only one who can help her.” Nick shook his head.
“I refuse to sit back and watch her die.”
***********************
Chrystelle shook her head as she shoved pieces of fudge into her mouth. Nick was the one person that Chrystelle didn’t want to know about her bulimia.
“So I throw up once in a while.” Chrystelle said to herself. “So what?” She wiped her hand across her mouth and grabbed a sweatshirt. Maybe a jog would help clear her mind since she had just flushed her love life down the toilet. But after jogging once around the block, Chrystelle began to feel dizzy and the world started to spin.
*****************
(Two hours later)
When Chrystelle woke up, she heard the beeping of machines. She painfully opened her eyes and looked around the hospital room.
“Oh no.” She looked around, finally spotting Nick, asleep in the chair next to her bed, his face tearstained. Chrystelle gazed at his angelic face for a few minutes, certain that when she got out of here, he would want nothing to do with her. As if on cue, Nick shifted in the chair and opened his eyes.
“Hey, you’re up.” Chrystelle nodded, looking down at the bedspread and the iv, feeding her the food she had been denying herself for the past year.
“What happened? The last thing I remember was jogging around the block.” Nick nodded.
“You collapsed outside my house.” Nick paused, and when he resumed, his voice was cracking. “I’m worried about you Chrys. Everyone is.”
“But--”
“Even your fans have began to notice things Chrystelle. I don’t know how you thought that you could hide this from everyone.”
“I just wanted to be pretty.” Chrystelle said, beginning to cry. “I wanted to show those photographers that I could be thin and I could be pretty.” Nick gently pulled her into his arms and held her while she cried.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Nick asked when her crying had subsided.
“I honestly thought that you would leave. I thought that you would find me disgusting and would want to leave because I’m not as perfect as everyone thinks I am.” Nick shook his head.
“Chrystelle, you are my best friend. NOTHING, and I mean nothing will ever change that. You also happen to be the woman that I’m in love with. That too, will never change. But you have to get some help Chrystelle.” Chrystelle looked up as her doctor entered the room.
“Hello Chrystelle.” Chrystelle nodded her hello and continued staring at the plain white sheet of the narrow hospital bed.
“I must say that I am very worried about what I see. According to my records, you are topping out at about 99 pounds. You should weigh at least 130 for your height. We have an excellent eating disorder clinic here at the hospital that I think that you should check out.”
“What if I don’t want to check into a clinic? I’m not like most girls with an eating disorder you know. I know that food isn’t my enemy.”
“I think that without the program, you will continue your destructive behavior and if you keep this up, you will most certainly die. I want to check you into the clinic as soon as possible. The sooner you complete the program, the sooner you’ll be able to go on tour.” Chrystelle shook her head.
“The tour comes first. After I finish my tour, I’ll start the program.”
“I would highly advise again--”
“It’s what I want.” Chrystelle said, cutting him off. “My fans have got to come first.” The doctor nodded briskly, and hurried out of the room. Chrystelle looked over at Nick and was surprised to see tears running down his cheeks.
“Nick?” Nick looked up and wiped his hand across his damp cheeks.
“I can’t sit back and watch you hurt yourself even more than you already are. Fans are important Chrystelle, I understand that as much as you do. But your health is more important. Putting off the tour would be a wise decision. We had to postpone the tour when AJ when went into rehab.”
“I can’t do that Nick.”
“I love you Chrys. I always will. But I can’t stay here and watch you hurt yourself like this. I’ll be here for you when you decide to get some help. Until then, remember,” Nick paused and took a deep breath. “I think you’re the most beautiful woman in the world.” As Nick walked out the door, Chrystelle started to sob, disgusted with herself, disguested with person that she had become.