Life wasn’t the same.
No matter what Alyssa did, she could not go back to the way her life was before she returned back home. Maybe Paris wasn’t the same without Jean-Paul, maybe Alyssa’s life wasn’t the same without Ryan. Either way, Alyssa couldn’t go back to her old routine. Going to class, working in the cafe, going to parties. None of it was the same. A vital part of Alyssa was missing and she had a feeling that the missing part was back in Florida. Alyssa sat down on her bed and turned on the radio, flipping the dial to the only American station on there. Michelle Branch played.
Goodbye to you,
goodbye to everything I thought I knew,
You were the one I loved,
the one thing that I tried to hold on to
Alyssa tried to push the memory of standing in the rain with Ryan out of her mind. She had to move on or she was going to go insane.
“Okay.” Alyssa said outloud. “What can I do to take my mind off of him?” She looked out the window. “I have no classes, it’s raining, there’s no seminars, no parties worth going to. I’m stuck in here.” She sat down on her bed again and grabbed a notebook. She was going to be forced to do her homework. Some college student she was. Alyssa was supposed to be out having fun. She grabbed a pen and started writing.
Love. It doesn’t exist. I mean, my parents were married for twenty-six years, had their first fight, and got a divorce. How can they say that they loved each other? Marriage is a life long commitment, and divorce is the easy way out. Now take me for example. I haven’t had a serious boyfriend since the beginning of my senior year of high school. As if I wasn’t already terrified of falling in love, my parents had to go and ruin it all together. I really don’t think that there is a good thing that I can say about love because eventually, it fades. One day you wake up, and you realize that you don’t love that person anymore. I think that’s what happened to my parents.
Wait. What am I saying? I WANT to be in love, I WANT somebody to love me, I WANT to get married someday, but the thought terrifies me. What if I end up like parents, or a control freak like my mother? She broke the family apart. There’s no one else to blame. What if one day, I realize that I don’t love my husband anymore? How could I hurt him like that? On the other hand, why am I thinking about marriage? I’m only nineteen years old! I guess what I’m trying to get to is that I have been in love. My first, serious boyfriend. And I was petrified. I still am. So, my solution was to push him away. And to this day, our friendship, much less our relationship, has never been the same. Maybe I pushed him out of my life for the final time. Either way, I’m miserable. I should just jump right in and forget my fears, be a friend to him again. Or I could tell him to get out of my life and be done with it. Be free. Start over. Without love. As tempting as the thought of being free is, he occupies my mind and I can’t stop thinking about the last time that I saw him. I have no idea what to do. I know that I could live my life without him, but the question is, would I want to?
Alyssa shut her notebook and put it in her night stand. That wasn’t a creative writing assignment. That was a freaking psych paper. Maybe I should get the psychology teacher to examine me, Alyssa thought. Just to see what he says. Alyssa shook her head. He’ll say you’re crazy, a little voice inside her said. You know you are.
“I am crazy.” Alyssa stated. “That has to be it. Being cooped up inside, with nothing but homework to do is driving me insane.” Wrong again, that little voice said. Not being with Ryan is driving you insane. Alyssa flopped down on her bed and sighed. Maybe she should listen to that voice. It was starting to make alot of sense.
******************
Rachel. That’s a pretty good name for my daughter.
“Trista has a boyfriend now you know.” Michael nodded.
“I know Kristy. But I still have a right to see my daughter.”
“What about the other one? Ariana named her Bridget. What the hell kind of a name is Bridget?”
“First of all, I liked Trista more than I like Ariana. Second of all, Ariana screws so many guys, there’s no telling whether Bridget is mine or not.” Michael inspected the picture of his daughter carefully. “Trista had spunk and I know that I was her first. Rachel is definatly mine.”
“So what? You’re twenty-one now Michael, not to mention you walked out on her when you suspected that she might be pregnant. From what I hear, she’s struggling and a fight between her and her mom over babysitting and financial help drove her parents to get a divorce. Besides, she thinks you’re an asshole anyway. And Alyssa would kill you if you set one foot within ten feet of Trista, not only because you got Trista pregnant but Ariana too, who happens to be a good friend of Alyssa’s.” Michael had a flashback to meeting Alyssa for the first time.
“What’s your last name Michael?”
“Slater. Why?”
“No reason.”
“She wanted to know my last name because Ariana told her that I was Bridget’s father.” He shook his head. “Stupid bitch.” Kristy shook her head.
“Alyssa is actually pretty cool. She’s in Paris, studying to be a writer. She was devastated when her parents got a divorce.” Michael nodded.
“She seemed pretty nice.” He picked up the picture of Rachel again. “Maybe I’ll pay my daughter a visit.”
*******************
“No wonder why Alyssa wants to live here.” Lynn breathed as they drove past the Eiffel tower. “It’s beautiful.” Ryan nodded mutely. Was it raining everywhere? Ryan was glad that Lynn had come along. She had taken French for four years too. This was good because Ryan knew no French. Lynn studied a map of Paris that she had picked up and looked for a hotel.
“Turnez a la gauche sur la rue de Quebec.” When the driver pulled up in front of the inn, he gruffly turned around.
“Cent cinq francs.” Lynn counted out the money and got out of the cab.
“Hurry up Ryan.” Lynn said, trying to shield herself from the rain. The two went up to the front desk where a young woman was filing her nails.
“Excusez moi. Parlez vous l’anglais?” The bored woman nodded.
“We would like two rooms please.” She rang it up on the register.
“Six cent soixante cinq francs.” Lynn shook her head and paid the woman, then took the two room keys she held out. Ryan followed Lynn up the stairs and unlocked his room. From the small window next to his bed, he could see the college.
“She’s there somewhere Ryan. Be patient.” Ryan nodded. I’m coming Alyssa.
***************
“Alyssa, you have to get out and do something!” Ariana said, exasperated. Alyssa sighed and rested the phone against her shoulder.
“It’s raining Ariana. What is there that I can possibly do?” It was Ariana’s turn to sigh.
“I don’t know. I’m not in Paris. I just know that if you stay in that dorm one minute longer, you’re going to go insane. You’re just going to think about Ryan and the more you think about him, the more confused you’re going to get.” Ariana sighed. “On the other hand, you’re pretty confused now so I’m not sure it could get any worse.”
“I want to be with him so bad Ariana, but I am scared shitless.”
“I know Lyss. But you just have to jump in there. If fate comes knocking on your door again, be ready. Don’t make the same mistake again.” Alyssa nodded. That actually made sense.
“If I know Ryan, Lyss, he’ll come after you. He’s not going to let you get away again. He loves you too much.” Yeah right, Alyssa thought. Fate never comes knocking twice.
*****************
In the ten minutes that it finally stopped raining, Alyssa decided that she would take a walk around the campus to try to clear her mind. BIG mistake. Not even ten minutes after Alyssa left her dorm room, it started raining. Again. So Alyssa sat down on a bench in the park, soaked to the bone, trying to clear her mind. If fate comes knocking on your door again, be ready.
Alyssa sighed. For being a person who made a really stupid mistake, Ariana was extremely intelligent. And the more Alyssa thought about it, the more she realized that she had to get over her fears or she was going to end up alone. If anything scared Alyssa more that being in love, it was ending up alone. She got up off the bench and headed back to her dorm room, making a little detour on the way. Alyssa knocked on the door, praying he was home. Alyssa held her breath as Jean-Paul opened the door.
“Alyssa?” Jean-Paul asked, surprised. Alyssa nodded, her teeth chattering from the cold. “Come inside. You’re soaked.” Alyssa stepped inside the familiar dorm room, a wave of memories washing over her.
“Here.” Jean-Paul said, handing her a pair of sweatpants and a tee-shirt. “They’re Alexia’s.” Alyssa numbly went into the bathroom and changed.
“So why are you here Alyssa?” Alyssa looked down at the ground.
“I’m scared, Jean-Paul, more scared than I ever have been in my whole entire life.” Jean-Paul nodded.
“Keep going.”
“I want to be with Ryan so bad, but I’m too scared. I thought I was over my fear of committment, but.....”
“What you feel for him is alot stronger than what you felt for me.” Alyssa looked down at the ground again. “It’s okay Alyssa. I understand.” Alyssa nodded.
“Ariana said that if fate comes knocking at my door again, to be ready. But fate doesn’t knock twice Jean-Paul. You have to listen the first time or you're screwed.” Jean-Paul shook his head.
“I think Ariana is right.I truly believe, at least in your case, fate will come knocking twice. I saw you two that day we arrived in Florida, I saw you two at the wedding. When love is that strong, that has to be fate. And no matter what you think Alyssa, you DO deserve this. You deserve Ryan. For him, there is no better.”
“Thank you Jean-Paul.” Alyssa stood up. “ I better go. I have homeowrk to do for my creative writing class.” Jean-Paul nodded.
“I’m glad you stopped by, Alyssa. And please know that you are ALWAYS welcome to come over. Whatever you need, I’m here for.” Alyssa nodded and kissed him on the cheek.
“Goodbye Jean-Paul.” Alyssa said. “I’m glad I can at least count on you.”
*****************
(The next day)
It’s still raining, Alyssa thought as she got ready for class the next day. And I decide to wear a skirt.
“I’m from Florida. I”m not used to this cold weather.” Alyssa said, talking to the empty room. She had on a short jean skirt, a pink spaghetti strap tank top on, and a white zip up sweatshirt on over it. Alyssa sighed as she slipped her feet into a pair of openback sneakers.
“I am such an idiot.” Alyssa said as she walked out the door. She was in such a hurry to get to class on time that she almost didn’t stop before she ran into the person sitting on the front step of her building. That head of blond hair looked REALLY familiar.......
“Ryan?” He nodded. Blue eyes met brown ones. On a bench across from the building, Alyssa saw Lynn. “What are you doing here?” He stood up.
“I let you get away once, Alyssa.” Ryan said, slowly twirling the rose. “I’m not going to let you get away again.” Even though a tear slipped down her cheek, Alyssa smiled. And as Ryan’s lips met hers, a new feeling replaced the fear that she had always felt. She wasn’t afraid anymore.
After a few minutes, Ryan pulled away and smiled, handing her the rose.
This can’t be real, Alyssa said to herself.
She’s finally mine, Ryan thought as he kissed her again.
Alyssa smiled as Ryan showered her with kisses.
I’m finally right where I belong.
~*~END~*~
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