(Two weeks later)
Vivienne Martin skimmed through the article that Alanna had written while Alanna anxiously looked on. Even though Alanna was pretty confident in her skills as a writer, she was still pretty nervous. Viv took off her reading glasses and sat the article down on her desk.
“I’m impressed.” Vivienne said. “You have amazing insight into the guy’s personalities, especially Ashley.” Alanna blushed.
“Thanks Viv.” Viv leaned forward, her chin in her hands.
“I have a proposition for you.” Alanna raised one perfectly plucked eyebrow in question.
“Like what?”
“I think that you have an amazing talent. You can definitely go places. It’s been brought to my attention that we need someone to write a biography on the guys.” Viv put her glasses back on and looked over Alanna’s article again. “I want you to write individual biographies on each of the guys and then a group bio.” Alanna’s mouth dropped open before she composed herself.
“For real?” Viv nodded. “Sounds cool.”
“In order to write the bios, you’ll have to tour with them for at least a year.” Alanna grinned.
“I’ll do it.” Alanna said without hesitation. Anything that keeps me near Ashley, Alanna thought. Viv handed her a folder.
“This has the guidelines on what I want put in the bios.” Viv cleared her throat. “I assume that you understand our code, what is professional and what’s....not.” Alanna knew that Viv was implying that Alanna was definitely not allowed to do the one thing that would make her happy right now. The one thing that she wanted right now and it was deemed unprofessional. Great, Alanna thought. My dream job is keeping me from my dream guy. Alanna sighed. There would be no relationship with Ashley while she still worked here.
*****************************
(The Next Day)
The next day, the five guys were lounging by the pool when Alanna came into the backyard of the compound. Ashley’s face lit up when he caught sight of her and all five guys were taking in her blue floral print bikini top and short white shorts.
“Hey Lana.” Erik called out. Alanna smiled.
“Hey Erik.” She looked around to the other sleepy, yet contented guys. “Hey guys.” They waved or grunted their responses. There were no empty lawn chairs so Alanna took Ashley up on his offer when he patted the spot next to him on his chair. The two laid down and Ashley breathed in the strawberry scent of her shampoo.
“They offered me a chance to write bios of you guys.” Alanna said, her speech slightly slurring as she started to fall asleep. “I accepted.” Ashley smiled as her he watched her face relax when she fell asleep.
“She’s out.” Erik whispered. Ashley brushed a strand of brown hair off of her cheek and tucked it behind her ear, drawing in a sharp breath as he took in Alanna’s beauty. He gently traced his thumb across her cheek, slowly tracing it down her perfect nose, finally tracing the outline of her perfect red lips. Unable to resist, Ashley gently planted a kiss on her ruby red lips before laying back down. Instinctively, Alanna moved her head onto Ashley’s chest and her put his arm around her. Just like old times, Ashley thought. Just like it should be.
***************************
Alanna woke up a couple of hours later, hot, with her head on Ashley’s chest. She sat up and winced, the front part of her tan body slightly sunburned. Alanna gingerly got up, careful not to wake Ashley. She stood there for a couple of minutes. Sunglasses hid Ashley’s gorgeous blue eyes. He wore nothing but a pair of board shorts, showing off his muscular abs and the sunlight glinted off of his blond hair. How many times had Alanna run her hands through that spiky blond hair while kissing him? Alanna shook her head and slipped into the pool, relishing the feel of the cool water against her hot and sun burnt skin. As she swam some laps, she thought about the dream that she had had earlier. In the dream, she and Ashley had been back at the beach in Redding, lying in each other’s arms, much as they had been in the chair. Ashley had softly kissed her lips, soft enough for Alanna to almost not feel it. The dream had been over as quickly as it had started.
Alanna surfaced and put her fingers against her lips. The dream had felt so real. She turned around, and saw Ashley sitting up and stretching. A quick scan of the enclosure informed Alanna that the rest of the guys were still passed out. Alanna hoisted herself out of the pool and wrapped herself in a pale blue towel. As she sat down in the lawn chair next to Ashley’s, he gave her a small smile.
“Did you sleep good?” Alanna nodded, pulling her towel tighter against her body. Ashley let out a small chuckle and gestured to his band mates. “They’re going to be really sun burnt.” Alanna giggled then turned serious again.
“I had a dream.” Alanna revealed. “We were back in Redding, we were holding each other, and then you kissed me.” Ashley looked down at the ground.
“I did.” Ashley said softly. “While you were sleeping.”
“You did what?”
“I kissed you. I saw you sleeping and I saw how beautiful you looked and I had to kiss you.” It was Alanna’s turn to look down at the ground. “Do you know what two years without you did to me? What not being able to hold or kiss you did?”
“No.” Alanna whispered. “Don’t do this.” Ashley laughed bitterly.
“Don’t do what Alanna? Don’t love you?I’m sorry, I didn’t know that I had a choice in the matter.” Alanna started to cry. “But it doesn’t matter anyway, does it Alanna? You don’t love me.” Alanna stood up quickly, her towel dropping to her feet. A light breeze began to blow, making Alanna shiver slightly.
“Don’t tell me that I don’t love you.” Alanna spat out angrily. “I love you more than life itself.” She wiped away the tears that were constantly streaming down her face as Ashley shook his head.
“That night before you left, I told you that I loved you Alanna.” He looked her straight in the eye as she visibly started to crumble. “And what did you say? Nothing, Alanna. Nothing at all.” Alanna sank down to the ground and began to sob. All tears that she had been holding inside just poured out as she shook with sobs that came straight from her soul. Alanna cried for the relationship that she would never have with her parents, cried for the insecurities that she felt, and cried for Ashley, who was a wonderful guy who made the mistake of falling in love with her. Soon Ashley was on the ground, holding her and crying with her.
“I love you Alanna.” Ashley whispered, stroking her short brown hair. Alanna sobbed harder when she heard those sweet words, words that she had longed to hear from her parents, words that had never reached her ears.
“I love you too Ashley.” Ashley smiled, a smile that could stop a million teenage hearts, a smile gorgeous enough to make Alanna’s heart skip a beat. And before she knew it, Ashley’s lips were on hers and Alanna made no move to stop him. It was a long, passionate kiss, filled with longing....and hope. Hope that there was a future for them. Alanna relished the feeling of his lips upon hers, a familiar and wonderful feeling. But somewhere in the haze of the dreamlike state of the kiss, Alanna heard Viv’s voice, telling her what was professional and what wasn’t. Regretting it the moment she did it, Alanna quickly pulled away. Ashley bit his bottom lip, making Alanna quiver.
“I can’t do this.” Ashley’s mouth dropped open.
“What?!” Alanna shook her head.
“Viv said that there was a line between what was professional and what wasn’t. Technically, I’m considered part of the staff. Therefore, I shouldn’t, I can’t, have a relationship.” Ashley shook his head in disbelief.
“I can’t believe this.” Alanna steeled herself against the new wave of tears threatening to take over. “We have the most amazing summer of our lives, are separated for two years, and now you’re worried about what’s professional? Fuck what’s professional Alanna. All I care about is the way that you make me feel. I don’t give a damn about what Viv has to say. There is no way I am going to let anybody stand in the way of us being together again.”
“I have waited my whole life for an opportunity like this Ashley. I have wanted to be a writer as much as you have wanted to be a singer. What would you do if I asked you to give up singing so that we could be together?” Ashley smiled softly.
“I would do it in a heartbeat.” A tear slipped down Alanna’s cheek. “I love you that much.” She shook her head.
“You don’t mean that Ashley.” I need to get out of here, Alanna thought. She was starting to lose her composure again. Around her, the members of the band were starting to wake up. Desperate, Alanna glanced from Ashley to his band mates. She started to walk away when Ashley grabbed her arm.
“I’m not going to let you run Alanna.” Alanna wrenched her arm out of Ashley’s grasp, and jogged out to her car. It was then that she let the tears fall, laying her head on the steering wheel and sobbing. Ashley and his band mates watched as she dried her eyes, started her car and drove off into the distance.
*******************************
For the next three hours, Ashley’s gaze was fixed on the exact same spot on the ceiling. Ever since Alanna had left, Ashley had done nothing but think. Things had gotten better, then gone downhill just as fast. Ashley rolled over on his side, a lone tear slipping down his cheek. It felt like his heart was being torn out of his chest and stomped into a million pieces. Fate was cruel to let Alanna come back into his life, but make her an employee, therefore unavailable to Ashley.
“Ash?” Jacob said softly. Ashley rolled over and faced Jacob, wiping away the tears that constantly trickled down his cheeks.
“What?” Ashley asked hoarsely. Jacob was looking at him with a look of sympathy and pity.
“Are you okay?” Ashley shook his head, sitting up. His chest ached from sobbing and his eyes were stinging from crying for the past three hours.
“I love her Jacob. Even more than Shelli and Shelli was my first love.” He looked down at the bedspread. “Since she agreed to write our bios, she isn’t allowed to have a relationship with any member of the band. Do you know what it’s like to lose the best thing in your life, finally get it back, and then be told that you couldn’t have it?” Jacob shook his head.
“No, Ash. I don’t know what that’s like. I wish you didn’t either.” Ashley laughed, but it was not a happy sound.
“I do too.” He laid back down, his once again focused on the ceiling. “I can’t ask her to give up her dream job. It wouldn’t be fair to her.” Jacob looked at the young man on the bed, wise beyond his years. Nothing was worse than finding the one person who reminded you of what your normal life used to be then losing her because she was following her dreams. Jacob sighed, leaving the room without another word. Ashley rolled over on his side once more, giving in to the tears that seemed never-ending. And as the tears streaked down his face, leaving salty trails in their wake, Ashley Angel had never felt so alone.
************************
It was the choice that Alanna would never be able to make. Ashley was the only person who had ever shown her love, the one thing that she had craved her whole life. Her parents had never given it to her, had never paid attention to what was going on in her life. But on the other hand, this job was one that Alanna had dreamed of since she was a little girl and learned that C-A-T spelled cat. Alanna was determined to be a writer and now that she had a chance to get her work noticed at twenty, when she wasn’t even out of college, there was no way that she could pass this up. Even if it meant losing the one person she had ever loved.
Alanna knew that she couldn’t avoid Ashley her whole life. She would have to start doing the interviews for the individual bios when O-Town started their tour, which just happened to be next week.
“I have to face him sooner or later.” Alanna admitted to herself, and to the empty room. Alanna sighed. “Just because I can’t date him doesn’t mean that I don’t love him. “ Alanna’s cell phone rang and she pressed the talk button.
“Hello?” Alanna said, grateful for the distraction. Jake’s voice came over the line.
“Where are you? That internship was supposed to be over two days ago.”
“The editor for the magazine really liked my article. So, she wants me to work with a publisher and write bios for the group. Five individual and one group.” Alanna could hear the disbelief in Jake’s voice when he answered.
“Are you serious?”
“As serious as a heart attack.” Alanna paused and took a deep breath. “There’s more.”
“There couldn’t possibly be more.”
“Oh there is. Ashley turned out to be part of the band.”
“That’s great Lana! Now you can do your dream job right by the side of your dream guy. It’s per--”
“It’s a nightmare.” Alanna said, cutting him off. “I’m considered to be part of their public relations staff. That means no interpersonal relationships with the members of the band.” Jake sighed.
“I’m sorry Lana.” Alanna shook her head.
“Do you know what it’s like to be around him again and not be able to have him? It’s torture Jake. He’s even more amazing than he was that summer in Redding and that makes things ten times worse. I told him that Viv told me that there was a line between what was professional and what wasn’t.”
“What did he say?” “I asked him what he would do if I asked him to give up singing so he could have a relationship with me. He told me--” Alanna paused, a lump forming in her throat. “He told me that he would do it in a heartbeat because he loves me that much.”
“Ashley sounds like a keeper.” Jake said softly. “But only you can make that choice.”
“Just because I can’t date him doesn’t mean that I don’t love him.”
“Of course not.”
“Regardless of what happens,” Alanna said, fighting against the tears that were forming behind her eyes. “I’m going to love him for the rest of my life.”
The Rest Of My Life Index
Home