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Help Me Fall
By: Leslie
For: Sarah (I love you Venus)
A Venus Fanfiction Production
Do the crew!!!!
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*-* I've been trying not to love you
*-* I've been putting up a fight
*-* I've been barely hangin' on
*-* And letting go with all my might

"Joey, please just leave me alone right now." Sarah called from inside her dorm-room as Joey continued to pound of the door. She rubbed her temples tiredly. A sad sigh escaped her lips as she listened to the pounding cease. If she listened hard enough, she knew she would be able to hear him walking away, but she didn't want to hear him walking away. She wanted to hear him continue to pound on the door. She just wanted him to continue to love her even though she told him not too.

Sarah wiped the falling tears from her cheeks and stood up from the position she had been in on the floor. She walked over to her closet and thrust the door open. She walked inside the large space that held her clothes, shoes and secrets.

She grabbed a sweated from a shelf and carelessly through it over her sad and tired body. Sarah ran a hand through her hair before pulling it up into a ponytail. She slid her ponytail holder off of her wrist and wrapped it around her hair.

Sarah sat down on the floor of her closet floor and pulled out an old Nike shoebox. Dust covered the top thickly, and she sneezed as she blew it off. She took off the top with shaking hands. The box had been abandoned for so long. It held memories Sarah didn't wish to remember.

Pictures, letters and tiny gifts were stored in what Sarah called 'her shoebox of secrets'. So much had gone on in her life that no one knew of. She had been through so much in her young life that no one really seemed to understand.

She carefully lifted an old picture out of the collection. The edges were worn down. The picture looked crumpled like it had been carelessly thrown inside the box in a rage of madness. Tears filled her eyes as she stared at it. The picture showed herself with a forced smile and a boy she thought she had known but truly hadn't.

He was the reason she wanted to be single. He was the reason she felt alone. He was the reason she couldn't allow Joey to know she loved him.

*-* There's a part of me that's empty
*-* I know only love can fill
*-* I'm afraid I'll never find it
*-* And I'm scared to death I will

She stood in front of his hotel room. Her hand was in a fist and laid on the door. She wanted to know, pound, with all of her might, but fear still stood in the way. Sarah let out a sigh. She wiped away the tears from her face and choked back a sob as she turned around and walked away. She knew that love hurt. She knew that she loved Joey. She knew that he loved her. She knew that he wanted to be with her. She knew that she wanted to be with him. But she also knew that it was too soon to let herself love again so deeply.

There had been someone before Joey who had stolen her heart, and much to Sarah's dismay, he still held part of it. He had been perfect from the start. His eyes had been a clear crystal-blue color, and he had perfectly straight black hair that he would spike up every morning. He gave perfect hugs and had warm hands. He had been one for romance, but he had been a heartbreaker too.

Everyone had warned Sarah that he lived to love girls and leave them, but she had thought she would be different. She thought she could change him, but once a player, always a player.

Sarah let a few more tears fall as she opened the hotel door and walked outside into the bright, warm Florida day. She quickly drew a pair of sunglasses from her purse and slipped them over her eyes. She walked quickly with her arms crossed over her middle. She wanted to get away from the city of Miami before Joey had time to go back to her dorm at the university's campus. Her silver BMW Z3 was parked by the curb, and she hurridly climbed in. The back of the car was loaded with boxes that had been packed up in a quick manner. As she began the engine, she saw Joey's red hair running towards her. She glanced back at him before driving away. She turned up the radio so it would block out the sound of his voice calling her name. Once she returned home, the pain would go away.

*-* Help me fall
*-* Help me fall
*-* If you care for me at all
*-* Help me fall
*-* Help me fall

"I love you," Joey whispered. Sarah violently shook her head no and swallowed quickly.

"Don't say that, Joseph. Don't tell me you love me. Not now, not ever," Sarah warned him. "You don't want to love me."

Joey shook his head with a wry smile pulling at his lips. "You're wrong Sarah. I do want to love you." He took her hand in his, but she quickly pulled it away.

Sarah stood up of the bed and stared down at Joey's seated figure. "Just go. Please, just go. This will never work. Just leave." She turned on her heels and opened the door. "Go."

Joey stared at her with confused and hurt evident in his eyes. "Sarah, please."

Sarah shook her head and pointed to the door. "Go."

Joey stood up from the bed and walked out of the door slowly. He attempted to grab a hold of her, but she quickly closed the door. Sarah swiftly sat down on the floor and leaned back against the bed. Tears filled her eyes as his scent filled her nose while the sound of his hands pounding against the door echoed in her ears. She had shut him out.

Sarah's eyes opened swiftly, and she sat up in her hotel bed. Beads of sweat formed on her forehead as she fell back down. He was in her dreams, thoughts and heart every minute of every day. She knew she would never escape the love she felt, but she couldn't stop running.

*-* I've been holding conversations
*-* When I haven't said a word
*-* I've been speaking with my silence
*-* And praying that you heard

Dear Joey,

Sarah wrote the first words shakily on the white paper with black ink. She drew in a deep breath. "You can do this, Sarah," She whispered to herself. She touched the pen back to the paper and began writing again. I wish I could make you understand everything. I wish I could make you see everything inside of me. I wish you could break down these tall walls I have around me. I wish I could let you love me. I wish I could tell you how much I love you, but I can't. All I can do is wish that I could.

I hope that you are happy where you are, Joey. I hope that you smile and laugh all of the time. I hope that you find the love of your life, but more than anything, I hope I don't hold a piece of your heart.

I do love you, Joey, and I always will. But right now, I can't be with you. My heart is in pieces right now. And old flame of mine still holds the key to my heart. I wish I could get the key back because I would give it to you, but I don't think I ever will. I wish I could call a locksmith, but he could only make a new key. And what good would that do? Nothing. It wouldn't do anything.

I wish that somewhere in time we could be together. I wish I could dance with you under the light of the moon once again. I wish you could hold my hand. I wish I could borrow your Superman shirt again. I wish I could smell your colgone again. I wish I could lay my head on your chest. I wish you could tickle me, kiss me and hold me again.

But everything is just a wish.

Love Always,
Sarah


As Sarah finished the letter, she let tears fall onto the paper. She folded it into thirds and slid it into an envelope. She closed the envelope and addressed the front before putting a stamp on also. She crept out of her hotel room and slid it into the mailbox before going back to her hotel room to climb into bed for yet, another sleepless night.

*-* I'm a walking contradiction
*-* I'd hate to be my heart
*-* It keeps trying not to love you
*-* But it don't know where to start

Two months had gone by, and she hadn't heard from him. Two months had passed, and he hadn't tried to find her. She missed him more than ever. She burned with love for him more than she thought humanly possible. She felt so hollow without him near. She needed him. Not only did she need him, she wanted him. She wanted him to be more than just a face on a television screen. She wanted him to be hers again. She wanted him to love her again because she was ready to love him.She was ready to be with him every night and day. Sarah wanted to be the one to hug him after a concert. She wanted to be the one woman in his life. She wanted to settle down and start a family with him.

She wanted to be his.

Sarah sighed. She knew it would never happen. Too much time had passed by. Joey had probably found someone else to love. He probably didn't even remember her name, and the letter she wrote him was probably lying in a trash can. At least that was what her head thought. Her heart told her that he still loved her. Her heart screamed that he would always love her. Her heart told her that he could never forget her name or throw away her letter. But she had silenced her heart. She let her mind control her thoughts. It hurt her more to think that he might still love her. It hurt her more to think that he remembered her name. It hurt to imagine him re-reading her letter so she let her head do the talking. If she only knew.

*-* Help me fall
*-* Help me fall
*-* If you care for me at all
*-* Help me fall
*-* Help me fall

*-* Two Years Later *-*

Joey held the paper cup carefully and took a sip of the hot cappicino. The hot, caffeinated drink warmed his cold body as he walked along the streets of New York city reflecting back on the past years. N Sync had ended about six months ago. The five men were still close; they were still best friends. The music had changed, and four out of the five men had decided to settle down. Joey was now the only single man in the circle of friends.

Chris had married his long-time girlfriend, Danielle. While the other men had met their soul mates while on tour. Lance was married to a sweet girl from California. She made him happier than imaginable. Whenever someone said her name, Jayla, Lance's face lit up in a smile. She had introduced Justin to a sweet, southern girl named Leslie. It had been love at first sight.

JC had met his wife, Tami, by chance at a park in Michigan a few years back. Their relationship had remained strong and ended in a beautiful marriage.

Joey had dated more women than he could count, but his heart still yearned for Sarah. He never understood why she wouldn't let him love her. He would have, but he had never received her letter. He tried to contact her once, but a different voice answered the phone. He had never been able to mend his broken heart. He knew that he would never be able to settle down unless he settled down with her, but fate hadn't let them come in contact since she had left Miami.

Joey bit back his tears as he remembered Miami. Watching her drive away had broken his heart and slapped him in the face. It had been too much pain to handle at the time, and he had never fully recovered. Being back home never helped him either. He had met her at a club in New York. He had fallen in love with her in New York. Their first kiss had been at a street corner on their way home from the movies. He had truly loved her ever since the kiss. Joey shook his head. You have to stop this, Joe, he thought silently. You need to learn to let go of her. He sighed as he bumped into someone's shoulder. The paper cup flew into the air and crashed down onto the pavement. As he turned to apologize, his eyes met a pair of familiar eyes.

"Sarah?"

*-* I've got to learn to re-trust
*-* To turn me into us
*-* And I really don't know if I can again

"Joey?" Sarah asked in reply. Her voice shook with emotion.

"How have you been?" Joey hugged her coldly not quite sure how to act around her. Thoughts ran through his head. Was she married? Did she have any children? Why was she in New York? He wanted to know all of the answers.

"I've.I've been okay, I guess." She shrugged as she watched him. He looked older and wiser than he had the last time they had seen one another. His hair was back to its natural color and cut short. He had spiked it up with gel. His eyes, the famous brown eyes, were the same. "How have you been?"

"Alright." He kicked his foot lightly against the sidewalk and let his eyes drop to the ground. A few seconds passed before he looked back into her eyes. "I've missed you, Sarah."

Sarah nodded not quite sure what to say. So much had changed since she saw him last. She had grown up. She had mended her broken heart. "I've missed you too, Joe." She nibbled on her bottom lip as silence engulfed them while people hurried around them. "Why didn't you ever respond to my letter?"

Joey stared at her with a confused, perplexed look upon his face. "Letter?" Sarah nodded. Joey shook his head still not quite comprehending the fact. "I never got a letter from you." He told her. "I assumed you forgot about me."

Sarah shook her head and let a small smile tease her lips. "I could never forget you, Joe. Once you love someone, you never forget them." She whispered.

"Are you saying that you loved me?" Joey put his hand under her chin and lifted her face up so he could gaze into her eyes.

"I still do, Joey." Sarah closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. She opened them and stared at him for a minute. "I loved you when you loved me, but I was recovering from heartbreak. I couldn't be what you needed. I thought it would hurt less if I made you leave, but it hurt more."

*-* Help me fall
*-* Help me fall
*-* If you care for me at all
*-* Help me fall
*-* Help me fall

"You should have told me, Sarah. I would have waited for you until time stood still." Joey said emphaizing every word.

Sarah nodded. "I know, Joe. I just.I wanted what I thought was best for you. Everyday though, I thought of you. I loved you, everyday. You were with me everywhere I went. I carried your love with me." She placed her hand on his face.

"I love you, Sarah." Joey kissed her hand softly. "I want you to love me. I'll wait for you for eternity. Just tell me when you are ready, and I will be there." He promised her.

Sarah stared into his eyes trying to tell if he was lying or not. All she could find was love, trust, and truth. "I'm ready."

*-* I've been trying not to love you
*-* I've been putting up a fight
*-* I've been barely holding on
*-* Letting go with all my might

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