Rachel stared at the floor while she talked. She told the whole story, from the point where Eric showed up to the point where Lance walked in. "If you guys want to ask any questions, go ahead. It's time I face this. I'm sure y'all want to know some stuff that I left out."
JC looked up, uncovering his face for the first time. Rachel was shocked to see that his eyes were red and swollen. His nose was stuffed up when he talked. JC cleared his throat. "What were you thinking about when he was?..." His voiced trailed off, not wanting to say what Eric had been doing.
"It was really strange. My mind just shut off. I wasn't thinking about anything and I wasn't really hearing anything. I stopped fighting, because I knew he was too strong for me. My mind wandered back to Lance." Lance's head jerked up from the floor. She continued, not seeing his surprise. "I thought about our times together. Him making me laugh, giving me my first kiss. Dancing with me. Playing tag together, us playing softball and me hitting him in the eye with the ball. Lance coming over to my house, while I was sick and sitting with me. Us taking naps together. It was like I was retreating into a protective shell."
Rachel breathed and looked at Lance. She saw pure love and protection in his eyes. "I think I was going into shock. I'm not sure, all I know was I couldn't feel Eric on me anymore. I couldn't feel him trying to undo my pants or anything. Lance showed up right at that point."
They all nodded, for the first time knowing and understanding the love between Lance and Rachel. "Is that why you're able to forgive Lance about Sierra and not forgive Sierra about Lance?" Chris questioned.
"Yeah, because the whole thing with Sierra and Lance came up after that. Lance has always been the stable thing in my life. He's always been there for me; nobody has ever loved me more than him. Not even Eric. Lance still showed and cared about me more. I couldn't break that bond we had and I couldn't lose his love." Rachel explained. "Besides that, Sierra knew I was still in love with Lance and she went through with the relationship. Lance didn't know my feelings. He still doesn't, well he does now." She smiled.
"You were in love with me?" Lance asked, hesitantly.
"Yeah, I was. From the moment you gave me that first practice kiss. Remember that? I was nervous about kissing Eric for the first time. I told you and you showed me how to do it. I was in love with you." Rachel answered, smiling at the memory.
"But that was long before we went out..." Lance trailed off, realization dawning on him. "Oh my God. Rach, I never knew." He apologized.
"Yeah, I know. Remember, no apologies." Rachel reminded him.
Lance nodded his head. "Are you still?..." He asked.
"Don't ask me that. It's not a fair question." Rachel wouldn't look him in the eye.
"Why? If you're still in love with me, I have a right to know." Lance answered, defiantly.
"No, you don't. You know how I feel about relationships right now. I'm not even close to being ready for one." She avoided his question.
"You know I would never hurt you, and you know that I would never ever put you in any danger." Lance argued. "Answer my question, Rachel." He added, quietly.
"Oh, you would never hurt me, huh? The time with Sierra didn't count?" She argued, standing up from her seat on the bed.
"No, No, NO!" Lance ended with a shout. Rachel shrank back on the bed. "I am not talking about Sierra! I am not talking about Eric! I am not talking about our fights. I am not talking about the times where we were separated because of the tours. I am talking about right now! Do you love me now?!" He yelled, desperately.
"You...It's...I..." Rachel stumbled and tripped over her words. She couldn't think of the right things to say. "That's not fair! You cannot ask me that question!" Rachel yelled back at him. She stood, poised to walk out of the room.
Lance grabbed Rachel's arm. "Don't you dare leave. Don't you walk out on me, Rachel. On us..." He trailed off, swallowing hard.
Rachel looked at the floor and spoke quietly. "You can't ask me that question. Please don't do this. It's too hard, and you know it. I want to so badly, James. I just...we can't!" Tears began to fall from Rachel's cheeks.
he others sat in amazement, looking from Rachel and Lance and back again. They were happy for Lance's courage, but saddened by Rachel's cowardliness.
Lance knew things were changing. Whenever Rachel was upset, she called him "James." The tears that were hidden behind his eyes revealed themselves.
"Talk to me, please. Don't lie to me. Do you love me now? Please..." Lance trailed off, no longer being able to hide his tears.
Rachel pulled herself away from Lance. "I can't do this anymore. It's gotten too hard. I'll be leaving soon." With that, she turned and walked out of the room.
Lance fell back on the bed and covered his face with his hands. His silent sobs sent his best friends out of the room quietly.
