The door closed behind Leslie and Rachel let her head fall into her hands. "What did I do to deserve this crap?" Sierra's words replayed over and over in her mind. Don't lose what you have. Don't lose what you have. If she went for the romantic part of their friendship, she could lose what she had. If she stayed with the platonic part of their friendship, she would lose what she could have. Rachel was so scared of what had happened before and she didn't want it to happen again. She'd forgiven Lance and Sierra, but it didn't mean she was over it. The pain was still fresh when she thought about it, the betrayal still there. She was scared that it would never go away.
"This is so stupid!" Rachel yelled at herself, gripping her hair. "This decision is simple! Either I go for this and risk everything or I don't go and lose everything!" Oh, but those kisses. Those kisses were something else. Nothing had ever made her feel that wonderful before. They took over her whole being, Rachel felt like she was the only important person on this earth. Lance loved her and only her. Nobody or nothing else mattered but Lance, Rachel and the kiss. The words hurt most of all. Lance admitted that he had always known she loved him, and yet he still did nothing about it. He wanted Rachel to fight, but she didn't see him fighting very hard. Why should she fight for a relationship when he gave up on her years ago, when Sierra had walked into the picture?
She sighed at her reflection and knew she would have to face Lance sooner or later. Rachel slipped on her sunglasses and took a cab to the stadium where the latest concert was. She flashed her all access pass to the security and walked around backstage.
Justin had his back towards her, looking over floor plans for the stage. The stadium was a bit smaller than usual and they had to change some of the stage around. Rachel walked up behind him and slid her arms around his waist. "I'm sorry." Rachel whimpered, laying her head on his back. She could hear his heartbeat from his back; it was one of the most soothing things Rachel could ever hear.
Justin turned and wrapped his arms around Rachel. "Hey, it's okay." He buried his head in her shoulder and smiled against her clothing.
"I'm just so scared and worried about what I'm gonna do. My heart is pulling me in one direction and my mind is pulling me the other way. You have no idea how hard it's been." Rachel whispered in his ear.
Justin stroked the back of her head tenderly. "Yes, I do. Because I've been there too. Don't ever hide your feelings from me, Rae. I am always here for you and it hurts like hell when you're in trouble and I can't help save you."
Rachel blinked back tears and nodded against Justin's head. "Can we talk?"
"Yeah, you know we can." They walked into a deserted dressing room and Rachel sat on the couch, while Justin sat in a folding chair across from her. "Talk." Justin instructed.
Rachel couldn't hold it back any longer and she burst into tears. Justin was shocked to see her outburst of emotions, she had kept everything inside of her up until this point. Justin knelt down from the chair in front of her and held her hands tightly. "Rach, shhh.... It's going to be okay, we're going to fix this. I promise."
"We, what, do you have a mouse in your pocket?" Rachel sniffled through her tears.
"No, we as in you and I are going to work through this together. I'm going to bring you and Lance back together if it kills me."
Rachel shook her head back and forth desperately. "Justin, you don't understand! I don't know if I want to be together with him."
Justin sat back on his heels in confusion. "What? You're right. I don't understand. I thought this is what you wanted."
"I do, I'm just... I just... I don't know!" Rachel yelled in confusion.
Justin stood up and paced the room in his frustration. "All of that time, telling me what I should do. Get over my confusion, go for what I want, listen to my heart, and you can't even do it yourself." Justin stopped and stared at her. Rachel was staring at the floor, tears pouring from her eyes. "Jesus! WOULD YOU LOOK AT YOURSELF!?" Justin screamed, Rachel jumped and looked at him.
The scared and lost look in her eyes was something he had never seen out of her before. She wasn't even fighting back and telling him to mind his own business. It was almost as if she needed somebody or something to tell her what to do. Justin stood in front of Rachel and held her hand gently. He stared at the wall over her head and spoke quietly. "What can I do? What do you need from me?"
"Hold me? Please?" Rachel choked out, giving in to her sobs once more. The lump that was already in Justin's throat rose higher as he swooped Rachel up into his arms. She laid her head against his chest and cried harder than she had in a long time. Justin rested his chin on top of her head and prayed that God would lead them in the right direction. Rachel's knees started to sink underneath the pressure and stress of her feelings and Justin sank with her until they reached the couch. He pulled her into his lap and silently rocked her until she fell asleep. He laid her down on the couch and covered her with the afghan that was covering the back of it. Justin tucked the corners under her chin and wiped the tears off her cheek. He sighed and kissed her forehead, before turning and leaving the room.
Hours later, Rachel woke up to a dark room. She sat up quickly and looked around her, frantically. She remembered the door was directly in front of her, so she walked forward. Rachel walked right into the chair that Justin was sitting in. Her knee crashed against and she groaned in pain.
"Son of a Tibetan whore!" Rachel yelled, throwing the chair out of her way. She smiled, triumphantly when she heard it crash against the wall. "Ha! That's what you get, you big piece of crap!" She opened the door and smiled back at the collapsed chair.
"Hey Miss Rachy. You ready to be escorted out?" Chucky appeared before her.
Rachel nodded her head. "Yeah, let me just say good luck to all of the guys and then we can go." Rachel opened the door to their dressing room and smiled at the jittery boys.
"Hey fellas. I'm leaving now, Chucky's taking me to the VIP seating area. I just wanted to wish you good luck and all of that crap." Rachel waved her hand around aimlessly. The guys laughed at her dry sarcasm and each of them stepped forward to hug her. Justin hung on a little tighter and kissed the side of her head.
"Be careful." Rachel spoke, leaning her head against his. She looked at Lance and her heart shifted a little when he ignored her and continued stretching. "Lance?..." Rachel spoke softly and uncertain.
"Yes?" He answered, looking up briefly from his stretches.
"Good luck." Rachel finished in a whisper, before fleeing from the room.
Leslie followed, after blowing a kiss to Justin and wishing the others good luck. The four remaining guys turned and looked at Lance angrily.
"Relax. Before you bite my head off, let me tell you my plan." Lance ordered, standing up.
